^{_{. .}} ten ^{_{. .}}

The hot water flows steadily along his bare skin, its way over his stitched temple to his distinct jawline as it keeps running through the sides of his neck and pushing forward his well-sculpted chest until swirling down the drain. Pressing his forehead and arms against the cold bathroom tiles, he ignores the water flushing over his closed eyes and partly opened lips, ash-brown drenched strands now glued to his skin.

Hyukjae’s head buzzes ever so loudly, all the emotions now dominating him like a downpour of acid rain, eating him inside out and leaving him hanging with trembling hands and superficially heaving chest as inside his mind he wanders fifteen minutes back in time. He’s already contemplating the consequences of his insane nightly courage, wondering if his decisions for now are anything but good or worthwhile.

It might even be the stupidest decision during his short lifetime, yet still, he’s not going to take all that back even when he’s extremely uncertain about everything this change would bring to his life. There’s a load of bad habits and manners he’s grown used to, and now he’s supposed to become at least a somewhat decent person and preferably get rid of them. But how is he going to do all that?

As the bathroom starts to fill with steam due to the hot water that’s already stinging against his skin, Hyukjae feels a little light-headed. Getting into the shower seemed like a good idea to clear his head, but now his head is everything but. The fact that Donghae is most likely in the living room looking after his daughter makes him dread getting out of the shower.

It seems as if the air has gotten thicker, his breathing a bit too heavy when he finally turns the temperature to the almost opposite end. The water turns cooler, and Hyukjae turns around to lean his back against the wall. His head is full of questions and expectations, fears and unshared thoughts that keep haunting him, making him actually feel like he’s soon going to burst if he could not let any of them out. He knows he needs Donghae’s help to get started with this, but is the nurse ready for that? Hyukjae has already asked quite a lot from a guy who shouldn’t have gotten involved in this at all to begin with, and the younger man still dislikes him. But it’s a fact he desperately needs Donghae’s help and knowledge if he doesn’t want to fail when he hasn’t yet even passed the starting line.

Just thinking about Donghae, Hyukjae’s thoughts roam back to high school. He remembers the time when he still tried; tried to ask Donghae to hang out as they used to, but all he ever got was the more frequenting ‘no’s and ‘I don’t know’s. He was left behind without a proper reason, and with time he grew bitter about it. He didn’t have the guts to ask why. What made the younger’s new friends suddenly so much better than he ever was? He always thought they got along better than most at that age.

And the lonely nights lying on his bed, thinking what had gone wrong, never really left him entirely. Donghae had definitely stolen a piece of him, and even after now, he isn’t really over it.

Hyukjae rubs his fingertips over his face as he exhales in exasperation and shakes his head slowly. It’s stupid to think about the past now. He knows his late childhood is full of downs and he doesn’t really want to dig any deeper into them now. He has a lot more important things to think about, when he finally foams some shampoo into his slick strands of hair, deciding to get rid of all those unnecessary thoughts.

For a moment, he reminisces the shared words with his daughter, and he lets his hands fall off his hair as the water rinses the shampoo off by itself. The word ‘daddy’ still has mostly a threatening tone inside his head, but there’s something in it that makes his chest warm up a little, too. The fact that Jaemin talked to him with so many words at once overwhelms him. And to be honest, everything does now. He takes a deep breath before he closes the tap, stepping out of the compound of a shower cubicle and bath tub. Hyukjae runs his fingers though his hair, ruffling the wet mop before taking a clean towel for himself.

As he dries himself he tries to come up with words how to convince the younger man to his side. It’s true that the dislike is not only one-sided, when Hyukjae finds himself more often than not pretty annoyed over Donghae’s behavior towards him. The way he constantly belittles him is irritating and downward dejecting. They used to bicker a lot whilst younger, but it’s not the same. He unconsciously wishes their relationship—or the lack of it—to get better, at least a little, if he’s going to have to spend some time with him. If they could at least try to get along, it might even be nice.

He regrets admitting it, but he still misses those times when they were just two friends who could rely on each other and have fun even how y life sometimes did get.

Absent-mindedly, the male rolls the towel around his waist, opening the lock of the bathroom door as he proceeds to walk towards his bedroom. He hears the sounds of TV in the distance and he bites his lower lip when his hand grips the door handle and he steps inside. But contradictory to what he has expected, he notices he’s not alone as Donghae is there too, putting the clothes he used yesterday into his bag and taking out a medium-sized notebook and a ball-point pen. It does seem like the younger is aware of his presence, but has decided to ignore him.

“What are you doing?” Hyukjae then asks, the question just slipping through his lips. He turns his back towards the other guy, opening the double-doors of his wardrobe, searching for something to put on.

An orange pencil is hanging between Donghae’s crooked teeth as he takes a look of the bare, still damp back of Hyukjae’s. It’s been a long time—a really long time when was the last time he’s seen the older like this, and he must admit that the latter’s torso looks entirely different now compared to the one that belonged to a teenager.  His eyes briefly trail the ridges and furrows of his muscles, rushing back off of him when Hyukjae, without a strike a note of warning, lets his towel drop down to the floor. Donghae hauls his eyes down onto his bag and med school books when the older pulls on his red boxers, and stops to ponder which pants to put on.

“Just packing my stuff,” Donghae mumbles, finally daring to rise his gaze back up when Hyukjae struggles with his denim jeans and turns more towards the dark haired nurse. The latter tightens his belt, eyes partly examining the younger and partly off into his own thoughts.

“Thought I could do some studying while watching the tv…” Donghae continues, likewise ogling how the tips of Hyukjae’s fringe dangle against his forehead, and how his pecs actually could rival his own. And he realizes how much Hyukjae has changed in every aspect he’s aware of.

The elder turns back to the wardrobe to pick himself a shirt, eventually going with a dark grey college one. He his lips as he thinks about opening up with the obvious matter to the other, although not enjoying the thought.

“Hey Donghae,” he starts as he pulls the shirt over his head.

“What?” Donghae is now already at the door, hugging the books against his chest. He feels a little cold inside, and his head keeps thudding loudly, as parts of his past has started to circle inside his head again.

Hyukjae takes a note of the somewhat awkward tension in the air. He sighs, as he takes a pair of socks out of the closet before brushing his fringe off his eyes. He bites his lower lip again, cursing himself out the window; he hates to say it out loud that he needs the younger.

“I… I have not spent a day with the girl alone before. I have no idea what should I be doing,” he confesses, giving Donghae a pleading look, “So I was hoping that… That you could help me out.”

“Hyukjae, I—,“ Donghae opens his mouth, but the brown haired male cuts him off.

“I know it’s too much to ask. Everything is,” Hyukjae sighs, “You obviously can’t stand me but I have no choice. Please, help me get started? I know nothing about kids.”

Donghae sighs in return. If he’s being entirely honest, he was expecting this. He was expecting the fact that Hyukjae would need someone to get him on the right track. He stares at the man, closing his eyes in irritation. In a way, he wants to see if Hyukjae’s really going to do this. And it’s a fact Donghae has more knowledge about kids than Hyukjae—a lot through his work at the ER, but some even from way back during the last years of high school and first years of university when he used to actually babysit some kids from his neighborhood to get more money.

But there are cons to his assents, yet he knows he can’t really refuse. His mother’s words ring inside his head again, loud and clear, and maybe helping Hyukjae out is the least he could do. Despite trying to hide it for years, he’s always felt remorse of how he ruined their friendship back then. His personality definitely has its flaws, and he’s more aware of them than he usually lets on. But admitting his mistakes has always been a hard bite for him to swallow.

He grunts in frustration and stomps his foot, growling quietly.

“Fine, fine... Today, I’ll help you out with this but tomorrow I have to go to work, so you’re on your own.”

“Alright. I don’t know how to pay you back but… I appreciate this, really,” he says with a milder, more serious yet soft tone.

Donghae scoffs at him out of habit, seeing a glimpse of the ‘old Hyukjae’ he knew, and it scares him. Hyukjae has changed, but he’s pretty sure he’s still the same boy underneath everything, and he doesn’t know how to take it. Instead, he tries to think the actual matter at hand. Leaning against the doorjamb, he opens his mouth.

“I think the first thing we’ll have to do is to get you some necessary stuff to get this rolling… And I guess that means some shopping. The girl needs more clothes and whatnot. You have any money for that?”

“Something. I guess it’ll do.” Hyukjae’s not really delighted about the thought of going shopping anything, because as far as he remembers, he greatly dislikes it. With any of his old exes he has done the mistake to tag along, he regrets every single one of them. “I hate shopping, though.”

“Great. We’ll both have a blast,” Donghae huffs and shifts the books on his arms, giving the elder a wry look although the thought of shopping isn’t as bad as he first thought it might be.

Hyukjae rolls his eyes, but a little grin hovers the corner of his lips as he walks past Donghae to the hallway, the latter following right after him.

“So...” the brunet mutters, glancing at the clock on his phone’s screen he’s been holding on his fingers. It’s a little past eleven in the afternoon, and it’s already Monday. It feels like the time has both dragged at the same time it feels like it could have been more than just two days.

“Should we get going or do you want to study first?” Hyukjae continues absent-mindedly, ignoring the one new message on his phone’s screen. It seems to be from Taehyung, and knowing him it’s probably nothing too important.

Donghae looks at him a little weirdly with raised eyebrows.

“Well, if you don’t mind, I could read through this one chapter and then we could probably go?”

“Alright,” the other answers with a neutral shrug.

Donghae furrows his brows, nodding. He doesn’t know why, but Hyukjae lets out a different gist today. Maybe the decision to keep the girl has actually made an impact on him—which doesn’t seem very possible but maybe it really is the matter. Maybe Hyukjae is actually serious.

Donghae clacks his tongue as his head goes a little blank, and he realizes Hyukjae seems to be waiting for him to say something. But Hyukjae then coughs a little awkwardly, obviously wanting to say something himself.

Everything that's going through the latter's mind makes him slightly uncomfortable. He doesn’t know where to start, and the uncertainty about this new, big change makes him anxious. Where does being a father begin?

“You know, is there something I could...read or anything...?”

Donghae an eyebrow, baffled and surprised about the silent determination he’s now seeing through Hyukjae’s dark eyes.

“Well...” the younger bites the inside of his cheek, “If you have an internet connection, Google is your new best friend with this.” He smirks a little, finding it amusing that Hyukjae now looks like a light bulb just went on inside his head.

“Oh.”

With an old laptop on his hand, Hyukjae goes to the living room, taking in the sight of his four year old silently watching the cartoons going on TV. The girl is snuggled at the other end of the couch, the familiar toy dog tightly embraced against her body. She seems occupied on the children’s show, and with a gulp Hyukjae proceeds to go sit next to her.

Biting the bottom lip of his, he sits down and places the laptop on top of his thighs. He takes a brief look of the talking sheep on the TV screen, the pc already open yet his thoughts are swirling from here to there.

He gulps down some nonexistent saliva, contemplating if he should make an effort for speaking to the girl. It’s so weird though, since the past years he’s always been living alone, and now he has two additional roommates with him instead.

“Um, what are we watching?” he eventually asks, uncertain, waiting for a reaction from the girl.

At the same moment Donghae walks in, looking around.

The younger has obviously heard what Hyukjae just said, but he remains silent as he, too, waits if the girl’s going to answer. The amount of words she used in the morning are still hammered into his mind, and to be honest the whole conversation before will probably be remembered for a long time. The moment and the shy hug shared between the father and daughter is glued to in the back of his mind, and even how much he tries to convince himself otherwise, it managed to warm his heart up a lot. And it might just help him start seeing Hyukjae in a mildly different light when the man actually tries to interact with her more. He’s sure it means a lot to the girl, and every effort Hyukjae would make for her, would help her come out of her shell. Maybe it will take time, but it might be the case when time passes by if Hyukjae won’t give up on trying.

He quietly contemplates taking the small gap between Hyukjae and the last free part of the couch, but he makes up his mind as he only takes a pillow and sits on the floor with his school books. He opens the first book, but his attention is still at the girl and Hyukjae.

Jaemin has turned to gaze back at her father, pursing her lips as she then points to the TV screen and tilts her head just slightly.

Hyukjae glances at the TV.

“Those are sheep, right?” he wonders out loud. “Do you like this show?”

She gives the man a shy smile, but manages to show them her gums. Her eyes are sparkling a little behind her dark lashes.

Donghae swallows inaudibly at the similarity between Jaemin’s smile and the image of Hyukjae’s bright smile in his memories.

Nevertheless if she didn’t actually say what she thinks, Hyukjae feels warmer because of even this kind of an answer. He hums with a nod, and his eyes wander to Donghae, who turns his own away just before the moment their gazes would have met. But for now, Hyukjae doesn’t feel too disheartened. He turns to look back at his laptop screen, writing down the first headword that he comes up with about parenting.

And seeing the endless amount of articles, he takes a deep breath as he clicks the first one open.

Here we go.

He’s still afraid and certainly feeling as lost as ever, the thought of running away still nagging loudly at him, but for starters, he’s a stubborn person. He’s decided to do this, and so he will. He knows he’s going to regret this more likely sooner than later, but for once in his life, there’s actually some meaning in it again. It’s the first time in years when he’s actually decided to pursue something, and although it’s one hell of monster for him now, he wants to fight it.

If there’s nothing else good in him, he could at least try give his daughter a place where she’s not treated like trash anymore.

Forty-five minutes later Hyukjae finds himself being mentally knocked down after the flood of information he’s desperately tried to swallow. A deep scowl is plastered on his forehead as he shakes his head in an attempt to cool off his buzzing mind.

He lets out a frustrated grunt, and Donghae lifts his eyes up from his own books rather curiously, cocking up his eyebrow. It seems like he might already understand what Hyukjae’s problem actually is, as he closes his medical books on his lap.

“Hyukjae,” Donghae calls him out eventually, head little tilted to the side.

His eyes are a bit mocking when Hyukjae gives him a look of disbelief.

“What?” Hyukjae sounds annoyed, and his eyes stare the younger with a daze full of inward struggling.

“I’m done reading,” Donghae answers matter-of-factly. “You look like you could use a break as well. I can literally see smoke coming out of your head.”

“Oh yeah?” Hyukjae deadpans.

The nurse gives him a shrug.

“So what about a trip to the nearest mall now?”

The older male sighs heavily, taking a look of the girl sitting on his right who now turns to look back at him with round, innocent eyes.

“Alright, let’s go then,” Hyukjae mutters and stands up from the couch, stretching his arms after putting the laptop on top of the coffee table-box. “I think anything is better than those soul crushing articles about '5 tips of sneezing your kid right', or '20 ways of how to not raise a drug-dealer' and '5 symptoms of how you at being a parent' at the moment anyway.”

Donghae rolls his eyes. He’s pretty sure the next two weeks might give him a headache before it has properly even started.

an 0729:  err... sorry... it's been a while!
this sort of a filler chapter. at first I thought it might be okay as a longer one but then I changed my mind...

anyways... I hope you like it although it might be a little boring.
the next chapter will come sooner and be more interesting- I promise... ;;;

ps. in the meantime I finished an oneshot, a ty one. if you yet haven't checked it out please do so now kk??
I personally like quite a lot how it turned out.

Run Back To Me