Was it worth it? Was he worth it? You stared into the mirror scrutinizing your face to your body. You questioned yourself if it was worth letting him put you down. All you could do was carry all his flaws and he made you so flawed he had all the control over you. He was killing you, draining you of everything. Deep down you knew he wasn't worth all that but you've grown so accustomed to him. You're so addicted to him. If it wasn't him, you don't know how to move on with life. But how could you just leave him. Loving him hurt enough. It hurt more than the feeling when you first slept together knowing it didn't mean anything to him. It hurt more than all your friends slowly distancing themselves from you because you were so blindly in love to even listen to them. It hurt because he didn't know. You didn't want to be in a one sided love anymore but why couldn't you just cut him off. Why do you need him when all he does is hurt you? 

*knock knock*

You grouped your face and glanced at yourself one last time knowing what was to become of your night before answering the door. 

"_____." Mark said as his voice cracked at your name. He sighed before continuing. "I.. think she's going to break up with me.. She's been such a lately so I haven't contacted her for awhile. She hasn't texted or called me." 

"Yah.." You said as you pulled him in for a tight hug. You inhaled his scent, tears starting to well in your eyes already. But you held them back. "Don't call her a . Maybe it's her time of the month.. Or she just needs her space right now. Don't jump into conclusions so quick." 

Mark put his arms around your waist in a gentle motion as he brought his head down to snuggle into your neck. 

"I... I just need you right now." He said as he started kissing up your neck. 

"What can I do?" You said closing my eyes enjoying the guilty pleasure, hugging him tightly.

"Just... Follow me." He said looking into you eyes. He gently kissed your lips. His sweet soft lips, how much you missed them already. You slightly opened your mouth to let his tongue in, his hot tongue playing with yours. You put your arms around his neck as he moved closer towards your making you walk backwards into your house. You kept walking back until your hit the edge of the table. Mark grouped your and gave it a light squeeze before lifting you up on the table. He pulled away from your mouth as he went lower to your neck and on your sweet spot. You put your arms around his neck and pulled your head back to give him more excess as you felt tears piling up inside your eyes. Why did you feel so lonely even though he was right in front of you. Kissing every part of you. 

 '. I don't think I can hold back any longer.' You thought to yourself. 

Slowly your tears slid down the side of your face. . Mark saw multiple teardrops drip on the table. He stopped himself as you both lifted your heads to look at each other. Your tears rolled lightly against your cheeks. Your breathing got shorter as he stared at you worried. 

"____..? What's wrong? Why are you crying?" Mark asked in a worried voice as if he'd gone to hard on you or something. 

"Mark.." You barely whispered as more tears started forming. "I... I can't continue like this." You covered your face in your hands to calm down your breathing. 

He pulled back more looking confused. 

"What?" He said bringing his eyebrows together. "What do you mean?"

You gave out a broken sigh. "You're the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. Yet you make me so sad. How is that possible?" You started whimpering. "Why.. Why am I the only one hurting?"

"What do you mean you're the only one hurting?" Mark gently caressed your face in his soft hands as you sat there tears now flowing from my eyes. It wouldn't stop. You took a deep breath before talking again.

"You.. You always talk about how much she hurts you. About your feelings. About how you feel. And then after.. You.. You just use me." Your voice started to crack. "You me and before I even get to say anything you're already gone. Do you... Do you ever, even for a second, think about how I feel?"

Mark stood in front of you not knowing what to say, realizing how selfish and clueless he was. 

"How.. How could I have known? Every time I came, you never refused to let me in."

"Do you really think I could say no so easily? Do you know.. how much it ing hurt knowing the first time you came to me and needed me because you couldn't figure out how to solve between the two of you. I was always here."

"_____," he whispered quietly as he walked closer to you. 

"No," you cut him of lifting your face, tears still streaming down your face. "It's me, isn't it? I.. I let you in to quick. Please don't make excuses. I can ing love you. I can treat you so much better. I'd love all the sadness out of you. I'd kiss all the happiness in you so you could never feel unwanted or sad or lonely or any feeling that makes you feel undeserved. I can love you. I.. I just wish you knew how much you mean to me. How worthy you are to me. Why..? Why can't you understand?" 

"___.. I'm sorry.." Mark continued. "With all the problems I tell you between me and her it's because I trust you."

"Trust me? That's it? That's all you have to say? Trust me that you just think it's okay to just do me and act like nothing happened? I.. I'm becoming ruined because.."

"Because of what?" Mark said stepping closer to you.

"You. At this point I can't hold on and continue to pretend like everything's fine. I keep putting myself down thinking I'll never be good enough for anyone anymore. I keep coming back to you no how much you hurt me. I can't continue being friends with benefits. Your girlfriend.. She doesn't deserve this." You walk around him and walk towards the door. 

You hesitantly put your hand on the door knob. At this point you already know the feeling is one sided. Hah, who are you kidding.. It was always one sided. He never considered you anything more than just a "friend" that he 'trusted.' 

"I... I think you should go." You hesitantly say, your back facing him. "I don't think this can workout. I'm sorry for these feelings. It wasn't supposed to turn out like this." You said feeling the tears well up again. Mark slowly walks towards the door, his eyes still on you as he steps out in front of the door. 

"______" he says taking one last look at you. 

"Mark." You say sternly as you tried to act fine. "I think she needs you more right now." You say as you shut the door. 

You slide your back down the door as you bring your knees into your chest and wrap your arms around your knees as you break down into a million breaking tears bringing your head down. Why?

Why did it have to be him?