I held my phone tightly. One name was shown on the screen. My thumb wondered around, centimeters above its touch screen, was doubtful whether i should call her or not. I looked at the clock once again, 10 p.m. She maybe is sleeping right now, or maybe not yet.

 

I sighed heavily, closed my eyes for about three seconds. I touched the green phone symbol on the screen, put the phone on my ears.

 

And waiting...

 

"Hello?"

 

I stopped breathing. As I forgot how to breath.

I stopped blinking. As i forgot to blink.

 

"Hello?" She voiced for the second time, i blinked my eyes and breath. Came back to my sense. I opened my mouth, struggled to say a word. But still... However i tried, i felt like something held my lips.

 

"I'm going to--"

 

"-Min WooJung"

I spoke. My voice was trembling. It's been a long time since i said her name nor listen to her voice. 5 years, was a long period of time.

 

 

"Yes, it's Min WooJung, who's this?"

 

She asked who am I? Didn't she recognize my voice?

Or maybe because I was nervous as crap right now?

 

So i cleared my throat before continued to speak.

 

"It's me..." I paused. Still trembling, but still... At least i voiced just like me. For a few seconds, she didn't answer back after i spoke. She probably knew who was speaking to her right now.

 

"It's been a long time"

 

***

 

I held my breath. My eyes got wide. And suddenly, just suddenly, i forgot how to breath.

 

"It's been a long time," He said across the phone line.

 

It was him. It was definitely him.

I was so surprised, I couldn't speak, i couldn't say a single word, even a single letter.

I held my chest. Tightly. I felt something was hurting me. Not physically, but i could feel it.

 

My heart was trembling.

 

Where are you? Are you struggling a lot?

 

But before i ask, my tears fell down my cheek. Just by hearing his breath.

 

"How are you?"

So his voice made more tears fell.

 

I'm not fine.

 

"WooJung..."

 

I stood up, tried to hold myself, so I wouldn't burst into tears.

I walked to the window, leaving my desk and computer , leaving the cursor blinking by itself.

I looked up into the dark blue sky. Left my eyes on the moon.

 

"Lee Donghae..." I finally could speak, a tiny voice escaped my lips.

 

"Yes, it's me," he said.

 

"Donghae... Oppa..." my voice cracked. I painfully gulped my saliva, biting my lower lip, tried the hell out of me to not to cry.

 

"I miss you..."

 

And so a second after i heard his soft voice, I burst into tears. I cried loud. I fell sitting on the floor.

 

***

 

So I stood here, above the sand beach. I was holding my cup tightly, to tightly, i felt i could broke it with my nails anytime. The sound of the waves were playing in my ears. Brought me back to five years ago.

 

I was exactly standing here, at the same place.

I was exactly holding the same cup of coffee.

I was exactly hearing the same voice of waves.

That was exactly 3rd of December.

 

Same day. Different year.

 

And the person who was standing two meters from me was exactly the same person. The same person from 5 years ago.

 

 

"I’ve had enough. There has to be a better way. I deserve better than this. You deserve better than this. We both do”

 

He was the same person who said those words. 5 years ago. That was the same lips which voiced those words.

He walked two steps closer to me, i just stood at my place. Didn't even move for an inch. I was freezing on my place.

 

"How are you? You're fine?" He asked. He asked me if I’m fine.

 

No, I’m not. Where were you all this time?

 

"I'm fine," I lied.

I opened my mouth. I really wanted to ask him, if he was fine or not. But i couldn't. I just couldn't.

 

"I'm... Not that fine," He said, as he knew i was going to ask him. He bowed his head, a small laugh escaped his lips.

 

"Why?"

 

"Because I lost you," He said. He threw his view to the blue ocean.

He said he lost me while he was the one who left me.

Was he out of his mind?

 

I clutched my cup tighter with both my hands. My nails dug into the cup made of soft cork. I could feel the warm fluids dripping on my fingers.

Biting my lips, I tried my best not to cry. Bowed my head, hid my face from him in between my hair.

 

"Lost... Me?" I cursed myself inside, because talked with a horrible trembled voice. And i, somehow, i knew he was looking at me. With those eyes I loved until now. Judging from voice his shoes made above the sand, i knew he walked to me.

 

"You... Left me," and now, I couldn't held back my tears. Screw pride, i have feelings.

 

"I'm sorry"

 

"Sorry?"

 

"I..." He stopped, didn't continue what he said. I heard a heavy sighed escaped his lips.

 

"Can't you... At least tell me where would you go before you left? Or at least left a message? Or did something else and not leaving me like you did?" I lifted my head, tears were dripping from my eyes to my cheeks. He drew a shocked face after seeing my tears. He was getting closer to me with a quick move and wiped my tears. And his touch... Was like an electric shock on my cheeks.

I dropped my coffee and get rid of his hands.

I didn't even mean to do that. It was just... So suddenly.

 

"Woojung..."

 

"No! Don't touch me!" I stepped back, I cried louder.

 

"I can explain"

 

"NO! I HATE YOU!!" he kept moving towards me and I kept stepped back. I stopped when he stopped, and i move again when he moved. And suddenly, I couldn't move even an inch. I just couldn't. And i let him to erased the gaps between us little by little.

 

He hugged me.

 

I was just standing there inside his hug. And crying on his warm body. Wet his coat with my damn tears. Muffled my cries on his chest.

 

He tightened his hug.

 

He still smell the same. My favorite scent.

He was still felt the same.

His hug was still warm and lovable.

He was him.

 

He was the same Lee Donghae.

 

***

 

I walked away from the place before. Slowly. Slowly. I just didn't want to left that place so quick.

So did she. She walked slowly away from the place she stood before. Opposite direction from me.

I tried so hard to not to look at her back.

 

God brought us in a meeting just like people in general. Strangers to Friends then became beat friends and then a lover... Tyen back to strangers.

The last one was hurt.

 

There comes a point in every person’s life when he or she parts ways with someone.

 

Upon first meeting this person, there’s a sweet beginning, but once you come to really know each other and grow comfortable, you suddenly realize that the relationship no longer brings any particular value to your life and is perhaps, even detrimental.

 

But it was not us. The reason that the relationship no longer brings any particular value to our life.

 

I was born in a poor family. And she. She was from the reach, respectable family.

I was just a piece of dust on her shoe.

 

If you see, we couldn't be together. But love said the opposite.

We fell for each other.

I, knew my position. I know who I was. So I forced myself to not to fell from her.

 

But she. She just didn't care. Love blinded her. She didn't she who I was. Where I was from. Or anything.

She made me fell for her even deeper.

 

Sometimes, we hold on to people purely based on how long we have known them. Time can tie people together, but if you feel as though there’s nothing substantial keeping you connected, time is not a strong enough reason to hold on to something that’s simply no longer worth holding onto.

 

Yes it was time.

 

And her parents.

 

They didn't like me at all. They didn't want her daughter to have a love affair with a boy life from a part-time job as a delivery boy and a little amount of money from his parents. And school from a scholarship that he had to work his off to get.

 

So they -with their daughter stubborn- tried hard to separate us.

 

And they nailed that.

 

With a such arranged married they made to their daughter. Even with their daughter's tears.

And they sent me to a place far away from Korea. Spent my money on me, sent me to a university in Europe. And somehow made me couldn't contact their daughter even a single letter.

 

 

They were just amazing.

 

And after finally 5 years, i got her phone number.

And I took the risk to call her and even meet her.

 

We grow complacent with people once we’re comfortable with them. But, hanging onto someone for the pure sake of it and because you don’t know anything else isn’t a good enough reason.

 

So with the last gaze I threw on her back, I continued walking.

 

After explain all of the story to her. And stole a, -and I know would be the last- hug and a long  kiss on her soft lips. I said a goodbye to her. The word I couldn't able to say to her.

 

Her lips.

 

They still the same. A soft, sweet lips.

And her kiss was still the same as the way she kissed me last time.

 

I touched my lips once again. The crazy thing was, I didn't even feel wrong after kissed a girl who already had a husband.

 

Why?

 

I don't know, because I, somehow, still felt that i still have her with me. All this time.

 

I will miss the kiss. I will miss her voice. I will miss her laugh. I will miss everything about her.

 

Because even we would live not far from each other, I knew my self.

I knew where I stood, and I knew where she stood.

I knew who I was, and I knew who she was.

 

But love is always blind. Isn't it?