Perceive 

 

 

Kyungsoo breathed heavily under his breathe, fuming in annoyance. His day wasn’t exactly going horrible, but the kid who was the slowest at reading was caught dozing off and the teacher just happened to see.

 

“T-The...is that palace?”

 

The boy looks up from his book and the teacher nods in approval.

 

“The palace wasn’t built sturdy…”

 

Another long pause and a couple groans coming from the back. Suddenly, Kyungsoo almost felt sorry for being annoyed. Some people couldn’t help being slower than the others but it was the smartest class for their year. So it left some to wonder what was so special about Kim Jongin that he was put in there. Although it could be argued that he was a genius of his own kind. The type to be introverted yet friendly to everyone, the type who draws every single moment of their life. Kyungsoo had seen some of his drawings before when he missed a step and tripped down the stairs while holding a bin of his drawings right before him. The memory was quite pitiful, no one had stopped to help him and Kyungsoo was too scared. He remembered watching Jongin pick them up, not seeing that there was a rolled up drawing bound by an old mustard colored rubber band. He had picked it up, unsure of how to return the drawing. Kyungsoo had never looked at it. He preferred to keep the artist’s privacy.

 

The bell rang and the building tension dissolved within the happy and tired yawns and conversation. School ended and before Kyungsoo could get up to ask the teacher one last question, he dropped his eraser onto the floor. He inwardly groaned before bending down to pick it up. By the time he stood back up, the teacher had already disappeared. He decided to write down his question on a grey post-it, shutting his textbook tight. Most of the students were already out of the classroom, except for Kyungsoo and Jongin. Though students still lingered the hallways, an awkward silence overcame him. He planned on taking his time on leaving.

 

“The palace wasn’t built sturdy...enough...t-to…” A long silence ensued.

 

“To withstand the ambush,” finished Kyungsoo. He had read the textbook already the night before, memorizing came naturally to him.

 

Jongin turned around to look at Kyungsoo and smiled cheekily. Kyungsoo felt a chord strike somewhere inside his chest. Brushing it off, he pushed in his chair and put on his backpack. It was silent again before Jongin closed his book entirely and swiveled around in his seat to face Kyungsoo.

 

“If it’s hard to read, then why do you keep trying?”

 

Jongin smiled in return and shrugged his shoulders. “I just felt I couldn’t give up so easily.”

Kyungsoo wasn’t sure how to reply to that other than a knowing nod. Jongin proceeded to continue the conversation. “If it’s so easy to read...then why continue reading it?”

 

“Simply reading doesn’t mean you understand. You read, analyze and comprehend,” he replied lamely.

 

“What if you can’t understand and it's too late?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Jongin shrugged, his chestnut brown hair bobbing a little to the effect. “Do you want to be my friend?”

 

The older was taken aback by the sudden question but smiled. “Sure.” It seemed like such an innocent question, what first graders would ask each other when they first meet.

 

Jongin smiled and turned around back to his book.

 

Kyungsoo lifted an eyebrow in wonder before slinging the dark navy blue backpack on his back. He fixed the wrinkles on his uniform before turning away towards the door. “See you...Jongin.”

 

Kyungsoo could hear the smile form on the other’s lips before he continued on his way.

It was a weird and random interaction, but it had Kyungsoo’s heart racing faster than normal. He dodged a group of soccer players kicking a ball through the hallway. Kyungsoo didn’t mind, as long as they didn’t invade his own personal space. Students hung out everywhere, on the stairs, by the windows, in the other classrooms. For no reason at all, he was feeling extra good about life in general.

 

He carefully walked down the steps and out towards the shoe lockers. He grabbed his umbrella from the rack. It was his favorite umbrella on rainy days. While most guys in the school had the generic black or blue umbrella, Kyungsoo’s was a special tint of red. It was a velvety red, almost pink but a deep red. Nearing the double doors, he could already hear the rain. It pounded mercilessly against the concrete sidewalk and the sounds of clogged up traffic wasn’t far. Kyungsoo opened the doors and took one step out before opening up the umbrella.

 

By the third step out in the rain, he heard someone calling his name faintly. Stopping and looking behind him, sure enough, he saw Jongin running towards the door and nearly running right into it.

 

“Kyungsoo! You forgot your water bottle!” He brought his hand up, and in it was the blue water bottle Kyungsoo took an extra minute that morning to fill up, resulting in his first tardy.

 

“T-thanks...you didn’t have to run. I would’ve lived even if I forgot it.”

 

Jongin smile again, his eyes disappearing within the joy. Kyungsoo was a little taken aback. The dark grumpy sky seemed to be filled with sunlight for a while. It diminished when he stopped smiling. “What if you were suddenly kidnapped seconds before I reached you because I decided to walk, whisked away to the Gobi desert and stranded there with nothing but with what you have on you now? Then you would have remembered about your water bottle and regret forgetting it because you would’ve had a longer survival time.”

 

Kyungsoo couldn’t help smiling back as he spoke. “There would be no need because you would know right? Then you could aid in my rescue.” He took the water bottle gratefully.

 

“Yes...yeah I would.” Jongin smiled again, his pearly whites flashing. Kyungsoo, then, concluded that the sunlight from earlier was probably from the light reflecting off of his teeth. That must be it. He waved a little before turning and continuing towards his home under the rain.

 

“You’re beautiful…”

 

The sound of rain pelting against the rubber umbrella drowned out what Jongin had said. The wide-eyed boy continued on his way with a slight bounce to every step.

 

x

 

Kyungsoo was invited to a birthday party for Jongin’s mother.
 

Kyungsoo had woken up an hour earlier than his usual saturday alarm to meet up with Jongin. Within the two weeks that they became friends, Kyungsoo learned new things about the odd creature in his classroom. Jongin wasn’t picky nor was he okay with anything. He was those type of people who had one selection for everything and never chooses anything new. He welcomed new ideas, but that was all.

 

Kyungsoo put on casual clothes, a long sweater and black jeans that went a bit past his ankles. His phone began to buzz and he did a quick flop onto his bed to reach over to his night stand.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Kyungsoo-hyung, you ready? My brother is having trouble keeping my mom in her room. He’s trying to distract her with-ouch!”

 

Startled, Kyungsoo stood up and quickly left his room to grab his shoes. “Jongin you okay? Did you trip?” He pat his back pocket to make sure he had his wallet in there before walking toward the door and opening it. The cool spring air welcomed him.

 

“Y-yeah...I didn’t see my easel laying there. I think I broke it…”

 

Kyungsoo laughed heartily, wishing he could’ve been there to see it happen. “Well, I’m going to make it to the cake shop before you do at this point!”

 

Jongin whined on the other line, a bit embarrassed at how clumsy he seemed. “Lets meet up somewhere first. I’m a little nervous to go walk around busy streets because I tend to...forget to look both ways while crossing the street.”

 

Kyungsoo could hear the joking tone but it was Jongin they were talking about. Knowing him. the worst could happen. “Take your time. I’m honestly a bit scared you might hurt yourself.”

 

He laughed and Kyungsoo could only imagine the smile on the younger’s face. “If you say so.”

 

They hung up and Kyungsoo broke out into a full sprint. He’s been to Jongin’s home before. A week after their first interaction, he had agreed to help Jongin catch up with his studies and since his house was closest to the school, they decided to study there. His home was comfortable and cozy, almost straight out of a fairytale concerning princesses and princes. He lived with his mother and older brothers Junmyeon and Minseok. They both just returned for their spring break at the universities they attend. It was a little awkward and strange but he was accepted into the family and not once did he wish to leave. It also turns out, Kyungsoo was the first friend Jongin had ever brought over in his whole entire student career. Walking into the Kim household that first time was like a knight returning home with the kidnapped princess as the citizens showered praises and celebrate.

 

Moving politely aside for the old woman walking by, he noticed how she was breathing heavily and the bag in her hand was beginning to drag on the sidewalk. He decided to approach her.

 

"Excuse me, but are you okay?"

 

She stopped and looked at Kyungsoo, nodded warily and attempted to walk past him, only to fall on her knees. Startled, Kyungsoo let out a little weep, before bending down and helping her up. He felt people staring, but nobody made an attempt to help.

 

"Child...I'm..."

 

She didn't finish her sentence before she seemed to fall forward, her eyes closing slowly. He immediately latched his arms across her chest to hold her up before leaning her into his embrace. Tears had prickled his eyelids, dancing ceremoniously on his cheeks.

 

"Help, somebody!"

 

The world seemed to stop as Kyungsoo cried sadly. He didn't know this stranger, but this stranger was a human being just like him. Another stranger approached, their hands checking pulses and another, patting his back in comfort. His vision was blurry, but it’s all about perception, because in that blur he knew he saw someone.

 

Jongin

 

"Kyungsoo!"

 

Hurried footsteps came towards him, a couple more strangers bending down beside him. He felt someone lift the old woman off of him, the warmth of her leaving for just a brief second before someone else had taken her place. It was Jongin’s scent, wrapped around his being. His sobbing stopped immediately, but the tears continued to fall. His small whimpers inconsistent with timing and more people staring. Jongin rubbed his back, and that was only comforting.

 

He almost forgot why he was crying.

 

"How is she?"

 

Jongin released the embrace and Kyungsoo blinked away the last of his tears. "Her pulse is weak." He looked at the stranger who was still holding onto the old woman as he spoke to the ambulance woman. Another brought a stretcher and as two of the men helped hoist her up onto it. Jongin stood up, holding out his hand for Kyungsoo. He looked at the hand with melancholy glazed across his eyes.

 

He accepted the hand and stood up with great difficulty. The man, the first to help turned to Kyungsoo before leaving with the ambulance. "I'm so sorry this happened to you, but this is my number so call me in the next day or so. I'm sure you'd like to know her condition?"

 

He accepted the business card and nodded as he watched the man go into the ambulance. He realized, how extremely handsome he was, a flower boy face for what seemed to be a mature older man.

 

Lu Han

 

Chief Editor, Exon Co.,

 

xxx-xxx-xxx

 

He put the card into his pockets and waved to no one in particular, as the ambulance screeched away.

 

It became quiet again, only the buzz of the city. No more people cared enough to stare and no more people cared enough to stay.

 

"Well...that was scary," said Jongin.

 

Kyungsoo nodded. His heart did not feel at ease, it wasn't pain, but rather anxiety. This is the exact kind of thing that scared and bothered him. He was not suggesting that the elder woman wasn't going to survive, but rather that death had approached him, and was so close to him.

 

Then he changed his mind, because she had reeked of death, giving up on everything left in this world. How her heart was cold but the rest of her body was warm. He didn't need to see to feel and understand. He wasn't sure whether she would, after all, survive.

 

"Let me hold the cake," said Kyungsoo as he carefully took the cake with two hands. The way he held it so preciously reminded Jongin of a toddler holding their newborn sibling for the first time, causing a smile.

 

"Alright. Go ahead then." He bowed, thanking the cashier who had welcomed them into the bakery with warmth and Kyungsoo followed suit. His phone buzzed in his pocket, almost surprising him. He continued walking while trying to fish it out because of the bags full of various party items. Kyungsoo watched as he went closer and closer to the clear door, wondering if Jongin knew that it was coming.

 

"Ouch!"

 

Kyungsoo concluded that, no, he didn't anticipate it as Jongin ran right into the door. Kyungsoo laughed wearily as the younger caressed his nose in comfort. He reached into his pockets and took the phone out, answering the call from Junmyeon.

 

"Jongin?"

 

"This is Kyungsoo. We're on our way back with the stuff."

 

"Okay good! Please hurry and be careful because Mom decided to leave to find Jongin. She doesn't know that he's with you so she thinks he's walking around town by himself. So be fast but careful, okay?"

 

"Okay. We'll be careful."

 

He hung up and stuffed it back into his pockets. They left the bakery and treaded forward carefully, paranoid of stumbling upon Jongin's mother. "How'd you get to me in the first place, Jongin? I heard you get lost easily."

 

The younger pouted and shook his head. "I don't always get lost. Just because I-"

 

He stopped mid-sentence, but didn't continue with the thought. "It doesn't matter. I'm here now."

 

Kyungsoo felt something foreign inside of him. A feeling, soothing.

 

They continued on, silently and almost made it back to Jongin's house before he realized who it was that was slowly approaching from far off. "J-Jongin, it's your mom!" He whispered loudly.

 

"Quick, this way!" Kyungsoo bit his lip in as the younger held onto his hand and pulled him after him through the side of a building. They walked quickly to the back of the houses and Kyungsoo noticed for the first time how smoothly he walked. Jongin was usually always tripping on cracks in the ground or on nothing at all too often that he almost became used to it. This, however, surprised him and he felt a guilty for thinking he was clumsy.

 

Jongin knocked hurriedly on the door, before quick footsteps approached and the door opened with strong force. Minseok let out a breath of relief at the sight of the two. "You're finally here!"

 

"Yes and mom is almost home, we saw her coming this way that's why we took the back!"

 

The relieved look was only temporary as he once again ushered the two inside and made the two go into Junmyeon's room with the cake and other bought items. Kyungsoo noticed the wonderful smells coming from the kitchen. Junmyeon peeked his head out from there. "Kyungsoo hide in my room and Jongin, act natural!"

 

They nodded as they entered the tidy white-washed room. Kyungsoo set the cake gingerly onto the blue desk, consisting only of a desk lamp, a picture and a black laptop. Jongin smiled at him once before quickly making his way out the door, nearly missing the handle to close it behind him. Kyungsoo sat down on the chair anxiously, hearing the doorbell ring.

 

He studied the room. The Kim brothers were extremely neat, he realized. Each of them didn't appreciate untidiness, and surprisingly, Jongin was no different. Kyungsoo had expected art supplies all over his desk, his floor littered with clothes and just, everything to be a mess. But knowing him, he couldn't afford to have a mess otherwise, life would be hard for someone as clumsy as Jongin was.

 

He reprimanded himself for once again labeling Jongin as clumsy. After all, if anybody saw him while he was painting, he was what everybody at school expected him to be, a genius.

 

He turned his attention to the picture sitting on the desk. He had been staring at it the whole time, though not realizing it. There were five people in it. He guessed that they were the three Kim brothers and then he stared at the unfamiliar man. He looked exactly like Jongin, but he had never met him.

 

His dad?

 

Their mother's hand was resting on top of his shoulder, smiling down at the camera. They were at a beach; seagulls were flying overhead and it was a clear sunny sky. His eyes immediately ripped off the picture when the door flew on, startling him nearly to death. Minseok was quick to apologize, running over and putting his hands onto his narrow shoulders.

 

"S-sorry Kyungsoo! But Junmyeon is accompanying her to the grocery store to buy us some time. We need to decorate!"

 

He didn’t need to speak any longer as the younger jumped onto both his feet. Minseok grabbed the cake and Kyungsoo took the shopping bags with decorations in hand and followed after. “Where should we put the decorations up?”

 

Jongin walked out of the kitchen and let out a sigh. “I was so nervous. Lying is so hard, how do you do it all the time Hyung?”

 

The younger earned a glare from his older brother before taking out the teal party streamers out of their package. Kyungsoo then followed suite, setting down the bag and pulling out the cone-shaped party hats. Opening them, he walked into the kitchen and set a hat down on each seat. The glitter red hat was reserved between his arms as he selected a color for the other two. He decided on blue for the oldest. He snuck up behind Minseok who was busy trying to find candles.

 

“O-oh, thanks Kyungsoo. Nearly scared me there.”

 

He smiled up at him before making his way back to the kitchen and before he could reach the unsuspecting younger with the gold party hat, he deviously planned to scare him.

 

Jongin was just getting down from the chair, already done attaching one side of the streamers onto the walls. With that chance, he brought his fingers to both sides of Jongin and with one swift attack, jabbed his sides. Jongin jumped with a loud yelp, immediately turning around to witness Kyungsoo running a ways away laughing almost uncontrollably.

 

Jongin whined and pouted. “Why did you do that? I’m ticklish Hyung!”

 

Kyungsoo leaned against the couch as he let his laugh die down. “Okay, sorry sorry. Here, your hat.” Jongin walked over to grab the hat, missing the first time. Kyungsoo did a double take, realizing that the younger just missed the hat. He brushed it off when Jongin pointed to his own red one abandoned on the floor.

 

They continued with their preparations with a few horse play here and there. Though it all felt very authentic, Kyungsoo couldn't help but feel sorry that he always shut his own family away.

 

“I wonder what's taking them so long,” said the oldest looking at his phone. Kyungsoo looked at the time. From the time they first got back, it was over an hour already. Right then, Minseok’s phone rang. When he answered, they all jumped hearing the loud sobbing in the background.

 

“Whats wrong?”

 

Words he couldn’t understand replied in a menacing tone before he heard his own name a couple of times. Minseok sighed deeply.

 

“Hyung is something wrong?” asked Jongin innocently. Kyungsoo swallowed nervously. It was bad enough that he didn’t know much about their family but to be present in the middle of a bad situation was even worse.

 

Minseok said his quick goodbye before clicking his phone off. “I’m so sorry Kyungsoo...I think you should go home now before you see and hear bad things. Mom wouldn’t want to scare you.”

 

Kyungsoo slowly nodded and stood up with the others following. “But Hyung,” whined Jongin, “what's wrong with mom?”

 

Kyungsoo was near the door and sticking one foot inside his shoe before he heard a slap come from behind. He immediately whipped behind and saw Minseok’s eyes trained to the floor as Jongin huffed.

 

“What did you say?!”

 

The younger’s voice was full of menace and Kyungsoo was becoming extremely uncomfortable.

 

“J-Jongin. Calm down what happened?” he managed to squeak.

 

“It’s not like I wanted to be like this!” cried Jongin. He ran back to his room as Minseok stood there.

 

“Kyungsoo, I’m so sorry you had to witness all this. We just care about Jongin too much. He’s our baby brother and we’re so used to protecting him that we-”

 

“I understand,” he interrupted, “I understand. I’ll go...I hope everything turns out okay. Tell your mother I wish her a happy birthday and to be well.” He quickly turned around and left. Once he closed the door behind him, he sprint full force towards his own home, ignoring the crying voice of the Mrs. Kim and Junmyeon.

 

He only made it a block away before he slowed down to his walking pace and a lump began to form in his throat.

 

“How could they subject a guest to such an unsightly fight…” whispered Kyungsoo sarcastically to no one in particular. As he pulled out his phone, a card fell out. He picked it up and remembered the woman who collapsed. He decided to call because at this point, he was already feeling dejected from a family issue he may have been the cause in.

 

The phone rang only once before a tired voice answered.

 

“Hello? Who is this?”

 

“U-Um...I was wondering how the elder woman is doing? She collapsed earlier today.”

 

There was a long pause before the man replied. “She didn’t make it.”

 

Now there was a long pause on his part. The lump in his throat came back and even with his mouth opening and closing, he couldn’t get any words to come out. His vision blurred and the street lights flickered on. He didn’t even realize how dark it had already gotten. He couldn’t see the hope that there should’ve been with those alive and those dying. Sometimes not being able to see what you have truly affects the factor of how much you enjoy life. Maybe she lacked recognition.

 

He couldn’t stop thinking about her cold heart. Maybe people could see her, but couldn't feel anything towards her.

 

“T-thank you...for being beside her at her last moments.” His last few words came out as a sob before he hung up. He folded his heart-shaped lips in a tight line, slowly moving forward.

 

That was all he could do.

 

Kyungsoo and Jongin continued their friendship as if nothing had ever happened. Though sometimes a void separated them, they didn’t go back to being strangers. His mother and brothers was even adamant on him going over for dinner, but Kyungsoo had learned and thought he should put some space in between himself and Jongin’s family.

 

Most importantly, Kyungsoo realized Jongin wasn’t clumsy, but even worse.

 

If he didn’t concentrate on where he was going, he would run right into someone. While walking from the library together, Jongin had bumped into a girl, and not just any girl. She was the shyest and sweetest girl in the whole school. She was cute and stood almost a foot shorter than Jongin. Though Jongin was actually pretty tall for a high school student. It didn’t bother Kyungsoo that he bumped into her, but rather she was right in front of him, yet he walked into her. It seemed to be a deliberate action, but he was convincingly apologetic.

 

“Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention," he said bending down to help her up.
 

“Um...no, no its fine! Don’t apologize.” she seemed flustered, her ears tinged with red. Kyungsoo awkwardly stood there and observed. “I-I’ll get going. S-See you around Jongin.”

 

They both watched as she ran off the same direction she came from and Kyungsoo laughed a little. “Did you bump into her on purpose because you wanted to score a move?”

 

Jongin frowned a little and seemed to be at lost for words. He only shrugged and changed the subject. “Did you want to come to the art room with me? I want to show you a project I’m working on.”

 

Kyungsoo hummed in reply and followed quietly beside him. Just to be safe, he kept a small distance in between. Jongin was, after all, quite clumsy. They took a turn into the west side of the school before taking the stairs down into the art room. It was a bit secluded away from the rest of the classes, with the band room across the hall from it.

 

The older didn’t feel welcome in the art room. It wasn’t how he had imagined it to be at all. He had never taken an art class before because he would rather be in a culinary arts than waste away his time aspiring to be as great as Picasso or Monet. Painting wasn’t exactly his forte.

 

“Hey Mr. Wu. I’m back.”

 

Mr. Wu peeked his head around an easel set in the corner by the window. Kyungsoo was a bit startled, not seeing the teacher cramped in the corner. He was an extremely handsome and young, the latter immediately understanding why art classes was always full. He nearly died of fright once the Mr. Wu unfolded his legs and stood up straight growing into a six-feet giant.

 

“Hey Jongin. Who's your friend?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow at Kyungsoo. Even his voice was deep and seductive, which Kyungsoo immediately tried to deny.

 

“His name is Kyungsoo.” Jongin smiled at him, waiting for him to introduce himself.

 

“H-hello Mr. Wu.”

 

He received a chuckle and a weird look seemed to flash across the teachers face.

 

“I’ll give you some alone time Jongin. Make sure you clean up before you leave. I’ll be in the teachers office if you need me.”

 

Jongin nodded and smiled even bigger when Mr. Wu’s large paint dirtied hands ruffled his hair affectionately. Mr. Wu closed the door behind him and Jongin wandered off to the storage room. Kyungsoo found himself a seat at one of the tables in the middle. He awkwardly fidgeted with the cuffs of his sleeves while waiting for Jongin to return.

 

“Kyungsoo, can you come help me?”

 

Standing up immediately, Kyungsoo walked over to the dark storage room. Jongin had sounded a bit urgent, worrying him. Though it was dark, he was still able to see what everything was.
 

“Are you okay? You need help with what?”

 

“Its a bit too dark. I’m not sure where the sheets of canvas are. Can you grab them if you see them?”

 

Kyungsoo was a bit confused but people were different and he couldn’t blame Jongin for his difference. He nodded, walking to the far end and grabbing hold of the box on top of a shelf. It had the word canvas written in bold black letters, something hard to miss. Jongin left first and he trudged after him.

 

By the time Jongin was settled in a stool in front of an easel, he had managed to get a cut on his left hand from tripping over the chair Kyungsoo was sitting in earlier. “Are you always this clumsy?”

 

Again, he smiled. Kyungsoo was getting used to them, but he still wasn’t immune to them. “I’m clumsy?”

 

Kyungsoo looked up from the vase he was observing but he could only see genuinity in his eyes. That or he was really good at acting.

 

“Yes, you’re extremely clumsy.”

 

“I wasn’t always like this. Anyways, come here I want to show you my latest painting.”

 

Kyungsoo lightly walked over, and waited as Jongin removed the thick paper from the yellow envelope. He pinned the top corners to the easel and stood behind Jongin to analyze it.

 

He lost his breath.

 

There was a lot of grey. Kyungsoo could make out the sky and clouds and a person created with different shades of grey. Though there was only the back of the person, it was clearly obvious who it was. The shade of red, the umbrella and the backpack. The picture was breathtakingly beautiful. The of paint was a little bit blurry, as if someone had sent a haze over it but nevertheless, he was at a loss for words.

 

“So, what do you think of it?”

 

“Beautiful.”

 

Jongin’s smile disappeared and suddenly became shy. “H-Hyung...you know who it is?”

 

Kyungsoo nodded and you could say that when the lightning at that second, Kyungsoo’s heart began to act strange.

 

It started to speed up.

 

“My vision isn’t the best...but when I first talked to you on that day everything seemed to become crystal clear and I could see everything. I couldn’t get the image out of my head Hyung...so I had to draw it.”

 

Kyungsoo swallowed the lump in his throat. He didn’t know why it had formed there but he was starting to feel strange again. Extremely strange.

 

“When you draw, are you able to see clearly?”

 

Kyungsoo regretted asking as Jongin’s eyebrows knit together into a frown. “I’m losing my vision Hyung.”

 

It was unexpected. “What do you mean you’re losing your vision?”

 

“I inherited Retinitis Pigmentosa from my father. Glasses can’t fix anything. I’ve lost my peripheral vision and my doctor says it's going to be all gone soon.”

 

Kyungsoo tried to slow down his heart. It was traveling at an abnormally dangerous speed where it felt like it was going to jump right out of his entity. His eyes watered. It became a bit too dark.

 

“W-What is this? You’re not lying are you? Why are you only telling me now?” He stood up and with clenched fists stared long and hard at Jongin, but to no avail received not a single glance.

 

“I wished that you were able to see what I saw because....because it was beautiful. You were beautiful.”

 

Kyungsoo could feel the heat travel to his ears and down to his toes. His felt short of breath, and his heels swiveled around, his legs sprinting out of the art classroom. He knew what he was feeling, but wished he didn’t. It was taboo, it was shameful, disgusting.

 

But it felt wonderful and it hurt.

 

x

x

x

x

x

 

Jongin didn’t return to school after that day. Kyungsoo was unconsciously counting the days that he had been absent from school.

 

“Thirty days…”

 

“Thirty days what?”

 

Startled, Kyungsoo stood up from his desk and saw Mr. Wu walk in. He was wearing something more professional this time, compared to what he was wearing the first time they had met. His honey colored hair was styled into a pleasant updo.

 

“N-nothing. Do you need something?”

 

“Kyungsoo, school ended an hour ago and you still have your books out.”

 

He looked at the clock on the wall and finally realized the time had gone so fast. “I-I guess I’ll go home…”

 

He began packing up his things, feeling immense awkwardness from the elder. “Jongin didn’t come to school today again huh?”

 

Kyungsoo could feel the teacher’s eyes prying into his thoughts. He knew that Mr. Wu came to ask about Jongin, and he knew that Mr. Wu purposely asked him.

 

“Yeah…”

 

“How long has it been since he left?”

 

“Thirty days…”

 

He immediately sealed his lips when he realized he had answered too quickly. Heat rushed to his ears and he cursed his life and future in his head.

 

“Its okay to visit him Kyungsoo. Jongin isn’t mad.”

 

Kyungsoo nodded, the pressure building in his throat. His vision blurred and everything seemed hazy and vague. As if a mist had formed and clouded everything in his path. He felt a hand on his shoulder, making his whole body tense. He didn’t even hear Mr. Wu coming.

 

“I can’t…” It was all Kyungsoo could utter before he broke out into sobs.

 

“Its okay if you don’t. But you already understand. You just need to accept.”

 

He shook his head, his tears are spilling out now and Mr. Wu was patting soothing circles on his back. “No, no I don’t! I don’t understand!”

 

There was a short silence before Mr. Wu spoke. He had a habit of thinking carefully before speaking his mind.

 

“Then tell me first...why are you crying?”

 

Kyungsoo cupped his face into his hands as he slipped down into his chair. His back was arched over his desk and Mr. Wu was kneeling beside him.

 

“It hurts. It just hurts. I don’t know why...it hurts.”

 

His voice was quiet and muffled, small shoulders shaking. Crying hurt, he couldn’t breathe and it was hard to speak.

 

“Where? Tell me where it hurts.”

 

Kyungsoo pointed to his heart. It hurt in his heart. Then he knew. He should accept the reason why it hurt.

 

“If it's so hard to accept, why do you keep holding on? Can’t you just quit and move on?”

 

He thought and before he could even process his words, he replied, “I just couldn’t give up so easily.”

 

Mr. Wu smiled, though the younger wouldn’t see. He slipped a piece of paper in Kyungsoo’s wet palms, lifting his face up as well. “It’s only how you perceive it to be Kyungsoo. If it hurts too much, change your glasses. Go before Jongin drives himself and his family crazy.”

 

He wiped his tears and nodded. Holding onto the piece of paper, he ran out of the classroom and didn’t bother to look at the paper slowly being crushed in his palms until he reached the gray sidewalks. It was a messy handwritten message.

 

I want to see Hhyunf!

 

Though the words were spelt wrong and sloppy, he still knew who it belonged to.

 

As he ran to Jongin’s home, he didn’t care how people took the time to gawk at him running off while crying. He was still in his school slippers and had left everything at school, but he didn’t care because at that moment, he finally realized how stupid he was.

 

Always running away when things got awkward and then feeling hurt about it. Never confronting others or addressing an issue to mend relationships. Just like how he had shut his own family away. He regretted almost every life decision before he could reach the cozy and fairy tale home. The lights were on and he didn’t even bother to politely open the gate. He pushed past it without a thought before ringing the doorbell.

 

“Hello?”

 

“It’s Kyungsoo. Can I speak to Jongin?”

 

The sound clicked off and the door unlocked. He quickly walked in and kicked his shoes off, running over to Junmyeon who approached him.

 

“You finally came back! He’s upstairs!”

 

Kyungsoo nodded and ran up the stairs. The last door to the right, he repeated. Finally reaching the door, he stopped with his hands on top of the knob. In his rush to make it here, he hadn’t thought of what he would say to Jongin.

 

“Junmyeon who was-”

 

Kyungsoo turned to Minseok who walked out of his room next door. They stared at each other for a couple of seconds before Minseok smiled. “Did you brace yourself?”

 

He shook his head. “Though I haven’t...it doesn’t scare me.”

 

Minseok hugged him and before releasing, he chuckled.

 

“He lost all his vision last week. The last of what he could see was so small the last time he saw you.”

 

Walking away, Kyungsoo turned back to the door. He knocked.

 

“Go away! I don’t want to talk!”

 

“J-Jongin...it’s Kyungsoo.”

 

Silence.

 

Unbearable silence.

 

“I’m coming in Jongin…”

 

He opened the door and noticed so many lights were on. The desk lamp was even though the room was lit. What came next was a shocker. The previous neat and perfectly arranged room was now a chaotic mess. His broken easel lay on the floor, paints squished and splattered against the white walls and dark wooden floor. His bed was a mess with paper and junk littered everywhere. Laying in the middle of the junk nest was Jongin. He was sitting upright but his head was in between his knees as he hugged them.

 

Kyungsoo carefully made his way to the bed, taking note to watch his every step. He sat beside him, noticing the dried paint colored onto the canvas of his skin. His bones were also protruding out of his elbows and Kyungsoo felt it painful to see. A cast wrapped around his arm, and he could only assume it was from running into something or falling.

 

It wasn’t pitiful. Painful.

 

Painful because suddenly, it felt like it was him who couldn’t see.

 

“Jongin…”

 

No reply.

 

“Hey, are you going to ignore me now that I’m actually here?”

 

Silence ensued.

 

“Okay, should I leave?” he said, standing up. Immediately, Jongin broke from his shell and reached out towards Kyungsoo but was unable to find his hands. Disappointment from his part couldn’t escape Kyungsoo’s eyes. He took hold of Jongin’s retreating hand and guided it to his own wrist. Jongin slowly latched onto the skinny wrist and scrunched his eyes even more.

 

Not once did he open his eyes.

 

“I’m sorry Kyungsoo…”

 

“No, don’t apologize. You’ve done nothing wrong. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have run away like that.”

 

Jongin held the wrist tighter and Kyungsoo sat back down this time closer to Kyungsoo and letting their bodies come into contact. With their backs resting against the wall, Jongin leaned against Kyungsoo, letting his head rest on Kyungsoo’s shoulders.

 

“Doctor says that I’m one of the extremely rare cases where I lose all ability to see at such an early age. Usually for those who carry this mutation, they lose all sight at forty. I was prepared but then I saw you and your stupid umbrella and now I'm being stupid."

 

Kyungsoo hummed in response. He slid his wrist from Jongin’s grip and quickly wove his hand with the younger. His thumb traced the back of Jongin’s hand comfortingly.

 

“I don’t think you’re unlucky at all. I mean...seeing is an important factor to you but you can still feel right? Your heart is still warm and that's all that matters to me.”

 

“My father killed himself because he couldn’t cope without seeing. I’m not sure I can keep my sanity for a long time.”

 

“You can still hear my voice and know that I’m here. The fact that you’re here is enough for me,” said Kyungsoo, “I love you.”

 

Jongin stiffened. Then he buried his face inside of Kyungsoo’s neck and began to cry. His whimpers were quiet and heartbreaking, Kyungsoo couldn’t hold it together. He enveloped the younger in an embrace and rubbed soothing circles into his back while the other held hands tightly.

 

“It’s how you regard it. Human perception is not limited to only sight. I will not become your eyes because I believe you’re fully capable of seeing, but I will not leave your side. Ever.”

 

 

Author's Note:

I'm sorry/not sorry. I was half alive towards the end OTL