When the Moon Kisses the Sea

Because when the moon kisses the sea, everything just seems to fall into place. And she is not even talking about how the center of mass pulls the sea and the moon to each other—the way the gravity keeps the two bodies together, making them one, even in just a certain point in time. She is not taking about tides, not even how this celestial body‘s gravitational force disrupts the centrifugal force that keeps the Earth, the Sun, and the Moon in balance.

She is not talking about the way a perigee brings the moon’s orbit into a closer proximity to the planet, to the waters—to the sea—and how it makes surges all the more spectacular. She is not talking about the timing of this stronger force that leads to high tides—the way the Sea and the Moon are attracted to each other, like magnets, how these periodic rises of large bodies of water skim through the Moon’s swell, the way it falls into the Moon’s lure, without any complaints, without any qualms.

She is not talking about all of those.

Because when the moon kisses the sea, she is only talking about him.

The sea, the vast expanse of unknown waters, was introduced to her when she was just about shy of twenty…

And he had not escaped her attention ever since.

Not even when she had gone back to her second home to do certain obligations that were expected of her under the limelight. Not even when she had abruptly ended it with him the very first time they were together. Not even when she had entered in a contract with his rival company and had even entered into a relationship with his competition. Not even when she had won their first award together with her then-new group. Not even when she had done over a hundred kissing takes with a person most leading actresses would want to work with. Not even when her other friend had mentioned he considers her his only friend in the industry. Not even when she was pined for by many—actors, artists, rappers, athletes.

And especially not even during all her almost-relationships.

She remembered always finding faults with them. The way their laughs sounded wrong. The way their eyes didn’t look deep into hers when she stares at them. The way their mannerisms didn’t match what she has been looking for. The way their mouths were differently shaped. The way their concerns did not include having a family with her. The way their replies in her messages would only consist of only two letters—O and K. They were all faults—nothing was just right. She remembered always sighing, wishing that instead of all the men in her almost-relationships, she would have just gotten him, just him.

Because when the moon kisses the sea, everything will only be right if she only sees him.

*****

Lunation, the distinct process of how the moon appears to all of us, is the time when she completely journeys the earth, looking for the perfect place where she could settle only to find herself coming back to where she originally came from. It would start with the dark moon—a period of invisibility, of calmness, of having perigean spring tides strongly burst forth in the sea. Halfway through the phases, the moon will be fully illuminated—this period of wrapping up, of finality where inside clutter becomes more chaotic, of having the Earth, the Sun, and the Moon, on a line in space bring in the greatest periods of perigees and apogees. But just as fully lit up she can go, her pull on tides wane until it reaches the new moon again when the pull on tides increases—the time when the moon’s gravity is greatly reinforced.

And it is during those phases when the moon kisses the sea.

Because when the moon kisses the sea, she feels a sense of calm because the sea is beside her even though he is distant. There was a period of her life where she had begun seeing him as something a step higher than just a high school friend. He was introduced to her by a noona as another noona but that didn’t stop him from calling her as an equal and that had started the whirlwind romance. But as all young romances seemed to start on rocky surfaces and murky waters, the romance had to eventually be put to a stop and she had to fly with a dangerous dragon rather than set sail on the wild but calm sea she had grown to be familiar with.

The period had been shaky, and she was at war with her own self and not the sea. Because the ever calm sea had gone violent, fighting for the moon to kiss him again, imploring her to take him again. She had gone deaf for a while, had stubbornly pushed herself to the limit by recklessly falling deep into the other man who had also been falling in love with another woman who was not the Moon. The once bright moon had turned dark again—all the craters felt how it should’ve felt the first time, empty and void.

But then the sea had attracted her, like a moth to a flame, it had been destructive as she could feel her insides react the way it shouldn’t. She could feel how the sea’s water fill those empty craters of hers… how the sea was there, buoyant, as she let herself jump into the seawater, yet again. She was more like flying, than floating, that one time the sea had confessed to her—how he had said ten years was already a lifetime but it still didn’t stop him from waiting until this moment has come, yet again. She was in high spirits hearing the wolf on top of the moon howl as she continued to drown into the welcoming sea.

At that time, she had heard his heart beat as he said her name. Had heard say ‘Donghae’ as she had realized that she had been stupid to let go of him that very first time. Had seen his eyes turn glassy when she had said she never knew that this moment will come and if she did, she would have done something to make it come sooner. Had felt her eyes get as glassy as his when he had said ‘Sandara, I am just so elated—so happy—that you had finally decided to love me back as I have loved you all these years.’ Had known that as he said it, her heart disagreed, saying that she had never even stopped feeling something for him because no matter how many times she had loved that other romance, the Sea would always own a place in her heart because he has been there when no one else has ever been.  

Indeed, the moon may continue to circle its orbit, may stop along the way to different places, may stay there for days, for months, for years but it will always go back to its initial point—to where it all had started.  

And it all has started to where her Sea is.

****

She had promised herself to not have feelings for him again just because it had not worked out before. But it was when she was feeling so down that he had caught her. It was that time when she felt so empty that he never left her side. It was that time when he had told her to wait for him in London that she’d realize that maybe he cared enough to tell her they were going to be in the same place at the almost-same point in time. It was that time when he had proudly held her group’s album, how he had proudly typed their names together in their first legendary selca, and how he had proudly announced her name in front of thousands of ELFs. It was that time when he got mad that his account got hacked and he wasn’t able to follow her again. It was that time when he had accepted the nickname ‘Dongdongie’ that she gave him and eventually had him claim it as his own. It was all of those times that she knew she was done for. The time that she knew she was at the end game. The time that she knew HE is her end game.

It was because of all those times when the moon had finally decided to kiss the sea. Again.

There were to be other kisses for the bright moon—but they did not exactly live up to what she has been expecting. She had nursed herself with certain beliefs of finally finding someone who will fill up what should have been his, but fate would not have it and now they are both here, with the moon still kissing the same sea she had met years ago.

When once she has lost him—or rather, they had lost each other—, lunation had allowed for them to start over, from strangers…then friends…to lovers. She had remembered answering the second introduction of his name with the utterance of her name—her name, that sounded so sweet when he had rolled his tongue while saying it. It was as if she was a new blood again and he happened to be there, just