1: Lost in Google Translation 

After Tao goes to Disneyland, he ends up 'bragging' about his English skills to Kris and Luhan. Too bad Google Translate likes to around with the members of the China Line.

---

 

"I like this one... I like that one... Oh my... I can delete this one..."

Tao was currently going through his pictures of his trip to Disneyland earlier that day. He came accross this image of him and the mascot of Oswald. It was a really nice picture and he wanted to show it off in his Instagram account. 

He was ready to upload the picture if it wasn't because he wanted to add a few words in English for his post. He was trying to improve his writing and pronunciation of said language; after all, he was in Los Angeles studying, so the reason was good enough.

That, and he heard from Yixing that Luhan was taking English lessons with one of his famous co-stars for his first Hollywood movie. Tao's inner devil wanted to brag about his improvements to the deer since he wasn't going through lessons with someone cool like Matt Damon (no offense to his classmates).

He knew what to write for his post, but the problem was that he didn't know how to write it out correctly in English.

What shall I do? What shall I- Aha!

He could ask Yi Fan to write it out for him. After all, he still talked to the tall Canadian after he left EXO, so that could work. That was perfect! He could just ask Yi Fan-ge to do so, and he could just pretend he wrote the post when he shows it to Luhan. But would Yi Fan mind?

"Should I call him?" Tao asked no one in particular

Shrugging in response to his own question, Tao began looking through his contacts until he found Yi Fan's number. Not doubting it any longer, he clicked the 'Call' button.

 

Ring... Ring... Ring

"Ugh," Yi Fan groaned as he reached out for his phone. Can't this wait until the next day? 

"What?" he answered in a really grouchy manner.

"Ge~," Yi Fan heard Tao's overly cheerful voice.

He sounds too happy, but maybe it's something-

"I need you to write out something for me. It's for my Instagram."

important

"Why should I do that?" Yi Fan was already regretting not checking his caller ID. Who the hell calls him at ungodly morning hours just for Instagram?

"Because I want to show my English skills off to Lu-"

Click

Yi Fan didn't even bother hearing the rest of what his friend had to say. He knew Tao and Luhan were competitive towards each other when it came to learning things since their days as trainees, but this was just stupid.

Not wanting to get bothered any longer by an Instagram-crazed Tao, Yi Fan just threw his phone at the wall and went back to sleep.

 

"Damn," Tao pouted, "that didn't work."

The boy looked at the clock; it was four in the afternoon.

"I think he should be awake by now," he said to himself about his new-found friend, Liu Jack. Just like Luhan-ge, Jack wasn't a morning person. But the Chinese-American slept until the afternoon because his classes were at night.

He started dialing Jack's number and hoped the boy would not hang up like his (useless) gege.

"Hello?" Tao was almost jumping when he heard Jack's voice.

"Hi Jack," Tao said happily, "can you do me a favor? If you say no, do remember that I did play Cupid for you when you asked Mari out... That's great! So here's what you need to do..."

Ten minutes later, Tao was able to upload an English post along with his cute picture.

Let's show my English skills to Yi Fan and Luhan...

 

 Buzz... Buzz... Buzz

When Luhan saw his phone screen was lit up, he glared at said item. It was three in the damn morning; no one dares to bother him at those hours (not even Sehun, who called and texted him more than twice a day, did this).

This better be good...

It wasn't a text from Sehun (thank the lord), but it was from... Tao?

What does he want?

Tao: Ge~ Look at what I wrote!

Tao: [Image]

Apparently, Tao sent a screenshot of a post he made on Instagram. He really wanted to berate Tao for sending him this early in the ing morning, but the smile on Tao's face in the picture was making Luhan's initial annoyance disappe-

Tao:  My English is better than yours 😝

Luhan's eye twitched after he read this. Screw whatever warm feeling he was having at the moment. Tao just had to ruin the moment.

This is why he disturbed my sleep?!

"You know what?" Luhan began typing a response rapidly. "Panda boy can shove this for all I care."

As soon as he sent a text to Tao, he muted his phone. There was no way in hell he was receiving another text from that er.

 

 Once Tao heard his phone go off, he rushed to see if Luhan-ge replied; he did, but it seems like he sent the text in English.

Luhan: You ing hoser! Is this why you're texting me?! you and Yi Fan! I know you got this from him. Go bother someone else! People need to sleep, ya know?!

And he texted the f-bomb... Bad Lulu!

Aside from the curse word, Tao didn't really understand what Luhan said. So, he decided to use Google Translate to figure that out.

Google Translate (English to Chinese (Mandarin): You ing horse! Is this why you're spelling me?! me and Your Fan! I know your problems got Your Fan. Go kill someone else! People need to walk, ya know?!

Tao smirked when he read this. 

"My English is still better than Lu-ge's~"

 

Back in China, Yi Fan was sleeping soundly and comfortably. That was, until he received a call from his second phone. He checked the caller ID this time, and growled when he saw Tao's name on the screen. He didn't answer the call the first time, but regretted it afterwards when he received about four more calls from the panda. Since he already threw his first phone, Yi Fan had no other option but to answer the phone.

"You better give me a good reason as to why I shouldn't kill you right now."

"Yi Fan-ge, guess what? My English is better than Lu-ge's!"

Eh?

"What?" Yi Fan asked incredulously. Was he really this sleepy?

"I'll send you what he wrote," Tao said before a long pause took over.

A second or two later, he received Tao's text.

Tao: This is what he sent me. "You ing hoser! Is this why you're texting me?! you and Yi Fan! I know you got this from him. Go bother someone else! People need to sleep, ya know?!"

Tao: This is the translation. "You ing horse! Is this why you're spelling me?! me and Your Fan! I know your problems got Your Fan. Go kill someone else! People need to walk, ya know?!"

Yi Fan read the texts twice before saying anything else. 

"Um, Tao?"

"Yeah?"

"Were you using Google Translate?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Um, Luhan's text was written perfectly, and the actual translation says: You ing hoser! Is this why you're texting me?! you and Yi Fan!"

Well, it looks like Tao won't be the only dead man here...

"I know you got this from him... Pfft, right," Yi Fan scoffed. "Moving on... Go bother someone else! People need to sleep, ya know?!"

He got that part right...

"Eh?!" He heard Tao exclaim in surprise. Yi Fan would have almost forgotten about his current annoyance by delighting himself with Tao's embarrassment.

Almost.

"By the way, I never wrote your post for you."

"Lu-ge is so mean..."

"Who wrote your po-" 

At this point, Tao hanged up. Yi Fan placed his phone next to him and settled back to sleep. He could finally slumber in peace as he dreamt happily about killing a certain panda and a deer.

 

Somewhere not so far from China, Yixing walked into his dorm room in slow motion. He was very tired from the promotion activities he had to do along with his fellow members for EXO's new single. As he made his way to his bed, he heard his phone ring. Yixing looked at the screen and saw that Tao was calling him.

"Hello," Yixing greeted Tao in his native tongue as he climbed his bed.

"Gege~ Guess what?" Tao whined.

"Let me guess," Yixing yawned, "you saw another ghost in the shower."

"No," Tao replied, "although that is a very scary thought if one thin-"

"Tao, get to the point." Even though Yixing was a patient person, he really wanted to get it over with this call. He really needed to rest.

"Oh right... Waah! Lu-ge is so mean to me!"

Before Yixing could reply, his bedroom door opened, revealing Sehun.

"Did you call me?" Sehun asked with his usual poker face.

"No?" Yixing furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"Huh? I swear I heard Lu, er, my name," Sehun laughed nervously, "mianhae." The younger boy closed the door.

"That maknae is so weird," Yixing muttered to himself as he released another yawn.

"... He called me a ing hoser! And his English keeps getting better," Tao kept ranting to the other Chinese boy, whose eyes began drooping. "I swear, Luhan is so evil at times..."

Once again, Sehun walked inside Yixing's room.

"I swear, I keep hearing my Luha- NAME! I keep hearing my name in this room."

Sehun was about to leave the room when he heard a voice. He realized the voice was coming from Yixing's phone.

"... My life is a ruin. Why couldn't I get Matt Damon to be my English teache-"

"Taozi?"

"... Hi Hun! Where's Yixing-ge?"

"Um, Taozi?"

"Yeah?"

"Yixng-hyung is long gone," EXO's maknae looked at the slumbering figure on the bed as he spoke to his best friend.

"..." Tao hanged up after this.

 

Tao pouted as he looked at his phone's screen. "I swear, my older brothers are useless~."

---

 

 AN: I swear, Google Translate likes to around with people, especially our beloved deer. It also seems like Sehun has a Lulu-radar or some -ish like that.

Hope you enjoyed reading this drabble that was the product of waking up early in the morning and having a less-than-normal conversation with my cousin.

Thank you to whoever subscribed to this before I uploaded this. I hope you keep supporting me in the future, as well as others who are reading "Could You Please Turn Off Your Phone?"

Lots of love,

~Ulyana ^J^