Jongin finds a lone yellow chrysanthemum on his desk at the beginning of the school year. It's a hot August day and Jongin assumes it's one of Baekhyun's strange pranks. He brushes the flower off the table and onto the floor. Jongin turns his head toward the windows and this is when he notices the new student.

His head is lowered and he writes furiously in a notebook. Jongin stares for longer than necessary, unable to turn away from the elder's soft, ethereal face. He only looks away when Junmyeon, the class president, walks over to the boy and introduces himself, gesturing wildly to the other.

Jongin takes in a deep breath but chokes halfway, a weight settling in his chest. He takes in sharp, shallow breaths to try and relieve the pressure but it doesn't work. He coughs instead and feels something rising out of his throat. Jongin coughs harder, gaining the attention of several students nearby. Something soft and velvety lands in his palm and Jongin stares down at it in disbelief. A single flower petal, dark purple and white on the edges, lies gently in Jongin's hand.

Jongin tells his mother about it when he gets home, even showing her the petal. He had only coughed up one but could feel more building up inside his throat and chest. She inspects the petal, rubbing it gently between her fingertips and staring intensely at the colors and veins.

"I think..." she trails off, placing the petal back into Jongin's hand, "I think the flower is gloxinia. It's hard to tell with just one petal but it has similar color and texture."

"What does it mean?" Is it normal to cough up flowers?

"I've heard of this before, I know it. It's rare but not impossible. Actually, now that I think of it..." Jongin's mother walks off into the study, coming back with a book and flipping through it.

"Hanahaki Disease," she reads, "is a disease of the human system that makes one cough up flowers due to severe one-sided love. Its infection route is through contact with vomited flowers. In order to fully recover from the disease, the one’s love must be fulfilled." She looks at Jongin, an eyebrow raised. "Severe one-sided love?"

Jongin looks at his mother with wide eyes. "There has to be a mistake. I don't like anyone."

His mother shrugs but still has a wary look. "We'll just see what happens tomorrow."

Nothing happens the next day. Or the day after. Coincidentally, Jongin doesn't receive another chrysanthemum either. Two weeks pass and Jongin starts to believe that one petal was just a mishap until Tuesday comes.

Kyungsoo is fifteen minutes late to class. He runs in, gaining the attention of almost every student, and simply bows deeply to the teacher before hurrying over to his seat. The students, Jongin included, watch, amazed, as the teacher doesn't comment on Kyungsoo's tardiness, not even demanding an explanation. Jongin looks over to Kyungsoo and sees that he's buried in a notebook again. Jongin feels like throwing up.

He stands up quickly and rushes to the bathroom down the hall, earning a vocal reaction from the teacher. Jongin ignores it and pushes into a stall, throwing up dozens of gloxinia petals. Jongin shudders and a unexpected sob escapes him. He covers his mouth with his hand and pulls his legs up to his chest, willing his heart to slow down.

The door to the bathroom opens and Jongin tenses, pressing himself flat against the stall door. He curses softly when he realizes that his feet are still showing and just hopes the other won't notice. The footsteps are hesitant and pause for a while before they start again. The door slams behind the other person and Jongin lets go of the breath he'd been holding. Jongin steps out of the stall, glancing around. His eyes land on the yellow chrysanthemum lying on the edge of one of the sinks.

Jongin almost vomits more flower petals.

"Mom, what do yellow chrysanthemums mean?" Jongin idly picks at his dinner, giving his mother periodic glances. She looks back at him quizzically.

"Secret admirer. Why?"

Jongin's cheeks flame and he just shakes his head, lowering it.

Jongin and his mother tell the teacher of his disease, allowing him to go off into the bathroom whenever he needs to. The teacher also promises to not tell anyone of his condition. Jongin clenches his jaw at the pitying look the teacher gives him.

The rest of the month passes by and Jongin ends up with three more chrysanthemums. Jongin had pressed one between the pages of a half full notebook he used to write in. He doesn't know why he's keeping the flower but he tucks the notebook under his mattress anyway.

September begins and Jongin has already had to run to the bathroom four times. The purple lilacs he finds on his desk don't help either.

His mother figures out that someone has been leaving him flowers and is ecstatic, her inner botany lover emerging.

"Purple lilacs," she gushes, "those mean first love. That's so romantic."

Jongin just burrows himself deeper into the bed, turning away from his mother. She sighs, ruffling his hair, before pressing a kiss to his forehead and standing up. She pauses.

"Maybe the person leaving flowers is the same as the one who made you catch that disease," his mother muses before stepping out of Jongin's room.

Jongin doesn't find out who he's throwing up over until October comes.

He almost sits on the gardenia lying gently on his seat and he picks it up, twirling it between his fingers. The corners of his mouth tilt up for a moment before he's quickly stuffing the flower into his coat pocket, hiding it from his friends. Baekhyun and Junmyeon walk in practically hand in hand, Kyungsoo and Jongdae in tow. Jongdae's arm is draped over Kyungsoo's shoulders and Jongdae's loud voice rings in Jongin's head as he takes in the red tips of Kyungsoo's ears and the shy smiles being sent Jongdae's way.

No, Jongin thinks as he feels the familiar teasing scratch of the flower petals in his throat, no one should be able to touch Kyungsoo like that.

He ends up having to run to the toilet three times that day.

"How do these flower petals keep appearing?" Jongin asks, rubbing his chest after vomiting petals at home.

"Well," his mother responds as she sweeps up the flower petals that didn't quite make it into the trashbin, "scientists say that the actual flower is growing in your chest, wrapping around your heart and invading your lung space. That's why you cough them out sometimes. It feeds off of your unrequited feelings and some have surgery to get the flowers removed. Most just let the feelings pass, though; the disease is harmless, just annoying."

Jongin sinks further into his seat, accepting the cup of tea his mother places in front of him.

"How long does it usually take for the disease to disappear?" Jongin takes a sip and sighs contently.

"Depends." She sits in front of him, wanting to see her son's reaction. "If the infected's love is returned, the petals stop immediately. If not, then the time depends on how long you love that person. It could take weeks, months, years... no one really knows."

Jongin curls in on himself, hugging the mug to his chest.

"I don't love anyone," Jongin mutters but certain heart shaped lips and wide eyes invade his thoughts, refuting Jongin's statement.

The first snowfall is in the beginning of November. The snowflakes glint in the afternoon sun and Jongin runs a gloved hand through his hair, the wet snow slicking back his bangs.

Class had just ended and Jongin walks home with a hidden smile, his gloves brushing against the fragile petals of the pink camellia found in his backpack earlier.

"I have to meet the boy giving you these flowers," Jongin's mother comments, placing the camellia into a vase containing a dying gardenia. Jongin hums in response, picking up a fallen petal from the white flower.

"He must've researched quite a lot to pick out these certain flowers. Like the pink camellia; it means longing for you."

"Let me just- do something real quick." Jongin's mother waves him away, turning back to the plants.

Jongin hurries off, closing his room door quietly. He opens up the notebook containing three other pressed flowers and places the gardenia petal a page after the original flower. There's a blank space above the flower and Jongin makes a mental note to ask his mother what the gardenia represents.

He never gets around to it. Baekhyun calls a moment later, requesting (read: demanding) his attendance to "very important business" and forgets all about his secret admirer.

In December, Jongin finds out he's not the only one with the hanahaki disease. Fortunately, Jongin is comforted by the fact that he isn't the only one with flowers growing in his chest; unfortunately, that person is Kyungsoo.

Jongin steps into the bathroom before class and hears retching from a locked stall. He winces and feigns indifference when the other steps out of the stall. Jongin glances into the mirror and smothers the feel of the rising flower petals when his eyes meet Kyungsoo's. Kyungsoo's hand covers his mouth and he heaves again. Jongin turns around and watches as Kyungsoo turns toward the wall and coughs, white flower petals spilling from his lips.

"Wait, you-" Thats all Jongin can get in before Kyungsoo is pushing past him and out of the bathroom. Jongin looks over to the pile of petals and his eyes widen when he recognizes the flowers. Gardenias.

Kyungsoo isn't in class for the rest of the day.

Jongin mulls over the implications of Kyungsoo having the same disease as him.

Kyungsoo is in love with someone, Jongin realizes, and something grips his heart, squeezing until Jongin can barely breathe. Jongin attempts to distract himself, looking up the meaning of gardenias. When Jongin finds the meaning, he feels something other than velvety flower petals climbing up his throat, suffocating him.

(Gardenia- These pure and beautiful white or pink-tinged flowers symbolize a budding ecstasy, usually the result of secret and newly blooming love. Sent solo or in a bouquet, they're meant to tell the recipient “I think I'm in love with you.”)

Jongin doesn't know why he does it. He doesn't know why he corners that beautiful, doe-eyed boy after class and punches him, knocking him down to the hard concrete. He doesn't know why this pure hatred fills his entire body when he sees that the other doesn't even put up a fight. He doesn't know what comes over him when he forces the boy to his feet by the nape of his neck and pulls him close, watching as the other's Adam's apple bobs as he takes in sharp breaths, tears forming in the corner of his eyes.

Jongin doesn't understand why Kyungsoo doesn't take the easy way out, doesn't respond to him when Jongin demands an apology for something Jongin himself isn't even sure of. Maybe it's an apology for the arrogance that surrounds Kyungsoo every time he steps into a room. Maybe it's for the perfectly indifferent face Kyungsoo has, as if he were better than everyone else in the room. Maybe it's because of the way he makes Jongin feel like he's choking on emotions, unnameable feelings bubbling up inside and coursing through his veins.

Maybe it's because of how angelic Kyungsoo looks when the sun shines through the window after noon, bathing the elder in a surreal light and highlighting all of the beautiful features Jongin had noticed the moment he laid eyes on Kyungsoo.

Jongin doesn't understand, so he does the same thing the next week and wonders when Kyungsoo will finally answer him. He never does.

Jongin stops after cornering Kyungsoo three times, each at the end of the week. He notices that he hadn't received a flower all of December, as if his secret admirer knew of what Jongin did to Kyungsoo. It leaves a vile taste in his mouth and a sickening twist in his stomach.

January comes too quickly. On the tenth, Jongin begins to cough up yellow tulip petals. At first, it was just one randomly mixed up with the mass of gloxinia flowers, but as the day goes on, more and more tulip petals appear. Jongin has to go to the bathroom more times than usual and everyone notices. His teacher even has to pull him aside to ask if he needs to be sent home today.

Jongin finds a daisy on his desk after lunch and almost breaks down crying on the spot.

"Daisies represent innocence and beauty." Jongin's mother says, watching her son out of the corner of her eye. "It can also mean a loyalty to love. Tulips, however, are commonly known as cheerfulness and sunshine." She places the dinner on the table, sitting across Jongin.

"But why tulips? And why yellow tulips?" Jongin jabs at his food and she makes a disapproving noise, batting at his hand.

His mother finds Jongin later in the evening as he's staring down his homework. She sits on his bed and opens up her laptop, motioning for Jongin to sit next to her.

"Here," she points out, "it says that yellow tulips used to mean hopeless love."

"Oh." How fitting.

When Jongin gets back to school on the twelfth, all he can think about is the tulips and the daisy. And Kyungsoo. No matter how hard Jongin tries to get over Kyungsoo, he can't. The feelings won't go away.

Something dark red and furious runs through his entire body when he sees Kyungsoo stepping into the school courtyard with a daisy in his hand. His sanity snaps and he walks over, grabbing Kyungsoo's arm forcefully and pulling him to the back of the school. Jongin pushes Kyungsoo against the wall and does the most irrational thing he's ever done his entire life.

He leans down and presses his lips against Kyungsoo's, gently tilting the other's chin up despite his previous rough actions. Before Kyungsoo can react, Jongin is pushing away from the other. Jongin punches Kyungsoo, his heartbeat racing.

Kyungsoo stares down at the concrete floor, a hand on his reddening cheek. Jongin takes a step back, his heart threatening to beat out of his chest. His eyes sting and his throat constricts as he looks down at his shaking hands.

"I-I'm sorry." Jongin rasps out. He glances up and takes in Kyungsoo's split lip and bruised cheek. Guilt consumes him and he turns on his heel, walking away despite the ringing of the school bell a moment later. Kyungsoo opens his mouth in a silent call out for Jongin, but nothing can come out. Jongin doesn't return to school for the rest of the day.

The next day, Jongin walks into class late. He silently observes the others in the room, taking his seat. Junmyeon talks furiously, the angriest Jongin has ever seen him. Kyungsoo shakes his head multiple times and has to tap Junmyeon on the hand several times to get him to look at the other and calm down.

"What happened?" Baekhyun asks, nodding toward the pair.

"Some dickhead beat up Kyungsoo on his birthday." Jongdae supplies, resent edging in his words. Jongin stares down at his hands.

"Hey," Jongdae nudges Jongin and he looks up, "you have a huge crush on Kyungsoo. Why don't you beat up the who beat up Kyungsoo?"

Jongin shakes his head, feeling something other than yellow tulip petals rising in his throat. His stomach churns sickly and the guilt engulfs his entire body, suffocating him. He glances over to look at Kyungsoo only to find him already staring. Jongin immediately stands up and runs to the bathroom, feeling Kyungsoo's piercing gaze on his retreating form.

Jongin avoids Kyungsoo for the next couple of weeks. He finds a daisy at least three times a week for the entirety of January. The delicate, white petals and fragile form calms Jongin. He presses one of the flowers into his notebook, a page after the pink camellia.

As February draws closer, Jongin becomes more and more reserved. He avoids places where Kyungsoo is if he can and tunes out his friends' conversations, focusing mostly on anything but the persistent gaze of a certain wide eyed, beautiful boy.

No amount of apologies can make up for what Jongin has done to Kyungsoo. Jongin knows that. He doesn't deserve the daffodils he finds on his desk the day before Valentine's.

Jongdae plucks one off of Jongin's desk, twirling it between his fingers.

"Pretty," Jongdae comments, taking in the flower's bright yellow petals.

"Someone's a little early for Valentine's." Sehun says, bumping his shoulder with Jongin's. "Who do you think gave these to you?"

Jongin shrugs. Jongdae jumps in, whispering conspiratorially, "He hopes it's Kyungsoo."

Jongin shoves him lightly and Jongdae laughs, handing the flower back to Jongin. He looks over to Kyungsoo and watches for a moment as Junmyeon talks animatedly to the elder. Kyungsoo glances in Jongin's direction and the latter immediately turns away. Jongin feels Kyungsoo's gaze linger on his back before returning to Junmyeon.

"Daffodils mean rebirth and forgiveness."

"Also unrequited love," Jongin points out, highlighting a section of the article and showing his mother.

"Do you want it to mean that?" She raises an eyebrow at him.

"Mom," Jongin whines, covering his face with his hands.

"Kidding, kidding," she says, laughing. She sits next to him, her voice softer. "I'm curious though, why don't you want to figure out who has been leaving flowers on your desk? I'm sure your friends must have seen the boy at least once."

"What's the point?" Jongin asks, resting his head on her shoulder. "It's not like I can just magically fall in love with him because he likes me."

"But he could be the one to rid you of your disease. And you never know what will happen if you do look for him."

I don't deserve to look for him. "I'm going to bed."

Jongin's mother sighs but smiles nonetheless and pecks his forehead, ushering him to his room. Jongin wakes up extra early the next day and walks to the nearest flower shop, purchasing a bouquet. The lady at the counter coos at him, assuming the flowers are for his girlfriend. Jongin just thanks her and continues to school.

His hands tremble as he grips the bouquet. Jongin steps into the classroom and walks up to Kyungsoo, ignoring Baekhyun's catcalls and Jongdae's thumbs up. Jongin places the bouquet of purple hyacinths on Kyungsoo's desk, quickly turning and walking away before he can see the elder's reaction. Kyungsoo's eyes widen and he reaches out, attempting to grab Jongin's wrist but he's too fast.

Jongin can feel Kyungsoo's gaze on his back  but he ignores it, even if Sehun nudges him periodically and makes suggestive remarks.

When class ends, Jongin packs up as quickly as possible, wanting to sink into his bed and sleep. Jongin doesn't notice Kyungsoo chasing after him.

Kyungsoo smiles when he catches up to Jongin and taps him on the shoulder twice. He hands the other a small handmade bouquet consisting of five flowers and a thin, purple ribbon.

"You didn't have to..." Jongin starts, but Kyungsoo holds out his hand to interrupt, flipping open the notebook in his hand and writing quickly.

You didn't have to apologize with the hyacinths.

Jongin reads what is written. "Wait, so you know what they mean?" Jongin's face reddens. "How embarrassing," he mutters to himself.

I research a lot. Floriology, I think it's called.

"How can you-" Jongin pauses. "Wait. Why are you writing everything down in a notebook?"

Kyungsoo furrows his eyebrows slightly, giving Jongin a confused tilt of the head. He hesitantly scribbles something down onto the notebook.

I'm mute. Did you not know that?

Jongin feels like someone punched him in the gut; his heart seems to stop beating for a moment and all of the air leaves him. How had he not realized that? He shakes his head in response and Kyungsoo shrugs.

Well now you know.

Jongin takes in a deep breath but he chokes halfway, coughing. He turns away from Kyungsoo, who stares on concernedly, and coughs into his palm.

, not now, Jongin panics as he feels tulip petals falling into his palm. He forces down the petals in his throat and clenches his hands into a fist, trying to hide the petals. If Kyungsoo notices them, he doesn't say anything about it.

I forgive you. Kyungsoo briefly flashes the notebook to Jongin before turning it back towards himself and writing more. Jongin glances over and reads the words upside down as Kyungsoo writes them.

Daffodils mean new beginnings and forgiveness...

"And unrequited love." Jongin adds, looking up. A faint dusting of blush runs across Kyungsoo's cheeks and he looks away, quickly pressing a hand to his chest and swallowing. He begins to write again.

It's getting late, I think I should be heading home. Kyungsoo glances up for a split second before facing his notebook again. I'll see you tomorrow, yes?

Jongin nods. Kyungsoo smiles and Jongin's heart thuds in his ears. Kyungsoo steps away, waving a bit before turning and walking down the street. Jongin opens his hand, several crumbled yellow tulip petals falling to the ground. In his other hand, he holds onto the small bundle of flowers.

Daffodils, his brain registers faintly. Just like the ones I got yesterday. Then everything clicks together.

"Wait, what do you mean you just realized Kyungsoo's mute?" Jongdae hits Jongin with a pillow and Baekhyun watches on the side, grinning. "It's been several months! What have you been doing with your life?!"

"In my defense-" Jongdae hits him again.

"You have no defense! This is defenseless! You're just an idiot."

"Hey, Jongdae," Baekhyun jumps in, "should we also tell him about-"

"Nope!" Jongdae grins evilly. "He doesn't deserve it."

"Is this about my secret admirer?" Jongin watches as their eyes widen minutely and they shake their heads.

"Right. Well, I have to go, I'd rather not get hit by a pillow again." Jongin throws his backpack over his shoulder, waving to his two friends before stepping out of the door.

Jongin attempts to catch Kyungsoo as he places a flower on his desk, but is never able to. He's always a moment too late and it's frustrating, having to chase around someone who slips right through your fingers.

Jongin has concluded that Kyungsoo's been the one to leave him flowers but now he needs to know for sure. He doesn't want to make fruitless assumptions nor any rash decisions because of his conclusion.

Several weeks pass and Jongin gets restless. His secret admirer doesn't leave a flower daily so his chances of figuring out who it is shrinks considerably. Baekhyun and Jongdae are no help; Jongin is sure they know who it is but just won't tell him.

March arrives quietly, sneaking up on Jongin before he realizes another month has passed.

The first few days consist of purple and orange roses. Jongin looks up the meaning for them, also reading up on the meanings for the other colored roses. Purple roses mean love at first sight; orange roses mean passion and intense desire.

Jongin finally gets to class one day before anyone else does, mentally pumping a fist into the air. He scrambles around for a moment before deciding to pretend he's asleep and takes a seat, resting his head on his arms and closing his eyes.

A few minutes later, Jongin hears footsteps and he tenses. The footsteps stop at his desk and Jongin holds his breath. Hands slam onto his desk and he jolts, looking up with wide eyes. Baekhyun grins down at him.

"Did I wake you?"

Jongin groans, rubbing his face. He looks over and sees Kyungsoo's empty desk. He hits his head against his own desk as Baekhyun watches in amusement.

Jongin sighs and trudges to the bathroom, wanting to splash some water on his face before class starts. He finds Kyungsoo there, his backpack against the wall. Kyungsoo turns around in surprise and hides his hands behind his back, contemplating if he should grab his backpack and hurry away.

Jongin shuts the bathroom door and steps up to Kyungsoo, hesitantly grabbing his hands. The skin of Kyungsoo's palms are covered in scratches, a small amount of dried blood on his hands. Jongin takes in a sharp breath, his fingertips running along Kyungsoo's hands. Kyungsoo winces and Jongin pauses, moving his hands to grip the bottom of Kyungsoo's.

"Sorry," Jongin murmurs softly. He lets go for a moment to wet a paper towel and gently cleans Kyungsoo's wounds. "How did this happen?"

Kyungsoo stares at Jongin and Jongin flushes, ducking his head slightly. "Right, forgot."

They sit in silence, the sound of the dripping sink filling the space. When Jongin finishes, he gets up to throw away the soiled towel and Kyungsoo gazes at his clean palms, thin red lines still tracing it.

Kyungsoo taps his mouth with his fingers, quickly moving it forward and down, signing "thank you" to Jongin.

Kyungsoo reaches into his pocket, pulling out a blue rose free of thorns. The stem is cut short and Kyungsoo places it in Jongin's open palm. He smiles sheepishly, his fingers lingering on the spots where the thorns used to be.

(Blue roses- "I can't have you but I can't stop thinking about you)

Jongin's breath catches in his throat. The weight on Jongin's chest that he'd had since the beginning of the school year is lifted and Jongin can actually breathe. He's not suffocating or trapped or on edge.

Jongin leans forward, tilting his head down, and Kyungsoo's breathing quickens. The elder takes a step closer, pausing for a moment to look up into Jongin's eyes. Jongin rests a hand on the juncture between Kyungsoo's neck and shoulder, pulling him closer until their lips meet.

The kiss doesn't last long and when they pull away, Kyungsoo's cheeks are a deep pink and he brings a hand up to touch his chest, his eyebrows furrowing. He takes in a deep breath and he smiles, almost excitedly.

Jongin reaches forward to tuck the blue rose behind Kyungsoo's ear, watching as the elder rushes back to his backpack, pulling out his notebook and pen.

I think you cured me.

Jongin raises an eyebrow. Kyungsoo scribbles down something else and shows it to Jongin.

Have you ever heard of the hanahaki disease?

Jongin laughs, the outburst unexpected to even himself. "Of course I've heard of it. You gave me it."

You gave me that disease and also cured it for me. Kyungsoo pauses, writing slower and more hesitantly. So I'm guessing you also know I'm your secret admirer?

Jongin just grins and pulls Kyungsoo close, resting his chin on the other's head. The rose wavers dangerously on Kyungsoo's ear.

"Why did you forgive me?" Jongin blurts out one day, his gaze fixed on the forget-me-nots in front of him. Kyungsoo glances up at him and entwines their fingers, tapping his shoulder twice to get his attention. He flips open his notebook.

I wasn't going to, at first. It was cruel and unwarranted and I was quite disgusted in myself for liking you but it was that time, on my birthday, that made me realize. You were scared. People do crazy things when they're afraid. I understand that.

Jongin wraps an arm around Kyungsoo's waist, pulling him close and resting his head on the elder's shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs into Kyungsoo's neck, taking in the mixed scents of the flower garden they're visiting. Kyungsoo softly sighs, reaching up to run his fingers through Jongin's hair.

I forgive you.