[taeyeon: towards the beginning]

She seemed untouchable, too precious to be near, too bright to look at. If you are ever lucky enough to be as close to her as I was, I swear you will see the raging galaxies and the million of stars in her ordinary shade of brown eyes. Whenever she's around I hope she smiles, I hope she laughs to her heart's content and I hope she radiates all the things I love. I only saw beautiful things when she was there. To love her would be trouble, chaos, but her smile dared me to fall in love. Even if we were ever together, she wouldn't really belong to me. That's the thing she doesn't belong to anyone, she was just in a world of her own and maybe that's the reason loving her was this difficult. Long I stood there, wondering, fearing, dreaming, admiring and doubting about me, about her, about us. She was some sort of drug my mother would tell me not to ever get involved with, because in this case I would get addicted to Jung Sooyeon, I will love her and she would make me feel like I was on top of the world but sooner or later she would cause me pain. I wasn't sure how ready I was for that. She was a tapestry of wonder and I was a fearful, unprepared, curious traveller. When we first met I promised not to fall in love with her but those times at 4am where we would just talk and laugh I knew I was already screwed, but this was just something I'd be okay regretting. Because she wouldn't really be happy with me forever, she'd be okay, she'd be content but she wouldn't be completely happy. So I set myself a barrier, a rule, a line: to only admire her from afar no matter how much you want to love her up close. This is so the only person who gets hurt is myself, and I'd rather hurt myself now whilst I'm still lost than be hurt when I'm found and she's long gone, hurting aswell.

[taeyeon: after the end]

That was all a mistake.

Everything.

The barrier, the rule, the line that was stupid. I was wrong by saying it's a regret I'd be okay with, because she's actually gone now and I'm not okay. I was already too far in love to begin with.

I hope she is doing well, I hope she still has those raging galaxies in her eyes and I hope she's still precious and shining bright. I don't see many beautiful things these days, but I hope she is smiling and laughing to her heart's content and that she's radiating all the things I still love about her.