It hurts. It hurts to see her like this. It’s all my fault; my fault that she’s like this. I see her struggling, but still can’t do anything. I can’t even touch her, let alone talk to her. “Juhyeon-ah... Stop” I say to myself, clutching my paining heart. She gets up from her after hours of crying on it, and walks away. She looks hurt, depressed, but I can’t do anything. I can only watch her. I just want her to be happy– If just that cancer didn’t get to me... If I had just been more careful, she would’ve been happy now. She goes up the stairs, her eyes hollow with no life. It’s clear that she’s depressed. I feel like I can’t stay with her when she’s depressed, but nor can I leave her alone. She has to come out of this. She clears out every picture of ours, even the gifts we got for each other, and dumps it outside. I look at her from inside, happy that she finally deicded to move on. I then walk away, wishing her happiness.

I’m leaving my Paradise to let her be happy.

_-_-_-_-_

It hurts. It hurts to be without him. I still remember him promising me that he won’t leave me, on those last seconds of his life. I feel like he’s always with me; but I know that’s delusional. He can’t be with me after he left the world. “Juhyeon-ah... Stop” I hear his words ringing inside my ears. That’s what he said every time I cried. After hours of endless tears spent on my bed, I get up, deciding it’s time I try to move on. I walk through what used to be ‘our’ house, now lonely and desolated. Everything around me reminds me of him. “Kim Myungsoo... I’m going to miss you” I say to myself as I pushed everything into a box, ready to dump it outside. I know it would be a hopleless world without him, but I have to try at least once. That’s what he requested me. This time, I feel like someone is looking at me. I’m sure about it. I turn to look inside the house, but all I see is a blank space. It almost feels like... Myungsoo.

He was my Paradise; my only escape from the cruel world.

I break down to sobs again, but now I feel someone higging me tightly.

“It’s ok, Juhyeon-ah... It’s ok” It’s Sungjong.

_-_-_-_-_

“Sungjong-ah.. You have to promise me one thing. Take care of Juhyeon. Please, I beg you... I know she won’t move on after me. Please help her through that” Myungsoo’s words rang through my head. I feel guilty for some reason. It’s true that I used to like Juhyeon, but after she and Myungsoo became a couple, I kinda just gave up on my feelings. I know I won’t be able to get in between them; never can I replace Myungsoo. I know I have to do what I promised him, but I feel guilty. Not that I don’t have feelings for Juhyeon, I just don’t want to replace Myungsoo’s place.  “Hyung.. Should I really do it?” I ask myself, looking up at the clear sky. As I looked down, I saw Juhyeon coming out to her back porch, carrying a box full of some things. She dumped them on a corner, and stood there for sometime. I felt the need to go to her, so I jumped off the fence and went to her house’s back gate. When I went inside, she was crying. I held her before she could fall down, comforting her.

“It’s ok, Juhyeon-ah... It’s ok” I said, trying to console her.

That moment, that split second, I realised I have to take care of her.

For I have found my Paradise