Sehun’s POV

A/N: ~~~~~~ = Flashbacks

           ******= Back to Present

         

           “Italicized words with quotation marks are EXO’s Miracles in December Lyrics” 

******

The cold winter breeze, deserted streets covered with sheer white snow I saw and felt as I walked with no destination became a perfect description of how I feel right now

 

 

 

 

 

Heaving a deep sigh, I reached out with outstretched arms to the flakes of snow falling against the tip of my finger tips.

 

“I was really cruel and heartless” I whispered to mere nothingness.

 

Without another thought, I ran and ran with no particular destination and was surprised that my feet had led me to the once beautiful park in our neighbourhood, the place which used to be my favorite place on earth.

 

Trudging through the thick blanket of snow, I saw the park bench, the place where our once upon a time had started.

 

Pretty much after I sat down on it, memories that have long been hidden, flooded into my brain.

 

“Chantelle“, I said in a soft voice filled with sadness and longing.

 

 

 

 

I remembered I used to be a complete loner back then. Chantelle had been the first person to ever approach me.

I also remembered it was a snowy cold December back then..  the same month and season as of  today..

 

 

The first time we met.

 

 

~~~~~

 

“Hello” she had greeted me with a friendly gaze in her eyes.

 

Now, who is this? I thought silently as I continued to gaze at her with a blank expression

 

“Can I sit here beside you?” she asked.

 

When I didn’t answer, she took my silence as a yes and sat down beside me. Tsk, so much for asking permission.

 

“My name is Chantelle Li.  What is yours?” she started again.

 

I just stared at her with a plain annoyed look in my face.

 

“You seemed so alone, I thought you needed company, so I approached you” she said and slowly cast her eyes down.

 

For a brief moment I saw a look of hurt and disappointment flash in her eyes, and that exactly didn’t make me feel so

good.

 

“I’m sorry I bothered you. I was very nosy. Goodbye, have a nice day.”

 

I didn’t know what in the earth had gotten into me, maybe I was guilty of being rude to her when she was just plain

concerned, but I whispered something that I would surely regret later on.

 

“Oh Sehun” I had whispered faintly, but I’m sure she heard it anyway.

 

“Huh? What did you just say? Oh Sehun?” she looked at me with a questioning gaze.

 

“You asked for my name right?” I replied and looked away from her.

 

She surprised me by smiling really wide. I swear I could see her eyes shining from happiness. And also what I didn’t expect is that I would be bothered by her presence. I swear I felt my heart skip a beat as I watch her smile at me for the first time.

 

Then, I realized that she was indeed beautiful, with her jet-black wavy hair and chinky eyes. She seemed like an angel, with the silvery snow around her seemed to create a halo of their own.

 

*****

 

 

 

 

I then remembered the second time we had talked at the snowy park bench. She had talked a lot, I was bothered by the personal things she was sharing with me, she seemed as if the world could not get any better than this. A smile was perpetually attached to her face as blabbered about everything that she could think of.

 

 

From that time onwards, gradually, without me realizing it, I had opened myself to her. And as time passes, bonds

between us grew and developed into something deeper, a foreign emotion that the naïve me had failed to recognize.

 

 

 

 

 

 

But now, every memory of her voice is a dagger, a constant painful reminder of how we used to be, before I ruined everything.

 

 

*****

 

 

“It seems as if everything in my world reminds me of you…”

 

 

With a heavy heart, I stood up from the park bench and strolled around the park.

 

 

 

I shook my head, trying to put her out of my mind, but it seemed like wherever I look, I see her, everything somehow

remind me of her.

 

Then, it struck me, she still haunts me, like the chains that binds me forever disguised as memories and regret.

 

 

*****

 

 

 

 

The cold winter breeze picked up speed, instinctively I looked up only to see big snowflakes grazing at my now red tinted, flushed from the cold.

 

I then remembered the time when you parents had warned me, never to speak to you again.

 

 

I got angry, seeing their judgemental perspective of me, judging me without knowing the depths of my heart.

 

I took out my anger at her, I told her to stay away from me.

 

Yet…

 

She continued to talk to me, continued to sit with me at the park bench, continued to be the sunshine of my dark life.

 

 

*****

 

 

One day, she confessed to me, she had told me she loved me, despite her parent’s warnings, despite my cold attitude.

 

She had accepted me for who I am.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then to protect her from getting tainted by my darkness, thinking she deserved someone better, I rejected her heart…

With the coldest glare I could muster and the words…

 

“I don’t like you, I never did. Please get out of my life. You are the greatest emotional nuisance I had encountered.”

 

I saw her heart break in front of me, and as I saw her tears streaming down her porcelain cheeks, I felt like my heart was being torn too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I wanted to run after her, and ask for her forgiveness, yet, I had decided that it was better that way, but as the pain in my heart increases I regretted the choice I had made.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I had loved her from the very beginning. I had give her my heart to her the first time she smiled at me.

 

Slowly,  everything made sense to me – the way my heart flutters when I see her smile, the way I feel butterflies in my stomach whenever she laughs, the pain in my heart when I saw her cry over her dead dog…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*****

 

 

“Back then I didn’t understand how precious love was…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*****

 

I slowly wiped the tears that had flowed from my eyes as I said…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A bitter smile graces my lips as I remember the days of December when I had been the happiest…

 

But, also the December where one mistake had cost me everything…

 

 

*****

 

 

“If I could freeze time…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Chantelle, I miss you… I miss you so much. I still love you. I still do.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I miss you... I'm sorry..."

 

 

 

 

“If I could go back in time, If I change it, will I still have you by my side?”