May 20, 2007

I woke up to the feeling of restlessness, forcing myself to remember the dream I just had. I have this gut feeling that it was somehow important, but maybe it’s because of the sound of my sister, Jackie, singing that broke that thought. Hit Me One More Time by Britney Spears. Her voice was muffled so she was probably singing in the shower. After a minute and twenty seconds of listening to her hoarse voice, I relaxed, forgetting all about my dream.

I stared at my window, staring at that mint tree which blossoms in that spring season, until I cramped from my position. I reached for my cellphone at the top of the bedside drawer. 6:43 AM. I had three unread messages. Two of them were from Sulli. The first says Good morning, Hyung! Don’t forget our date! Her second text says, Do remember to bring me white roses. That’s strange. Sulli loves red roses. I replied to her. Good morning too, Sul. Of course I won’t forget our date. Nor the roses. See you later. :0 The last text was from the cellular company, reminding me of my outstanding bill.

My mother prepared bacon and egg for breakfast. Jackie came down from her room at 8:12AM, she grabbed an apple and kissed my mom goodbye then messed my hair before leaving.

It took me forty-five minutes to prepare to leave. I walked to the flower shop just four blocks away from our house. I saw Mr. Kang, my high school biology teacher, wearing a black coat and leather shoes,so I bowed to him.

I entered the flower shop and was greeted with Key oppa. He had his apron on, with a mud on its lowered right corner. He beamed a smile on me and started a little chat. He showed me the white roses I was looking for and even teased me as to whom I will give it to. I left the shop and looked at my watch like every to seconds. 9:35AM. That gives me a lot of time to reach the amusement park for my date which isn't really a date. Sulli and I just had this agreement to be like a couple for a day for a paper she was writing. I'm basically her experiment.

This day at exactly 10:30 am, I went to the amusement park with the flowers in my hands. I strode a little before going to the meeting place. We promised to meet our other friends later at Ginni’s bakeshop.

I met my friends, Sulli not included, at the entrance of the shop and sit on a round table with six chairs at eleven fourteen. Luna is sitting across from the counter. Beside her is Victoria, then Jonghyun, Minho then me. With the white roses sitting on the last vacant chair, still waiting for Sulli.

I saw Sulli when I looked out the window. She was across the street, looking at her watch. Her auburn hair glistens under the bright afternoon sun. She seems to be waiting for someone. And my guess is that, that someone must have been me. I got up from my seat and grabbed the bouquet of flowers.

I jogged until I reached the crossroads. The traffic lights were green I had to wait to cross. As the lights turn red and the cars stopped, I walk to the other side slowly. I saw Sooyoung-unnie in her red Cadillac with a guy, whom I don’t know, riding shotgun. They were so immense in their conversation, laughing, unnie didn’t even notice me. I continued walking.

I walked across with the flowers in my hands and smile plastered on my face. I didn’t notice the honks of a Rolls Royce coming my way. It continued coming, not lowering its speed. As if out of a habit, I looked at my watch. 12:01 PM. I felt then like it was the last time I would be looking at my watch.

The car hit me and the force sent me flying to the air. I remember seeing Sulli gasping with her hand covering and the other bystanders stunned to what they just witnessed. The white roses showered its petals on that spot. As I lay down on the unpaved street, my blood turned the white petals into Sulli’s favorite red roses.

I lay there motionless for the longest thirty seconds of my life until someone_

“What are you doing?” Sulli entered my room, then quietly closes the door and the lights. She placed her bag on my bed and came over to see my computer.

“May 20, 2007.” She recited the first thing she saw, while leaning toward the monitor. “Why are you writing about something that happened eight years ago?” She looked at me with bewildered eyes.

“My psychiatrist suggested it. Recalling may help me, he said. I guess he doesn’t fully understand my situation.” I turned my chair to her, as she sits on the foot of my bed.

“Oh. Right. I forgot you have a shrink.” She said, bouncing on the bed.

“Don’t call him a shrink.” I glowered to her.

“Why?”

“Because it belittles the importance of his profession.” I rolled my eyes to her.

“Well. He . Recalling such horrible day .”

Oh. I forgot to mention. Everything I have written has happened. Every names. Every faces. Every details. Everything is real.

I am able to write it all because…

“Not really.” I said to her.

Recalling doesn’t . Remembering does. And. I remember everything that has happened to me from the day after the accident.