Dear Oh Sehun,

                I know this is not the first time you have received a letter from a fan like me, but I still hope that you will treasure this letter like how you cherish the most important thing for you. I know this letter is not something special for you to treasure, but that is just a little wish, and I honestly wouldn’t mind if you throw it away. I wouldn’t mind it at all.

Sehun oppa, I’m one of your countless fangirls. My name is Lee Areum I just turned 17 last month and how I wish that I can hear your voice singing happy birthday to me as I wake up, but it’s just a little dream that will never come true, and I’m fine with it. I’m totally fine. Oh and I always bake a cake on your birthdays and would sing a ‘Happy Birthday’ for you, I always ended up eating the whole cake and listening to my own voice singing songs for you because I never find a way to deliver the cake to you, I want to do the same thing this year, but I can’t and I don’t want to tell you why. Please don’t wonder why when you read this, because I don’t want to see any troubled expression on your beautiful face.

Sehun oppa, just so you know, this is the first letter I ever sent to you and maybe this would be the last, so let’s go back to the time  when I first saw you on the net on your first teaser where you’re dancing ‘Run&Gun’ with Kai oppa. OH MY GOD, at that time I think my heart would stop beating and I almost can’t hear my own heartbeat anymore. When I saw you, I feel like time froze, like it was just me watching you, your perfect dancing skills and your beautiful face. In just a split of seconds, I feel like I want to make you mine and I can’t stop talked about you to my mom to the point she was so annoyed at my attitude I don’t think she’ll get annoyed by me in the future. You look so pure and innocent back then, I want to hold you tight and keep you into my warm pocket so that no one will harm you, because it would hurt me to see you in pain. When ‘MAMA’ and ‘HISTORY’ came out, I was jumping around the house in ecstasy and my heart won’t stay still, it was hot and I was melting every time you came out. I went even crazier when I bought your album both in Korean and Chinese and luck smiled on me because I got your photocard. I was dancing until my legs gave up because of happiness. It was true happiness that every fan feels whenever they got their bias’ photocard, and it’s a nice feeling.

For a year EXO didn’t make any comeback, and I was drowned in misery. I’m not joyous as I used to, I can’t focus on my studies, and I can’t study properly, in the end, I failed four of my subjects and did not get an A on my card. My parents were furious at me and I was mad at myself because I missed you so much I lose focus in my life. I felt so worthless that I even thought of killing myself. I was near on committing suicide one day, but then, they announced EXO will make a comeback as whole group, and then I tried to think rational and stopped. I stopped from murdering myself. I studied harder until my grades are back on top, You helped me stand on my own. My parents promised to grant whatever I want as long as my test results are good. Upon my request, they bought me all ‘XOXO’ albums including the repackage album ‘GROWL’. I was beyond ecstatic and happily showed to the world that I have already bought the albums, especially, I got Sehun photocards. My friends and I absolutely loved ‘WOLF” and ‘GROWL’ and we decided to make a vocal and dance cover. I got your part and I worked so hard so that you’ll be proud if ever you watched it. You can find it on youtube by searching ‘Melody’s WOLF & GROWL of EXO cover’.  If you were not satisfied, especially on my parts, it is my sincere apologies.

‘Even if you don’t have enough lines on your songs, I still love your voice, it sounds wonderful. I hope that SM can see what every fan sees so that they will give you more lines. If that happens, I bet all of your fans will go crazy in less than a second, especially me. ‘EXO’s SHOWTIME’ is my favorite variety show; the show was always on top whenever a new episode was released. EXO oppas were so awkward on the first episode, but you’re getting better and better at every episode and I love to see how all of you interact with each other. There are a lot of moments I love the most and I can’t choose which one I want to talk about first, maybe next time I will write about it, if there is still a next time.

Ahhh, have I told you that I ship you and Luhan oppa together? Both of you looked so good together. I love how you seemed to smile more brightly whenever Luhan oppa is around, I love how you looked at Luhan oppa, I love how you linked your hands together, it’s so sweet and I love it when there are only you two together. You really look like a lovely couple; I’m happy and jealous at the same time. HunHan Forever. Hahahaa,

 I think I almost wrote everything that I wanted to say, there are more things left unsaid, but you still have more letters to read and more gifts to open, so I want to end this letter already, but before that, let me say something.

Sehun oppa, I have watched you grow from the innocent-looking maknae to a handsome young man. You have this beauty inside you that everyone would want to have and this beauty of yours is one of the most amazing things I’d ever seen. It made me want to be beautiful too, a beauty not seen on my outer appearance, be it created by makeup or surgery, it is the beauty seen on the heart and soul.

You’re my greatest inspiration and motivation, you made me want to learn and discover more about life. You inspired me to be a hard-working person, and you made me believe that I can accomplish my dreams, just like you did. You made me believe in love once more and I give you all my love. I hope you accept my pure and untainted love dedicated for you, even not as a lover would, even just a fan, I’ll be more than glad for that. You helped me to be my self that I can’t do before I met you. Thank you because you’ve helped me change my life.

Thank you Oh Sehun, for you has changed me into a better person. It is sad that I can’t see you anymore, can’t think about you anymore, can’t dream of you anymore, I can’t pray for you anymore, and I can’t admire you any longer. It’s the pain I had to bear but I can’t run from it because it’s my fate, and our fate has been written down long before. I used to do everything when it comes to you, but I no longer can. I know you don’t care about me, and it is just my delusion to think that I’m close to you, whereas the reality is you’re so far away from me that I can’t touch you at all. It’s so depressing to know that I won’t be able to see your beautiful figure, your handsome face, your kind smile and knowing that I can’t ship you with Luhan oppa anymore. Sometimes, fate is damn cruel, but for me, it’s worth the pain because fate made me know you. I won’t regret it even if I die before I can even meet you face to face or talk to you directly; I’m more than grateful that you were part of my life. In the future, I’ll pray for the best in your life, for you stay healthy and for you to keep the beauty inside you pure and untainted. In the future, I would still be your fan, but I won’t be watching you in front of a television nor in front of a computer screen, I will watch you from above. I think it’s time to end this letter even though I still have a thousand words to say to you.

Oh Sehun oppa, thank you for everything.

Sincerely yours,

Lee Areum, your dead fan.

There is a small note inside the envelope and Sehun took it out and read it silently:

                She was my sister. She wrote this before she was sent to the hospital for her operation. The operation was unsuccessful which is why her letter is in your hands right now. Thank you so much for lightening up her life.

                3^rd of March 2014

Fin.