When I was a kid, my mom used to tell me a ing story about some stork that brought kids to the world. I guess I was too curious to know where I came from. I wanted to believe I came from a better place than other kids at my school. I was a weak kid growing up, constantly picked on. I asked my mom if the stork made some kind of mistake while delivering me. Maybe he hit a wrong route somewhere. Maybe he dropped me or something. Maybe he was drunk.

Then one day, sometime around middle school, I held my ground. When Sehun from homeroom messed with my hair, I shoved him off. When he punched me, I punched back. At the end of it, our noses were bleeding, our lips were burst, Sehun was crying through black eyes. And me, I was laughing. To my heart’s content. At that moment, I felt alive. Whatever mistake the drunk stork had made, I didn’t give a anymore. I liked letting out my anger.

Sehun and I both got expelled. The principal couldn’t allow spoiled children to be under his supervision. He only allowed elites. Hence, Sehun and I both got kicked out with the label of “spoiled es” taped to our skins. I was grounded for a month. My dad only shook his head and said he expected better. Mom just cried till I wasn’t curious about her emotions anymore. I was to stay inside my room at all times, only come out during meals. My parents decided I’d be homeschooled till high school.  

My first day as a freshman in one of the top Arts schools in Seoul was an easy getaway. The gay teachers there liked how I danced. But in the middle of November, I got into a fight.

And another one.

And another.

And I was expelled again.

When I had to exchange schools for the third time, only because I couldn’t control my damn temper, my parents had given up on me. There wasn’t grounding anymore. My dad, a richass businessman, spent most his days out of town, we didn’t talk for months. I liked his money and it kept my credit card heavy. Fair enough. Mom diverted herself to other things that didn’t involve me. She wouldn’t wait for me for dinners. The butler served everything when I came home. If I hated it, I’d turn the table over. The maids did my bed. I slept in it while the urge lasted.

In Junior year, I was admitted to Sesang High. It was renowned for its talents, yet notorious for its environment. Like hell I cared. I just wanted to get it over with. I wanted to graduate, move the out of my folks’ house, and just be on with my life.

In Sesang, I met Sehun again. The first time I saw him on the first day, I was walking down the corridor, rubbing my neck. Sehun had a bandaid under his left eye. When we saw each other, we laughed like ing lunatics.

**

It happened completely by accident. Sort of.

We were playing soccer with the Senior hyungs. There were a few Chinese hyungs who knew how to -kick so hard, I actually felt bad for the ball. Somewhere in between our game, Kris hyung pushed off Kyungsoo hyung in an attempt to dribble the ball away from him. When Kyungsoo hyung lost his , we knew it was bad.

At one point, when we were sure those two would go at it, we had to hold them apart. I came into the middle of them and by sheer accident, Kris hyung’s massive kick landed on my knee. With a growl, I fell onto the grass, my eyes blurring.

Here I was, the second night in this ing hospital dorm, in idiotic hospital attire that smelled of antiseptic. It made me want to vomit everywhere. I had a strap around my leg and my arm had been bandaged to the tip of my elbow. Both had fractured during the fall. I was supposed to stay in this hospital for about a week more, just for routine monitoring in case I needed a plaster later. Kris hyung’s legs were like ing knives. I was kind of surprised to know I didn’t break a bone or something. On the bright side, both Kris and Kyungsoo hyung had panicked for me to an extent where they forgot what they were fighting about.

My mother was asleep on the couch next to the patient’s bed. She’d been here all day. I had gotten into hundreds of fights before, some severe enough to have had me kicked out of school, but not once had I injured myself. So, I guess, it was normal for her to be panicking now. Although she had been exaggerating a lot with my physician earlier, as if I were getting an amputation, I guess I felt kind of good knowing she still cared for someone like me.

It was raining outside like there was no tomorrow. I couldn’t see anything except splotches of lights, the constant bulleting raindrops kept the window clouded. I looked at the clock, it was around 2. They gave me some kinds of painkillers earlier and now I couldn’t ing sleep. I wanted to sleep. But every time I closed my eyes, my eyelids would spring up again.

Annoyed at just the thought that this is how I’d probably have to live for the next two weeks, I slowly slid off the bed and walked out my cabin room. My patched up leg felt a little heavy while I dragged it, but it was numb to a point that allowed me to walk. This orthopedic ward usually had bastards around my age, who were breaking bones every day. For now, it was quiet and secluded. The corridor that led to the other wings was lit with very dim bulbs. The diabetic wing was across from here. The other end had a large enough glass window that had a rusty lock. I wanted to get some air. Maybe feel rain on my face.

My first obstacle was the nurse on the reception counter behind the junction of the wards. If she saw me walking, she’d freak out again like last night. This ajumma was one weird old lady. She scared me more than Kris hyung’s legs.

I hoped she was sleeping when I peeped from behind the wall to see her. She wasn’t. She was drinking coffee from a cup almost the size of her fat face and typing away on her monitor. I swore under my breath and began to drag myself back again. It had only been one night since my stay at the hospital. It was huge. I could get lost somewhere and catch someone’s disease and die. But it.

I wondered if there was some kind of other path that I could take which would lead me to the other ward. I crossed three empty corridors and appeared into a narrow alley. I was trying to mark the locations so I’d find my way back, but somewhere in between, I lost myself. Having no idea where I was going, I just walked.

Then I found myself next to a closed room which stretched from the turn of an alley and ended somewhere behind the next alley. The interior was mostly dark but occasional lights in the middle of what appeared like shelves. I fogged up the glass with my breath and rubbed it to get a cleaner vision. It was probably the library. Unless they were keeping human fingers in jars inside there. I went with library.

I dragged myself along the windows of the library hall, my nose rubbing along the glass. I stopped when I saw something. Like movement.

The light in the corridor twitched on and off, I could hear thunder faintly going off. I narrowed my eyed to get a clearer vision inside one of the shelves. I saw something like white clothing. And then it disappeared.

Kind of creeped out, I told myself now would be a best time to go to sleep. My head was feeling heavy, my eyes were blinking more than necessary. Yep, I told myself I must be sleepy, so I should just turn back on my feet and find my dorm.

Thunder again and the lights jittered. I admit it, it was kind of freaky. This was a hospital. Who knew what could be lurking in these corridors. I mean..

, what was I thinking. I slapped myself inside my mind and turned to leave.

If I hadn’t realized it was a human, I would probably screamed and landed a kick right there. A person suddenly appeared out of the library door, just inches away from my torso. Her hair was covering her face, darker than the night outside, She was in a white dress to top it all off.

We almost bumped into each other. But I caught her by the shoulders before we did.

“, you scared me,” I hushed, feeling my heart rising to my throat.

“Sorry,” she said.

I let her shoulders go and took a few steps back. It was annoying cause I couldn’t see her face.

“What are you doing here?” I asked her. My throat felt dry. Aish, too much ing ghost movies with Tao.

She didn’t say anything.

“Hello?” I bent myself a little to see her face. She instantly looked up at me, her eyes falling on my face. They were beautiful, larger than I’ve seen on any Korean girl before. They were an odd color, somewhere in between brown and gray. Her pale white skin was bloodless. My age, definitely. I couldn’t read her face. Almost instantly, she looked down again. Then turned her back to me.

I stared at her back while she walked down the corridor. I took two steps forward, curiously following. I didn’t want to be alone, and I wanted to find the alley that would lead me to my room. So it was best if I just followed someone.

Suddenly, sending us entirely to oblivion, the lights went out.

My legs automatically carried me to where she was in a rush.

“What the happened? Why isn’t the generator running?” I complained, keeping my voice loud for no reason. It echoed through the corridor.

“Power outage,” I heard her saying.

I couldn’t see a thing, it was getting on my nerves. Once or twice, lightening went off and allowed me to just get a small sight of the girl’s back. She was standing about a feet away from me.

“Hey, er, do you know the way to the orthopedic dorms? I kind of lost my way,” I said very carefully.

She instantly took my hand, which freaked me out more. Her fingers were cold as hell. But I don’t know, for some odd reason, it made me feel a little at ease.

She then began leading me through the dark. She kept one of her hands in mine while I followed behind her. We were close to the walls. She took random lefts and rights and I kept following her lead. At one point, we stopped in the middle of utter darkness. Not even knowing where I was, I stretched my hands out to feel her but she wasn’t there.

“Hey, where’d you go? Hello?”

The lights came back. I found myself at the turn of the orthopedic junction, just at a safe angle from the vision of the receptionist nurse. The girl in white had disappeared.

**

Early in the morning, I woke up with the feeling of the sun’s light on my eyelids. Grunting, I held a pillow onto my face. My bandaged arm hurt, my leg hurt a little too. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to have gone walking last night.

Last night instantly reminded me of…the chick in white.

My eyes shot open and I sat up, then regretting it, cause every part of my body began hurting. My mom was just across the room. She came running when she saw me sitting up.

“Jongin-ah? How’re you feeling?”

I looked at her to make sure she was real.

“Okay,” I said.

“Is it hurting? Do I call a doctor?”

“No, I’m fine.”

“He’s fine, Mrs. Kim,” we both turned our heads when we heard my physician at the door. A nurse walked in after him holding a tray.

My mom and the doctor bowed at each other. I bowed my head a little.

“Young man, have you been lurking around the corridors?”

I sniffed a little. The doctor laughed.

“If you still can manage to walk, then you get to keep your leg. But I’d suggest you stay in bed for the rest of the week. Walking too much wouldn’t be so good for the pain.”

I kept my mouth shut while the old dude talked. My mom kept a devastated look on her face. The doctor checked my pulse and . The nurse gave me pills to eat before breakfast. When the doctor left, mom almost broke down to tears again, telling me stuff about how I should not, and she repeated, not even move a muscle.

Around afternoon, Mom went home to run some errands, get more fresh clothes for me and snacks cause hospital food was pure dung. I stayed in bed throughout daylight. It didn’t rain, everything was bright outside. In daylight, it was like last night never happened.

Who was she? Was she even human? Would I see her again if I snuck out tonight? What if she was not human?

Damn it, Tao, you to the core, man.

Around evening, Sehun and Kris hyung came over to visit. Kris hyung brought his PSP, he was lending it to me till I recovered.

At night, I tried to get out of bed, but my leg hurt while I dragged it. Also, mom had locked the doors and kept the keys to herself. I had the urge to kick something. It was extremely frustrating to know I had possibly encountered a ghost last night and hadn’t even ask her how it was like to be dead. But I was too tired and too much in pain to do anything. Also, the doctor had prescribed light sedatives for the insomnia.

The week went by while I lost my complete interest in the entire paranormal encounter. I was later told by a nurse that the library halls were adjacent to the psychiatric ward. She must have been some weird psychopath who was meddling in her natural habitat in the middle of the night. I couldn’t forget her eyes, or her face, or the way she looked at me like she was trying so hard to search for something. I couldn’t forget her cold hand in mine.

But to all honestly, I kept her memory away. It was starting to get under my skin.

On Tuesday, my second week in the hospital, the doctor diagnosed that I didn’t need a plaster, my fractures were healing perfectly. Although I had a little trouble moving my arm from the elbow down, my leg was working fine. I guess the fall had been more intense than the kick. Every day since last week, Kris hyung visited at least once a day, telling me how sorry he was.

On Wednesday, the doctor said I could move around as long as I was careful. He told mom not to freak out so much and that she could go home. In fact, he said I could go home tomorrow if that would make her feel any better.

On Wednesday night, mom left the hospital. I stayed in for the last check-up for the morning before I would finally be discharged. Around 1, when fiddling with Kris hyung’s PSP wasn’t as swaggy anymore, I suddenly felt the violent urge to go out and find the ghost chick.

I waited till the central lights were turned off around 2. When the night lights were at the corner of every alley, I snuck out my room and walked opposite to the diabetic wards. I didn’t remember which way the library hall was. In my search for the halls, I lost myself again. After approximately fifteen minutes of roaming around through different corridors, I decided fate didn’t want me to find the libraries. When I tried to go back to my room, I lost myself again and found myself at the mouth of a similar alley.

I took a turn right and as expected, I could spot the stretched out library room. Instead of stalking out the glass tonight, I directly went in through the door.

The library was large, as expected from a hospital this huge. There was countless numbers of shelves arranged in rows and columns, almost like a labyrinth. Desks and chairs were piled up neatly in the midst of these rows and columns. I found a counter on the entrance where an old man slept with his head on the book.

Cool, at least I wasn’t the only human being around.

I approached one random shelf row and began to walk in. The lighting was dim. I could see my shows but not the laces, kind of like that. For ten more minutes, I walked aimlessly from this row to that, and then I sat down randomly on the carpet, my back leaned against the shelf. I grabbed a random book, beginning to flip through the pages, just watching the pictures.

At the same time, I heard a thud directly from my back. My blood froze for a dint second, I somehow closed the book in my hand and turned my head back.

Adjacent to me, on the same shelf that I was leaned against, I peripherally saw soft cotton fabric lathered on the carpet.

Oh, .

“Er…” I mumbled.

The ghost was standing just next to me, except there was a shelf between us. What do I say? What do I do?

Oh .

“Hi?” I said, my voice really low.

For unknown reasons, my throat felt dry again. No response. I tilted my head a little to see if she was still there. She was. I couldn’t see her face, as usual, the curls around her ears were hiding her cheeks from me.

I leaned back against my shelf and crossed my arms.

“I know you’re there.”

She was quiet.

“Hi,” I heard her say after moments of silence.

“What are you doing?” I asked her carefully.

“Nothing.”

“Are you reading?”

“No.”

“What are you doing in the library?”

“Nothing.”

I was probably being rude. Of couse she wasn’t reading. How the hell would ghosts read? She was probably just sitting there because this is where she died. Or was killed. Or whatever.

“What’s your name?” I asked her.

“Ensei,” she said.

Wow, she actually had a name. Didn’t ghosts usually have amnesia or something?

“That’s a nice name. I’m Jongin.”

“Okay,” she said.

The conversation went south and down a cliff. What was I supposed to say next?

“Do you have a bad leg?” she asked, completely surprising me.

“I did,” I reply.

It was so weird, talking to a spirit while keeping us apart through a shelf of books.

She was quiet after that.

“I’m gonna leave tomorrow,” I said.

Oh , Jongin, that wasn’t such a good idea. What if she started haunting you now?

“Oh,” she said.

She sounded weird.

“Why are you here? In the hospital, I mean?”

“My sister is sick,” she said. “I’m staying with her.”

“Your…sister?”

Maybe her “sister” was already dead and she was just waiting for her here, some sort of grudge towards the doctors.

“Yes, my sister.”

I suddenly didn’t have anything else to say. Then, sending my mind into complete chaos, I heard her giggling.

“I’m not a ghost,” she said.

I shivered a little. , was she reading my thoughts?

I smacked myself in the head. Get back to your senses, you ing moron.

“I’m a person,” she said. I watched as her hand came out of behind the shelf. “See?”

She wiggled her fingers.

I touched her hand. She instantly tried to pull away, but I locked our fingers together.

“That explains it,” I said. I then plunged forward and crawled to her side of the shelf. Immediately, she tugged her hand away and stood up.

Her hair was all over her face. I could trace her lips trembling a little. She was in jeans today, and a white shirt. I laughed inwardly. Psh, ghost.

I stood up with her.

“I have to go,” she said, instantly taking a step back.

“Where are you going?” I reached out for her hand again but she was already pacing quickly down the row.

“Wait,” I called after her.

I saw her hitting against one of the desks in her hurry. She made a small groan. I ran for her.

“Are you okay?”

But before I could reach her, she was already going towards the entrance.

“Hey, wait,” I called after her.

She only turned back once, momentarily allowing me to see her face. Her eyes floated on my mouth and nose before meeting mine. I stared at her breathlessly before she walked off out the door. When I came back to my senses, I ran after her and out the door. But she was gone.

**

I lied on Thursday morning saying my leg was hurting again. Mom panicked. She called in the doctor, but the physician had an operation later at night and was at home preparing. So, I told my mother I should stay in today too, in case going home would suddenly make my leg all bad again (!).

Mom believed me. Around afternoon, I told her I wanted some new stuff to each. When she left for the time being, I hurried out of my room and towards the reception. When I stood in front of the fat ajumma, I realized how completely stupid I was. I knew her name but I didn’t know her sister’s. I didn’t even know her sister’s condition. God damn it, how was I supposed to ask for her now? Plus, it was embarrassing. I mean. Wouldn’t that be too obvious? . I felt like setting fire to the hospital or something.

Moments later, after I had awkwardly walked back to my room after staring at the ajumma blankly for a few minutes, my door slammed open and Chanyeol hyung’s huge voice filled the air.

“JONGIN-AAAAAA,” he said.

“Hyung, keep it down, man, this is a hospital.”

Chanyeol hyung jumped on the couch and pretended to be dead. I saw Minseok hyung coming in after him.

“Annyonhaseo, hyung,” I said with a smile.

“Oh, Jongin-ah, annyong,” he said. “I heard you’d go home today, but then I heard you’re staying in for a few more days. I came to see if you were doing well.”

“Lies,” Chanyeol hyung raised himself and crossed his legs, “Lies. Hyung lies.”

Minseok hyung smiled in confusion. Who the could even guess he was older than the rest of us and still had that first grader expression plastered on his face.

“He came in to see his girlfriend. She had her appendix taken out.”

I looked from Chanyeol hyung to Minseok hyung. Minseok hyung was blushing. My eyebrows shot up.

“Woah, hyung has a girlfriend?”

“Hyung is taking her to prom next week,” Chanyeol hyung chanted.

Minseok hyung was sinking into the floor underneath him.

“Oh, prom?”

It hit me suddenly. Prom, of course. Sehun and I had planned to crash all of it, throw buckets of fake blood on everybody on the dance floor and wear masks and rob everyone’s pocket money with fake guns.

“Too bad you won’t be able to come,” Chanyeol hyung put an arm around my shoulder. “Imagine our little Jongin-ah dancing with a lady.”

I ignored Chanyeol hyung’s teasing. It was best ignored.

“Actually, I do have a date in mind,” I said. Honestly, it just came out of me.

“What?” The hyungs said in unison.

“Er. I mean, my leg feels fine, so yeah.”

“You have a girl?” Minseok hyung looked surprised. Chanyeol hyung was dramatically throwing himself on the wall, trying to be spiderman or something.

I shrugged.

“What’s her name? Does she go to our school? Huh?” Chanyeol hyung’s interrogation was kind of annoying. I kept quiet.

Minseok hyung put a hand on my shoulder and patted it.

“Jongin-ah, I’ll be happy to meet her. But right now, I gotta go.”

Chanyeol hyung was flailing his arms around and stopped when he heard Minseok hyung.

“Yeaaaaah, it’s late. I have to be at the café in an hour,” he said.

“I’ll see you guys off,” I told them.

While we walked out my door and out the ward entrance, Chanyeol hyung constantly kept nagging to get a name out of me. But I kept quiet. In my mind, I was still trying to think of ways to find her. Tonight, I’d her for her number and stuff and then I’ll her to prom. She can’t say no. Would she?

.

“Bye, Jongin-ah,” Chanyeol hyung said. I snapped out of it and nodded.

“De, hyung.”

Minseok hyung was already way ahead of us. I stood by the entrance of the orthopedic ward and watched as Minseok hyung ran for the furthest left corner. A girl with hazy brown hair, clad in the hospital attire stood by the alley. She waved at Minseok hyung. I saw him giving her a careful hug before they disappeared behind the wall. Next to them, moments before they disappeared, I saw a pale girl with dark black hair that covered most of her face, in jeans and a white woolen sweater. Momentarily, I froze.

Ensei.

That was Ensei, wasn’t it? It had to be. Her face was turned towards our direction. I almost raised my hand up. But Chanyeol hyung’s voice clouded out my thoughts.

“Sei-yah!” I heard him yell. Some people around us looked at him, but nobody cared much. Chanyeol hyung ran towards her. I saw a large smile appearing on her face. The first time I was seeing her smile…

Chanyeol hyung grabbed her and flung her up in air. She covered his shoulders with her arms and opened up wide while she laughed. Her face was still turned at my direction. But not for one single moment did she look up at me.

I saw Chanyeol hyung disappearing behind the wall with his arms around her.

My heart felt heavy. My head was throbbing.

**

When Mom came back after buying the groceries, it was staring to get dark out. Not sundown. Clouds were webbing up the sky. I was already dressed, my bags full.

“What are you doing, honey?”

“Going home,” I said. “My leg feels fine. Let’s go home, Omma.”

Home didn’t smell like the hospital. It didn’t have that antiseptic smell that made me want to puke. It didn’t have secluded corridors where I would come across ghosts wearing white dresses. It was perfect.

Sehun came over at night, with confetti, chicken and beer in soda bottles so we wouldn’t get caught. Kris hyung and Kyungsoo hyung came next, and later, the entire house was packed with the twelve of us. They took my leg braces off and ripped the bandages from my arm. Which, I admit, hurt just a little. Mom cooked dinner herself, after a long time. When everyone started to leave, I walked Chanyeol hyung to the front yard.

A part of me wanted to punch him in the head. But I was feeling an odd sense of calm. I’d rather just talk about it.

“Hyung, who’s that girl?”

“What girl?”

“The girl, you know, the one who was with Minseok hyung’s girlfriend.”

“Hu? That’s her sister.”

“Who’s she to you?”

That came out wrong, but I hoped hyung wouldn’t notice.

“Who, Ensei? She’s a friend.”

“A friend?”

“Eo. We grew up together.”

“I never saw her with you before..”

“Oh, she came back from America about a month ago.”

I put my hands in my pocket and sat down on the front stairs while Chanyeol hyung talked.

Ahead of us, Baekhyun hyung and Chen hyung were giving each other Indian burns.

“Is she American?”

“No, she went there for treatment. She was in our school before you came along.”

“Treatment?”

“Eo.”

“Ya! Chanyeol-ah! Stop flirting with Jongin, let’s go. Baekhyun’s dying,” Chen hyung yelled from the driveway. Apparently, Baekhyun hyung was having a seizure from the pain on his skin.

Chanyeol hyung his feet.

“Wait, hyung, what treatment?” I asked restlessly, following him down the steps.

“Why are you so curious, Jongin-ah? Do you know her?” Genuine annoyance seeped through his voice.

“Just..Just wanna know..”

Chanyeol hyung turned at me from the drive way and watched my face for a while. My heart was in my throat suddenly.

“Eye treatment,” he said.

My eyebrows folded in. I didn’t know what to make of that.

“She can’t see, Jongin-ah. See you later.”

**

I don’t know how long it took for me to run from home to the hospital. I had taken my braces off an hour ago, and now I was running. My leg hurt, but it.

The central clock read 12 in bold letters. It was midnight. They were starting to shut out the wards. I didn’t wait for the elevator and directly took the stairs. When I reached the floor near orthopedics, I was drenched in sweat and feeling like I was going to die. I ignored the ajumma on the reception, who asked me repeatedly if I had forgotten something in my cabin cause a new patient had been shifted into there. I ignored her existence.

The library halls were the easiest to find at that moment. A few swifts left and right led me to the entrance of the hospital library. When I entered in, there were still a few people in the desks. The old librarian was awake and he looked at me with annoyed eyes.

I ran into the rows and to the end.

I found her leaned against the last shelf, alone, a book on her lap. It was upside down. I was panting, breathless, sweat beading at every part of my skin. I felt a sweat dripping down the edge of my forehead and down my cheek. The moment I saw her, I froze. I couldn’t proceed, I couldn’t say anything. I felt numb.

She looked up at me, her gray eyes on my chin, my nose and for a slight second, into my eyes. Then they completely went past my face and was staring beyond me. She couldn’t see me.

I fell on my knees, unable to say anything. She kept her eyes at space, her pupils moving in search of something. Then she looked down at her book and flipped a page. I felt my heart sinking.

“I was born with open-angle glaucoma. That’s a really rare and sad disease,” she said softly while staring at her book. Or her knees. I couldn’t tell.

“They didn’t diagnose it before I turned nine. It was already too late. When I turned ten, I lost my sight.”

A cold hand kept clenching my heart. The one person I had been looking for, running after, and she couldn’t even see me.

When I didn’t talk back, she raised her face again, allowing our eyes to meet before she looked away again.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

I stood up. She stood up with me, her book falling off her lap. She reached out her hands but I took a step backwards.

This wasn’t happening. Why couldn’t she see me? Why couldn’t she see anything? I wanted to take her out, buy her coffee, scare her with a movie so she’d crawl into my lap. I wanted to touch her, feel her, see her, I wanted her to see me, look into my eyes. I wanted to see what her eyes would say when I’d ask her to prom. But she couldn’t ing see me.

“I’m so sorry,” she said again, taking a step forward, her arms before her.

I took another step back.

What do you call it? When you think about someone day and night, want to see them, but you figure they’ve never even known you? How would I show her the look on my face whenever she came in front of me?

Her arms moved slowly in air. I took another step back.

She folded her palms and let her hands go back to their places. I saw her eyes, they were watering. One single teardrop fell down her left eye and streamed down her cheek.

She couldn’t see me, but she was looking for me. She didn’t know who I was, how my face was, how I had a scar on my left eyebrow, my average black eyes, how my skin was darker than hers, how my lips were idiotically always swelled up. But she was trying to find me.

I stepped forward and grabbed her.

“Come to prom with me,” I said.

**

After I don’t know how many years, I felt like my anger was in check. When Dad slapped my back and said “Son, break a leg. Soak some . Be a man,” I grinned. When mom began crying in the middle of taking awkward pictures, I hugged her. When I looked into the mirror and saw myself pampered up in dad’s black tux, I felt….nervous.

The school parking lot was packed up. I saw some girls walking by in huge heels. Some random chick winked at me. I walked to the two girls waiting by the light gate. One was Minseok hyung’s girlfriend, who was dressed prettily in a blue dress. Next to her was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. In white.

Ensei was wearing her hair up, the first time in ever. Rin, the cocky younger sister, had probably put on some color on her. She looked a little uneasy at first. She kept her face towards the ground. I heard Rin whistling.

“Daym, Sei-yah, your boyfriend is cute,” Rin said, grinning at me.

I gritted my teeth at her and rubbed the back of my head.

“Can I take her now?” I held out my hand.

“You better take care of her, punk, or I’ll put you on fire,” Rin said. There was no joke in her voice.

Ensei reached out and touched my arm, then slid her hand into mine. I pulled her at my side.

“I will be her eyes. Always,” I told Rin.

Ensei smiled at me. It made my heart stop for a bit.

I took her to the gym first. The music was banging in my ears. Ensei kept her hand in mine all the way, walking closely against my side.

“…there’s a punch table at the corner, and there are more people dancing. There’s Jeon Jimin, you know her, right? Wow, she just winked at me.”

Ensei wrapped her arm around me tighter. I laughed a little.

“What else?”

“Mh…my friends are there at a corner. Oh, Chanyeol hyung is there too. They’re staring at us. Chanyeol hyung is probably having a heart attack. Yep, he is.”

She giggled.

“Wanna go say hi?” I asked her.

She nodded. I led  her to the bleachers where Chanyeol hyung and the Chinese hyungs were huddled.

“Sei-yah, what…” Chanyeol hyung said.

Ensei momentarily let go off my arm and reached out. Chanyeol hyung grabbed her into a hug.

“You look beautiful,” he said.

I watched them as she traced her hands up his face.

“You’re wearing makeup, Chanyeol-ah,” she said.

Chanyeol hyung swayed his head.

“I swear, I look prettier than Jongin.”

“Hey, watch it, she’s mine,” I grabbed Ensei from the back and pulled her away from hyung and into my arms. She settled in comfortably. Chanyeol hyung sighed loudly.

“Fine, you win,” he said, dramatically throwing his arms in air. “I’ll just go and become gay now.”

Ensei and I both laughed.

“He went to the dance floor. He’s dancing with Sehun and Baekhyun. They’re ugly. Nothing to see here,” I explained while penguin walking Ensei to the back of the bleachers.

“Where are we going?” She asked me.

I opened the gym exit and took her into the darkness outside the gym.

“Um, just the rest of the place,” I said. I led her by the hand into the quiet locker halls.

“What’s happening?” she asked.

“Um,” I looked at the blank locker, “There are people dancing.”

“What else?”

I walked her to the end of the alley.

“Someone got into a fight.”

“I can’t hear anything clearly,” she said.

“They turned the volume down.”

“What else?”

“They dimmed the lights.”

Moonlight from the window reflected on her. I stopped near the wall.

“What else?”

“There’s a girl..”

She kept quiet and looked up at me, but her eyes were staring into my shoulders.

“She’s beautiful. She’s wearing white. God, she looks so amazing in white. She has nice hair. She smells good. She just doesn’t notice me. She’s making me crazy.”

She touched my torso, tracing her fingers up the fabric and stopping at the chest pocket which had a rose tucked in it. She took it out and traced her hand near my ear, then tucked it in behind it.

“I look like a princess now,” I told her.

She giggled.

“She has the most beautiful smile.”

“What else?”

I placed my hand under her chin and pulled her face up towards me. Her eyes met mine. She didn’t take them away.

“She has beautiful eyes.”

She put her hands on my cheeks. I closed my eyes. She traced my jaws, my nose, my eyes with her fingers.

“Jongin,” she said.

I opened my eyes. She was still staring into my eyes. My heart churned.

“Yeah?”

She rubbed her thumbs on my cheeks.

“I see you,” she said.

“I know,” I told her.

I bent down and let my lips meld into hers. She let her hands slide into my hair. I pulled up her small body into mine. To let her know I’m there. I wished she could see, the way I was holding her, was the way I would keep her forever.

Sometimes, the ing drunk stork just messes up the right people. People like me, who spend half the life they lead in purposefully blinding themselves with anger. People like Ensei, who have colors taken away from them when they had so much to see.

But thank God for those mistakes.

**