You melt like chocolate candy
In this exact moment, you’re electric heart

Gwiboon had never seen the older girl so upset. She was over at Eunsook’s house before their night shift, enjoying some free time to just hang out when Eunsook’s brother, Kyungsoo, had rushed into her room handing off her phone and Eunsook had taken the call out. Her blush let Gwiboon know that she was talking to Jonghyun, the boy that she couldn’t shut up about. Rolling her eyes, she had been content to finish painting her nails in silence while Eunsook took the call out into the hallway. That was until Eunsook had come back into the room, red faced and crying.

Not wanting to get her wet nail polish, a vibrant pink, on her friend, Gwiboon patted the older girl’s back and let her cry it out. She would tell her what had happened eventually, but Gwiboon knew that somehow that stupid boy had made her cry and she vowed that he was going to pay.

All the meaning of the world disappears
You and I are the only two left

“Oh, Gwi, I’m so sorry,” Eunsook hiccupped, unable to control her sobs. “I couldn’t tell him, I c-couldn’t….” Eunsook had been debating whether or not to tell Jonghyun about her heart condition for the past several weeks as they had become closer, but she just couldn’t bring herself to do it.

“Sh, it’s okay, unnie. It’s okay,” the shorter girl patted her back comfortingly. Eunsook was so thankful for her quiet understanding; Gwiboon was the only person who really knew about her and Jonghyun and, consequently, how she felt when it came to telling other people about her condition. The fact that she had been in love with Jonghyun the idol for years and was quickly falling head-over-heels for the real Jonghyun now, made her even more afraid of the power he had over her. If she told him and walked away, he would break her heart.

“Unnie, come on, sit down. Let’s finish the movie okay. Just calm down and we can talk about it later, alright?” Gwiboon led her to her recently vacated spot on the futon in Eunsook's room and moved to resume the movie, a Thai movie that starred Gwiboon’s crush Nichkun from the popular band 2PM. She swooned every time he was on the screen, especially because his character was a runner that wore short shorts and was very sweaty.

Eunsook slowly calmed down but was still too lost in her thoughts to pay much attention to the movie.

Although she had tried to keep Jonghyun at an arm’s length, he had wormed his way into her heart and she had let herself get too attached, get too caught up in the fantasy. Regardless of her heart condition, she should have been more cautious about how fast she was falling, because no matter what he said to her she was still a nobody while he was a famous singer. He was known all around the world and loved by everyone, whereas she was a girl who worked in a nightclub.

She had nothing to her name, no college education, no fancy job, nothing. She was average looking at best and knew that while men found her face attractive, they found her body lacking. Her last boyfriend had been particularly harsh, urging her to lose weight and dress more like the girl kpop idols. Even if Eunsook had wanted to, she couldn’t lose weight. Her doctor forbid her to go on any diets and her medications caused her to retain water. She wasn’t huge by any means, but she knew that she wasn’t desirable either.

But Jonghyun was always telling her how beautiful she was, had always insisted that he liked her just the way she was. After that first kiss, they hadn’t gone much further, but the way that his hands explored her body, showed her that he wasn't lying.

As he would walk her home from work, he would grab her around the waist, squeeze her to him and move his hands up and down her back, tickling her sides until she pushed him away, laughing. When they kissed, he would grab onto her hips and moan, kneading her skin as the kiss deepened until she would inevitably break it, needing to catch her breath and slow her heart.

Not only was Eunsook wary of his reaction to her physical state should they ever take things further, she was also worried about how he would react to the fact that she was sick, terminally so.

Eunsook couldn't remember a time when she wasn't on the heart transplant list, but she was such a high-risk patient that no hospital wanted to operate on her. Her regular heart doctor was no miracle surgeon and refused to operate on her, fearing that she would die from the strain of the surgery. It scared Eunsook whenever she really thought about it, it had caused her to go into a deep depression in high school when she realized she could never go to college, could never survive (literally) in a high stress environment. Besides, her family could never afford to send her to college and pay for her ever-present medical bills, so she had been forced to work.

Her younger brother Kyungsoo had been the one to drag her out of her depression. Although he was the younger sibling, he had always been the one to take care of her. One day, he had come home from school and found her passed out on the floor, late for work. Frantic, he had dumped water on her face and cradled her head as she startled awake. He was so upset that Eunsook didn’t know what to do. She had never seen him like this and it scared her, she didn’t know what would happen if she wasn’t here anymore. Would her baby bother be able to handle it?

Focused on staying healthy and positive, Eunsook had Kyungsoo’s hair and told him that everything would be all right.

As months passed and she became more involved at work and happier in general, she began making friends and soon began seeing one of her coworkers. Although their relationship started out strong and Chansung often reassured her that he was fine taking things slowly, he soon began to push for more. Finally, Eunsook had to tell him about her heart condition, which stopped her from being able to have , at least in the rushed way that he was usually seeking. A few days later, he had texted her saying that it was over.

The three other boyfriends she had had since then all ended the same way. No matter what they said in the beginning, they always wanted more from her and she just couldn’t give it. None of them ever asked her what she wanted or asked her what she could give them. No, instead they assumed that she was completely unable and unwilling and decided to move on without her.

While none of these boys had been remarkable, it still stung her to know that she was less-than, that she was undesirable to her partners.

This is what scared her most about being with Jonghyun. Thus far, he had been unlike any other guy she had ever dated, seriously or casually. He was attentive and always asked her what she wanted. He had even had the decency to ask her if it was all right before he kissed her. It had been their first kiss and he had taken the time to ask her!

That night alone had made her fall madly, deeply in love with him. But there was always this nagging at the back of her mind. No matter how sweet he was, she just knew that he would leave her just like the others. She needed to end things now before it was too late and her heart was broken beyond repair.

When he had sent her the song, she was impressed and felt honored that he had shared it with her. As a huge fan, she knew that his was a new song and could recognize his style easily. But she had never thought in a million years that he had written it for her - about her.

The song tugged on her heartstrings now, making her eyes water again at the conflicting emotions. How could she love him so much when they had really own known each other for a few weeks?

A loud banging reached her ears, and she and Gwiboon both turned their heads at the same time. Someone was knocking on the front door, and Eunsook heard her brother answer, “Hello? Hey! You can’t just-“

Curious and needing to make sure everything was okay, Eunsook stepped into the hallway, motioning for Gwiboon to continue watching the movie. As she turned back around and continued towards the front door, she ran into something solid. Startled, she looked up and saw none other than Kim Jonghyun.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, unable to believe her eyes.

“I had to see you,” he said, reaching for her but dropping his hands to his side. “Can we talk in your room, I just need-“

“No, you can NOT,” Gwiboon snapped, joining them in the hallway.

“Gwi-“ Eunsook started, but the younger raised an eyebrow at her, effectively silencing her. She knew that look and that it was best to keep shut.

“You have some nerve, Kim Jonghyun,” Gwiboon stepped forward, poking him in the chest. “You make Eunsook cry and then come here, asking to speak to her. Get the out of here!” At this she raised her hand as if to strike him, but Eunsook intervened.

“No! Gwiboon, please.”

The younger only glared at her, unhappy that she had been interrupted.

“Please, I just... I’ll talk to him, okay. It’ll just be a little bit.” Eunsook looked imploringly at her friend, who seemed to cave.

“Fine, but I am going to be right out here in the living room, so you just yell if you need me to kick his , got it?” She brushed past Jonghyun, pushing him in the wall.

Sending him an apologetic look, Eunsook walked into her room and Jonghyun followed, closing the door behind him.

“Eunsook, I am so sorry! I had to see you.”

Taking a deep breath, she steeled herself for whatever he had to say. She was afraid that he had come looking for answers and she knew that the one way to get rid of him would be to tell him the truth.

Steeling herself, she looked up. “Jonghyun, it’s fine. Really.”

He smiled at her, melting her heart that much more. Moving toward her, he stopped when there was barely an arm’s length separating them, but made no move to touch her.

“Eunsook, please. Please rethink this. Please tell me what’s going on.”

“Jonghyun, I can’t do this. I’m sorry, I just can’t. You don’t understand –“

“So help me understand!”

Taking a deep breath, she tried to keep her voice steady, “Jonghyun-ah, I can’t be your girlfriend because we won’t last. I know that’s not what you want to hear and I’m sorry if I was leading you on but I can’t be with you. There’s no future for us.”

Eunsook was staring at him, trying to stay strong even as her heart broke to see th eway his face crumpled, making him look completely and utterly lost.

“Noona, please. Just tell me why. I thought that we were having a good time. I-I feel so good when I’m with you. Don’t you feel that too?” She could hear his voice crack and waver, and knew that if he began crying she wouldn’t be able to continue, she would cave.

“Jonghyun, I told you. You don’t know everything about me and it just won’t work.”

“So tell me! You don’t know everything about me either, but I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you everything, I’ll tell you anything you want to know. Just give us a chance.”

On the brink of breaking, Eunsook decides to just say it, rip it off like a band-aid.

“Kim Jonghyun, while these past few weeks have been amazing and I am so glad that I got to know you better - got to know the real you - I can’t be with you. I am sick, very sick, and there is no future with me that wouldn’t be filled with hospital visits and complications. You deserve better than that, and I know that you have so much to offer-“

But before she could get out another word, her tears threatening to overtake her, Jonghyun was embracing her, kissing her forehead.

“Shh, shh,” he whispered into her hair, holding her close. “Eunsook-ah, what’s wrong. You can tell me? What do you mean you’re sick?”

“I have a heart condition, Jonghyun. My heart doesn’t work like it should and I need a new one but it's hopeless. I can’t do all of the things that I want to, I can’t be the person I want to be because I’m like this. I’m broken. I’m not perfect. I’m not what you need-“

But before she could finish, he interrupted her with a bruising kiss. She gasped at the sensation, this was exactly what she needed, what she craved, but it just made things that much harder – for both of them.

“Eunsook-ah, don’t ever say that you’re not perfect. You are exactly what I need, what I want.”

She began crying even harder at the earnestness of his voice. She had been through this before, they always say that it’s all right, that they’ll be fine, but it never lasts.

“No,” she says, trying to move away. He releases her but not fully; still touching her but giving her the room she needs to breathe. “No, Jonghyun. It won’t work. This is the same thing over and over and I’m tired of it. I’m tired of putting my heart and soul into a relationship and having it crumble in the end. I can’t handle it. My heart can’t handle it. I love you too much, I-”

“I love you, too,” he says, catching her off guard.

“…What? I didn’t-“

“Eunsook-ah. I. Love. You. Too. I’m not sure what happened in the past but I’m in this for good.” He smiled at her, that smile that she loves because it’s the smile he saves just for her. His hand moves to cup her chin so that she’s looking up in to his eyes, his soul laid out before her in those brown orbs.

“You are the only person I feel comfortable with. I know we’ve only known each other for a month but I am seriously in love with you and there is no future for me without you in it.” He tilted his head down slightly so that their foreheads touched and she shivered at the intimacy.

“Jonghyun, I can’t ask you to-“

“You don’t have to ask, Eunsook. You don’t have to do anything except let me in. Let me love you. Please."

And as she looked into his eyes, moving as if in a trance, her body betraying her, she kissed him and realized that she already had.

I go crazy from that stare of yours
My heart feels like it'll explode

“Babe, come on! The show’s about to start,” Jonghyun whined at his girlfriend - the word making him light with happiness. Like most nights, she was over at his apartment and he wanted to cuddle her to death, but tonight there was a special agenda. His new song had been released and he had been promoting it for the past two weeks. The show that he had filmed earlier today was about to air and he wanted Eunsook to see it and to hear exactly what he had said when the host had asked him about his new song.

Eunsook came from the kitchen, a plate of cookies in one hand and a glass of milk in the other. She set the two things on the coffee table and he pulled her down to sit next to him. He loved how comfortable they were together.

She smiled as he kissed her temple, and he cherished the moment. He hated that he was so busy with schedules and his life as an idol. Ever minute away from her was another minute wasted as far as he was concerned.

The show began and she pushed him away, sinking back into the couch and his embrace so that she could watch the show. He smirked at her, knowing that she secretly loved it when he was clingy. The hosts were talking back and forth but as soon as they started playing Noona, You’re So Pretty he shifted his attention back to the screen.

Even though he had been promoting his new song, he had done something a little special for this show and was desperate to see her reaction. It had been hard to work on a new song when she was constantly around him, not that he was complaining, but he had somehow managed it. He was very proud of his new song and couldn’t help but feel a swell of pride at how apt the title was: Electric Heart.

Although Eunsook was still hesitant about his reaction to her condition, he honestly didn’t see what the big deal was. She had a bad heart but that didn’t mean that she was defective, didn’t mean that he was going to love her any less.

She laughed at something the hosts were saying, but he was too nervous to laugh along.

“So,” the host asked him on the television screen, “your new song is a big hit! It’s a very catchy tune and has a very sweet message for someone your age. How did you come up with the song? Did you have a special noona in mind while writing it?” The host leaned in, winking at him conspiratorially.

At this point, it was no secret that the famous Kim Jonghyun had a girlfriend. Even though they had tried to keep Eunsook anonymous, a few rogue fans and lurking paparazzi had followed them and snapped her picture. The now famous picture of them sitting together at a local café, Eunsook laughing and Jonghyun leaning over the table, holding her hand and gazing at her tenderly, was displayed on the screen as Jonghyun responded to the host’s question.

“Haha, yes, I had a very specific person in mind.” Some of the audience laughed at this while others, mostly girl fans, moaned or booed. Thankfully these sentiments never bothered Eunsook, but Jonghyun still disliked that people disrespected her so publicly.

“And how does she feel about having a song of her very own?”

“Oh, she loves it. It made her cry,” Jonghyn winks at the camera, having known full well that she would be watching this later that night with him. Eunsook hits his stomach admonishingly but continues watching the tv.

“Would you mind singing it for us?” the tv host asks him, following the show’s script. Jonghyun, however, had a much different agenda in mind.

“Actually, I have a new song that I’ve been working on and would love to share with you, if you all don’t mind,” at this he turned and addressed the audience. They screamed in excitement and Jonghyun smiled widely.

Perfect.

“Oh! Well, of course, Jonghyun-ssi. Please,” he motioned for one of the show staff members to bring Jonghyun his guitar. As he accepted it and began tuning it, he looked a little past the audience and met his manager’s eye. Kibum did not look happy at this change of plans and Jonghyun potentially releasing a song that the company wouldn’t like, but he could care less.

Jonghyun began strumming his guitar and addressed the audience once again. “This song is dedicated to a special someone and is called Electric Heart,” and then he began to sing.

You melt like chocolate candy
In this exact moment, you're electric heart
Stop all your eyes at this time
Right now, I'm electric heart...
 

As the song began, Eunsook had stiffened at his side, but as he watched her throughout the entire song he could see the emotion in her eyes. She loved it and he couldn’t wait for his reward.

When the song came to a close, he strummed the last chord and the song faded to silence. The silence lasted for a few seconds and Jonghyun worries that they didn't like it, when suddenly the crowd erupts into cheers and applause. Jonghyun bows his head and smiles into the camera, knowing just who is on the other side of that lens.

“So…” he asks now, moving forward to mute the show. “What did you think?” He gently prodded her, poking her in the ticklish spot just under her ribcage.

Body still stiff and voice a little removed, she looked him right in the eyes and asked, “What were you thinking?”

Confused by the question he hesitantly responded, “Well... I was thinking that I wrote another song for you...and wanted to share it with the world, with you, really-“

“Exactly,” she exhaled, barely audible. He moved forward to hear her better. “Why didn’t you just sing it to me? Why didn’t you just tell me? No, instead you share something you wrote for me, something personal, with all of those people and not with me.”

“eunsook-ah...," he entreated, cupping her face in his hand and wiping away a tear of frustration that had slipped down her cheek, "that’s not what I meant. That’s not… It’s….” but he couldn’t think of anything else to say. He should have known that she would react this way, she was a very private person and here he had gone and basically announced his feelings to the whole world.

“Omo, I’m sorry... But, really, everyone knows how I feel about you-“ but he was cut off when she glared at him, moving back so that his hand hangs in the air between them.

“You don’t get it, do you? I am not upset because people will know how you feel. I’m upset because you basically told everyone how I feel. How I treat you. You told them about my heart, Jonghyun. My heart.” A sinking feeling settled in Jonghyun’s stomach and he was stunned that he hadn’t thought for a single moment about her in this, other than how she would love his confession, would be thrilled by this broadcast of his feelings for her.

“Eunsook, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t,” she said, getting up and heading to his bedroom. He followed her, his hands itching to do something - anything - to comfort her but recognizing that she needed space. When he saw that she started to gather her things, he couldn’t take it any longer and entered the room.

Walking up behind her, he rested his head on her back, wrapping his arms around her so that she stilled.

“Eunsook-ah, I’m sorry, please don’t go,” he whispered, afraid of her answer.

Sighing, Eunsook's shoulders shook slightly as she took a deep breath. “Jonghyun, I’m not leaving,” she exhaled. “I just needed to think, so I came in here to clean up! Aish, you are so needy.” At her teasing tone, he knew that she wasn’t really upset. Smiling, he turned her around and pushed her gently onto the bed, hovering above her and taking in the sweet curve of her face, the dazzling brilliance of her returning smile as she shook of her frustration. Gods she was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on.

He loved seeing her like this and loved that they had been taking their relationship slowly, at least physically. Without a doubt, they were both head-over-heels in love with each other, but he had insisted on taking things slow. was important, but he valued her well-being more than his need to get laid. And although they hadn’t gone the whole way, they had definitely tried new things and released some of their growing in equally pleasurable ways.

She reached her hand up behind his neck, grabbing his hair and dragging him to her lips. He willingly obliged her silent request, losing himself to the feeling of her soft, pliant body beneath him. His hands roamed over every inch he could reach, loving the moans that she released, opening to grant him further access to her sweet mouth.

Jonghyun shivered at the feelings coursing through him. In this moment, he realized just how much he relied on her. Just how much Eunsook truly meant to him. His life before her seemed so empty now, so lonely, that he was afraid that he would never be okay again without her by his side. His heart thumped steadily in his chest as his hands raced across her skin, drawing her blouse up until he could tickle her sides, pinching her waist lightly before he lost all concentration at the needy sounds escaping from .

It’s closer to fear than uneasiness
From this continuous shiver that seems like a dream