“Joon-ah, wake up. Breakfast is ready. You need to get back to your study after eating your breakfast!”

Great. It seems that these earplugs aren’t working since I can still hear my mom’s voice.
Lazily I get off from my cozy bed and walk outside into the dining table.
There’s nothing special with today’s morning view in the kitchen even though today is Sunday.
As usual, dad is reading the morning newspaper while drinking a cup of coffee and mom is busy preparing my breakfast. On the table, I found a small plate filled with my some vitamins and other unknown supplements.
Yeah, I bet those are mine and I’m sick of drinking it everyday.
Mom always said those are very important for my brain. All she cares just about my brain, my scores, my position at school. She doesn’t even care about my life, my condition, my situation.
She won’t ever let my first position as an A list top student being replaced by someone else. NEVER. For sixteen years, I never tried to disobey her.

Never even once.

But, as the time goes by, I’m pretty sick with this kind of life. Other students find me as a book worm and I never made any friends since I was little.
In early ages, I never played with my friends. I still remember what my mom said to me when I was still eight years old, “Time is limited. Use your time wisely. If you play around like them, you are just wasting your time. There are much more notable things you can do rather than just playing. Playing won’t make you become successful in the future. So, don’t ever think of goofing around like them. Focus on your study and people will respect you in the future”.

At that time, I can only listen and do whatever she told me to. I’ve been growing up with books. I’m not saying that I hate books because I love to read, but what my mom did to me was just too much.
I once thought that she might start to loosen up as I get older, but that was just wrong.
She becomes more and more protective until now.
She even warns me not to like or even try to date anyone because education is far more important than a teenage love story.

If you think that I only love books, then you are wrong. I am just a normal teenage boy who likes girls.
I once fell in love with one of my classmate when l was on my freshman year as a senior high school student. Her name is Kim Ah-young.
She was a quiet girl who always sat beside me. Well, we were not closely sat next to each other since there was a gap between my table and her table.
Ah-young really loved to draw. She loved to draw cute little characters in her drawing book.
Sadly, I can only admire her work from a far. I never come to her table and even tried to talk to her.
I was always on my seat, holding a book, and read. At least, that’s what other students always think I was doing. Sometimes I held the book to cover my face, so I could take a peek to see Ah-young’s face.  Once, I was caught by her. I quickly stared back at my book, but I could feel Ah-young’s stare. She didn’t say a word. She just stared back at me and after few minutes, she went back to her drawing book. It was definitely a heart pumping moment.

“Joon-ah! Stop day dreaming. Go back to your room and study. You have to prepare yourself for the SAT^[1]. Do not waste your time!”

Mom’s voice is pulling me back into the reality. I quickly finish my breakfast and drink all of the vitamins and supplements.

After that, I get up and walk back into my room. Looking on my desk, I don’t feel like studying at all. I grab my chair and sit down. I open one of my SAT practice books and my mind starts to wander again about Ah-young. Suddenly an unpleasant memory about her hits me. I remember her dad suddenly came into our school and dragged her away. Her dad even slapped her in front all of us when Ah young was eagerly didn’t want to leave the school. I wanted to stop him, but what could I do. Therefore, I was just staring and kept myself in silent. I caught Ah-young’s eyes staring at me, those eyes were like begging a help from me, but I was frozen with the situation. Our classroom teacher couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t do anything. NONE of us could do something to save her. Ah young’s dad was an attorney. Who wanted to fight an attorney?  After they left, our classroom teacher told us that Ah young was going to be transferred into another school outside Korea by her dad. When she left, I felt like there was a big hole inside my heart. It’s like there’s something missing. I couldn’t concentrate really well during my study. My scores were slowly declining. I was shifted from the top A students’ list and I bet you know what happened next, don’t you?

My phone was confiscated for two months and my mom quickly sent me to a very expensive tutoring place where smart students were gathered there. It felt like hell. For the sake of my phone, I studied really hard for two months. I got my first position back at school and my mom returned my phone.
I still remember the conversation that I had with my mom after I told her that I got back the position.
 

”Mom, I am on the top list again.”
“You have to. By the way Joon ah, sit down. I would like to ask you a question”
“What is it?”
“You…. By any chance, are you liking someone?”
“No, why?”
“Then, tell me.. who is Ah-young?”
“How do you know Ah-young?”
“I saw it from your phone’s note”
“What?! Did you check my phone? But, that’s my privacy. How can you do that?”
“I AM YOUR MOM!! I have any right to check your phone. Now tell me! Who IS SHE?!”
“She’s just a friend of mine and she already left the class”
“Good! Now, listen Joo-ah. I don’t want to you play around. You already know that you have to study really hard. Don’t let yourself being stirred by girls. You are still young. You can have your love life later, but not now. You are not ready for that. You need to study first. Love is something that is not really important. Study is far away more important. Understand?”
“Yes, mom”

What could I say except saying “yes” for everything?

“Joon-ah? Can I come in?”
Again, my mom is calling me. God, I’m getting sick to hear her voice.

“Yeah, come in”

She walks into my room while holding a small jar with a silver lid. She looks happy.
It is really rare to see her smiling at me.

“Min Joon-ah, I have something for you”
Okay, now this is really rare. My mom barely called me with my proper name. She always called me “Joon”, not “Min Joon”.

She sits down on the rear of my bed and hands me on the little jar. I take a look at the label that covers the jar. It is written MOONLIGHT PATH CANDLE.

“A… candle?”
I can feel my left eyebrow is rising. I’m really confused.

“It is a therapy candle. It is really special. Once you lit the candle, your mind will be at ease and you will be able to concentrate more. The fragrance will soothe your mind. I’ve read it from a health magazine and there are hundreds of people all over the world who have tried this before to their kids. They said this candle works really well!”
 

“Mom, seriously? You are trusting a candle instead of trusting your son's ability? Do you think this is necessary?”

Suddenly her smile disappears.

“Joon ah, I’m trying to give my best for you! I’m trying to help you. I don’t have any doubt with your brain ability. Not at all. But, as a parent, I need to help my son in his study. I’m helping you and this is all you can say to me? You should be thankful because I’m still care for you!”

“I don’t NEED this. Please, just throw it away.”
I put the candle jar on the bed, next to my mom and going back to my book.

I hear she sighs and walks into the door. Before she leaves my room, she says “Don’t ever try to disappoint me again, Joon-ah or you will regret it later” and she slams the door.

DISAPPOINT HER?! I am being the one who feel extremely disappointed with her attitude and how she treats me. I can’t take it anymore. I look at my bed and that candle jar is still on my bed. My chest is burning and I feel like throwing everything. I keep staring at that candle with anger. I stand up from my chair, walking into my bed and pick the candle.

“Huh? Helping ME? yeah, right.”
I hold the candle jar tightly and swing my hand up, ready to throw it to the floor. Suddenly, my bedroom window opens, letting the wind blows some of my homework papers from my desk into the floor.

I quickly put the candle jar onto my desk and close the window.
Strange.
I’m pretty sure that I haven’t unlocked the window this morning since I woke up or maybe, maybe I forgot to lock it yesterday before I went to bed.