"I can live without him." You yelled out a slurred to yourself in the middle or the bar, obviously, drunk. "We were never a thing anyways." You laughed bringing yourself to broken tears. "What am I saying." The vodka burned your throat and your nose crinkled while you poured yourself another one. 
Your eyes were blurring and the smell of smoke in the bar was making you dizzy but you continued to drink fulfilling your promise of only returning home if you went back drunk. Your body slouched over the the marble table as you stared at your drinks with half lidded eyes. Your thick eyelashes were so heavy and they were making you feel even more sleepy. You took another shot, tilting the glass back. The liquid slid down your throat and you winced before return to look at your empty shot glass. 

You heard your name being called and turned to see another girl, your friend, run up to you. 

"What the hell are you doing here?" She yelled before picking you up. 

You looked at the friend, who was now pulling you out of the bar, in confusion. Why was she here? Of all your friends she was the one you pushed away the most. You felt so bad she was the one to be helping you when you deserved none of her help. 

 "W-what are you -hiccup- doing here?" You slurred. 

By the time your friend turned around, you guys were already outside.

 "What am I doing here? What are YOU doing here?" 

You smiled back at your angry friend as you wobbled to just stand up straight.
 
"Why are you drinking so much? Did you and Mark break up?" She asked. 

Mark… His name rung at the back of your ears and your head began to hurt. His name filled your head and images of Mark were popping up in your head. You could almost hear him laughing his unusual high-pitched laugh. Your eyes watered and not being able to hold back your tears, you let them out. Just hearing his name broke your heart. And everything came flooding back. All the work and shots you took to forget about him is now wasted.

You ended up on the sidewalk floor and brought your knees to block your face as you deeply sobbed into your knees. Your friend patted you on the back and shushed you. 
"Hey, hey. It's okay, girl. Let's take you home, yeah?" 

You nodded slowly after wiping off your tears. Most of your makeup was down to your cheeks. Your eyes were puffy and you had to admit, you looked awful. 

You waved to your friend before entering your house. You had trouble just trying to finding your keys. You shut the door and walked into your kitchen immediately. Eagerly opening your fridge, you grabbed your Hennessy and sat down on your high stool in the island of the kitchen. 

Your heart raced just thinking about Mark and you wanted to forget the taste of his lips. The looks in his eyes and the way he smiled. He was everything to you. You tilted the big bottle back and took a big gulp and set the bottle down, hoping to drunk your thoughts of Mark again. 

Your eyes wandered the ceiling. Your tears had dried now and the mascara stains were visible on your cheeks. It's nearly 4 and you finally sobered down from your late night drinks. You turned to face the empty side of the bed. You gradually flung your arms on the empty side in hopes of feeling Mark’s slim body. 
Nothing.

"Mark..." You whispered as your tears rolled down. You missed the way he would either be facing you or facing his back towards you. You missed seeing him everyday and every morning when you woke up. But now you can feel the loneliness creep up on you. The feelings on the empty bed sheets weren't comforting and you needed Mark. No, you don't want him. You need him. 

You stood up fast and walked to your kitchen to take out your bottle of liquor. Your fussy hands had a good time fumbling with the cap and you grew frustrated with it. Finally opening it, you took another big gulp and swallowed away your pride. You don't  want to miss Mark. 

You were at the bar again. Now, not alone. "So I see you're always around here. I wanted to get to know you." The guy said taking a seat next to you. 

You both exchanged each others names. You found out his name was Jongsuk. Jongsuk and you went on the night with drinks and you may had just a little too much to drink. Jongsuk insisted to take you home and you agreed willingly. 

“It was a nice night. I'm glad I got to know yo--" Jongsuk was cut off when you crushed your lips against his. You eagerly on his bottom lips as you turned your doorknob open. Jongsuk kissed back and pushed the door open while taking off your skin tight dress. You kicked your heels off and started to mess with Jongsuk's hair as you moaned into the kiss. 

Jongsuk explored your mouth with his tongue and pushed you back towards the couch. Taking off his shirt. He got on top of you and positioned himself between your legs and grind his clothes against your . He held his body up with his arm which was on both sides of your head. He skillfully grind against you. He let out a low moan and bent down to on the top of your s that was popping up from the top of dress. 

You let out a moan and grind your hips up wanting him to grind against your . You were almost begging in your moan. You breathed out when Jongsuk started to rub his clothed harder and faster against your as you cried out a moan. "Ah.. Mark, faster. Ah, Mark!" 

Jongsuk suddenly stopped. "Who's Mark?" He said. Your breath hitched knowing what you just said. Jongsuk was drunk but he wasn't drunk to the point that he wouldn't realize that the name that just came out of your mouth was surely not his. 

Your heartbeat began to raise as Jongsuk stood up and picked up his shirt. You began to feel guilty let alone sad. Breathing begins to feel like something hard to do and you stood up to chase after Jongsuk who was already walking out with his shirt already back on. 

Jongsuk walked out of the strangers house and got in his car a little more upset than he should be. He had never ever had a girl moan the wrong name when HE was doing them. He drove off without a warning and ignored everything around him. 

You sat down on your chair and dug your nails into your hair. What the hell happen to you? Why would you moan another man’s name? Let alone Marks? You hesitantly looked at the fridge before deciding to take out another liquor bottle to forget the way Mark use to do those sinful things to you. 

His lips against your neck. 

His tongue inside your mouth.

His big hands that held yours so dedicatedly. 

You got out another cup and shakily poured yourself a drink. “To lala land.” You mumbled yourself . “Bottoms up.” 

"Dude, you can't keep missing work! I tried so hard to get you in and now you're calling in just cause you're hungover from drinking so ing much?" Your friend yelled at you.
You were on the kitchen table with the leftover shot glass from yesterday and the bottle of liquor still there. You kept quiet knowing what you did wrong. But you can honestly give a less. You handed for your bottle of liquor when you friend ushered you.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" She said in a stern voice. 

"What does it look like?" you answered pouring herself another cup. 

"Dude. Get your ing life together. All you ever do nowadays is drink." Your friend sneered. 

"You don't understand." 

"Of course, I don't know. You never tell me anything."

You stood quiet knowing what your friend was speaking of was nothing but the truth. 

"Just like how you didn't tell me you and Mark broke up." She said sighing.

"Don't say his name." You demanded your friend. "We were never together." 

"What? You and Mark did right?" She asked, stating the name again. 

"Stop saying his name." You said again, a little more aggressive this time. You poured yourself another drink and quickly swallowed it down. 

"Dude, is this about Mark?"

"I TOLD YOU TO STOP SAYING HIS ING NAME!!" You yelled throwing your glass cup against her floor, breaking it to pieces. 

Your friend was taken-back at the sudden action. "I-i'm sorr--"

"J-just... leave.." You whispered interrupting your friend. 

The vacancy in your heart was not going away and your thoughts of Mark were not going away. 

His smile.

His low voice. 

Everything about him made you sad and happy. You wanted to see him but afraid that if you do, you'd go crazy.

You walked around your house and slept and drunk all day. You didn't even invite people to drink. You just drunk by yourself and didn't let anyone come in. Even your best friend. 

That night was it. You might just drink your life away. You can't stand being alive without Mark in your arms. Without Mark to call you his and his yours, what's the point of living if you can't be together with Mark? 

Your head was filled with Mark Tuan and you couldn't control it anymore. When you were sober it was Mark and know that you were drunk... it was still Mark. You love Mark. Maybe a little too much but... You can't do it without him. 

It was 3 in the morning and you heard banging on your door. You took another shot before walking towards the door to open it. You out right before being able to open the door. Maybe you can finally...die. Or maybe just a place you can be with Mark again.

You heard your name being called by the one and only person. Mark. You opened your eyes to see a worried Mark asking if you were okay. Your eyes began to water as you turned away. 

"Get out of my house." You said. 

"Why did you stop going to work?" He asked in a serious tone that made your stomach do flips. God, you missed him so ing much. 

"Why do you care?" You spat at him. 

“Why do I care? ____, I still care for your well being.” He said a bit more serious than usual. 

“You don’t care…” You silently said looking away. His eyebrows slightly touched in confusion. "If you cared you would still be here." 

"Why are you drinking so much? Your body is so tiny, you can't take a lot." He said looking in your eyes, obviously ignoring what you just said. 

Those eyes. 

Those beautiful beautiful eyes. Oh god, how you miss staring at them. 

You snapped back into reality and realized... He isn't yours. You ignored his question and walked to the door. "Leave." You opened the door and gestured him to get out with your head. You can’t do it. Mark being in the room literally drove you crazy. The more he stays away the better.

"Seriously ____?" He questioned you. "I came because your best friend told me you won't let anyone in. She told me you got fired for skipping so much work. Do you even know how worried I was, you idiot? And now you're telling me to leave?"

You exhaled a shaky breath, fed up with everything. "Do you know why I'm like this?" You stared at Mark, who was out of breath after just finishing his rant. His head perked up for an answer. You took a step closer to Mark.

"Because of you, Mark Tuan." You breathed out. "You did this to me. But what hurts the most is.. that I let you do this to me." You took another step closer to him. "Because I can't stand not having you by my side, not waking up next to you, just not being with you. Literally kills me. What makes me even more sad is the fact that I enjoyed when you would use me. I enjoyed everything we ever did because to me, those things we did together were true." With every word you said you took a step closer and closer to him. Mark's eyebrows furrowed as he looks at the you, who he loved, in tears b down your cheeks and he never realized how dead you looked. A pang of guilt traveled his heart
. 
"Vodka burns my throat but your name hurts my head so I rather blackout with a hangover than stare blankly at my hands trying to forget how it was like to touch you!" You yelled out. You were standing inches away from Mark now and all Mark could do was silently cry with you. He never meant for all this to happen. 

"I don't want to be me if I'm not with you... I tried to forget you. But the thing is, even when I'm drunk-- it's still you." You told him. Your forehead and his touched and their nose slightly touched each other. "Don't tell me to leave you, to stop thinking about you and move on... because I need you, Mark. Only in your arms, will I ever feel at home... I lied when I said I can live without you.." You cried even harder than before. You were so close to him. You leaned your heavy head onto his chest and sobbed. 

Mark was so relieved that you were okay. His aching heart was now at ease to see that you were "okay". Maybe not okay but Mark was glad he can still see you alive than dead. He wanted to embrace you and he wanted you to forgive him for doing this to you. Why didn't he know? While he was thinking about himself... he mentally scolded himself. Tears dropped from his chin and landed on top if your head. He wrapped his arms around you and finally pulled you closer. How long he wanted to hold you in his arms. " Don't cry anymore... I'm here now." He softly said as you cried nodding your head. 

Sniffle. 

“I-I’m… I’m so sorry ____.” He cried with you. 

He held onto your head and tilt it up. He looked into your eyes with his tears wishing to fall. 

"C-can... I... Kiss you?" He asked smiling a little. 

So since so many people were requesting for a sequel, I decided to continue :3 sorry for such a long wait for the next part. Also, this is now a co-authored story. My really super amazing cousin wrote this chapter,  I really hope you guys enjoyed it, let me know what you guys think.Thank you for reading  ^^