Chapter 2:

She's lost in her world. 

She can no longer grasp the idea of reality.

6 years after graduation

Taeyeon’s POV

Haaaaaa so good to be back!!! 

I sigh happily as I walk out of the arrivals door. I just came back from the US for a 2-year-program held by my university. After graduating from Seoul University, I among thousands of students, along with 9 others were selected to continue our study in the US through the program. I gained whole bunch of new experiences there, things that have zero possibility of occurring in Seoul.

“Eomma!!!” I holler and rush towards my parents and not-so-surprisingly, they welcome with attacks of what seem like never-ending bear hugs. 

“Taeyeon ah, are you okay? How was the flight? Did you do me proud in the program? Did you cause any trouble? How about a boyfriend? How was your 2 years stay?”…And tons of questions. 

“Honey, stop it now. She just came back. She's probably exhausted,” Dad kind of, but not really reprimanded mom. “Come give me your bags.” Dad carries one of my luggage and takes mom with him while I walk with Hayeon, playfully slinging my arms across her neck. Thank God my dad is here to drag my mom out of my face. Not to be rude but yeah I needed air. 

We went to have "lunch" at 4pm in a cafe I was not familiar with, then we headed back to the house. That was when I saw her house. I have forgotten all about her. I can’t believe I abandoned my best friend; my Jessica.

Sooyeon…

While the others busy themselves with my bags and stuff, heartily laughing aloud about something, I find myself stuck in the ground. I couldn't move. We had zero to no contact when we were in universities. I tried but she always seemed so busy. The last time we had a proper talk was 3 days before I went for the US, and she didn't even send me to the airport for an official farewell. 

“Taeyeon honey, stop daydreaming and come inside, it’s going to be darker out” I am cut out of my daze when I heard my mom calling for me at the steps. I take one last look at her house without realizing the pair of eyes that are staring at me with regret.

 Is she aware that I'm back? 

I went inside my room and I was glad to see that nothing has changed. My room is exactly like I left it, maybe cleaner. Throwing myself onto my bed, the familiar scent hits my nose, my mind envisions the memories I had here – in this room, in this place. My mind automatically brings me to the thoughts of her. How is she doing? How was university life for her? Did she manage? How are things in her life? What does she do now? Is she living her dream of becoming a designer? With these thoughts in my mind, I slowly succumb sleep. 

I wake up, feeling an unpleasant dryness in my throat. I carefully make my way down the stairs to grab a bottle of water, staring out the window where a neatly cut lawn can be seen. I take a glance at the clock: 11p.m. I guess I was so jetlagged that I slept for five hours or so. Unfortunately, now I'm powered up. 

God, I have to reorganize my sleeping schedule. 

As I’m drinking from the bottle, I clearly see her house from where I was standing. Her house is right in front of mine – so big, but not to the state of being daunting. Still, something feels weird; off. I can’t put my finger on it, but my instinct is palpating inside of me, urging me to do something, I don’t know what. I shrug my thoughts off, putting them as just nervousness since it’s been awhile and start thinking of things to do to make time go by faster since no one's awake at this hour. I could unpack my things but I don’t think I want to. After 30 minutes of gibberish, I decided to take a walk around the neighbourhood.

Hm~ not a bad decision Tae.

My mind is free at the moment and without me realizing it, my feet have led me to our spot – where we always sat or lied down, sometimes conversing, sometimes just coexisting. I lie down like we used to, watch the stars, leading to the notion of her again; the uncanny feeling I had as I stared at her house.

Sooyeon-ah, why are you not seeing me? You can't possibly be oblivious of the fact that I'm back. Are you mad at me for leaving…?

The silence that was comforting before, has now become choking. There’s a bugging I can’t deny at the back of my mind.

Sooyeon-ah, how are you? I mean, are you okay? I saw your house but it looked as if no one lived there anymore. It looked awfully silent. I tried to look beyond the windows in hope that you might appear, smiling at me, glad that I am back.

It’s not enough, but it will do for now.

Next Morning

“Morning honey,” my mother chirps, as she puts a huge bowl of vegetable soup at the centre of the dining table.

“Morning Eomma!”  I say lifelessly, still jetlagged. I take one at all the food on the table, grateful as it is all the Korean food I can imagine but definitely shocked due to the scale of it.

“Eomma, is someone coming to eat breakfast with us?” I ask my mom with a slight annoyance in both my tone and face.

“Huh? Why do you ask that? And wipe that expression off of your baby face.”

“It’s just that we only have 5 people in the house to finish all this and I thought if someone was coming, I'd lose my appetite because I just got home and I don't want to share my first home-breakfast with other people,” I whine, stomping my feet lightly. “And Eomma! I am not a baby. Nor do I have a baby face. I matured okayyyy – ”

Dad cut all the noise, as he looks up from the newspaper he was reading and say, “Aigoo aigoo aigoo... Your first breakfast and you're already nagging. And yes you do look more mature,” ending it with a fatherly grin that looks so much like mine.  I mirror him, and pout when my dad continues, “But that doesn't mean you've lost your baby-like face.” Hissing at the old couple who are laughing oh-so-happily, I take a seat across dad while mom sits next to him. We start devouring once Haeyeon and Jiwoong oppa comes down.

After breakfast, I was forced to help with the dishes saying that it’s been a long time since I've been back and doing the dishes is my welcome back present. 

“Earth to Taeyeon,” a sweet voice calls out to me.

I refocus my mind and eyes to my mom with an unknowing look, still dazed to be honest.

“Taeyeon ah, what's wrong? Why are you so out of it when it has only been less than 24 hours since you’ve come back?”

I sense her concern but right now I really don't know. Sighing then smiling, I say, “Nothing. I'm just still jetlagged.” I think I told the truth and mom nods in understanding.

A few minutes pass, and I broke the silence. “Eomma, why does Sooyeon's house look like it’s empty?”

When my mom didn't reply, I whine, “Eommaaaaaaaaaaaa....”

I take a glance at her direction and see her flinch as if my question caught her off guard. She is slightly trembling but still make the effort not to let me see it. 

“Eomma...gwaenchana???”   

 I panic when she didn’t answer me. Striding to support her from the side, the palm of my left hand firm on her back, caressing it up and down in a soothing manner, I felt her heart beating like crazy, like it wants to jump out of its own constraints. We settled in the living room and after making sur