It takes a bit of coaxing on Jessica's part. Mostly, it involves isolating Taeyeon behind the closed doors of practice rooms, dorm bathrooms and abandoned dressing rooms at the broadcast stations for impromptu make out sessions, but Jessica does what she can to extract a few kisses from the girl. It doesn't take long for Taeyeon to gather the nerve to start seeking Jessica out too. In fact, the ice princess gets surprised one day, after vocal lessons, when Taeyeon takes her hand and leads her to an empty practice room, down the corridor. Jessica almost asks Taeyeon if everything's okay, but instead, she gets pushed against the back of a door with Taeyeon’s lips eagerly meeting hers.

They kiss a lot these days and, even if it feels like a lot, it's never enough because it's always rushed between packed schedules and avoiding eyes of their members and staff. Whenever they do get their moments together though, Jessica doesn't have to think twice about treasuring them. She weaves her hand into the girl’s hair and tries to pull her in even closer, but Taeyeon suddenly yelps.

Jessica pulls her lips away from the girl, in worry. “W-what's wrong?” Jessica panics, thinking that she's triggered Taeyeon’s anxiety somehow.

“A-ah, your bracelet,” Taeyeon chuckles with her head awkwardly kinked to the side.

‘Oh—OH!’ Jessica finally sees the strands of black and blonde pinched in the seam of her bracelet. “Sorry!” Jessica giggles and tries to untangle the unfortunate hairs that end up getting torn in the process anyways.

Taeyeon laughs and rubs at the slight throb on her skull where her roots have been pulled from. “It's fine,” she giggles briefly, only to have the sting subside as she gets refocused on Jessica’s mouth. 

Jessica can easily see the girl’s face shift from a silly smile to something that looks far softer. “Where were we?” Jessica asks quietly, letting her fingers pull gently at Taeyeon’s collar, guiding her back into a friendlier proximity.

“Somewhere around here, I think,” Taeyeon whispers through a soft grin before closing the rest of the space between them. Their lips meet again and Taeyeon’s not as shy as she was just a week ago. Her suppressed feelings for the girl finally have an outlet and she would be stupid not to relieve the pressure like this; she'd be a fool not to kiss the girl with the weight of her world behind the gesture.

And Jessica has no complaints about this arrangement.

She wraps her arms around the other girl’s neck and pulls their bodies flush together. They get a few minutes together before Taeyeon’s phone starts buzzing in her pocket, forcing a jump out of both the girls at the sudden vibration that interrupts them. The kid leader doesn’t even have to look at the device before she says, “Oppa’s probably waiting for us outside. We should probably get going,” she sighs, dejected.

Jessica could care less about their manager in this moment though, so she keeps her arms looped around Taeyeon’s neck to pull her back in. “Five more minutes, okay?” Jessica smirks before she starts kissing the girl again.

Taeyeon groans into , hating that she’s even capable of multitasking in this moment, right now. Somehow, between the intoxicating kisses, Taeyeon can still recite her entire schedule for the next week—down to the very hour—in her mind. “We have to go pick up Yoona,” Taeyeon starts to tell her, but is interrupted by Jessica’s lips, “and Yuri before we,” another kiss, “head to,” another kiss, “the company building,” she tells Jessica in between pecks. “Sica, we gotta go,” she sighs, feeling her consistently buzzing phone against her hipbone from their manager, frantically trying to get in touch with them.

“F-five more minutes,” Jessica whispers, fervently protesting the notion of leaving their private haven.

“Jessica,” Taeyeon tries to not let her emotions swallow up her responsibilities as a leader, but it’s near impossible with the way that Jessica pulls her back in with her addicting kisses. It’s a long-lost battle and Taeyeon gives in, flattening her palms against the door, bracing herself from letting the full weight of her body from melting into the curves of the other girl. Taeyeon tries not to let herself get too carried away with touching Jessica, but the other girl’s making it more and more difficult when their kisses start turning wet with Jessica’s tongue cautiously flicking out to taste Taeyeon’s bottom lip. She shivers at the new sensation and, just as Taeyeon’s lips start to part open for Jessica, a sound startles both of them.

KNOCK KNOCK.

“GIRLS?”

The door handle twists open and, as the plank of wood pushes the two bodies back, Jessica scrambles away from the opening door and Taeyeon manages to nearly fly onto the opposite side of the room—miraculously not falling on her face as she does.

She can’t decide if an unfamiliar staff-member would be worse, or if it’s bad enough already as their manager steps in to find the two girls he’s been looking for. “Where have you two been? They said you guys finished ten minutes ago,” he hisses, irritably.

Jessica discreetly brings the back of her knuckles to her lips, mindful of removing any evidence of saliva or possible lip tint from . “S-sorry, Oppa,” she says shyly, “w-we were just talking about something private. We were just on our way to meet you.”

He throws his hands up in annoyance. “You realize I had to illegally park the van and come in looking for you girls, right? We are on a jammed-packed schedule; what on earth is so important that you girls couldn’t just talk about it in the van?!”

“Uh,” Jessica sighs a helpless breath, hating that her mind is drawing a complete blank.

Good thing there’s two of them trying to make it out of this awkward mess though.

“La-lady problems!” Taeyeon blurts out.

When the words fill the small room, the sudden discomfort on their manager’s face suggests Taeyeon’s fib is a complete success and Jessica tightly pinches her lips to keep herself from laughing.

“Sica was worried she might have bled through her jeans, so—”

“O-OKAY! You girls come out when you’re ready, okay? I’ll be outside!” the man exclaims, clearly flustered as he quickly excuses himself from the room.

When the door shuts, Jessica makes her way over to the other girl while she explodes with laughter. She tries to keep the sound contained under her palm, but she doubles over, leaning onto Taeyeon as she can’t stop recalling the mortification on their manager’s face. Taeyeon snickers too, gladly taking the laughing girl into her arms, letting her head roll onto her shoulder.

When Jessica finally stands back upright, she gently fans air to cool down her flushed cheeks. “Oh my god, that was amazing,” she chuckles, still fighting off the occasional giggle. When she finally stops laughing, she has a dopey smile on her face when she tells Taeyeon, “you’re amazing.”

Taeyeon huffs a short laugh of embarrassment, but it fades as she sees Jessica’s smiling at her with just her eyes. Taeyeon cups the girl’s cheek with one hand and runs a thumb over the warm skin, drawing a lazy sigh from the girl. “We should really get going, though,” she whispers, watching Jessica force an exaggerated pout.

“I dun wanna,” Jessica slurs around a short tongue.

Taeyeon chuckles at the girl’s aeygo and pulls her in for one last kiss, before they have to resurface from their haven. The kiss is slow and drawn out as Taeyeon tries to rememorize the warmth and texture she should be all too familiar with these days. It’s never enough though and it always feels unbearable when she has to pull away.

“Come on. We got to go back to the real world,” Taeyeon sighs, pulling herself away from Jessica.

They exit the door without holding hands. They exit the building with professional smiles and polite waves at the couple of photographers, waiting for them. They sit in the van, in silence, as they drive to pick up their members. They even occupy themselves with talking to their other members, over each other, just to deviate any sudden suspicious behavior between the two of them.

Taeyeon and Jessica play a game of pretend in front of the rest of the world and, deep down, it burns them both.

***

They sneak around to kiss all the time. If it’s not in abandoned practice rooms, after vocal lessons, it’s usually in one of the dorm bathrooms, pressed up against the back of the door or countertop—only because it’s the only way to avoid their seven other roommates.

However, the first afternoon they get the entire dormitory to themselves, Jessica doesn’t think twice about pulling Taeyeon into her bedroom.

“Sica, I have to leave in an hour.”

“Then we have an hour.”

“We should—” Taeyeon’s interrupted by Jessica’s mouth on hers and her thoughts quickly vaporize.

They’ve only been doing this for a few weeks now, and Taeyeon tries her best not to get too carried away, but, sometimes, Jessica makes it really hard for her to keep her senses. As Jessica guides Taeyeon to her bed, the kid leader almost stops halfway to suggest they move to the couch, but, instead, Jessica’s hands are already pushing her onto the bed.

Taeyeon’s head hits the pillow and she wriggles over to make room for Jessica to join her on the mattress. ‘This is dangerous’, she thinks to herself, watching the way Jessica slides into bed with her, flushing the curves of her body against hers. It’s almost too much for Taeyeon to handle and it doesn’t get any easier when the girl starts kissing her. As if being flushed by their mouths and bodies aren’t enough, Jessica moves one hand into Taeyeon’s hair and she uses her other hand to push herself up.

Taeyeon almost wonders what the girl’s doing, but then the weight of Jessica’s body suddenly blankets her and she feels her skin burn through the two layers of clothing. “Jessica,” she says rather helplessly, losing herself in the girl’s presence again.

Under normal circumstances, Jessica’s pretty talkative, but she’s usually dead quiet during these make out sessions, save for the heavy breathing and soft groans she sometimes emits. It’s mostly because her senses are so overwhelmed by Taeyeon that it’s hard to think outside of the warmth of skin pressed up against her. As Taeyeon huffs and wriggles beneath her though, Jessica thinks the other girl might be having the same problems as her with controlling her desires that swell faster than she can keep them at bay.

When Jessica starts to on Taeyeon’s bottom lip, she hears the girl groan and her hands tighten on the back of Jessica’s shirt to the point where she can feel nails digging into her skin, through the thin layer of fabric. “Sica,” Taeyeon manages to softly whine.

“Taeyeon,” Jessica playfully sighs the girl’s name back to her, mocking her dreamy voice. She on Taeyeon’s plump lip again and, this time when Taeyeon gasps, Jessica doesn’t hesitate for long before she gently coaxes her tongue into the girl’s mouth.

It’s instantly both the best and worst decision Taeyeon thinks Jessica’s ever made. Even though it feels amazing being so intimately connected to another person, Taeyeon knows that kissing Jessica like this is making her feel stupider and stupider through each minuscule curl and swipe of her talented tongue.

When Taeyeon realizes there's an uncomfortable heat that’s developing between her thighs, she feels the panic start to coil in her chest when she realizes what’s happening: Jessica’s making her wet.

“S-sica,” Taeyeon stutters as the girl tries to stick her tongue back into and she has to summon every ounce of self-control in her body to turn away from her groupmate’s heated, wet kisses. “I think we sh-should sl-slow dow—ah,” she suddenly can’t remember what she was about to say when Jessica’s lips have found their way to her neck. “Oh god,” Taeyeon sighs under her breath, with her hips involuntarily arching off the bed and rolling into Jessica’s as the other girl continues to assault her pulse point with wet lips.

“Je-jess—” Taeyeon moans again and she digs her nails into the girl’s back, torn between trying to draw her impossibly closer and pulling her off. Like with all her conflicting feelings, she wants the girl both faster and slower, more and less, and it absolutely drives Taeyeon crazy.

In retrospect, Taeyeon can’t tell if she’s lucky or unlucky when neither she nor Jessica realizes one of their members enters the dorm. That is until Yuri screams out the kid leader’s name.

“TAEYEON-AH?”

“!” Taeyeon cusses at the sudden sound of the voice—thankfully—outside the room. She snaps upright with her hands, instinctually, pushing Jessica off.

She hits with too much force though, and she sends the other girl’s body to the hardwood floor. “Ah!” Jessica yelps when her back hits the ground and Taeyeon immediately leans over the side of the bed.

“Oh my god, I’m sorry,” she whispers, wide-eyed in horror with what she’s unintentionally done.

“TAEYEON?” Yuri’s voice carries down the hall, a little closer this time. “Oppa’s waiting for you downstairs!”

Jessica winces from the ground, noting Taeyeon’s eyes frantically darting between the open door and her sprawled body on the floor. “Go,” she tells the girl through a thin smile, “just go, Taeng,” she laughs quietly.

“COMING!” Taeyeon calls out to Yuri while scrambling off of Jessica’s bed. She crouches over her groupmate and returns her voice to a whisper. “I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, just go,” Jessica quickly tells her, pushing Taeyeon away to help her scramble into the hallway.

When Jessica hears the indistinguishable dialogue between her two groupmates from somewhere out in the hall, she just sinks herself back on the floor. She blows out a long, hard exhale and it does nothing to relieve the pressure that's built up between her legs. She sinks her face into her palms to muffle a screech of frustration because she's not sure how much longer she can handle Taeyeon’s hot and cold spells.

***

At the end of their hectic promotion schedule, the nine girls earn a five day vacation and don’t think twice about heading home to see their families—save for Tiffany, who joins Taeyeon back to Jeonju.

Jessica drops by Taeyeon’s room in the afternoon and, thankfully, finds the girl alone, zipping up the last of her small suitcase. “Hey, I heard that the car’s picking you up in half an hour.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“Have a good rest at home then,” Jessica says through an affectionate smile before she leans in to give the girl a quick kiss.

Taeyeon veers away though. The volume of her voice is quiet, but the edge is glaringly obvious when she tells Jessica, “hey, don't. The girls are home.”

“S-sorry.” Jessica feels dumb for apologizing when she knows Taeyeon wants to do the exact same thing.

The kid leader turns to her and, instead, gives her a bright smile. “You have a good rest at home too, Sica. I'll see you in a few days.” It's not a kiss, but Jessica gets a soft squeeze on her shoulder as Taeyeon wheels her small suitcase past her and out the door.

Jessica spends the next five days, mostly in bed, while her little sister pesters her, wondering what’s with her brooding mood.

***

A few days later, when the girls reunite back in their dorm, Taeyeon and Jessica rendezvous in the bathroom, as usual. As soon as Jessica's stepped in, Taeyeon quietly closes the door before turning the lock.

“How was your break?” Taeyeon asks, keeping her voice in a soft whisper.

“It was okay. Kind of missed you though.” Jessica pouts, digging her toe into the linoleum flooring.

“Sica, it was only five days,” Taeyeon chuckles, but chooses not to tell the girl that she thought of her every night, missing the warmth of her hands and lips, overwhelming her senses.

“You didn't miss me?” Jessica garnishes her statement with her signature pout. It creases that familiar, little dimple in her chin and the adorable gesture makes Taeyeon sigh affectionately.

Taeyeon scoffs. “Of course I did, stupid,” she smiles, reaching out for Jessica and pulling her in.

It’s been a few days, but it feels like kissing her for the first time all over again. When their lips brush against each other, Taeyeon immediately feels all her nerves surge to life. There are sparks. There are always sparks when they kiss and Taeyeon feels the electricity course through her whole body, cascading tingles all over the surface of her soft skin as Jessica’s hands slide onto her waist. She wraps her arms around Jessica’s neck and, just as she pulls the girl in closer, a rap at the door interrupts them.

KNOCK KNOCK.

If it didn’t prompt so much frustration, Taeyeon would be amazed with her group members’ knack for bad timing.  

“Are you almost done in there?” Tiffany calls through the door.

“I'm pooping, go away! Use the other bathroom!” Taeyeon screeches back through the door.

“UGH. Gross! Just tell me no next time, geez!” Tiffany yells back before she leaves.

After the sound of retreating footsteps, Jessica huffs irritably and keeps her voice barely above a whisper. “You know, if we just tell them, then we wouldn't have to hide in bathrooms like this. I wouldn't have to listen to you talk about taking a .”

Taeyeon chuckles before she chastises her groupmate with little sternness. “Language.”

Jessica doesn't share the kid leader’s amusement though and she takes a step back, letting the gap between their bodies cool her skin. “Seriously, Taeyeon...what're we doing? Hiding in bathrooms to make out for a few minutes, every couple of days. What're w—” she cuts herself off with a deep sigh and moves further from the bathroom door, sitting down on the closed lid of the toilet seat.

Taeyeon furrows her brows and follows her, kneeling down on the bath mat in front of Jessica. “What’s wrong?”

She has an inkling of what’s troubling the other girl, but Taeyeon was really hoping they would put off talking about them for a little bit longer, mostly because she doesn’t want to wake up from whatever dream they’re living in right now. It was easy being caught up in their sweet, young romance to even question their situation before, but now, Taeyeon can feel the threads of their carefully woven haven start to unravel. She gently places her hands on the girl's jean covered thighs, drawing slow with her thumbs.

She chews nervously on her lip, worried about the answer before she asks Jessica, again, “what's wrong?”

There’s a bit of a pause before the girl answers. “I don't like sneaking around like this,” Jessica tells her honestly, keeping her eyes to her lap while her face starts to flush with embarrassment from bearing her insecurities.

Taeyeon sighs when she catches the implication behind the girl’s answer. “Jessica,” Taeyeon starts, drawing slow shakes with her head, “the other girls…they can't know.”

Jessica looks up to meet Taeyeon’s eyes and the older girl is surprised by the amount of hurt and confusion in them. “Why?”

“They can't,” Taeyeon says sternly.

“Taeyeon, it's okay if you like girls, you know? It's okay if you're—”

“I'm not gay,” Taeyeon tells her bluntly. Again.

Jessica lets a quiet scoff out. “Then what’re you doing with me?”

“I-I,” Taeyeon fumbles for the right words as she sits up on her knees and leans into Jessica, letting her forehead press against the other girl’s. She lets her eyes drift shut, tries to irradiate her fears, and just lets herself feel. “I don’t know if I’m gay, but I know I like this,” she laces her fingers through Jessica’s and nervously gnaws on her own lip, “I like us,” she kisses Jessica chastely, “I like you,” she tells her, pressing her lips into hers a little firmer this time. “Maybe I’m biual? I don’t know.”

Jessica tries not to let her frustrations get washed out by the softness of Taeyeon’s mouth. “And what does that make me? Some sort of experiment while you figure out your uality?”

“Jes—that's not—it's not like that and you know it. Sica, I’ve liked you for a long time now. I’m obviously not trying to do that.”

“But it sure feels like that.”

As Taeyeon looks deep into warm, affectionate, brown eyes, she suddenly feels the stiches of their haven start to pop. The weight of Jessica’s previous question and statement hang in the air for bit before something else begins to boil in the back of Taeyeon’s mind. She leans away from Jessica. “I don’t understand,” Taeyeon drops her voice into a whisper, “you…you never liked me like this before I kissed you, right?”

“Tae—”

“You never had feelings for me before I confessed to you, right?” Jessica doesn’t know how it happens, but she feels the weight of frustration shift in the room, and it’s Taeyeon, whose brow is now knitted with tension.

Jessica sighs. “No,” she admits quietly.

“Maybe you’re the one that’s confused then,” Taeyeon says, with a bit of anger in her voice as she unlaces their tangled fingers and leans farther away. “W-we should stop.”

“Taeyeon,” Jessica sighs as the girl pulls away. She already misses the warmth of the girl’s hand, so she tries to reel her back in. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”

“Are you sure it’s not just some sort of phase for you? Maybe you’re just more infatuated with the idea of me than actually me. I mean, I get that we’re at the right age to be dating, but we can’t because of our work, so, are you sure you’re not just using me to, like, remedy your loneliness or something?”

Jessica swallows a spike of anger down . “You think I’m with you because I’m so desperate to date that I would jump on whatever opportunity I have?” 

Taeyeon shrugs. “Isn’t that how most people deal with being alone? Aren't I just convenient?”

“That's not fair,” Jessica grits through her teeth. “You really think that’s how I feel?” she asks a little more sternly as she leans forward, sliding her hands into Taeyeon’s hair to grip onto her.

Taeyeon winces at the feeling of the girl’s long nails scrap against her scalp and she can tell the girl’s angry over the accusations. “Sica—”

“Why don’t you believe me?”

Taeyeon summons every ounce of strength in her body to resist being pulled into Jessica again. She braces her hands on the girl’s knees and fights against the pressure of Jessica’s hands. Taeyeon trembles in her grasp. “You never liked me before I kissed you,” she repeats, starting to feel a little hysteric. “It…it d-doesn’t make any sense—we should stop whatever it is we’re doing. I think you’re confused—”

“If you want to stop, tell me to stop then,” Jessica challenges and yanks Taeyeon in, breaking her resistance to press a firm kiss to the girl’s lips.

Taeyeon whimpers something that sounds like a hybrid of a sigh and sob. When Jessica gives the girl a break for air, Taeyeon, on the verge of tears, whispers, “that’s not fair.” They’re so close that it hurts just breathing the same air as Jessica. Her hands tightly clutch onto Jessica’s knees. “You know I can’t.”

“You think I understand why my heart feels like this?” Jessica whispers, pressing her lips in a little bit firmer, desperate for Taeyeon to understand. “You think I’m falling for you by choice?” Jessica just keeps kissing her, hoping that just the mere warmth of is enough to convince the girl.

But it’s more than enough because Taeyeon could never fathom that Jessica could even possibly return her feelings in any shape, way, or form. Even if Jessica is going through a phase, Taeyeon doesn’t care because having her for a fraction of time is more than she thought she’d ever get.

It’s more than enough.

“Sica,” Taeyeon stutters the girl’s name against her lips. She reaches for Jessica and her hands find their way to the front of the younger girl’s shirt. Taeyeon clutches onto the soft cotton till her knuckles turn white and pulls desperately on Jessica, who’s both her lifeline and the reason why she’s drowning in the first place.