You like to think of your morning train ride home from work as a sort of gateway. It’s always early in the morning, around four or five, and there’s a type of mysterious grey that blankets over the seats and the world outside. And then, like a blooming flower, comes the morning colors of reds and golds and rosy pinks.

All is quiet, calm, and usually there is no one else on. Not many graveyarders live on this side of Seoul.

Today’s ride is no different from any other except that you are especially sleepy and resting your head on the bar beside you. The slow rock of the train has a gentle lulling effect until, with a jerk, it stops at a station.

Normally, people don’t come on at this time, depending on whether you are heading home at four or not, so it comes as a surprise when you hear slow dragging footsteps enter the train.

The person sits on the opposite side and slightly to the right. Through the tired slits of your eyes you can vaguely make out the figure of a man. He has the hood of his jacket up and his clothes look black in the dim light. If you weren’t so tired perhaps you’d sit up and act alert toward the possible /murderer on the other side of the train, but then the train starts again and the gentle movements slowly drag your eyelids down.

~

The guy you saw that day seems to be frequenting this train now, he comes close to everyday on the four o’clock train. If you head home any later or earlier he isn’t there.

It has become sort of an excitement to see him, he just adds to the romantic mystery of an early morning train ride. So much so that when he’s not there something seems to be missing from the scene you have grown so accustomed to. As of yet you haven’t talked to him, feeling that would detract from the perfect mornings, but you are growing more and more curious. Why did he suddenly start coming on your train?

You act sleepy like the first time and silently observe him. Mainly it’s to avoid conversation, but also because you like the way the sun causes him to silhouette when it peaks over the east. If you acted as your fully alert self then perhaps some magic would leave these silent moments… or he’d think you’re a freak that stares too much.

So for now you ‘sleep’ and observe.

~

There are various stories playing in your head as you see him now, you have to fill in what you don’t know about him afterall.

He works for the government, is what you imagine, as a psychoanalyst. This of course would mean he can tell by your body language that you are feigning sleep, but he’s just too polite to call the bluff. Being a psychoanalyst means that he would understand you are naturally curious and therefore finds no problem with the innocent observing. He works almost 18 hours, that’s why he comes home so late and never wants to talk, and likes to take his coffee black but gets it with an incredibly sweet pastry.

You used to imagine that he works as a bartender, but soon dismiss the notion as he never comes in with the acrid stench of alcohol and cigarettes. So, instead you begin to imagine him as a student who takes night classes and works during the day to pay for tuition. This entails that he’s younger than you and, by your standards, means you could never date him. However, you do feel an amiable connection with him and therefore would maintain a sister-brother relationship, perhaps occasionally answering some questions about life in the workforce and sharing a couple laughs about your college days.

Finally, and what you believe is the least likely scenario out of the dozens you’ve imagined, is that he is an idol, one of a higher caliber since he is not travelling with others to a dorm, and is very intense about his work. He is, of course, close to the same age as you because honestly, what girl fantasizing about this situation would want him to be out of her reach not only socially, but age wise as well. He always has a hood or hat on since his hair is messy, but it serves a dual purpose to hide his identity from… well, the one person riding on the train at this time, you. He has been watching you just as much as you have him, you personally can’t tell through your slit ‘sleeping’ eyes, and has always wanted a calm, normal girl that will allow him to forget his hectic life.

These are all pieces of your imagination however. There is no way they can be true.

~

It’s getting into winter now and you can’t as easily fake sleep because your breath comes out in uneven pillows of fog. You don’t have to worry too much about faking anymore though because, for some reason, winter is the time you are worked the hardest. You never quite understood why, but for the 2 years you have worked for this firm, winter has always been the busiest. It’s not like it was selling Christmas presents.

Warm, professional looking, work clothes are hard to find too so you spend most of your time in a shivering slumber on the train. Generally this is acceptable because your core is covered with a thick coat but today, or yesterday night to be more specific, you were in a rush and left it behind.

You stay true to your observing though and sit, a shivering “asleep” lump.

He is running onto the train this time, probably nearly missing it, and holds onto a bar panting for a few minutes. He must have run far, you conclude.

You notice he looks over in your direction, then down, perhaps at his feet you couldn’t really tell, then back at you. Slowly, he s his jacket, and heads toward you. For a moment, you almost forget to breathe as he shrugs off his jacket and gently places it over your frame. He sits across from you, leaning his elbows on his knees and stares intently forward.

You pray that you were not blushing as he exits the train.

~

He hasn’t come on for at least 2 weeks now, but you bring his jacket with you every day in hopes of returning it.

The train rides are lonely and boring now and you never realized how much more he added to them.

You look out the frosted glass of his side of the train and watch the sun amble its way up, keeping warm by the jacket firmly tucked around you.

~

Now it has been 4 weeks and you have grown accustomed to being alone again. The only proof that your object of observation was not a dream is the jacket you still bring with you. It’s getting into the New Year season, meaning there will be a few days break from work. A smile is on your face as you imagine your nieces and nephews kowtowing in their colorful hanboks, eager to get their greedy fingers on a few won.

The images are cut short by the train stopping, and a man getting on. Your silent ‘friend’ has returned. He has moved his usual seat to the one straight across from you and is staring at you intently. This is the first time you have made eye contact with him, and a warm feeling spreads its way to just below your heart.

You stand up, with jacket in hand, and move toward him holding it out and asking, “Is this yours?”

The moment is silent as it seems the both of you are observing the other head on for the first time.

He’s just as wonderful as you had imagined. His hair is tinged with a fading brown dye and his eyes are thin and friendly. There is nothing awkward about the silence as neither of you have noticed it whilst looking at the other.

He seems to snap out of his trance and finally realizes that you spoke to him. “Excuse me?” Clenching his eyes shut you can tell he feels stupid that the first words he spoke to you were those.

A small, ghostly smile makes its way on to your visage and you repeat the words. He stands up and the two of you are now a foot apart. You quickly backup a step, a bit startled, but continue to hold out his jacket to him.

“Yeah, that’s mine. By the way, I’m Sunggyu, Kim Sunggyu.”

With his eyes slowly fading into brush crescents you conclude that perhaps you are in love with him.

~

The last few days you two have shared stories. It turns out he is the same age as you and works in the entertainment industry. He never specified his job but you assume it is something along the lines of dance instructor. Why else would he wear those hats and hoods? Maybe he was self-conscious about his messy hair.

You tell him about your job in a law firm specializing in realty. He’s surprised to discover that being a lawyer generally doesn’t mean court trials, but a monster load of paperwork. It comes as an even bigger surprise that you initially studied anthropology to become an archeologist, but changed to sociology after your father passed. His dream was for you to be a lawyer.

“It must be awful having to give up your dream.” Sunggyu sits next to you and places a comforting hand on your knee.

“It wasn’t really a dream. It was my first year in college and I had no idea what I wanted to be. It seemed nobler to take this route anyway. I enjoy it more than I ever thought possible, and it puts bread on the table.” You laugh a little after this, he likes your laugh.

~

Today is the day before your holiday and you wanted to give Sunggyu a little gift before the New Year. Figuring he needs to stay healthy for whatever he does, he is actually quite secretive about his job, you opt out of food and instead buy him a scarf. It’s grey and navy blue because he doesn’t like being conspicuous and it has tassels on the ends.

 Your eyes widen in anticipation as it comes to his let on, but you are disappointed to find the door opening to an empty platform.

Perhaps he’s busy, you had hoped telling him today was your last day for a while would make him want to come.

As the train pulls out of the station you miss seeing him run and stop before the moving train with a small bundle in his hands.

~

Originally you are from Busan, Sunggyu remembers this. So he shouldn’t be surprised that you took a few extra days on your holiday. He is, however, upset that of all days, practice had to run long that day. He came to the practice room with his wrapped present and the guys started teasing him.

He never really spoke about you with them, but when he started coming to rehearsals with a smile on his face and a less strict demeanor they of course were curious. Eventually they got out of him that there was a pretty woman on his new route home. She wore business attire and always seemed to be sleeping.

Woohyun used to tease that if Sunggyu didn’t wake her, she may remain a dream forever.

To him you did seem like a dream, still do. There is really nothing to indicate that you aren’t, he’s usually half asleep on his rides home anyway.

For the sake of his sanity he concludes that you are real.

This day he rides home alone, holding the bundle in his lap.

~

Sometimes you wonder why you left home and moved so far to the large metropolis of Seoul, you eventually figure you’d appreciate your family less if you saw them more often than a few times a year. But you really do miss them. Sisoo and Seohee have grown so big, all of the little ones have grown so big, without you even realizing it.

Thoughts stray from family to work as you dread the mountain of paperwork no doubt waiting on your desk. The dread must have shown on your face for when Sunggyu gets on he bends in front of you and waves a hand close to your face, snapping you out of the thoughts.

“You okay?” His voice is laced with concern.

For a moment you stare at him and then realize something strange, he has never gotten on the train when you were heading to work, only when you were heading home.

“What are you doing here?” The astonishment must have been prevalent in your voice because he laughs and stands straight, soon falling into the seat beside you.

“I’m going to work.”

“Right now?”

His eyes are disappearing as his smile grows and your face becomes more confused. He thinks it’s adorable. Ignoring your question he asks one of his own. “Hey, do you want to go somewhere with me?”

“Right now?” This is all too bizarre for you.

“Yeah, why not.”

“But, I have work to go to. You just said you have work too, if you’ve forgotten I’ve been gone for a week and a half and there’s going to be a-“

“Then give me your number, I’ll call you when we’re both free.” Out of everything, he hopes you cannot hear how fast his heart is beating.

“I-“you are a bit hesitant as you take his phone and type in your number. He has never been so forward, “Uh, okay, call me a little after 1 then?”

“A.M. or P.M.?” there is a bit of a snicker after this question, you laugh too. It’s like an inside joke.

“P.M. please.”

The train comes to your stop and you get up with a grin on your face, one mirrored on Sunggyu’s.

As you get off you turn around and shout before the door closes, “You better call me or you are in for a world of hurt.”

The door closes and Sunggyu does a victory fist pump.

Walking down the steps of the station you curse, his scarf is still sitting in your handbag.

~

The effect of earlier has still not worn off and Sunggyu enters the train home all smiles, but you aren’t there. Work must be brutal. He really wants to talk to you; the idea was the only thing that got him through the intense rehearsals today.

Taking out his phone and bringing up your number, his thumb hovers over the call button. If anything he does not want to appear desperate. Playing it safe, he sends a simple text telling you to take care of yourself while working.

You respond quickly with a smiley face.

Just that causes Sunggyu to smile. Perhaps, he concludes, this is love.

~

The steaming cup of cocoa warms your hands as the both of you talk. It’s after work again and Sunggyu didn’t want coffee to keep you up so he got 2 cocoas instead.

He’s wearing the scarf you gave him and you are wearing the one he gave you. The both of you laughed after finding out they were the same kind.

“They’re couple scarves!” You joked, but the warm feeling making itself known in your chest again meant its true on your part. He blushed.

Now you two are sitting side-by-side, shoulders and thighs touching barely, as stories seem to spew from either of your mouths.

“You know…” you pause for a second, seeming to be collecting thoughts, “I wanted to be a singer once.”

This revelation surprises him and his eyes go wide, “When was that?”

Laughing a little, you take the last sip of your drink. “When I was seven.”

He laughs too, leaning into your shoulder as the train rocks. “I don’t want to be a singer.”

“Have you ever wanted to?”

“Not anymore.”

“I thought every kid has wanted to. So you seriously have never considered it?” Your tone is teasing, but Sunggyu is uncomfortable with what he is about to tell you.

“I am a singer.”

Never before has he struck you dumb, and you back yourself away from him slightly and tilt your head back to get a better look at him. Everything is panning out now: the late nights, the hoods and hats, his apprehension in giving his occupation. Perhaps he didn’t want you to see him differently, this must mean he trusts you not to take advantage or run away.

A silly grin overtakes you as you reach up and ruffle his hair. “And here I thought you were a secret agent. But I guess being a singer is cool too.”

~

Work has been brutal and you are splayed across the seats, head resting in Sunggyu’s lap. His hands hold one of your arms up as he plays with your fingers, a silent contentedness covering the train cart.

“I wanted to be in a rock band.” Most of the stories usually come from you, so it makes you happy when he shares some of his own.

Your eyes are still closed but you can feel the smile spread on Sunggyu’s face. “Oh really?”

“Yeah, I wanted to be like Nell. I was kind of disappointed to be in a idol group, but it all works out in the end doesn’t it?” It’s not really a question, and your eyes slowly open to find his face a few millimeters away.

A breathy “Yeah” escapes you as your eyes close and his lips slowly descend onto yours.

The kiss is soft and chaste, but as he pulls away you gasp as if emerging from water.

“I love you.”