I trembled as I stepped onto the stage, my fingers gripping my violin tightly. It was already the fourth time I was performing Don't Don live, shouldn't I be already used to their chants? Shouldn't I already harden my heart and focus on the performance?

  Apparently, I had underestimated the fragility of my heart.

  I chewed my bottom lip nervously as I positioned my violin and wait for the rhythm to make my appearance.

  Three... Two... One... I could feel the lights upon me once again as I immerse myself in the music. The swell in my chest fuelled my passion to perform on stage- together with the Super Junior members.

  However, no matter how hard I tried to block them out, I could still hear them.

  No wall that I built could ever shut those screams of 'Only 13' out. The chants came from all around me, closing in on me, leaving me with no chance to escape. I didn't dare to open my eyes, knowing that the sight before me would be nothing but a black ocean. I shuddered as a memory not too fond came in mind. God, the darkness only served to drown me.

  Don't cry. Don't cry. I willed myself to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill. Don't cry, Henry. It'll be over in a bit. Please, don't cry.

  A tear fell, betraying me. God, a little while more. You can't cry on stage. Another tear traced its way down my face. Don't cry. You're going to ruin everything if you cry.

  I pressed my fingers against the strings with such pressure that I could feel them cut into my skin. I gritted my teeth to hold back a wince. The sensation on my fingers hurt... but it took away the pain on my heart momentarily.

  I relished in physical pain, hoping it would act as a substitute for my emotional one- for that one single moment.

  And soon enough, I could step off the stage into the comforts of the waiting room.

  I stared blankly at the ceiling, thinking. Why? All I ever wanted to do was to express myself through music. All I ever wanted was to shine on that stage- even if it's only for a few minutes. My heart squeezed uncomfortably.

  I left my friends, family, and everything else back in Canada to pursue a dream all alone here in Asia. I chuckled softly, shaking my head at how much I regretted my decision. Stupid, stupid, little me.

  Honestly, all I want to do now is to laugh at the piteous state I am in and the pathetic person I have become. 

  I wiped my tears hurriedly as I heard footsteps coming nearer to the room. Ah, the hyungs must have finished their concert. I forced a smile on my face as they entered.

  "Thankyou for all your hard work!" I manage to muster cheerfully. "You guys did great!"

  Leeteuk-hyung glanced at me, his eyes always seemingly able to see through the façade I have worked so hard to build up.

  "You've worked hard too." He replied softly.

  I forced myself to smile again. "Okay, whatever you say hyung."

  Leeteuk-hyung eyebrows furrowed as his eyes trailed down to my hands. . Were my fingers bleeding? 

  "What-" he started.

  I quickly withdrew my hands and hid them. "It's nothing."

  Leeteuk eyed me suspiciously. "Show them to me."

  I shook my head. No. 

  "Henry. Show. Them. To. Me." He repeated.

  I shook my head frantically and moved towards the door. The members just watched us, both wary and unsettled. The moment Leet