"Honestly..." Seungri begins. "I'm starting to feel a little upset again, I don't know if it's just today or this week, but maybe it'll be better tomorrow." He barely manages out as tears prick at his eyes, though he said hopeful words he had a feeling he was wrong. He stared at his therapist through wet eyelashes. Upset is just another word for depressed to Seungri, but he doesn't want to say the word out loud because he wants to convince himself otherwise. He has a feeling this sadness is much deeper than a bad day or week, he can feel it burning in the back of his head. Day in and day out it's getting worse, constantly knocking at his heart until he let's it in, letting it take over his personality and everything around him. He can't let it happen again, Seungri notes.

Seungri is scared he's falling back into depression, mild depression--but scary nonetheless. He's been there a couple times in his career but never let it show because he believed the best thing about an idol was their never dying smile, he wants to be the best. 

"Be honest with me, Seunghyun. Does it really feel temporary?" 

Seungri doesn't know how to answer, he knows but can't let it out. Once it does, it'll become real and he can't let himself slip again. He won't admit it. The blonde clears his throat and murmurs lowly, barely audible to the therapist sitting across from him. "Honestly, no. It feels...set. I feel like I'm going back really quick, you gotta help me." Seungri's voice cracks at the last words, hating the weakness he's showing but is to desperate to hide his face. 

The therapist is quiet for a moment before speaking up. "You're not clinically depressed, Seunghyun. We can't give you pills, you'll need to come see me again though."

Seungri goes home with a feeling of hopelessness. He sits in the shower, watching the water flow down the drain with a blank stare as he thinks. He doesn't want to stand up and get out but he drags himself to do so, he's accepted that he's stuck with this burden for now, Seungri notes.

Seungri convinces himself he will get over it, but he can't convince himself to get excited about things anymore. Holidays pass and eventually his birthday comes,  but they all just feel like regular, long days. 

Not many seem to notice his state as after all these years he's managed to become the best actor amongst BIGBANG and had nothing but lonely nights and dried up tears to show for it. 

No one but his therapist has time to listen to his cries, but she's just being paid so he feels more alone. 

He finally hits a low point to where he just feels numb and empty, it's worse than feeling sadness constantly. He stays in bed, not having the energy to cry and just sleeps, sleeps, sleeps the year away. His label mates, CEO, and members let him be alone with his thoughts and he wishes someone would just burst through the door, break the tension, and breathe fresh air into his frigid lungs. He wants someone to fight for his happiness for once. He eventually gets those pills.

The day Seungri hopes, he gets. Kang Daesung comes through the door with a forced smile and a bottle of wine, singing "Happy Birthday to you~" in English with his awkward accent. He rocks it though, Seungri notes. Daesung plops down beside the person covered with blankets, his blonde hair and black, overgrown roots sticking out from lump of covers. 

Seungri stares at with a small grin playing at the corners of his lips, Daesung takes it because he knows it's the best he can do. There's an awkward silence between the too before the brown-haired boy opens his mouth. "So it's your birthday...the other members are busy but they told me to tell you happy birthday..." Daesung trails off, his smile evident in his voice and Seungri almost wants to steal his smile and keep it as his own. He wants to smile like Daesung. Smile always.

Seungri is quiet for a few moments before eventually speaking up in a raspy voice, obviously had not been using it in awhile. Daesung watching the boy's expression carefully, searching his features for life. "Thanks, that's really nice. Where's the glasses? I really wanna drink something right now." 

Daesung's smile widens and he moves from the edge of the bed into the kitchen to retrieve some fancy wine glasses, Seungri can hear his over exaggerated laugh emitting from outside his bedroom door and it almost makes him laugh along, almost. "Seungri, this is one of Seunghyun hyung's favourite wine so it must be amazing!" Daesung is loud in the room and on any other day he would've annoyed Seungri but this time Seungri likes it a little too much, he notes.

So eventually Seungri begins to talk, Daesung is bright when he isn't just talking to himself anymore. Daesung sees him smile for the first time in a long time and saves it in his pounding heart, it feels nostalgic to him somehow. Daesung is making jokes and Seungri is actually quietly laughing along, Daesung is ecstatic. Daesung feels special. Daesung is special, Seungri notes. 

Now the dark room is lit and Seungri is laughing a little louder this time around. Both of them can feel the mood has changed drastically and it's one of the feel-good moments in life but neither of them mention it, they act like its normal because they both want it to be. Daesung can see Seungri's heart by the way he's laughing his crazy hyena laugh and Daesung's heart is running miles in his chest. 

Thought the night, Seungri and Daesung talk everything out, Daesung avoids mentioning Seungri's broken mask and continues acting like nothing's been screwed up for the past year. He avoids it well, Seungri notes. 

Seungri is kissing Daesung and Daesung is kissing Seungri and they're both getting drunk on eachother's lips and for once Seungri is feeling a little more than numb. He's feeling heat and passion, something's pounding in his ears but he pays no mind as Daesung is doing something wonderful to his skin with those plump lips. He's going through everything, working through the motions. He's thinking he's crazy for letting Daesung take him over like this, but he's had crazy ideas the moment he had kept telling stupid jokes, kept smiling till his eyes weren't able to be seen, kept trying to make him feel something again. 

Seungri saw the effort and loved it, it made him feel wanted again. He was wanted, Seungri noted. Daesung's lips were causing a wild fire that spread throughout his entire body within minutes, Daesung left the blonde boy breathless with each gentle tug and caress, with each snap of his hips and every growl that emitted from the back of his throat. Seungri's voice sang for him all night long until Daesung kissed every inch of his body, until the fragile boy fell asleep in his tan arms at 6 am.

The sky's light was the only thing coming through the thin fabric of the curtains, the stars fading into the twilight blanket. 

Daesung woke up late in the afternoon with his arms still wrapped around the smaller frame, Seungri's eyelashes fluttering from whatever dreams he was experiencing. Seungri is too cute for this to be a one night stand, Daesung notes. 

So Daesung stole kisses from the blushing Seungri until eventually he was smiling again. Seungri was feeling again, he was excited each and everyday to meet up with his crush, his eager crush through the schedules he was finally attending.

Soon Seungri had felt better until he could do it on his own, until he could assure s that he was on the path to being okay again. Daesung had led him closer to that path, he hadn't healed him, but he made it easier to. So he faked smiles until he didn't have to anymore.

He was doing okay again, Seungri notes.

(a/n; I am randomly writing a lot of Seungri angsty stories but I hate sad endings so lmao. Also sorry if there's any typos I didn't bother proof reading it bc this was just a quick thing. Hope u enjoyed nonetheless)