It didn't take long for Baekhyun to start regretting his decision.

They continued as if nothing had ever happened between the two of them-- which, as Baekhyun soon found out, was much easier said than done. He had no clue how it came so easily to Chanyeol; his bright, cheerful nature was hard to dampen at the worst of times, whereas an air of awkwardness always seemed to follow Baekhyun around--even when he wasn't trying to conceal the fact that he had slept with his best friend. But despite his obvious efforts to remain unfazed by their predicament, Baekhyun sensed an odd change in Chanyeol's behaviour, however subtle it was. The other members were-- or at least seemed to be-- completely oblivious to the situation, but somehow Baekhyun suspected that his friend wasn't quite as unaffected as he was trying to seem. He might have been mistaken, but if he knew his best friend as well as he ought to (and he liked to think that he did) Baekhyun figured he would know if something was up.

Regardless, Exo made their debut just as planned. Baekhyun soon realized just how passionate he was about his job, and was extremely pleased to find that many people enjoyed his talent. There was something so dreamlike about performing on stage in front of so many people, and Baekhyun knew it wouldn't take long for him to become obsessed with the sound of their fans screaming his name. The one thing he couldn't quite get used to, were the cameras. They followed the twelve boys as if they were their shadows, capturing every moment from their practices, to their concerts, to the rare "free" time they spent in their dorm. There was a sliver of worry eating away at the back of Baekhyun's mind, that the cameras might pick up some of the tension between him and Chanyeol, and that every last detail of their private life might be broadcasted for all of their fans to see. But as he soon found out, Chanyeol was very good at acting like nothing was wrong.

And eventually, as he watched Chanyeol gradually settle back into the way he used to be, Baekhyun started to wonder if anything even was wrong-- anymore, at least. Chanyeol still came to him when he wanted to talk, still laughed and joked around with him, and it was almost like waking up the next morning had erased the events of that one night from his memory. Neither of them brought up the subject, not even once after time passed, and Baekhyun thought perhaps that everything had played out the way he (thought he) wanted it to.

But one time, as they sat alone together in their room getting ready to leave for promotions, his hopes were dashed. They were both unusually silent, compared to how loud and hyper they normally were whenever they spent time together. Baekhyun stood in front of the mirror, carefully examining his hair and outfit, before getting an odd feeling that he was being watched. He caught a glimpse of Chanyeol in the corner of the mirror-- he was, in fact, watching the older boy quite intently. The shorter was about to turn around and ask what he was staring at, when the look in Chanyeol's eyes stopped him dead in his tracks. It was difficult to pinpoint exactly what emotion was hiding in the darkness of his eyes-- they were tender, yet somber, and Baekhyun could have sworn he saw a look of pure longing flash briefly somewhere in the two deep brown orbs. But when they both left the room, Chanyeol was smiling brightly again as usual, and the look was gone. Baekhyun never saw it again.

So three years later, there they stood-- the pair of them, arms draped around each other's shoulders, smiling and nodding and listening to their leader talk about the preparations for their upcoming album. Baekhyun couldn't help but think how overjoyed their fans would be to see Chanyeol's long arm pulling the smaller boy closer, until they were both pressed together. How they seemed to squeal with delight, every time the taller laid a hand on him, or smiled at him, or even spoke to him, for that matter. I wonder what they'd do if they found out we had , Baekhyun thought to himself, and the thought made him laugh for some strange reason.

Chanyeol, who took notice of the other's chuckle, leaned down to whisper in his ear. "What are you thinking about?" He asked innocently. There wasn't any trace of mischief in the question, but Baekhyun felt the need to regain his composure instantly nonetheless.

"Nothing," he lied, wiping the smile off his face. He wasn't about to admit that he still thought about that night on a daily basis-- especially not in the middle of a live interview.

The look on Chanyeol's face suggested he didn't believe him in the slightest. But, he let the subject drop anyways, for which Baekhyun was grateful. He always appreciated Chanyeol's knack for knowing when to knock it off.

When the interview was over, the members wandered around backstage, and Baekhyun had a brief opportunity to take a bathroom break. He pushed open the door to the men's room and instantly stepped in front of the mirror to check his eyeliner. He was horrified to see that his cheeks were noticeably red. "Aw, ," he moaned in frustration, running cool water into his palms and splashing it on his face. How could he possibly have been blushing for that long?

He checked his reflection again, letting out a long sigh and running his fingers through his light brown hair. Although Baekhyun had developed quite an attachment to his black, "Overdose" era hair, he didn't mind the new colour. In fact, the more he looked at it, the more he realized he was becoming particularly fond of his new style. He never changed it at often or as drastically as Chanyeol, but he couldn't quite get used to the way his friend seemed able to pull off just about any look. Suddenly, Baekhyun caught himself thinking about the younger boy a little longer than to be considered acceptable, and instantly scolded himself for it. "What the hell is wrong with me?" He frowned at his reflection. "Why can't I stop thinking about--"

He was cut off by the sound of the bathroom door swinging open. He whirled around and came face to face with Chanyeol himself. "What are you doing here?" He demanded, sounding extremely defensive and undeniably suspicious.

Chanyeol froze, staring at Baekhyun in startled confusion. "Uh... Going to the bathroom?" He replied hesitantly.

Baekhyun slowly turned back around, burying his face in his hands. "Never mind," he mumbled awkwardly through his fingers. "Carry on."

When Chanyeol didn't move, Baekhyun removed his hands from his face and blinked up at him. The other boy was staring at him with an odd expression. "What?" He threw his hands up in exasperation. "I'm out of it, okay? Don't look at me like that..."

"You know Baekhyun, I'd be more apt to understand your refusal if you started acting like you didn't feel the same way about me."

Baekhyun froze where he stood, his eyes widening. "W-what's that supposed to mean...?" He stuttered, cursing himself for letting the words trip him up.

Chanyeol's eyes were expressionless. "You know what I'm talking about. If you want me to come to terms with the fact that you don't have feelings for me, you should really start acting like you don't." He said flatly, and Baekhyun was rendered entirely speechless.

"W-wha...? I... Y-you..." He could barely string his letters into coherent words.

"I understand your reason for having doubts. I really do. But how do you expect me to act like nothing happened, if you can't even do it yourself?" It came out as a bit of an accusation.

Baekhyun felt anger rising up in his chest. It was preposterous. Unbelievable. How could Chanyeol just waltz up to him and say something like that, after three years of absolute silence on the matter? Baekhyun was enraged by the sudden comment, and the urge to punch the taller boy in the face and run away sobbing was growing by the second. The worst part was, as much as he hated to admit it, Baekhyun was terrified that his friend might have been right. Chanyeol knew him better than anyone else, himself included, and it frustrated Baekhyun to no end. "If you're trying to act unaffected, you're not doing a very good job of it. All you're doing is making things a lot harder for me--" Chanyeol said, and Baekhyun snapped.

"Are you serious right now?!" He shrieked, and Chanyeol jumped at the sudden outburst.

He looked shocked at the other's rage, and his eyes softened instantly. "Baekhyun, I--"

" you," Baekhyun breathed, so it was barely audible.

Silence fell between them. Chanyeol now looked extremely guilty, but Baekhyun didn't care. When he opened his mouth to speak again, Baekhyun beat him to it. " you," he shouted, turning on his heel and storming out of the bathroom, leaving Chanyeol to stand in silence behind him.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Baekhyun sat in the backseat of one of their vans, next to Xiumin and D.O, trying his best to look as excited as the rest of the members. He was excited, very much so to be honest, because it was the day Exo would perform their new songs in a live concert. It had been close to a year since their last mini album, so everyone was eager to make a comeback. Baekhyun had been anticipating it, likely just as much as his fans.

The excitement was there, buried deep inside him, but at the moment there were so many other emotions rising up above it. Anger, sadness, guilt, and confusion above all. He tried his hardest to forget about what had just happened between him and Chanyeol, but arguments and insults and apologies kept replaying over and over again in his mind. His Hyung must have noticed the uncomfortable expression on Baekhyun's face, because he looked at him with eyes full of concern. "Baek-ah, are you okay? You don't look to good," Xiumin asked, keeping his voice down for the other member's sake.

"Yeah," D.O added from his other side, a similar look of concern flashing in his owl eyes. "You look like you're going to throw up."

For a second, Baekhyun actually entertained the idea of telling them about his situation. He had always found keeping things like that to himself to be extremely difficult-- but the person he always went to about things like that, just happened to be the person he was trying to avoid. "I'm just... Nervous..." He replied, somewhat unconvincingly, even though it was partially true. Not before glancing around just to be sure that Chanyeol hadn't slipped into the same van unnoticed, though.

His Hyung didn't seem to pick up on that, however, to Baekhyun's relief. "Ah," he nodded in understanding. "There's no need to be nervous, Baek. It's just another concert," he said encouragingly, with a smile.

It was one of the things Baekhyun loved about the oldest member. "I guess. It's not like we're making a comeback for the first time after all the we've been through, right?" He said sarcastically, with a smirk.

Xiumin gave a good natured laugh in response. "Okay, okay, I get it. Well, it's fine to be nervous, I suppose, as long as you're sure it won't affect you too much."

"I'm sure," Baekhyun reassured him, although he didn't entirely believe it himself.

"Because no one wants to clean vomit off the stage mid-concert," D.O said jokingly, and Baekhyun just smiled.

"Shh, Kyungsoo, be quiet." He hushed, pushing the round-eyed boy away playfully.

"Anyways, don't worry Baekhyun, I'm sure you'll be great. As per usual, of course," the older added.

Baekhyun smiled at him. "Thanks Hyung."

He tried his best to believe him, and forget everything else.

When they arrived, the rest of their time leading up to the performance consisted of makeup, wardrobe, and vocal preparation. Baekhyun sat alone in the corner of one of the rooms, behind Kai and Sehun, who were sitting patiently as their stylists worked away to make them look amazing. It's not like those two need it, he thought to himself, watching a stylist comb Kai's hair out of his face, and spray generous amounts of hairspray into it. They were both handsome, and adored by fans for their natural charm.

He began warming up his voice, hitting high notes and low notes and everything in between. One of the hardest things to master when it came to performing, was keeping his breath while dancing simultaneously-- especially because Exo's performances included lots of dancing. Every member's stamina was definitely something they could be proud of, because it really had to be. He practiced singing a few different verses from some of their songs, before he was interrupted by Suho. "Baek, Kai, Sehun," he called as he stepped into the room. Three heads turned in unison. "We're on in five."

They all nodded, Sehun and Kai getting up out of their chairs and exiting behind Baekhun, who was following Suho around backstage. Soon, they found the other six members standing in front of the way onstage. One thing Baekhyun never quite got used to, even after nearly five months, was seeing ten members instead of twelve. He wasn't sure if he'd ever get used to it. Regardless, the ten of them gathered in a circle, offering words of encouragement. They put their hands in the middle-- like they always had. On the count of three, their leader shouted "Exo, Saranghaja!" And then they were filing out onto the stage, into the blinding, flashing lights and the deafening screams of the crowd. Baekhyun didn't look at Chanyeol; not even once.

Music pounded in the background-- their music, Exo's music, sending vibrations through Baekhyun's entire body. He looked up at the crowd, the hands of their fans holding signs that read 'EXO' and 'Saranghae' and each member's name in colourful letters. He spotted one that held his name, heard a fan scream it loud and clear, and thought about how happy he was that this was his reality.

Several songs later, the members stood in a line, listening to their leader give yet another speech. Baekhyun had given one too, and to his dismay, ended up unable to finish it because of the emotions rising up inside him. He wasn't particularly one to cry onstage in front of so many people-- or at all for that matter. But there was just something so deeply touching about the fact that they were making a comeback with just ten instead of twelve, and even more so that the fans were still there, still screaming and singing and supporting them every step of the way. During his little breakdown, Xiumin, Lay and Suho wandered over to put their arms around the other's shoulders, and Baekhyun was thankful for the comforting gesture.

After he calmed down, he looked at the long line of members, all staring at Suho as he spoke from the heart. His eyes fell on Chanyeol, and he was shocked to see tears slipping down the younger's cheeks. He stared in surprise for a bit longer than he intended to, watching him furrow his brow, his lower lip quivering almost imperceptibly. It occurred to Baekhyun that it was likely the first time he had ever seen the taller cry. He was usually the one cheering the rest of the members up, the happy virus. He must be thinking the same thing, Baekhyun thought privately, and the notion made him sad for some reason.

The fact that the two of them were more similar than Baekhyun liked to admit, was a little frightening. He suddenly felt an overwhelming wave of regret wash over him, for what he had said earlier in the washroom. His first instinct was to walk over behind the line to comfort him, and he managed to make the first step before reconsidering. He didn't have the heart to face his friend right away after what Chanyeol had told him; not yet, at least. He silently cursed his own short temper.

Chanyeol's words echoed in his head: If you're trying to act unaffected, you're not doing a very good job of it. All you're doing is making things a lot harder for me. Baekhyun had originally thought things would be hard for the both of them after that night. But after Chanyeol went back to normal, he started to believe that the only one who was struggling to come to terms with it was himself. It made him question himself on a daily basis, and he started to become afraid of the answers. He had no idea that Chanyeol might have been equally confused, especially since he was very good at hiding his feelings.

Baekhyun found it funny how a pair of such deep, expressive eyes could hide so many secrets.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Chanyeol was sitting on his bed when Baekhyun finally entered their room that night. He sat upright in the middle of the mattress, with his back resting against the headboard. When he looked up to meet Baekhyun's eyes, his own were still red from crying. Any form of apology Baekhyun was planning to give drained out of his memory at the sight of his friend's brokenness. "Chanyeol," he began hesitantly, not entirely sure where to start. "Chanyeol, I..."

The other boy simply shook his head, lifting an arm and gesturing for Baekhyun to come closer without a word. He obeyed, walking over beside Chanyeol's bed and crawling onto it. His friend likely meant for Baekhyun to sit next to him, but Baekhyun found himself going above and beyond his own expectations for some crazy, unknown reason. He scooted closer and positioned himself in front of Chanyeol, turning around and inching backwards until his back pressed against the other's chest and sat between his long legs. The taller didn't protest-- he wrapped his arms around the smaller boy, drawing him closer and resting his chin on his shoulder. Baekhyun half expected him to go further, but it didn't happen.

They sat like that for a long time, never uttering a word, with no interruptions or noise save for the sound of Chanyeol's quiet breathing next to Baekhyun's ear. Baekhyun could feel the other's heartbeat drumming against his back, and noted with something akin to amusement that it was unnaturally fast. For a moment, he seriously considered taking it further himself, before he chickened out and settled for remaining where he was instead. It was a step in the right direction, he supposed. At least he wasn't shouting and swearing at him anymore. After what must have been at least twenty minutes, Chanyeol finally spoke up. His voice was low and soft, and it sent involuntary shivers down Baekhyun's spine-- he hoped the other didn't feel them as well. "This almost isn't fair," was all he said, and Baekhyun resisted the strong urge to ask for an elaboration.

His flat, emotionless tone made Baekhyun frown, but again, he knew better than to question it. He had a vague idea of what the other boy meant, anyhow, and clarifying would likely make them both depressed and uncomfortable. He decided instead, to compensate for his lack of response by tilting his head to rest against Chanyeol's, placing his hand on the younger's knee and running his thumb over the fabric of his jeans comfortingly. It was a cowardly way of explaining himself and he knew it, but he wasn't quite ready to advance any farther. He hadn't intended to stay that long, but before he knew it, his eyelids began to droop with fatigue. He let them flutter closed, relaxing completely in Chanyeol's embrace and thinking about how pleasant it made him feel. He soon found himself drifting off, lulled by his friend's warmth and the sound of his steady breathing.

He fell asleep without any trouble that night, still enclosed comfortably in Chanyeol's arms.