Initially Kyungsoo was supposed a pup without knowledge about love. Initially he wasn’t supposed to learn about the mating marks that were once on his wrists. Initially nothing was supposed to happen during his coming of age. However, things did not go according to the plan.

Kyungsoo learned about love through his caretakers, Yixing and Suho. He had watched how they both stole loving glances of one another from afar. He watched them reveal each other’s mating marks to one another, and he watched them disappear into the night when they thought he was asleep.

He watched them have the one thing he’d never have.

And it hurt more knowing that he’d never have what he yearned for. Even though the moon had told him about the meaning of mates, and the moon had taught Kyungsoo about the meaning of one’s marks. She had told him about how important it was for a wolf to find his other half. She told Kyungsoo about the agonizing pain a wolf feels when he knows his mate, but can’t be close to him. She spoke about the changes one’s body undergoes in order to find its mate amongst all of the other wolfs. She also told him to keep silent about his knowledge even after his own body changed, because it would be the only thing that would one day allow him to find his own mate.

She however never told Kyungsoo how hard it’d all be after knowing that the things he was summited to weren’t because it was for his wellbeing. She never told him how much pain he’d have to endure while feigning innocence, and maybe it would all have hurt less if he’d not known a thing

Because ignorance would have been a bliss, had Kyungsoo not known about it all. It would have probably hurt less, had he not known what the slick running down his thigh meant. It would have been easier to trust his people when they told him it was only his body yearning for the moon’s light. He would have been able to accept the so called ritual they made him go through every time his heat took place, because he knew getting dressed in white wouldn’t cover up the yearning his omega body had. He knew that soaking his body in the floral scents of wouldn’t truly mask away the scent his alpha was looking for. He also knew that last part of the ritual wouldn’t truly end his heat, but slowly kill him.

For the last part of the so called ritual was the worst thing one can to do a wolf.

Kyungsoo was forced to raise his wrist up towards the heavens as he kneeled before the head alpha. His head would hang low, and the bandages he always wore on his wrists were cut off for the event.

He had never been allowed to look at his own wrists. However, it wasn’t something Kyungsoo longer yearned to see, for the mating marks he should have worn with pride no longer existed.

There were no pretty swirls or lines on his wrists when the bandages were off. There was only faint outline of the markings trying to form over the scarred tissue, but that didn’t really ever last for long. It was never able to last long, not with the way the head alpha desperately tried to keep his marks hidden.

It always started with a small blade running across his wrists. It was always in a horizontal pattern, but it was never deep enough to reach his veins. After that came the tweezers. Tweezers that lift the shredded bits of skin long enough to be snipped off the edges that still attached it to his wrist.

It continued with his blooded trickling down his slender hands and pooling at the floor he kneeled on, and tainting his garments crimson. Then after the fresh wounds were washed out with a special concoction that ensured scarring he was forced back inside his room. He was always left there to meditate and to pray for the packs wellbeing, but it was never like that, because it all ended with tears.

The only thing he could ever do was cry. He cried because with the repetition of the ritual his chance of having a better life was torn away. He cried because he knew that somewhere out there his mate was slowly fading into nothingness. He wept especially over that fact alone because he knew exactly who his mate was.

 And above all he sobbed uncontrollably knowing that he wasn’t the moon’s child.