Warm beam of light peeks through the white curtains as she rubbed her eyes with the back of her hands, wanting to get a clear view of the ceiling of her own room. A morning breath escapes Irene’s lips while she sat up and finally lets her eyes fall at the object placed on the nightstand, before letting out a sigh.

She doesn’t feel like sending him a message.

There’s a chaos in her head at the moment. There are just too many thoughts in her mind, and it’s at times like this when she wants to be drowned by them because she doesn’t know how to get away from them. She cannot think straight. But perhaps it’s because her mind is still not functioning properly. She’s newly awake anyway.

She heaves a sigh before getting out of the bed, letting her feet touch the cold bedroom floor, heading to the bathroom but only to stop halfway of her tracks when she heard multiple knocks on her door. Irene stares at her bedroom door for a moment, asking herself if she should open it or brush her teeth first, but she walks into its direction anyway while yawning wearily as if she didn’t get any energy from her sleep. She was about to reach the doorknob and twist it but she heard Seulgi’s soft voice on the other side of the door.

Outside her bedroom.

“Unnie?”

Her heart suddenly palpitates rapidlly. She doesn’t know what to do. Should she open the door? Or just pretend that she’s sleeping? But why would she do that? Why is she panicking? It’s just Seulgi for goodness sake, and she saw no reason for her to panic.

There was something in Seulgi’s voice that made her panic. Well, maybe it’s because of how she says the word “unnie” to her...

And then it hit her.

She then remembers what happened last night before she went to sleep. How Seulgi comforted her. How Seulgi said those words while she thought Irene was asleep. Remembering those words didn’t help her to think clearly.

Irene snapped out of her thoughts when Seulgi calls out once again.

“Joohyun unnie?”

Okay. Calm down Irene.

Irene then twisted the doorknob and her bedroom door swung open, revealing Seulgi wearing a black shirt with a “MARVEL” on it. Irene furrows her brows as her eyes lead their way to look at the black shirt. Seulgi notices the confused face of Irene’s but just shrugs it off.

“There’s someone wai–“ The blonde girl didn’t manage to finish her sentences when Irene cuts her off.

“Why are you wearing that?” The older girl asked, still staring at the black shirt.

“Well, because it’s my shirt?” Seulgi’s answer was more like a question.

“N-No. I mean, why are you not wearing your school uniform?”

“It’s Saturday, unnie. I don’t have classes on Saturdays.”

“Oh...” I’m not in my right mind right now.

Seulgi sighed. “Your boyfriend is waiting in the living room.” She said, not even wanting to look at the older girl’s face. Irene could feel something in Seulgi’s voice, it’s like there’s sadness lacing in the blonde’s voice, or was she just thinking things?

Irene wants to say something but, it’s just that, she doesn’t know how to say it without hurting the girl. Because she knows that words can be very painful sometimes. What should she say?

“C-Can you please tell him that I’m still sleeping? And I’m not in the mo–”

“Yeah, sure.”

With that, Seulgi walks away, leaving Irene’s words unfinished. Irene blinks and stares at the back of the leaving girl, and then her eyes found their way to look at the seemingly dirty white floor. She felt her chest tightens, as if it’s preventing her to let out the air from her lungs. She smiled, bitterly.

“Cold.” She uttered out in a low tone, that it almost came out from her lips like a whisper.

 

It looks like she has to bear it again.

 

 

--

Looking down at the table, Seulgi chewed and swallowed the last part of pancake on her plate. She just couldn’t stand the way Irene glances at her. Her hand reaches the glass of water beside her plate; the outside of the glass has moistened because of the ice-cold water inside of it. Irene glances at her, at the same time, savor the food that the girl has cooked for her. Seulgi drinks her water, she could feel the tasteless cold liquid made its way to and the she swills it down, causing a sudden ache in her head.

She yelped in pain as she places her palm on her temple, her eyebrows furrowed. Seeing the younger girl like this, Irene couldn’t help but to be worried about her. She immediately puts down her fork, stands up and rushes to Seulgi’s side.

“What happened?”

“It... It’s nothing.” Seulgi stood up from her seat, rubbing her temple with her fingers, her eyes slowly widen when she realizes that she almost bumps into Irene. She stands still, waiting for Irene to back away, but the older girl didn’t. Instead, Irene leans in and lays her fingers against Seulgi’s temple.

“Let me...” the older girl uttered out and started rubbing the taller girl’s temple. Seulgi doesn’t know how to respond and just lets Irene do what she said for a moment. Their bodies were too close that she could hear her heart, beating faster than normal... or was it Irene’s? Her breath hitched as she stares at the older girl’s undeniably beautiful face, she traces Irene’s face with her eyes, from her forehead to her chin.

She’s just... too perfect, or maybe even beyond perfect.

Seulgi closes her eyes and sighed.

She needs to stop.

She needs to stop these feelings, but... is that even possible?

The taller girl slightly backs away, making Irene to withdraw her hand.

“I... uhm... I can handle it myself. It’s just a brainfreeze.” Seulgi said before walking past Irene, awkwardly. Irene clears .

“Ah. Yes... sorry. I was worrying too much, I got carried away.” Irene sighed, what was I doing?

Hearing those words, Seulgi unconsciously bit her bottom lip and stopped in her tracks. She slightly turns her head and lets out a long inaudible sigh.

“But thanks for your concern... unnie.”

Unnie? Since when did I become an unnie to her? The older girl furrowed her brows, I am her best friend for Christ sake!

“Drop it.”

“What?” Seulgi turns around, only to meet Irene’s back.

“Just please... please stop calling me that?”

“Calling you what? Unnie? What’s the problem with that? I... I’m calling you like that because you’re older–“

“What’s the problem?” Irene scoffs, turns around to Seulgi, but the girl was looking at the ground. “What were you expecting me to do? I–You’re just calling me by the word I never got used to! Seulgi, I’m your best friend! But you’re making me feel distant from you, or you’re really doing that on purpose? Just why are you making me feel like this? You’ve been ignoring me...” Irene felt her hand grips at the edge of the dining table, “and avoiding me. I haven’t seen you smile at me for a long time and I do not know when I would ever see that again. Tell me, why you’re doing these things to me?!” her shoulder slumped.

Funny. She asked that although she already knows the answer.

“Nothing.” Was the only word that escapes Seulgi’s lips.

Just one word, but it was full of pain when the younger girl has said that. And Irene swears she felt like jumping off a cliff; regretting all the words she said. She has just remembered that Seulgi hates it when someone yells at her, for it will make her feel like she has done something not forgivable.

Silence engulfed the both of them for a moment but soon was broken by Seulgi.

“Did I hurt your feelings?” Seulgi looks at her, Irene could see her worried eyes, and she sighs but she remains silent.

“I’m sorry.” she continued, “I didn’t mean to...” Seulgi’s ayes sting as they started welling up with tears, “I didn’t know I would end up making you feel that way...” her voice quivers as tears run down her face.

Irene’s eyes softened, she doesn’t know how long she can stand looking at the crying girl. She felt something wet on her cheeks, she just then realizes that she’s crying as she stares at the girl.

I should be the one telling her those... Irene looked down to her feet.  What kind of a friend am I? I couldn’t even... comfort her right now. Just... how much pain did I give her?

Seulgi sniffed, making Irene look up at her again. She sees the girl wiped away her tears.

“Aye... why am I crying?” the blonde girl chuckled and obviously forced out a smile. She tries changing their mood. “Ah! Unn– Joohyun! Bogum oppa said he’ll pick you up at six. So, yeah, uhm... be ready.”

The older girl furrowed her eyebrows. What? We’re not even in good terms. What the– whatever. I’m not going.

Just when Seulgi turned around and was about to walk away again, Irene took a step forward and grabbed her hand.

“Seulgi, let’s go on a date.”

Seulgi turns around to face her with a surprised expression.

“What?”

Irene gulps.

 

“Let’s go on a date.”