Disclaimer: I do not own Oh Sehun or Luhan. All I own is the storyline. All anecdotes (from Sehun’s perspective) may or may not be fictional.

 

Word Count: 2,041 words

 

 

 

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To Luhan hyung,

    

    I hope you don’t mind that I sent this to you.  This is something I’ve been wanting to do ever since… what happened. For now, I’m just hoping that this is the right address. If I am right, then I can tell you that I miss you, right?

    There isn’t a day that I don’t miss you.

    

Love,

Sehun

 

 

Luhan Hyung,

 

    EXO guested on a radio show last night. I thought about the hundred thousands of listeners in Asia that were streaming live. Were you perhaps one of them?

    Last night at the radio show, I was asked to leave a final message. I had this little debate in my head at that time, choosing whether to be brave or to be logical. Do I take the opportunity to do what my heart wants, or do I give way to the matters of the mind? The mind was the safe choice. I was distracted for the whole two hours. I had to apologize to the staff and everyone else, but I guess I was apologizing more to myself, for not taking the chance to say what I wanted to say.

    The managers have become lenient on me lately. I don’t know if it is because they trust me or because they know me enough to think that I am not going to do something stupid.

    Do you think that they were wrong about trusting me? I just think that maybe it’s time that I do something bold for once, you know? And this is it.

    But, hyung, if that is the case, then does this also mean that I was wrong for trusting you when you said you would never leave?

 

Tried to be bold,

Sehun

    

 

To Pretty Boy Luhan,

    

    Do you remember when we were still trainees, when you would tease me and call me ‘Pretty Boy’?

    Do you want to know something else, hyung? I was never the Pretty Boy. You were. There’s something pretty in the way you smile and in the way you laugh; You’re pretty even when you make the tiest face on purpose, and I didn’t think that was possible until you came along. You’ve always been pretty to me.

    I don’t remember how it happened, but I think I’ve liked you ever since our debut. People kept on praising you and saying that your looks don’t match your age. They used to always say that you looked younger, and I remember how you blushed each time because of that. It was one of the things you did that many of your fans found admirable about you, including me. Maybe I liked you because you were kind to me. I didn't know if it was because you felt the need to be kind since I was one of the youngest in the group, but I never saw that, hyung. All I saw was that special glint in your eyes and that huge smile you gave me each time and I swear, you could have grown a bed of roses with that smile.

    And those eyes. There were times when you would catch me being quiet, and each time you did you would ask me if there was something wrong. You must have known that I wasn’t the silent type, but when you looked at me with those goddamn eyes, hyung, you just knew how to shut me up.

    It was only then that I realized there wasn't anything about you that I didn't like.

    I still like you, a lot.

 

Still Missing You,

Oh Sehun

 

 

Talented Luhan Hyung,

 

    I watched your movie. I watch it everyday now. Would you blame me if this is the only way I can see you?

    But, hyung. Do you know just how talented you are? You’re a great singer and a wonderful dancer, and I happened to be a er for both. And now that you’re acting, it makes me feel even more proud of you. I’m sure I’m not the only person who’s mentioned this to you, but maybe if I had told you how exceptional you are for countless times before, maybe you would have started to believe them on your own.

    I’ve never doubted your talent, hyung. I wish I told you that sooner.

 

Your no. 1 fan,

Oh Sehun

 

 

Luhan Hyung,

 

    Do you remember that one interview where we were asked to describe the person next to us but I talked about you instead? Everyone thought I wasn’t listening to the question.

    I’m going to let you in on a secret. It didn’t matter if I was listening or not, I was still going to talk about you anyway. I guess that only meant that I liked you that much, huh?

    But then you know what, hyung? Somewhere in between our goofing around and lingering touches, liking you had not only become a mere fact; liking you had suddenly become so much more.

    The ramen date in japan was my favorite out of all of them, hyung. I remember eating that shiromaru special we ordered together. I can still remember how that bowl of ramen tasted. But what was more memorable to me was the sound you made as you took a sip of the soup. It was so loud that by the time you finished eating I couldn’t finish my own ramen because my stomach ached from laughing too hard.

    You didn’t care, because you were laughing along with me and it made me feel complete. I think that was what drove me to like you a little bit more than I should.

    Hyung, Did you know that something weird happened tonight? The hyungs surprised me with a birthday cake and chocolate bubble tea. You know how much I love to eat anything that had chocolate, right? But tonight, instead of chocolate, I was hit with this certain kind of yearning for something else, for something.. Savory.

    I wasn’t used to the feeling of craving for something, because I’ve never really craved for anything before. I wonder if it was the ramen that I really craved for. Or was I longing for something more than that? 

    Maybe it was celebrating my birthday with you that I longed for; maybe I craved for any day that had you in it.

    So what happens now, hyung? Will you come back and change this craving? Because I don't have an appetite for anything else.

    That’s my only birthday wish.

 

Birthday Boy,

Oh Sehun

    

 

Luhan Hyung,

 

    Weren't we inseparable back then? We would always either be within arms reach or be standing next to each other whenever we could, to the point that I found it uncomfortable without you. It would be a funny thing to think that time and distance could change things so easily.

    What do you think, hyung? Are we still inseparable, even now that we’ve been separated?

    Here’s what I think. I think it’s impossible for me to separate myself from you, hyung. I can’t separate myself from thoughts of you, not when I can still imagine you next to me. I can’t not know what it feels like to be with you, and I want to keep it that way.

    Are we still inseparable, or have you already separated yourself from me?

    People say that it's hard to forget the person who gave you so much to remember. It was never my intention to forget you, Luhan hyung, nor will it ever be.

    We’re not supposed to forget the person that once made us happy, aren’t we?

 

Inseparable and Never Forgotten,

Oh Sehun

    

 

Luhan Hyung,

 

    There are about a million questions that I want to ask, but there’s only one question that I really need an answer to.

    Luhan hyung, if circumstances had been different, if time or distance really didn’t matter, would you have stayed? Would you have stayed just a little bit longer and let me hold your hand when you needed someone? How about if I told you the truth about what I felt about you, would you have listened to me say how much I’ve fallen so deeply in love with you, and how I’ve always fallen for you?

    Just how beautiful is it to love someone so selflessly that you are ready to give up the world for that person? It’s when you know that that person would do the same.

    Only you didn’t, hyung.

    If I only knew that you would leave so soon, I should’ve held on to you tighter; I should have pulled you closer. Hyung, on that night that I was asleep on your bed at the dorm and you kissed me goodbye, I shouldn’t have pretended that I was sleeping. I should have kissed you back, should have kissed you harder, longer.

    I should have done everything to make you stay. I should have loved you more, hyung, but you would still leave anyway.

    I told myself a million times that I didn’t deserve to love you. I didn’t deserve to love someone like you, when I didn’t even notice how hard you were struggling, and how much you wanted to leave. But when you did leave, did I deserve to have someone that I found so precious to me just walk away? Did I deserve to have someone walk away and take a part of me with him too?

    Then I thought about how love shouldn’t be that way. Love shouldn’t be filled with regret or fear, or worth. Love should be bursting with confidence and courage, and even after many obstacles and hardships, love should still be amazing after that.

    And I’m glad, hyung, to have had the privilege to love and still love you, even if you’re happy in a different world that does not include me in it.

    Maybe someday, when we’ve both lived our lives to the fullest and the world is on our side, maybe we can be in each other’s lives again. Maybe during that time, we could finally deserve each other. Maybe we could finally love each other.

    Wouldn’t that be amazing, hyung?

 

Goodbye for now,

Oh Sehun

 

 

 

~~~

 

 

From: Luhan

To: Sehun

Subject: (no subject)

 

    It’s cold in Seoul right now, isn’t it? I can imagine the snow covering the buildings and streets with a mass of white crystals. I hope you’re fully covered and dressed well for the freezing weather. We both know how much you hate the winter.

    How is everyone? I heard you’re all taking a break after your eighth concert tour.  I also heard it’s going to be a really long break. That’s good news for you, I guess? It seems like ten years have gone by pretty quick, but your life must still be pretty worthwhile.

    As for me, I’m currently living out of my hometown, for personal reasons. It’s strange how the walls are quite thin where I’m staying. It’s like I can almost hear your voice.

    I read your letters. In fact, I’ve read them almost everyday since you sent them. You were always the old-fashioned guy who sent letters instead of e-mails, and I’m sending mine on one now, since I didn’t have much time to prepare.

    You had a lot of questions back then. I’ve worn you out, haven’t I?

I’m really sorry. I’m also sorry for responding to you just now when so many years have already passed, but then again, maybe this is the right time.

    I just want to ask you one question, Sehun. What if I told you that there was a chance that we could meet again? What if I told you that you could finally tell me what you wrote in all your letters?

    If I told you that I was standing in front of your doorstep right now, would you let me in?

    Sehun-ah, aren’t you still living at the dorm? I was wondering if you’ve met your new neighbor in the building.

 

 

~~~

 

 

Sehun opens the door in short and quick pants, while a very familiar figure stands in front of him, tears suddenly falling from his eyes, as if he’d been waiting for a long time.

 

The man smiles, and Sehun feels complete once again.

 

“Sehun-ah,” Luhan says. “It’s about time.”

 

 

 

~~~

 

Author's Note: Tadaaaaa! I'm sorry this is really short my brain is not functioning at the moment, but yay! Thank you for finishing this idk piece of work. Still, I hope everyone enjoyed! Thank you all <3 p.s. please don't hate on me I'm sorry ;_______;