Their mouths meet in a chaste kiss. Woohyun smiles at him and presses a light kiss to Sunggyu’s cheek. In return, he gets an annoyed groan but he only reciprocates with a small laughter. 

”Go finish those papers, yeah? I have some things I need to fix myself,” Woohyun says with a light hum, gently running his palms up and down Sunggyu’s arms. 

”What are you going to fix?” Sunggyu asks, but instead of an answer, he gets a kiss instead. Either is fine, he thinks.  He returns the brief kiss and Woohyun gives him a slight push to urge him to go finish his work. He sighs as he heads for his office; he would rather spend his time with Woohyun.

* * *

Sunggyu hears the sound of a cup crashing and he furrows his brows at the noise emerging. He’s heard the noise of cups breaking before but that’s not what worries him. The silence that follows is what is. 

Setting down the papers in his hands, he takes off his glasses and heads out of his office room. The silent is tense, as if it echoes in his ears. It hits him; he knows what’s happened. Something he wishes would never happen again happens.

He finds Woohyun standing in the kitchen, his whole body tense. Worry rushes through his body and he tries to remember what Woohyun has told him to do in similar situations. Situations when the smiling Woohyun would suddenly die only to replaced by one who has trouble breathing, a heart beating too fast and with tears he doesn't want to see on Woohyun.

"Woohyun, come..." Sunggyu starts, trying to keep his voice soft as he reaches over to gently grab his hands. Woohyun's hands are shaky; they tremble with the panic surging through his body. Woohyun looks at him, his lips sewn together and tears threaten to fall down his cheeks. Sunggyu gently urges him to follow him to the couch.

It breaks his heart seeing the terrified look on Woohyun, it breaks him even more knowing he can't do much about it. Sunggyu hasn't experienced one himself, he only knows what Woohyun tells him and that isn't much. He told him of the palpitations, how tired you feel afterwards, how you can't control your body and the sweat.

Sunggyu helps him sit down on the couch; Woohyun’s hold on him doesn’t ease. The way his nails dig into his palm hurts more than just physically, it pains him to see Woohyun in such a state. It always does, whenever they come, whenever Woohyun tells him he’s had one when he wasn’t around. It hurts. He wants to stop the attacks but he knows he has no such power.

After pressing his lips to Woohyun’s forehead, Sunggyu tells him with the same low voice to lie down. He gently presses onto Woohyun’s shoulders before he lies down on his own. Sunggyu notices it’s slow, it looks painful to lie down. It looks like it takes up all of his energy.

“Sunggyu, can, can you—“ Woohyun stops, his voice falters and it’s as if Sunggyu could hear the tears in Woohyun’s voice. He sits down on the edge of the couch, his hand resting lightly over Woohyun’s. He runs his thumb absentmindedly over Woohyun’s knuckles. It’s a gesture of comfort.

The concentration evident in Woohyun’s features forces him to be patient. Woohyun’s told him it’s hard to talk; the words would get stuck in his throat and they would stay there unless he forced them out. Sometimes he feels far too drained to force them out, Woohyun has told him. Sunggyu has told him it’s okay because he doesn’t need to talk. He’s patient, he can wait for the attack to run its course.

“The lights—“ Woohyun manages in a weak voice. His chest is heaving up and down with his laboured breathing and he grips tightly onto Sunggyu’s hand. Nails dig into his palm and Sunggyu squeezes his hand briefly before he lets go.

Woohyun wants him to dim the lights, Sunggyu never understood why but he doesn’t comment on it. Woohyun needs it to be dimmer and Sunggyu doesn’t hesitate to turn off the bright lamp on the ceiling.

The dark surroundings feel easier on his eyes and he sighs. Sunggyu’s turned down the brightness and he would be more thankful if it wasn’t for his heart beating frantically inside his chest, if it wasn’t for his blurred vision, if it wasn’t for his throat hurting.

The tears heat up Woohyun’s face when they gather along the rims of his eyes. When the edge of the couch dips with Sunggyu sitting down, he immediately reaches for his hand. Sunggyu is the only one that can provide the comfort that he needs. He grips tightly onto his hands, his nails digging into Sunggyu’s palm and he tries to ease his breathing. To take a deep breath, but only then another feeling of panic rushes throughout his body and he trembles. He sobs and Sunggyu’s grip on him goes stronger.

“Woohyun, Woohyun—“ He hears his name being called but the ability to reply has disappeared long ago. He’s speechless; he can only bite down on his lip and try to not sob. Sunggyu runs his fingers under his eyes, wiping away the wetness there and Woohyun gasps.

Pushing Sunggyu’s hands away, Woohyun wipes his own tears away in a useless attempt from stopping them to gather. It doesn’t work; he knows that. The try is still worth it. Sunggyu’s hand isn’t on him, he can only sense his presence but the fact that Sunggyu isn’t touching him in anyway worries him.

“Sunggyu, where…“ Woohyun trails off feebly, reaching his hand out for where he last had Sunggyu’s and when he grabs onto him, a small relief washes over him. It soothes him in a way. 

Sunggyu counts the minutes passing and he doesn’t tear his eyes of Woohyun. He stays worried; it doesn’t wear off.

It doesn’t wear off until Woohyun’s breathing has soothed, the grip on him has eased and the tears aren’t blurring his vision anymore.

The silence between them isn’t a comfortable one. It’s painstaking because Sunggyu doesn’t want to force anything out of Woohyun. He wants to wait until Woohyun says something on his own. He glances briefly at the watch and he frowns.

Suddenly he remembers they had planned to meet with Sungyeol and Myungsoo to go out for dinner, in fifteen minutes to be exact. Sunggyu glances at Woohyun and gently squeezes his hand in hope of getting his attention.

“I need to call Myungsoo, yeah?” Sunggyu tells him softly and Woohyun only nods while drawing his hand back.

Sunggyu finds his phone on the coffee table and he picks it up, dialling Myungsoo right away. His gaze never leaves Woohyun.

When Myungsoo picks up, Sunggyu reaches to take Woohyun’s hand again and he squeezes it gently.

“Hey, hyung! What’s up?” Woohyun can hear the cheerful voice through the caller and he almost feels guilty. He knows there’s not much he can do about it, yet the guilt still hits him right in the chest. He tries to tell himself that they hadn’t been planning the dinner for long; there were no big plans behind it. Myungsoo and Sungyeol would be fine.

“Sungyeol, do you think it’s possible to push up the dinner for tomorrow instead?”  Sunggyu asks reluctantly and he feels Woohyun grab his arm. He diverts his gaze towards him and Woohyun looks drained. Like all his energy is gone.

Woohyun zones out, he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He feels warm, like his skin is on fire and it’s not a pleasant fire. It feels like warmth is taking over his skin and he only wants to cool down. He feels Sunggyu’s thumb over his cheek, wiping a tear away and his breath hitches up, his nails digging into Sunggyu’s arm.

The sound of Sunggyu setting down his phone has Woohyun opening his eyes. The way Sunggyu looks at him only makes him guilty because he looks so worried. He hates it when Sunggyu looks worried, he prefers him when he’s not. He prefers him with a smile on his face and right now there is no smile and it’s because of him.

It’s almost as if Sunggyu knows what goes through his mind, because he leans down and presses a gentle peck to Woohyun’s forehead. He doesn’t know what to do, one part of him wants to get up and go to the dinner anyways but Sunggyu has already postponed it. He wants to blame himself, yet he also knows he can’t control the attacks.

“We’ll have the dinner this weekend instead, you said you had a day off coming up right?” Sunggyu asks him and he nods once. He does have a day off, on Saturday, he thinks. They hadn’t planned anything so it should be fine, unless he gets called in. He hopes not, he wouldn’t only upset Sunggyu, but Myungsoo and Sungyeol as well.

“What did he say?” Woohyun asks in a whisper, his hold on Sunggyu easing and he runs his fingertips over the mark from his nail briefly.

“He said they understand and that they want you to feel better soon,” Sunggyu tells him as he takes Woohyun’s hand into his. Woohyun only nods at the response and he heaves a sigh, he still feels shaky from the attack, the panic that rushed through him but he doesn’t say anything, he assumes Sunggyu knows.

“Do you want lie in our bed instead?” Woohyun looks up hearing his question and he contemplates. He knows that if he was to go to their bedroom, he would have to lean onto Sunggyu for support and the couch is comfortable as it is. Yet he nods because the bed signifies him and Sunggyu. It’s only Sunggyu who he wants to think of right now.

Sunggyu stands up and takes his hand as Woohyun presses his lips into a thin line. He pushes himself into a sitting position and he whole body complains, he doesn’t want to move away from the couch but he should. Woohyun takes a tight hold on Sunggyu’s hand before he forces himself to stand up. Sunggyu’s arm is quick to go around him. He’s thankful for that.

It’s happened numerous times before; this is nowhere near the first time it has happened. Sunggyu’s patience makes his throat hurt and he loses words once again, even when he doesn’t necessarily need to speak.

The relief he feels when he gets to lie down in his bed was greater than he expected it to be. The warmth of the bed is something he can overlook because it was much more comfortable; it was worth moving from the couch to the bed. Sunggyu runs his fingers through his hair and he shivers at the touch, his eyes closing at the simple gesture.

“Is there anything you need, tell me?” Sunggyu says softly, brushing his thumb gently over his cheek and Woohyun blinks up at him. He thinks, he thinks maybe he should ask for water, or anything to drink in general. Sunggyu’s fingers find his and they lace together.

“Water, yeah?” Woohyun replies in a whisper and Sunggyu presses a brief kiss to his knuckles before he gets up to get him water. He closes his eyes with a sigh as he leaves the room. He’s tired; it’s not always that the attack affects him like this. Usually he’s able to continue through his day but this one completely drained him, it took all his energy and made sure he had nothing left for the rest of the day. Woohyun presses his lips into a thin line, wondering what and why it had to hit him today but his train of thoughts is interrupted as he hears the noise of porcelain rattling and he remembers the cup that slipped out his hands. He was just in the process of fixing things for Sunggyu, aiming to drag him out from his paper load, but that never happened.

Sunggyu returns with a glass of water and he looks at him before once again pushing himself into sitting. Woohyun takes the glass into his hands and he can’t help but to notice it being in plastic, a plastic glass. He understands why, yet it sticks out in his mind. He glances briefly at Sunggyu before raising it to take a sip, enough for him to feel better. 

“Is there anything else you need?” Sunggyu asks him and Woohyun got something in mind, but he keeps his silence about it. He doesn’t want to ask Sunggyu to read for him right now, he knows Sunggyu was in the middle of something when it happened. Woohyun wants to let him go back to it, yet he wants to keep Sunggyu here.

“Your papers… Do they need to be finished today?” Woohyun asks hesitantly as he sits on the edge of the bed, Sunggyu having seated himself next to him.

“No, they don’t,” Sunggyu tells him and Woohyun raises his gaze to look at him, taking his fingers around Sunggyu’s wrist.

“Can you read one of your stories to me?” Woohyun asks him and Sunggyu can’t bring himself to say no to him. He would never be able to say no to him, because Woohyun looks at him with eyes that almost screams for attention and care. He’s quiet for a brief moment, but when Woohyun’s fingers twitch as he retreats his hand, he quickly replies and curses mentally, wondering why he let himself think too much. He doesn’t have any problem with reading his works for Woohyun, never had.

“Of course, I’ll go get one and you can get comfortable in the meantime?” Sunggyu suggests, leaning in to press a light kiss to Woohyun’s cheek before he sets the cup down on the side table of the bed. He tells Woohyun to lie down one final time. The barely there smile that he sees on Woohyun’s lips makes him happy; he’s feeling better.

Rushing to his office room, he searches through his shelf for his own works and he contemplates among the three short stories collections. He wonders which one would go best at this moment but he ends up deciding against find a fitting one and instead picks out the second collection. He knows Woohyun’s favourite story is in there, a story about a fisherman.

Returning the bedroom, Sunggyu sees Woohyun tugging at his fingers lying on his side. He’s met with a slight smile and he can’t help feeling the love bubbling inside his chest. Woohyun shifts a bit, moving over to gesture Sunggyu to come and lie down next to him. And so he does, he gives the collection to Woohyun before he crawls onto the bed.

“You went for the fisherman story?” Woohyun asks him as their eyes meet briefly. Despite the smile that was on his lips, he sounds drained, he sounds weak and Sunggyu feels his heartstrings being pulled at Woohyun’s voice. As if he knew, Woohyun looks away to flip through the pages of the paperback.

“I did,” Sunggyu says with a light smile of his own as he lies down on his side, taking the book out of Woohyun’s hands. He finds the page almost without looking for the page. As far as he knows, Woohyun would take the book and read it when he had nothing better to do.

Woohyun closes his eyes before he slowly shifts closer, pressing his forehead to Sunggyu’s shoulder. He wants to do it like this, Sunggyu thinks, he wants to be close to him and he doesn’t mind. Never has. He wouldn’t Woohyun away. Instead, he brings one arm around him and soothes his palm of his back in smooth circles, gently scratching his back in a way he knows Woohyun likes. His free hand keeps the book open at the first page of the fisherman story. Woohyun’s breath hits his skin and he presses his lips gently to his forehead before he begins reading aloud with his best attempts at keeping his voice soft.