october 2015
it has stopped raining, the ground is dry, the wind is rather humid but minseok's cheeks remain damp just like one year ago, sometime in october, when luhan left not saying a word to him. he is alone in his room and the only noise he can hear are his unstable breathing, muffled cries and the ticking of the clock. 

where do broken hearts go

minseok has been rather poetic. the words he cannot say, he writes. he writes until there is nothing to write about. he writes until he remembers luhan. he writes until he can visualize luhan's face vividly. he writes until he cries.

minseok snaps.

and he's back, on the sofa, hugging luhan. 090214
//
one morning, he wakes up and luhan isn't there again. 100914
//
one more, he whispers to himself, i will make sure he stays for good. 101315
//

november 2015
luhan visits seoul, not for minseok. luhan is in seoul, not with minseok. luhan loves seoul, not because of minseok. why does it seem so easy for luhan when minseok hasn't even once thought of his beloved without crying? why did luhan let go when minseok was holding on tight? why is luhan still smiling even without him by his side?

how can emptiness feel so heavy

minseok is hungry, the sound of his stomach grumbling is unpleasant. he peeps inside kyungsoo's room to see if he's awake and if he can cook for minseok's undeniably hungry stomach. disappointed that the best kimchi spaghetti cook in exo is asleep, he proceeds to yixing's room. yixing is busy as a bee and he doesn't want to add up to his stress.

minseok is sick and too weak to cook for himself, and so he snaps his fingers once again

and he sees luhan holding a bowl of ramen. 083114
//
one morning, he wakes up and luhan isn't there again. 100914
//
one more, he whispers to himself, i will make sure he stays for good. 110115
//

december 2015
minseok spends christmas at the dorm, with exo having simple party, with the guys who willingly stayed despite everything. he sits on the most comfortable chair in their living room, he has jongdae feeding him kimchi. chanyeol is behind him massaging his shoulder. baekhyun is pouring him a cup of tea and the rest avoids looking at him, holding back their tears.

would losing me even be a loss

sehun carries minseok back to his room and zitao makes sure he won't feel cold. when they are gone, minseok opens his eyes. he wishes luhan is there by his side, hugging him or whispering cringe-worthy lines from a romantic drama he has recently watched (if ever luhan still loves romance and cheesy lines).

minseok is hella sick so he quickly snaps.

and he feels luhan's arms wrapping his frail body. 091414
//
one morning, he wakes up and luhan isn't there again. 100914
//
one more, he whispers to himself, i will make sure he stays for good. 123115
//

january 2016
minseok halts his schedule with exo (and it might even come to the point where he has to stop it for good). it's a new year and nothing seems new for minseok. he feels lonelier after hearing that luhan doesn't plan on meeting with his former co-members as of now. has luhan quickly forgotten the memories they have shared together? was he really that irrelevant?

if other people can read minseok's mind, they'd be in tears

minseok is bed-ridden. even small movements take too much of his energy. the nine members of exo take their turn on taking care of him but most of the time, it's usually junmyeon who stays by minseok's side. minseok hopes it's luhan, he misses him so much.
despite being weak, he tries to put every ounce of his energy into this one snap.
and luhan is there, caressing minseok's forehead. 072914
//
one morning, he wakes up and luhan isn't there again. 100914
//
one more, he whispers to himself, i will make sure he stays for good. 010516
//

february 2016
junmyeon is crying, baekhyun is pounding the wall, chanyeol is on his knees, yixing is speaking to luhan on the phone while trying not to cry, sehun and jongin are sobbing as they try to comfort the crying zitao, kyungsoo is silent as he stares at the unconscious minseok inside the icu.

yixing talks in his accented korean, "luhan ge isn't coming back."

zitao stands up and throws the water bottle on the floor. "what the heck?!"

sehun wipes his tears and speaks, "minseok hyung's not going to last any longer."

are you dying a little inside as i stop breathing

minseok slowly opens his eyes, awake from the unconsciousness he was in, a while ago. he knows he's not going to last a day and so he gives it all to snap his tiny fingers.

and luhan is in china, completely erasing minseok from his mind. 101014
//
kim minseok dies of a broken heart and leukemia. 021416 21:30:09
no more, sehun whispers, you can't make him stay if he really wants to leave.

//