I close my eyes for a second, I want to feel his embrace with all of my heart. It is racing, my heart, as his breath hits the back of my neck. His deep laughter fills the air, as well as my mind. The credits to Shrek II are playing in front of me, along with my favorite soundtrack. We’ve been lying like this the whole time. I feel so safe, this feels so right. I turn around, clumsily, to rest my head on his chest. I can hear his heart beat loud and clear, does he hear mine? He tilts his head down, trying to look at my face. I start to giggle. 

”Your stubble is so itchy...” I say as I let out a bubbly laugh. I look up at him only to see him pout, I hit him softly on his chest and he let’s out a low chuckle. 

”You’re always making fun of it, it’ll end up sad you know?” he says. I slowly lift my hand to caress his cheek but stop in mid-motion. 

”Shall I kiss it then? So it won’t be upset anymore?” I say as I look into his eyes. He doesn’t say anything as I place a soft peck onto his right cheek. 

”One more” he says as I pull away. I kiss his cheek once again, but this time a little bit closer to his mouth. 

”It’s not satisfied yet...” he whispers as he looks into my eyes. I kiss his cheek one more time and then I close my eyes. My lips lands on his. So softly, so innocent. We pull away after a couple of seconds and I stare down onto his chest with a smile on my lips. He pulls me tighter and inhales deeply. He tilts my head up and shows me that beautiful smile of his, it’s so unique, so shy in some kind of way. My heart skips a beat as he leans in for another kiss, trying to poke his tongue into my mouth. I pull away. 

”Meh, what are you trying mister?” I say as I giggle at his disappointed face. I lay my head onto his chest and hold him as tight as I possible can, without squeezing him too hard. I inhale his scent, his wonderful, calming scent. I look up at him and pout with my lips. 

”I knew you wouldn’t be able to contain yourself” he chuckled as he pecked them quickly. I pouted disapprovingly. 

”More, pleeeease” I begged. He shook his head and pressed his lips against mine. No tongue, I did not like it. At least I didn’t then. 

I roll over in bed and am faced with a . I touch my lips, where did all those innocent, loving moments go? I look around the dark room, only some strays of light can be seen through the navy blue curtains on the opposite side of the bed. I look down on the floor and see our scattered clothes. Is that all we are now? I look over to the young man laying beside me. Is this all I am to him? I suddenly feel the urge to run, far away from the bed and the slightly tanned boy lying beside me. I remember what went down before he rolled over, or more accurately- how I went down. He was done, everything was sealed and delivered. No ’I love you’, no kiss. Not even a hug. Only the handing over of napkins to clean up. Maybe I should try to wake him? Perhaps he’ll hold me like he used to? I shake him softly, whispering his name. 

”Kai... Kai, wake up” I say repeatedly. He finally turn around and yawn, only to lay his head back onto the pillow and fall asleep again. Head buried in the pillow.

”Please, can you just hold me?” I ask delicately. He sloppily throws his right arm around my shoulders and pull me onto the same pillow. I feel a tad bit of happiness but that does not last for long, since he soon roll over once again. I watch him for awhile, or perhaps I’m just staring into thin air? I try to sleep but I can not stop myself from feeling the anxiety rise from my chest. Am I no longer enough? Is he even in love with me anymore? I finally close my eyes and drift away into sleep, but only with the help of the birds singing outside the window.

”Hey, uhm I thought we could watch The Lord Of The Rings trilogy tonight. I know how much you like them, and I’ve got the extended versions!” he says.  

”Really? So many extra scenes, I love it! One little thing though, we can not sleep in the same bed. Orders from my dad...” I say a little nervously.

”Oh, well that’s alright. I want him to like me, so I’ll obey!” he says, trying to cheer me up. ”Besides, we can cuddle during every movie, right?” my heart skips a beat and if someone could see me they would probably think I am an idiot. 

”Yeah, I’ve missed you a little bit. We haven’t been able to see each other like this for a few days now...” is it melancholy in my voice?

”I have missed you too, I’m sorry for not being able to see you. There’s been so much to do in school...” 

”It’s fine, there’s nothing you could do about it after all... Perhaps we can do homework together next time?”

”I would love to, not sure if I would be able to concentrate for very long though” he chuckles. 

”So when are you coming over?” 

”I’m at the door right now, honey”

I walk into the common room and look for him. He’s sitting in the corner, next to the window, with our mutual friend, Sehun. As I walk closer Sehun turns around and waves at me. 

”Hi [YN]!” he says happily while Kai is continuing to stare at his computer screen. He is once again playing a game. Kai is one of those people who has to finish a game, and when he begins there is nothing that can stop him. He can not even make an effort to say hello anymore. It’s been like this for months. I’ve tried to be cheerful, I really have. But I’m never getting anything back anymore... I’ve been starting to space out on these occasions. And what happens then? He puts his hand on my thigh until I look at him, he gives me a quick smile and then he’s back to playing. This happens at his place as well. I’m left to sit on his bed while he starts to play. Sometimes he seems to fall asleep on me, but I’m not sure if he really does so. I confronted him about it once... He said that I would have to come up with suggestions of what to do, since he is getting bored because we always watch series or movies. I can not count how many suggestions I’ve come up with. He calls himself spontaneous, though he has never asked me to do something. At least not now... I look over at my friend, Taeyeon, and her boyfriend Baekhyun. They look so happy, she tells me that he asks her out on dates still. I glimpse over at Kai, will he remember our six month anniversary?

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________So this was the first chapter! I'll be working in the second one as fast as I can. I hope you've found it interesting so far! 

Kisses ~