Sometimes Chanyeol would throw kerosene on a fire just to watch the pretty flames. Baekhyun found it endearing.

 Well, he found it endearing until Chanyeol burnt down their house. And their next house. And the crappy house they lived in when no one would sell them a house because everywhere they lived burnt down. Then he found it less than endearing.

  Living with a pyromaniac had its...difficulties. Yeah. But you were never bored. 

 Which was a plus. Baekhyun was so easily bored. Everyone had their issues. 

  Some people just had worse issues than other people.  It made Baekhyun laugh. Here he was, a retired mafia kingpin, freaking out because his boyfriend tried to set fire to his armchair. Armchairs were fine (ish), he told Chanyeol, million-pound houses were not.  

"But the pretty flames!" Chanyeol told him, pouting. 

  "Yeah, well, we have to have somewhere to live, ," Baekhyun pointed out helpfully.  

"Are you sure?" Chanyeol asked.

 "Dude, if you ask me that again I will send you to counselling."  

That made his boyfriend shut up and cuddle into his side in penitence. Baekhyun smiled and ruffled his hair. Chanyeol reached up to kiss his cheek.  After a very short period of time they were making out on the sofa. Seeing as this ain't a fanfic, that's as far as I'm going. I'm sure your dirty erted minds can come up with the rest. ANYWAY...

 A few days later, there's an interesting conversation taking place. It goes a little something like this:  

"Look, you cannot have a flamethrower for Christmas. Just no." Baekhyun paused. "No. You are never ever never getting a flamethrower."

 "Pleeeeease?" Chanyeol made cute puppy eyes. 

  Baekhyun hesitates. He cannot resist the puppy eyes.... Or can he?

  "..................no." says Baekhyun, who has succesfully resisited the cute puppy eyes.

 "Are you sure?"  

"I told you that if you ever said that again I'd take you to counselling" Baekhyun smirks. "There will be no escape!"  

And there wasn't. A poor, woe-begotten Chanyeol was loaded into Baekhyun's Ferrari and driven off at high speed by the cackling lunatic known as Baekhyun. Their destination? Guess!

 After accumulating several speeding tickets (Baekhyun can't drive for ) they arrived in front of Kris's art therapy counselling building. Kris, Korea's most famous and most attractive (according to me) art therapist, lived and worked here in the centre of Seoul.

   Chanyeol and Baekhyun sat in the car together for a moment, marvelling at the spectacle before them. Kris himself had designed his home, and as a result it looked like it'd collapse if a gnat breathed on it.  

As they drank in the vision, a scantily-clad young man bearing a striking resemblance to a panda (now who could that be?) emerged from the residence and shouted up at an open hundredth-floor window:  

  "Ohmigawd Kris why can't you even do this one thing for me of course I'm walking out anyone would" here he paused for breath and adjusted his Cartier sunglasses, "I only asked you to buy me ten thousand Gucci stores as proof of our love and you say you can’t afford to well that shows doesn't it so I'm LEAVING I'll go live with Sehun bye!"

  An immaculately-coiffed head bearing an uncanny resemblance to a dragon (now who could that ever be?) emerged from the hundredth floor window. 

 "TAO don't do this to me! I love you! Why are you forsaking me for Sehun? I'm your primary! If you don't come back I will, um, cry lots! Like seriously! Well.."  

 Whilst most of this exchange was spoken far too fast with too much Internet slang used to be comprehensible by us normal humans, I believe this is a roughly accurate summary of what was said. Needless to say the panda ran back inside at the mention of tears, in case you were wondering. Okay, so you probably weren't.

  Having finished watching the scene, our two protagonists paused in their guilty munching of popcorn. They looked at each other.

 "Shall we go inside?"  

"Baekhyun, I'm scared."

 "You weren't scared when you set the house on fire,"

  "That's different!"  

Baekhyun dragged the grumbling Chanyeol out of the car and into the flimsy building. It was like trying to herd twenty thousand angry red pandas into a van full of...of stuff red pandas don't like. So, um, nasty people? Chanyeol hates nasty people. 

  Inside, there was a little reception area. Blue armchairs, a few coffee tables with gossip magazines, leafy green alien plants, a light brown plastic counter. You know, normal reception stuff. There was a bored female in a 'Kris's art therapy' t-shirt behind the counter.

 Baekhyun made sure Yeol was settled and amused whilst he went to converse with the uninterested youth. If that meant giving him a box of matches then so be it. 

 "Hello, my name is Sarah and I'm a happy employee here at 'Kris's Art Therapy'. How can I help?" asked the youngster in a tone indicative of extreme apathy.

 "Well, I was hoping to get an appointment-" began Baekhyun before he was cut off.  

"For you? Just let me get the forms,”

 Unable to explain that the appointment was in fact for his boyfriend who was currently setting Hello! magazine ablaze, Baekhyun waited for the teen to return bearing forms. She lollygagged in her fetching and it was some time before her return.

 "Okay, so, if the appointment's for you sir, fill this in." she said when she returned, gazing at him expectantly.  

 "The appointment's actually for my boyfriend." he stated, unamused.

  "Oh, sorry. Fill this in instead then."  

Baekhyun sighed and scribbled the relevant details on the lemon-yellow paper. When he was done, Sarah debited 900 000 won from his card and told him to go right up. He collected a grumbling Chanyeol before stepping into the glass lift that would take them to Kris.

 When they arrived at his office, a small neon pink card was taped to the door. Written on it in a messy scrawl with a Cartier ink pen was: 'Please go away because I am currently having hot make-up with my' here was added in a markedly different handwriting "very attractive" 'secretary Tao. Come back in three hours :)’

 Baekhyun was rather pissed off. So pissed off, in fact, that he didn't notice Chanyeol pouring gasoline on the door and tossing a match at it. Or maybe he did, and just didn't want to mention it.  

As a result of Chanyeol's ministrations and Baekhyun's not noticing, the door to the office exploded. Two young men in various but nonetheless shameful states of undress and covered in soot emerged from the wreckage.

 The most disheveled, upon noticing our protagonists, stood up a little straighter. "Hi, I'm Kris, or Yifan if you'd prefer. We here at 'Kris's Art Therapy' apologise for the explosion and if you would just wait a moment I will see you promptly,"

 The other man ("Tao"?) looked at him.  

"Okay, well, I need to seem good in front of the clients! Tao!" Kris squawked, blushing. 

  Baekhyun sighed. Chanyeol looked endearingly at a pot plant. Both had a rather fervent wish to send both Kris and Tao on a one-way trip to Pluto.

 They were escorted inside the office before being able to execute their Plutonian plan. Tao pouted when his boyfriend told him to leave, but he left, leaving our two boys alone with Kris. And with Kris's crocheted world map.

 Kris was very proud of his crocheted world map. Apparently he hadn't made it, but his clients, art therapying at 900 000 won an hour, had. Apparently it destressed them. Apparently this was not a load of bull.

  Baekhyun did not agree with that last statement, but anything that stopped Chanyeol from burning the building down was helpful. Baek loved his eccentric boyfriend, taxing as he could be, but it was nice to take a break and play Candy Crush for an hour. 

  And then it turned out that Kris also though it was nice to take a break and make out with a hot secretary for an hour. So Chanyeol was left unsupervised and the building burnt down.

  Chanyeol stood amongst the ashes, grinning maniacally. Baekhyun facepalmed and tugged him in for a kiss.

###

Yup, crackiest crack ever cracked. I'm ashamed of myself. Ah well, at least it ain't my terrible .

....I'll just go hide in a cave now.

And write serious fic. If I can find the time.

Don't get your hopes up.