But I live in the moment so let’s pause.

We could have written our own story

But why are you acting like you’re sorry?

How do you proceed knowing that defeat was inevitable in the first place?

I remember her asking me the very same question which I honestly found quite odd considering our relationship was not close enough to be having this kind of talk. Usually our conversations were limited and would revolve around work or about our common friends.  It struck me that she was a different person, far different from the bubbly and cute persona that she was known for.

 A week after she asked me that question, I saw her once again. “Have you found the answer?” I asked her and she was startled to hear my voice.  I sat beside her while she was trying to order her drink at the bar. We were at an exclusive party then and most of the artists from our company were there.  I don’t think she remembered that incident about the small conversation that we had.  She was too drunk at that time to remember that we ever had a conversation.  I looked at her face and it was clear enough she didn’t know what I was talking about. I felt lost and humiliated. Being a good sport that I was,  I faked a smile and pretended I never asked her.  She looked so serious for one moment and the next second she was laughing at me. I couldn’t feel more embarrassed. So I laughed and we laughed even more like we were some kind of fools. And I guess that was the start.

It wasn’t long that I found myself drawn to her.  I dated other women and cliché as it may sound, she was different from all of them. I liked her the moment she first spoke to me.  She was likeable to say the least.

 Soon enough we would hang out and would often frequent on restaurants late at night to feast on food and suju.  And in between drinks, we would have this wonderful conversation not about our work but about our lives. And I loved her company.

So gradually, we became very close.

 But not close enough for our relationship to be labeled.

And I was okay with that because I wasn’t’ looking for a relationship after all. I guess what I needed at that moment was a good company of people.  And she was one of those few I had.

 If there was one thing I knew she wanted, it was privacy of her life. This didn’t c come as a surprise to me.  Though I knew she was dating someone for a long time, she never did once tell me directly that she was in a relationship with that person. Usually, she would refer that person as “he” or “him/his” in our conversations –never mentioning his name. Theirs was an open secret and I perfectly understood that. I have come to accept that.

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