Jaehwa looked outside her window; the light was going gradually. She was expecting Jungkook again. He had called her earlier asking if he could come over and have some of her pot noodles, since his roommate didn’t go grocery shopping and they had no food for the night, other than an outdated frozen burger. Jaehwa told him he could, and had prepared for him more than just a few of her pot noodles, but also with anything else in her kitchen cupboards which she bought but wasn’t intending to eat herself. She was just that generous.

A few knocks on her door came not too long after his call, and she padded over and opened the door, with Jungkook on the other side to greet her. “Hi,” she said, and he replied the same. She moved to the side of the doorway, inviting him to enter. “Don’t worry, you don’t have to take off your shoes.” But he did anyway. After shutting the door, she gestured him to sit down while she went over to the kitchen to get the food. He complied, taking a seat on the sofa before running a hand through his untidy hair after taking off his beanie. Jaehwa came back shortly and handed the bag over to him. “Here you go.”

Jungkook’s brows shot up when he peeked inside. “I’m sure I only asked for pot noodles, not an entire picnic,” he teased, and laughed when Jaehwa scoffed.

“Just take it will you? I know how busy you must be these days, especially since you’re in university. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but there are times when I wish I could go back to high school.” She sat across him.

“You could still apply, you know. University. It’s not too late,” Jungkook told her, but she shook her head.

“Not for me, sorry. I’d never would have been able to enter into a top university. I’m not dedicated or academically intelligent like you. Even if I did and got the privilege of seeing your annoyingly handsome face every day.”

Jungkook sighed in disbelief. “’I’m not dedicated or academically intelligent’. Excuuuuuuse me, Miss Class President. But you had every chance at going into a top university. Look at me, I managed to, and you know what I’m like.”

She frowned and looked away. “I just had a change of heart, that’s all.” She pointed an accusing finger at him. “And just so you know, you were a naturally intelligent and diligent student.”

Jungkook let himself think for a while until he looked at her again directly in the eye. “I’m just worried for you. I know you’re alright and stable now, but you can’t be doing part-time jobs for the rest of your life. Don’t you have bigger dreams? Future concerns?” By now he had put the bag of food aside and clasped his hands in front of him, his forearms resting on his knees as he pushed his back up from the sofa so that he was upright. Jaehwa’s lips pursed into a serious line, and she threw him a melancholy expression. Back then in high school, she always babbled on to him about her wanting to get married in the future with a nice guy and having at least two kids. Life and change surely alters a person, and now? Jaehwa couldn’t see herself like that – not in the foreseeable future, at least.

“I’ll manage,” she finally said, but the slight falter in her voice juxtaposed her statement, and Jungkook spotted it right away. His eyes travelled to the carpet where he continued to stare.

“I’m sorry I didn’t contact you when I first started university. If I did, we probably would still be together.”

Jaehwa raised her brows. “Why in the world are you apologising for that? And besides, it was both our faults that we didn’t keep in touch.”

His raven eyes pulled her in, like they always did. A continuum of moments and emotions flashed continuously before her like a movie in fast forward – too fast that it was just too much to the point that it only left a trail of colour in her mind. But despite that, she knew all their moments well. Very well.

How she conjured up any kind of excuse to be near him when they were in elementary, the days she spent in middle school hiding behind her textbook just so she could sneak a glance at him (she wished someone had told her then that she looked stupid), the unexplainable happiness whenever he approached her, all those valentine’s day and birthday gifts she hoarded in her bedroom because she didn’t have the courage to give them to him, the night she cried when she found out he had a girlfriend, the first time he declared her as his best friend, the day he found all her hoarded gifts, the boyish grin he had after she confessed, that time when she went over at his house and they spent the night talking about their own dreams, their dates being the hours they spent studying together, him being there for her when she had an argument with her dad, their last day of high school and the way he said that he would never leave her.

Just now – in those few seconds –  Jaehwa revisited all of that. But there wasn’t anything she could say.

Jungkook gave a hard, obvious swallow, and his hands curled into fists as he pressed his lips together. He already understood. “It’s alright, I know your feelings for me have changed. And I know, life doesn’t always turn out the way we want it to.” Neither of them talked after that, and all that was audible were the cars outside, and the constant ticking of the clock. Jaehwa was grateful that they got to talk like this again, it had been a while, and it made her feel a longing to return back to those days. But the past was somewhere they could not return to.

Jungkook glanced at the clock.

“I should go, Namjoon would be wondering where I am.” He stood, picking up the bag of food and made his way to the door to put on his shoes.

“Is that the name of your roommate?” Jaehwa asked, following after him.

Jungkook tied up his laces. “Yeah.”

“Is he a good guy to have as a roommate?”

“Uh, well.” He paused and looked up before standing. He scratched his chin in an exaggerated manner. “If you ever meet him, don’t tell him I said that he’s a huge snorer.”

“Hm.”

“But I can just about put up with it. I just wish he wouldn’t keep accidentally breaking the door. Honestly, that guy is destruction on legs.”

“Don’t say that. I’m sure he’s lovely,” Jaehwa said with an upturn of her lip.

“Of course he is.”

She laughed, shooing him outside, though it wasn’t that successful. “Don’t forget to brush your hair. You’ll never catch yourself a pretty girlfriend at this rate,” she bantered, but on her face was a small, affectionate smile. Jungkook laughed out loud.

“Sure, sure, whatever. Just know that even if I’m busy, I’m never too busy to talk to you. I’ll always listen to you when you need someone, I’ll always be here. Just know that.” He didn’t hesitate to add – “Even if I get a hot girlfriend.”

“Get out,” Jaehwa said with another smothered laugh, pushing him out the door. “Thanks. I’ll see you soon.”

“Bye, Jae. Thanks again for the food.” He grinned and she shut the door between them.

Jungkook’s grin fell until the corners of his lips were only a slight upturn. He sent one long look at her door before pulling his beanie tighter over his head and put the handle of the bag over his wrist so he could slip his hands into his pockets.

With a deep sigh, his posture slacked and his shoulders sunk. But he walked on.

After Jaehwa watered her plants, she decided it was time for her to sleep as the short hand on the clock was pointing eleven. She had already brushed her teeth and the rest of her nightly routine, and was lying in her bed, staring at the ceiling and waiting for sleep to come. She didn’t know how long she was like that, but when her eyes began to droop, and her muscles began to relax, she was finally about to drift off.

Was.

Until her phone on her bedside table began to buzz continuously. She chose to ignore it but it didn’t stop. Continuous buzzing meant she was getting a call. She sat up groggily, blinking her eyes to wake herself up a little. Taehyung’s name flashed on the screen and she answered. “Taehyung?” She laid back down on the mattress, her phone still pressed against her ear.

“You sound tired. Did I disturb your sleep?”

She closed her eyes when she heard his voice; she was still tired, but if he was calling her at this time during the night it must be about something important. “No,” she said. “Are you okay? Did something happen?”

“No, I just wanted someone to talk to, that’s all.” There was a moment of silence, until she heard shuffling from the other side of the line. “Are you sure you’re not tired? Just tell me if you are and I’ll let you sleep.”

She pulled her blanket over her body and shifted her position so that she was laying on her side and her phone was next to her on her pillow. “Honestly, Taehyung. It’s fine.”

“Okay. What do you want to talk about then?”

Jaehwa was half-asleep, but she still could not believe this guy. He was the one who called her in the first place. With mustered energy and effort, she pushed herself up with her elbow to turn off her bedside lamp, afterwards laying back down on her side so she was facing her phone again. She nestled her arm under her head while she thought for a while. “Taehyung, can you tell me a bit about Ahri?” If she had been more awake, she probably wouldn’t have asked that. But a tired Jaehwa was almost equivalent to a drunk Jaehwa, and a drunk Jaehwa was an honest person whose words didn’t hesitate to tumble out of .

There was no answer for a while, and Jaehwa was about to take it back, until she heard him sigh. “Since you’re so curious, I guess I could scrape the surface for you. What’s your first impression of her”

“Pretty, petite… everything I’m not, other than female.”

He chuckled. “She is quite small, isn’t she? Even when I was in my last year of high school I was still taller than her.”

“What was she like?” Jaehwa asked, a yawn threatening to escape afterwards, so she brought a hand to to restrain it.

“Well, for one, she’s ladylike and uh, very refined. But that wasn’t what attracted me to her. You see, when I was in middle school, my classmates thought I was weird.” An interval of silence once again pursued as Taehyung thought how to continue. “I was out casted just because I would be the one at lunch breaks to fold paper in the corner of the classroom. And I wasn’t exactly charming either, now that I look back at it. I need to show you my middle school photos sometimes, I still laugh when I look at them and could see why no one liked me. But I never wanted my hair cut and the school I went to didn’t really care about hair length, so my hair practically grew past my eyes. Some guys can pull off the long hair, but I looked ridiculous.”

“Where does Ahri come in?” Jaehwa asked, somewhat amused while imagining Taehyung with long, untidy hair.

“Ah. I knew Ahri though a family member, and for a few years I thought of her as family. She knew I was being taunted at school, and wanted to help me. At first I refused, but she didn’t give up either. She cut my hair for me because she knew I wouldn’t trust the hairdresser to do it, and knew that my parents would have cut it way too short for my liking.” He paused. “I was surprised that a few days later a few girls actually approached me and asked me if I was interested in anyone, I just thought ‘what? How was the me then, different to the boy now who only had a haircut?’ It didn’t make sense.”

“…People are like that, unfortunately.”

“I just let my days’ pass, just like that. I didn’t care if they liked me or befriended me just because they thought I was good-looking, I wanted my high school days’ to be easy with no hardships, and so that happened. In my last year, I spent a lot more time with Ahri, and I felt something more when I was with her. I began to notice a lot of things about her I hadn’t seen before, all the small, insignificant things. And let me tell you, there were a lot.” He stopped and Jaehwa urged him to continue, “She didn’t accept my feelings at first, but eventually we did start dating. I felt sorry for her, because she was a university student back then. And her being pretty and all attracted the guys on her campus, so I could imagine that her friends about it. But she always said to me, that it didn’t matter if I was younger than her, her feelings were the same, and that was enough. And that made me love her even more.”

Jaehwa listened. 

“She didn’t treat me as a kid. Like, I don’t know what to call it. A man? As a teenager back then, that was what I wanted. The more time we spent together, the closer we got. And I thought, that the person who finally understood me completely, was right under my nose. I loved her, so, so much. And It still hurts talking about her. But… I just, I just don’t know what to do now. I don’t want to avoid her, but I don’t want to encounter her again either. The last time I saw her, she was with her son, and she looked happy. It made me happy.”

“Then…” Jaehwa couldn’t retrain the yawn she was holding. “Is that enough?”

There was silence on the other line.

“You sound exhausted. I’m going to end the call soon; I don’t want you to stay up all night listening to me moping.”

“It’s fine, really. Thank you for telling me all that, Taehyung.”

“You deserved to know.”

Jaehwa inhaled deeply, slowly, sleep beginning to conquer.

“Goodnight.”

Jaehwa nodded, as if Taehyung was actually next to her and not just her phone.

“Sweet dreams, sweetheart.” 

He ended the call.