It has been two weeks since I went to the restaurant with Changmin. We see each other from time to time at work, he’s been really polite but I guess we can say that we became friends even if I’m not blind about his true attentions at the end of it all.

Some of my co-workers tease me, telling me that his eyes sparkles whenever they lend on me, which I find cute and flattering but I don’t think I’m attracted by him even if I really like spending time with him. Maybe I need more time or rendez-vous but then I remember about my sister explaining that love never comes by forcing it.. So I shouldn’t force myself and maybe I will have a click, maybe not.

I’m ending work, it’s already late. I’ve had so much to do, Sunny wasn’t here today and since she knows much more than me about birds I had a hard time finding someone who could help be about a hurt eagle. It’s my job, I’m a generalist veterinary but sometimes, yes, I need specialists or my work can be imprecise and I really care about giving my best.

It’s 7 pm, I’m so tired, I walk out from the cloakroom and head back home. I only want to find my bed, sleep and.. I can’t, oh damn! I forgot about my family dinner! Once the car parked, I run as fast as I can, take a shower, put my best clothes on and goes to my parents’ house. Every Friday night it’s the same but for an unknown reason I forgot.

Fortunately I’m not too late, everyone is at the table but the meal isn’t served. They all warmly great me and I install myself, my mother coming back from the kitchen.

“Sooyoung, your phone..” My father points at my phone and someone is calling me. I excuse myself and goes to the living room where I can talk without bothering anyone and for privacy too. It’s Changmin.

“Hello, how are you ?”

“Hey.. I’m fine and you ? Just I can’t talk for too long I’m with my family” I say in a rush, hearing my mother calling my name through the house.

“Oh sorry ! Just, you know I do voluntary work and tomorrow night I’m assigned to prepare food for a refuge, for homeless people and.. do you want to come ?” I can feel the hope in his voice, I can already imagine him bursting out with joy if I answer positively. The thing is that I have so much work, tomorrow we are Saturday and the zoo is just so full, I will have a lot of work and papers to complete about each animal I take care of.

“Well.. Huuh.. I don’t know really..”

“Just once ! It’s for an hour or two maximum, I promise ! Please..”

That’s at that very moment that I remember about her. Suddenly the adrenaline invades my veins, my heart beats faster and my answer is a little bit too eager.

“Yes! H-Hun.. Well okay, yes I will come..”

“Sooyoung ! Dinner !” It’s my mother, Changmin probably heard her and apologizes before saying goodbye. He hangs up and I stay a little bit more in the middle of the living room, there’s only the light from the kitchen that illuminates the room but I’m still in the darkness, hope filling my heart.

“Dinner !” Okay, I should stop thinking about.. this girl. She probably already forgot me and is enjoying her new phone, that I paid, without even thinking about the luck she had to have bumped into me - a silly girl influenced by the need to be kind.

[..]

The air is cold, the door wide open, people keep coming in, going out, they are all clothed the same. You can see their skinny cheeks, they are all skinny you can see it only by looking at their face.

I’ve never been in those kind of places, I always thought people would be mean like in the movies or scary but none of that is true, well at least, here it isn’t.

As I serve warm food I’m always welcomed by a warm smile and a thank you, you can hear people chatting and it lulls me, like a vague sound and sometimes I forget to serve plates, Changmin gently hitting my elbow at times when I loose my focus.

I won’t lie, from time to time, when I’m allowed to totally lose my focus, my eyes keep searching for her.

Nowhere to be seen.

Changmin sees my smile fading and keeps telling me jokes. They could have been funny but not now, and I feel a little bit ashamed for being sad about this, I’m not here to seek for someone but to help people, my motivations aren’t pure, what would tell my mother ? First that I frequent those kind of places and second that I do not do something fondly and only for personal motives. I haven’t been raised into a “you shouldn’t frequent that or this person” but she has always been concerned about us, like we are naïve (talking for my sister too) and that she feels like she should protect us from