CHAOS!! That is the only word I can describe the happenings inside our hotel room. It is already 3:00am and most of us are still awake as in really awake. We are happily chatting about random things happening to our lives.

“Who’s next?”  Mark, my ex-boyfriend appears holding two cups. One cup has the liquor while the other one has the juice.

Damn, I really really want to talk to you Mark!

I look at him, thank God they turned off the lights here my friends can’t see me looking at him.

“Her! It’s Nicole’s turn!” Ma Ri said to him.

I watched him gives the drinks to Nicole. I scrunch my nose, wondering how people can drink that I mean it doesn’t taste good, I mean at least the drinks that I have drank none of them tastes good.  Mark went back to the living room to get another drink.

I stand up and followed him.

“Where are you going?” Ishy asked me.

“Living room” I replied while I wear my slippers

“Why??” She smirks at me, giving me the “Mark-is-there-and-what-are-you-going-to-do” look.

“I will check if my phone is there” I lied. I just want to ask Mark the questions running inside my head for two years since we broke up.

I didn’t wait for her to reply, I just walk towards the living room hearing some of their teasing remarks.

I shake my head, finding it really amusing how they can read me like an open book. Well we’ve been friends since we were 9 years old.

I observe Mark checking the measurement of the drink.

“Hey.” I said softly as I sit on the stool beside the bar

“Hey” he greets me back.

Silence fills the living room. I hop down and sit on the floor beside the table, just in front of him.

I reach for the cup.

“Hey hey hey!! What are you planning to do?” He swats my hand from reaching the cup. “You are not allowed to drink!! You don’t drink.” He looks at me

A little inside me, flipped! He remembered!

The tone of his voice is still the same whenever he will tell me not to do something two years ago. I’ve missed that.

“I will not drink, I’ll just get some water” I chuckle.

Mark drinks the liquor and he caught me staring

“You want to try?” He asks me

“Does it taste good?”

“Here” He offers me the cup.

“It’s too much” I whined.

He takes the cup and takes a few sips and gives it back to me.

“Thanks” I said before drinking it. I coughed. “How can you drink this?! It tastes like hell!!” He offered me a juice. I drank the whole cup.

He just laughed at me and continues his business with the drink

ASK HIM!

“Uhmm-“

“HEY HEY WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?!” Jackson’s loud voice ruined the moment. He sits beside me and drunk the liquor.

I left them.

DAMN IT JACKSON!!! THANK YOU OKAY THANK YOU!!!

I flop myself beside Jr. Who’s feeling slightly sleep.

“Don’t sleeeeep~~” I nudge him playfully and he replied by a really long whine.

I laughed.

“Are you guys going to sleep?” I asked them

They looked at me thinking about their answers.

“I don’t know” Nicole answered. “How ‘bout you?” Ma Ri asked me with a sly smile.

“Nope. It’s already morning and I know you guys.” I looked at them knowingly. “You’ll put drawing on face with permanent marker once I fell asleep so no” I smirked. I

I know these girls!

Few minutes later the room is filled with silence. Everybody is now asleep except for me and Mark.

I am still lying on my stomach beside Jr, looking outside.

It’s beautiful

I stared at the scenery with complete awe. The sun is almost rising. I smiled and stand up taking my camera and snap a few pictures.

It is my first time to see a sunrise.

I looked down the veranda and sees that the hammock is free.

“I’ll go down. Do you want to come with me?” I asked Mark, trying not to be awkward or anything.

“No, I am good. I’ll stay here” He said with his soft voice.

“Okay.” I left him.

While I was walking the questions I want to ask are still in my head, wondering when is the time that I am going to ask him. I sat on the hammock, swinging myself while waiting for the sunrise.

Few minutes have passed and now the place has been touched by the sunlight.

I checked the time and it’s already 6:05am. I sighed.

“When Mark came down and sits beside me. That’s when I am going to ask him. No turning back” I promised to myself and then suddenly I heard a someone going down.

My heartbeat started to beat like crazy.

“Hi.” I heard a familiar voice beside me.

Dammit!

I looked beside him and saw Mark.

“Hi” I smiled at him.

He sits beside me and started swinging the hammock.

We just swing the hammock together without saying any words.

This is the right time, it’s quiet and everybody is asleep so if I cried no one will know.

I take a deep breath okay 3..2..1 shoot!!!

“You didn’t sleep? “ I asked him. I mentally throw myself into the cliff.

“No, I cant sleep.” He answered

Okay, let’s try again.

“Why?” I started okay you can do this. “You don’t have space upstairs” And I asked the wrong question again.

He laughs.

“Nope, I just can’t sleep because this isn’t my house.  I tried but I really can’t sleep”

I kept asking him the wrong questions.

“How’s your last tour?” Why did you leave me?

He smiled. “Oh it was fun; there are a lot of ahgases. We promised to come back again with a full concert”

“Oh right!! I am currently taking classes in martial arts.” Did you cry at night too when we broke up?

“ Really! That’s good to hear. I am worried actually when we graduated I mean your university’s distance is no joke.” He looks at me with proud eyes. He always wanted me to take classes but I always refuse because obviously I was lazy

“Youre right. You should visit me on the gym soon at evaluate my skills” Did you really love me?

“Yea. Sure. Why not. I’ll bring Jackson with me” He grins

“Yea”  Did you find someone better?  I replied, swallowing the lump on my throat.

If there will be a chance, are you going to give “us” a try again?

Am I not worth it to be yours?

Are still feeling the butterflies I gave you before?

Are feeling even a slight happiness because I am now in front of you?

Did you really really really really love me?

I stand up, leaving him on the hammock. I run towards the comfort room and there I cried.

I thought I was okay. I though two years will heal the pain. I thought..I thought I was over you but seeing you again makes all the memories and pain come back. I wanted to ask you everything but my tongue kept on asking the wrong questions… 

“Okay! Youre a big girl now, Mark has already moved on and it’s right for you to do the same thing too.” I cheered myself up.

“I will start moving on by the time I stepped out of this room” I sighed.

I held the knob and take a deep breath.

I can do this

I opened the door and went back upstairs with a smile.

X X X

We left the place altogether and also leaving my feelings also. I looked out the window feeling the sunlight on my face.

Maybe there’s a better prince somewhere. Well, Mark’s not the only guy here in world. I am sure that I can find someone better than him.

I loved you Mark, I really did and I am thankful for that.

I closed my eyes, trying to get some sleep.

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