Luhan runs as fast he can, clutching his camera tightly for support. Today is the 4th fan meeting of his beloved idol. The traffic doesn’t help at all so he just decided to walk but seems he’s almost late now. Much to his relief, he arrived perfectly on time, beating his new record. He walks to the farthest back of the venue and sits next to the girls who only do is to squeal to excitement.

 

Luhan admires the trending male idol since he ever heard him sing which was the day his idol’s first debut stage. His angelic voice attracts him with the combination of soothing lyrics slips from his mouth with infectious melody. But what catches his interest so much is his perfectly chiseled face: lovely eyes, high defined cheek bones, sharp jaws and his kitten-like curved lips upward. Everything is perfect.

 

Luhan’s idol is named on stage as Chen. Fans – even Korean citizens – call him ‘The angel’s voice’ which describes the idol’s personality and his voice. In a short time of being a rookie idol, his fame boosts skyrocket maybe because he and his appearance attract many girls. He tops music charts with his debut song ‘Forever with You’. His first mini album (as his debut album) sale is insanely high for a rookie artist. In just a year, he achieves so many awards and respect from some well-known artists.

 

Aside from that, the idol has its soft side, being kind and humble to his fans. A lovely Chen is much for a bonus.

 

Not to admit it fully, Luhan is obsess with Chen. He spends his money buying albums and attending fan meetings. All in all, he’s madly in love with the idol. But the one thing he never ever did in fan meetings is the fan signing. There’s a reason for that.

 

But today is still a luck. The event is near his apartment.

 

The event starts smoothly until the blast of fans’ scream is the only one he can hear when Chen comes out, smiling and waving on his beloved fans. Half time of the event, he spends taking pictures of the idol or listening carefully to his talk like a well-mannered kid. That is when the time Chen gives the fans a chance to ask him as a gratitude for supporting and loving him.

 

“Chen oppa~ after your debut, there are rumors spread that you were seriously bullied before. Is it true?”

 

“Chennieoppa, is it true you got rejected 35 times by the same person?”

 

“Chen-ssi! You know you have this handsome fan boy other than mine. I think his name is Luhaen?”

 

Upon giving them chance to ask, the fans quickly outburst with questions and it makes Luhan’s blood drain. He can see Chen’s mouth hangs open with his expression looks surprise. He awkwardly shifts from his seat before standing up and leaving the fan meeting.

 

 

 

He never felt so guilty until that day.

 

--

 

For all of his high school life,Luhan had been popular being handsome with manly posture. Girls, and also some boys, were always after him. But despite of his charm, he was known for being rude and bully. His tongue was sharper than a knife.

 

There was a certain boy he hated so much.

 

Kim Jong Dae.

 

Jongdae was known for being the center of bullying. He was called as an ugly nerd and some students thought it was redundant because nerds tend to be ugly. He was afraid of anyone because those judging looks were making him feel dying from embarrassment.

 

On the first three months of Luhan in school, he found himself in front of Jongdae.

 

“I-I l-like y-you.”Jongdae stuttered from confessing. He handed a red rose with something attached with it.

 

“Ugly.” Was all Luhan said, grabbing the flower harshly and threw it inside his messy locker before slamming it and turning back and disappeared from Jongdae’s sight.

 

For almost three years, Luhan found roses with attached thing and a confession letters on his locker, the same Jongdae gave to him. He groaned when he received those because the first thing that came in his mind was the ugly nerd but he never threw it anyway. He just let it there, too lazy to clean some thrash.

 

Jongdae’s confession to him was still a secret. In fact, he don’t want to talk it to anyone, like          don’t want to talk it forever. It was when he caught Jongdae in front of his locker one morning with the same rose and it caused everything wrong.

 

“Are you not tired yet, huh?”

 

Jongdae was shock as Luhan eyed at him with disgusting look. He lowered his head, embarrassed. He took the rose then threw it inside the locker. He slammed loudly causing Jongdae to flinch. Good thing he already got the flower because some students started to arrive. They eyed them with curious look, whispering some judging talks.

 

“I-I’m s-sorry—”

 

Luhan was furious when the boy started to apologize. He grabbed his face with one hand, clutching tightly and harshly causing him to whimper in pain. He begged him to stop him but Luhan just clutch it harder. The surrounding started to be crowded with students. Some students, including his classmates Kyungsoo, Sehun, Yixing and Chanyeol, looked at the scene with pity because they can’t do anything and remained frozen on their spot.

 

“Look you ugly nerd with ugly eye glasses and ugly braces, you’re so ugly that I want to punch you right on your face. You’re just a piece of .  Please disappear now in my sight. You’re just a useless boy who can do nothing.” He hissed at the boy who started crying in pain. Luhan moved closer to Jongdae’s head before whispering, “And, no one will ever like, scratch that, love you.”

 

And with that, he threw Jongdae’s side on the wall too harsh, head bumped first. Everyone gasped in shock when blood started to stream on Jongdae’s face. They all looked at the horrible scene, it was beyond the limit. Jongdae sobbed silently with pain until Luhan’s brother, Yifan came with Junmyeon, the Student Council Secretary, Yifan’s lover and Jongdae’s one and only friend. Junmyeon cried in pity as he saw his precious friend’s face coated with blood and all he did was to hug him with secure. Yifan started to help Jongdae, not forgetting to glare at his brother and bring him to clinic.

 

After the incident, they never saw Jongdae again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Luhan’s last year in high school was what he was waiting for. Graduation was on three weeks. He was bored when he turned the television on and the first thing he saw there was a guy, singing in one of the official music shows in South Korea. His voice was pleasing to his ear and he started to hum with yet unknown song. The song was catchy; don’t forget the guy’s angelic voice. He looked at the upper left to see ‘Hot Debut.’ He started to study his face when the cameraman focused to him. His brown locks were brushed up neatly, those closed eyes while enjoying the song, everything on him made him so attractive. He was amused with the guy’s perfect high note before he ended to song. He clapped three times, smile crept on his face.

 

No one knew he was gay, other than his family. His parents were not ashamed of it but they hid it to anyone.

 

In two weeks, Luhan started to search the guy’s personal information yet to no avail. He kept tuning to music shows and he learned the guy’s stage