“Hyukkie…?”, the man pulled back a bit when he realized something was a little off.

They were kissing just a seconds ago, pressing their lips to each other for the first time in their relationship. It was sweet, gentle yet timid but nothing matters for them as their feeling makes them numb to the outside world, heart somersaulting in excitation and head dizzily drown in affection. Donghae wants to chuckle when he realized how Hyukjae hold his breath and his lips trembling, he told the latter to breathe through the nose yet Hyukjae was still awkward. Then another realization suddenly hit him.

“Was this your first kiss?”, asked him carefully not leaving his gaze on the other, reading every movement.

Hyukjae’s eyes looked uncertain and he pulled in his lips, “is it weird…?”.

Donghae was surprised, it was such a pleasant surprise and endearment rushed in his heart to the brim, butterflies swarming in his stomach, lips formed into big grin in reflex. Was it possible for someone to be in love as much as me? Thought him thanking to whatever force it is in the world for allowing him to meet his Hyukjae.

He embraces the slim man affectionately, basking in happiness, “I love you Hyuk”.

Hyukjae was a bit taken back but then hurriedly hugs back while giggling due to uncontainable happiness, “so it’s not weird?”.

“Why do you think it’s weird?”, asked Donghae confused still with a smile adorning his face.

“Well… I’m in my twenties… Isn’t it kinda lame?”, mumbling Hyukjae.

“I’m beyond thankful that I can have your first kiss Hyuk”, laughed Donghae and kissing Hyukjae’s neck earning a little jolt. “Which reminds me… You had a few lovers back then, how come…? It feels like you reserved it for me?”, he said cockily.

Hyukjae giggles shyly and buried his face on Donghae’s shoulder, “…it’s actually kind of like that”.

Wide eyes and an impossibly big grins painted on Donghae’s face, “seriously?”.

“I’m…”, started Hyukjae uncertain, “I actually thinking of only giving it to my….”.

Donghae’s stare is so deep and his grins getting bigger as if impatiently rushing Hyukjae to continue his explanation.

“…only to the person that I’m getting married to…”, whispered Hyukjae with face looking down so Donghae couldn’t see his face.

It was literally too much for Donghae with all his blood rushing all over his body and his head dizzy in the verge of fainting due to overwhelming happiness. He tighten his embrace around the slim body, both because of all his overflowing love and his body getting limp.

“And it’s me…?”, asked him as his eyes getting glassy.

It was an ambiguous question but the positive reaction Hyukjae got from his lover erased all his doubt, “I don’t think I’ll be able to love another this much as I did to you”, mutters him with voice filled of feelings.

It was stated definitely, they both know commitment was bonded even stronger at that moment. So they stayed basking in their endearing new bond, that they have it in their heart that the person in their arms is the one who would stay with them until the last breath. Their soulmate.

Hyukjae close his eyes, he’s been laying on the bed with eyes closed for a couple of hours now yet sleep never come to him. His bed was supposedly very comfortable, soft and warm, but nothing in this world can make him comfortable ever again. He opened his eyes and look out through the window, the moon shining it’s silver light, so beautiful yet reminded him again of the bitter reality.

He has lost his sun. All he is now is a lonely moon shining in solitude.

Was he even shining now?

He keep gazing on the moon, unblinking and tears rolling down on his cold cheeks. How many dried tears have been washed by new tears now? He’s sure that the trails of tears have been engraved on his skin due to it now. What else can he do now beside crying his self and letting his heart die down slowly?

In all his life he have been surrounded by so many people, the genuine ones who got close because they simply adore him and the ones who came to him due to his family wealth. His life never exactly black and white, everything was blur, smudged off and no edges ever so clear to see. But then a ray of sun lighten his grey abstract life, everything never looked better at that moment. He can see his world better, how colors suddenly took over the grey and the light are either overlapped the shadows or cause it to darken so it’s clear to see to avoid.

His sun, his friend, his brother, his lover, his Donghae. He was everything.

He still is. But he no longer belong to Hyukjae, no. He had to let go of his sun. Yes it was him, he was the one who chose to let Donghae go. He was desperate, he has fallen sick, he has lost everything, the only thing that he could give to Donghae was robbed off of him without he himself knowing. So what else is there left for him to be worth of Donghae’s love?

The moon was only shining because the sun illuminating it after all. If the moon is stained, wouldn’t the reflected light come off ugly? How can the moon ever show itself again to the sun when that happened?

So despite everything, no matter how broken he is or he would be, he chose to let go. He broke things off with Donghae.

There is no more Lee Hyukjae and Lee Donghae.

They are separated beings, no longer one.

“What?”, his face was unreadable yet shock and horror was so apparent on it, his arms was getting limp unable to comprehend the situation. His whole body is screaming denial.

Hyukjae inhales sharply forcing himself to swallow back all his desperate cries and repeated his words, “let’s break up”.

Donghae tensed as the words sink in, he understand it yet he vehemently refuse to believe it to the point he’s doubting that the person in front of him is truly his lover. No words can leave his lips, no movement, he just stood there unmoving waiting for the next words to come out if there is. His legs rooted to the ground, he could feel how gravitation pulled him down so harshly, and how he couldn’t feel his body anymore, is he still breathing now?

But Hyukjae didn’t make any explanation, he just turned his body and start to walk away. He can’t say anything anymore, he can’t even say ‘sorry’ to Donghae, he was crushed beyond repair that time. He want to run away from there, he can’t let himself wavering from his decision now.

“Hyuk!”, screamed Donghae, it was no longer sounded like his voice, it was cracking too much, “don’t do this to me… please”.

Hyukjae’s step halted, but he didn’t turned around, he just stood still feeling his heart being torn apart by the broken voice of Donghae. He’s afraid to see how Donghae will look at him if the truth ever comes out, he did rather leave Donghae just so that never happen. He is selfish. But either way he is dying, rather than dying on Donghae’s resentment he chose to be so for being apart from his lover.

His body jolted when a hand pulled his jacket and then arms wrapped over his chest in desperation, clutching for dear life.

“Hyuk, you’re joking right?”, laughed Donghae with cracked voice and trembling body, “please say that you’re joking…”.

Hyukjae closed his eyes, gasped as his neck feels clogged. He didn’t say anything, he can’t for he didn’t trust his voice right now, and any words spoken will only cause him to be unable to hold back his cries.

“Hyuk… please…”, whined the younger, “please… I’m sorry, I’m sorry Hyuk. But please don’t do this… don’t do this to me, please”.

Hyukjae couldn’t withstand it anymore, every pleas only crushed his heart further, he have to go from there. “It’s not you…”, whispered him and step away.

Upon Hyukjae’s movement Donghae tighten his hold over the older, tears swells in his eyes and streaming down uncontrollably as it hits him how serious the situation is. He can’t believe it, he denies it how his lover trying to break away from him. From him, the one that Hyukjae himself told him of how precious he is, how he is everything to his lover, that he is all Hyukjae ever need. Was it all lies? Was it all gone now? Was all that happened between them is forgotten now? What have gone wrong?

“Hyuk…! Please don’t do this to me! I- I will do anything to mend it! Just please don’t leave me!”, cries Donghae, his face was so wet from all the tears and look so pitiful but he didn’t care, he didn’t care how he is begging to Hyukjae to never leave him. All that matters now that he’s holding onto his lover so he would stay with him, in his embrace, even just for a second longer. But it was futile, Hyukjae was slipping off from his grasp.

“I’m sorry…”, whispered Hyukjae finally bringing himself away from Donghae.

“Hyukjae! Please! Please…!”, cries Donghae getting louder that is almost like a shriek.

Donghae’s embrace broke and Hyukjae stepping away not stopping. Donghae wanted to run after him, but all the emotions left him with no energy, his limbs getting limp and his knees hit the ground. The only things that he’s able to do are screaming his lover’s name and letting his tears damping his skin and clothes. The sight of him was so heartbreaking, Hyukjae keep his head straight not looking back, Donghae’s cries was already able to broke his soul, if he chose to turn back now, he knows he wouldn’t be able to withstand it. He keep getting further away from where Donghae is. No amount of tears and screaming can stop him.

“Hyukjae!”, was the last dreadful shriek of Donghae he can hear.

It’s been months, time passed so fast not minding of how broken hearted you are, life keep on moving. The sun and the moon keep on rotating the earth, birds singing, flowers blooming, a season passed, everything is beautifully timed in harmony and changing for the better. But there are things remain unchanged. Donghae keep on coming to Hyukjae’s house in which the latter would remain stubbornly closed the door. Their heart is also remains frozen in the time of their broke up, only the scar getting deeper every each day.

Hyukjae didn’t know if he should be glad or suffer by the fact that Donghae still chase after him. He should feel happy for being loved that much, but precisely because of that further confirming of how much he hurt Donghae over his one sided decision. And Donghae have every right to hate Hyukjae for being treated unfairly like that yet the man still keep coming to him, until when will this last?

Despite all Donghae keep going on with his life, doing his best even though his broken heart never heals and he wouldn’t be able to move on from Hyukjae. On the other hand Hyukjae trying his best to pretend that he is alright, he would appear bright in the day yet he would cry himself to sleep every night, that is if he’s able to fall asleep. They were both hurting, who is hurting more it doesn’t matter, they know it how they can’t be without each other.

Siwon never back out too, he keep chasing after Hyukjae even though Donghae already beat the crap out of him. It shocked Hyukjae how the tall man appear on his door after Donghae punched him that night, then he realized it how Siwon is serious about him. But Hyukjae didn’t want anyone else than Donghae, so he rejected Siwon politely this time. But Siwon wouldn’t be Siwon if he give up now.

Fate is a cruel friend, no matter how devastated Hyukjae is over his broken relationship, his father’s company was plummeting. But he couldn’t do anything, his father still insist that he shouldn’t worry and wouldn’t let him do anything. Hyukjae know that his father being like this because he didn’t want to strain Hyukjae’s weak body, but being left not able to do anything is even worst. So the only thing his father let him do is accompany him to some occasions to raise sponsorship or any kind of help at all.

Thankfully Hyukjae is quite a witty person and his vast knowledge was really something, not to mention his appearance intrigue people. There are some of the people they met becomes interested in helping the company after seeing Hyukjae, after all he is still written as the company’s heir, maybe they see great potential on the man. It’s a wonder how Hyukjae have the charms to mesmerize people.

Sometimes, he enchants them way too much.

There is a knock heard from Hyukjae’s bedroom door, the man turned his head to see the door opened showing his father standing with uncertain expression.

“Son, can I talk with you?”.

Hyukjae give the man a nod and soon he already sitting down beside Hyukjae on the bed’s edge. He could feel the tension come out from his father, his mind instantly running wild with bad thoughts regarding the company. Is now the time? Did the company finally gone bankrupt now? Are we left with nothing now?

If Donghae was there beside Hyukjae like he always do before, he would be able to take in those bad reality. It doesn’t matter that Donghae wouldn’t be able to help them financially, the most important thing is how Donghae would always able to be the pillar of Hyukjae’s psychology, help him mentally and trust me it’s needed more than any earthly materials in those trying times.

But Donghae is not there, Hyukjae himself let him go and that fact only blow him harder now when he’s looking at the nervously fidgeting father of his. Hyukjae is so not ready with all of this, like all of his happiness in the world being off of him in a blink of an eye. First he lost his dignity, then he lost Donghae and now he is about to lose the company, the one that had hold up their family in survival.

He eyed his father carefully once again, is it really the company’s end that his dad want to talk over with him?

“I’ve noticed that you’ve broken up with Donghae…”, started his father which caused Hyukjae’s breathe to hitched at the sudden mention of the name. “It’s your personal thing, I’m not going to ask what happened if you don’t want to talk about it”, continued him with fingers tangling in nervous manner.

Hyukjae feel relieved that his father is not going to pry further and also because the talk they’re having right now have nothing to do with the company’s condition, he thought that maybe the company still holding out better than he expected. Or so he thought.

His father lets out a sigh, “it’s quite awkward to bring it up… I also know how you’re in new relationship now”.

Wait, what?

Hyukjae’s eyes widened as his body tensed for he’s not able to comprehend what his father was saying, did he heard the man wrong? New relationship?

“Maybe it’s hard for you to talk about it with me, with how much I adore Donghae and how actually I already thought of him as my own son…”, and Hyukjae’s heart clenching at the explanation realizing that his father is also sad about their break up. He knows it how his father like Donghae, that ex lover of his was practically a family for them though nothing was official. But he didn’t realize that his father would be disappointed if their relationship didn’t work out and it sadden him to know it now. But all thoughts put to stop when Hyukjae hear his father saying the next lines.

“You shouldn’t hide it if you found someone else, especially if you’re sure enough to finally make it official, I will always understand your choice Hyukjae”.

Hyukjae’s head spinning, what the hell is he talking about? Someone else? How can I have someone else when I’m still unable to sleep at night at the thought of him? Make what official?

“I may not know him much, but I’ve heard of how he’s been trying to court you, it surprised me to know he’s been doing that for so long now! I can see that he is serious about you and he has a good personality too, so I’ve no objection if this is what you want. Now I understand your weird smile at that time”, laughed his father with excitement apparent.

He is been courting me…? Hyukjae thought come flying to a certain man, but all of it still doesn’t make sense, he never make any contact again after he reject the man. So what is this whole thing of new relationship and something official? And what weird smile his father was talking about?

“…weird smile?”, muttered Hyukjae in question.

“Yes, that time when you collapsed on the side road and then you asked me to never say it to Donghae that you was with Siwon that night? When I asked you why and isn’t it normal for friends to do stayover so why should Donghae feel jealous, you just smiled at me weirdly. It’s been bugging me what is the meaning of your smile, but now I knew why”.

No you don’t, cringed Hyukjae. His father was talking about the day after the incident happened and how his guilty smile was deciphered into something else by his father. His father was right that the smile is that of guilty, but