Vic's POV

They say good things never lasts.

But I never expected mine to be too short. That's so unfair. Why me? Am I not good enough to be rewarded with a longer happiness? Have I not devoted much to be rewarded even a little?

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I stood lifelessly outside of the Operating Room while they prepared him to be transferred in the mortuary. How did this happen? Why me? Why him??

If this is a dream, I want to wake up this instant.. I want to run to him and be comforted in his loving embrace and assure me that everything will be fine.. that what I had is only a nightmare and that he is and will always be my side.. I want to feel his warmth, I want to see his smile, I want to be with him..

But I cant…

“Vic..”

I felt that life has been out from me.. I feel that half of my life has died with him.. I dont want to feel anymore.. I just cant anymore..

“Vic..”

I was woken from my lifeless stupor by my colleague and bestfriend Yanin.

“Vic, maybe its better for you to go home. I will cover for your shift. I know this day has taken a toll on you and you need to time to sort things out.. I will come to you after shift, I promise”

“I tried everything I can Nin, but why cant I save him? He trusts me, but I failed him.” I lifelessly said to her, my gaze never leaving the OR where they are transferring him to the stretcher..

“Dont say that Vic, you've done everything in your power and expertise to save him. But it was just...”

“Too late.. It was just too late to save him.” I finished her hanging sentence. I just cant feel anything right now. I want to shout in rage, I want to throw everything in my reach. I want be angry, sad. But all I feel right now is shallowness. I feel that my heart is breaking in pieces, and no other things nor people can mend or put it back together but him..

“Vic, look at me. Don't blame yourself. You did everything any doctor in this hospital, or any doctors in all the hospitals in world for that matter. But we are not God, we only can do what we are trained to do, but beyond that, we have no control of it anymore.”

“I know. Thats what hurts the most.”

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I saw them rolling him outside of the OR when I sprung from my feet. “Leave. I want a few moment.”

Everyone left without questioning my acts.

When everyone left, its as if my remaining strength left me and I felt my world stumble. I dropped to the ground because my knees cannot support me anymore. I dropped my arms to the ground and bowed my head, as if praying that all these things are just a sick to joke, or a nightmare.

“Why? Why did you leave me? Why so sudden?” I mumbled as tears just keep flowing from my eyes. All the emotions that was bottled up the moment his time of death was declared all came rushing to me like a rushing wind.

“Why him? Why now? We still have so much to do together that the 3 years we spent is not enough. We are suppose to get married in less than 3 weeks. Why cant it be just somebody else?? Why him!” I said while sobbing. I do not care anymore if I am wishing for someone else to die instead of him. I do not care what other people will think of me. I dont care anymore. All I just want in this moment is for him to wake up and tell me everything will be ok. That this was all a joke, that he will never leave me. That we will get married as planned and that we will enjoy each other's company for the rest of our lives. That WE will be together until we grow old and watch our grandkids play from afar while reminiscing the times of our wonderful life together.

I gathered all my strength to stand up from where I stumbled, and slowly dragged myself to his lifeless body. I once again broke down and hugged him like I never want to let go.

This is not a dream, this is not a sick joke. This is reality that I cant be with him anymore.. But being the stubborn person that I am, I tried looking for pulse, desperately hoping that we just made a mistake. But all felt is the hard cold reality

“Why us?” thats the only words that I was able to utter. No words can explain the pain I feel at the moment.

I keep on sobbing and crying a child robbed of her happiness. My Happiness, is lying lifelessly in the stretcher in the place where I once felt complete and fulfilled because it is the testament of my hardwork and dedication, and the fulfillment of my promise to my mother. But why did these things happened? Why did it have to be tainted?

I feel that half of me also died with him today. I felt that nothing and no one can mend and build what was lost today. Donghae is irreplaceable. He is my First Love.

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and I'm resurrected! i kinda forgot that i have this account and this story to write, well i was a bit discouraged before due to the relationship news, but what the heck? i'm a khuntorian thru and thru.. hahaha.. its not bad to still think of my favorite couple will eventually find themselves together.. who knows right? =)

so this chapter is kinda sad. but necessary.. i hope to be able to update soon too.. *cross-fingers* 

thank you and peace out!