Donghae POV

I made decisions to see a doctor today.. after I make some check up the doctor said I need to comeback first and if I have any other symptoms I need to come again..after I back from the hospital I go to my girlfriend house because her mom invite me to have dinner with them. When I was arrived at her house, her mom keep talking that I was too good for her daughter.. hehe.. did I too handsome? After we’re finished our meal dara bring me to her room and we started talking

“you know, my mom cooked fried chicken too much just because I said you want to come” she suddenly said.. out of blue I remember what had happened when I was a kid

“When I was a kid, every time when I felt down, my mom made fried chicken for me. After eating it I forgot all the things that were bothering me. There were times I pretended to feel down, so she would make fried chicken.” I told her

“You could just tell her that you want to eat fried chicken..” she said

“You are right.” I answered

“But that’s so sweet.” She suddenly said

“You think its sweet?” I asked

[LEE DONGHAE]

[FALL, AGE 23]

DONGHAE POV

Today while I was at my  workplace doing my work suddenly I felt my left hand weaken and the furniture that I bring had fell to the floor so I made decision to see doctor again…

At hospital

“I fell like I have less strength in my left hand and my left calf twitches sometimes” I said to the doctor

“I see. I suggest that you see a neurologist. There are many disease that orthopedics cant detect. Later I’ll address give you where you can see the neurologist..” the doctor said

The tomorrow morning I go to see the neurolist at XXX hospital.. I do all the check-up and now I just have to wait the result….

“Mr. Lee Donghae, Dr. Kim wants to see you” suddenly the nurse called me

“oh? Okay..” I answered and enter the room and sit in front of the doctor.. now I’m ready to hear what the result..

“Regarding the result of the exams and the course of treatment, I would like to dicsuss with you as well as your family.” The doctor said

“Could I be the only one?” I answered

“I thought I had asked you to bring your family.” The doctor state

“I don’t have a family. I’ll  listen it by myself” I said

“okay… I understand” the doctor said

“ The result of the exams shows abnormalities in the motor neurons that control muscles in your body. The cause difficulty in moving your body, leading to muscular atrophy. With the current medical technology, there is no cure. You will manage living with this disease for the long term. The symptoms change as the disease progresses. So we manage it accordingly. Currently you only have some movement disorders in your limbs. When the disease progress, the muscle all over your body will weaken. You will have difficulty talking and swallowing food. When the symptoms progress more, there will be a respiratory problem. In order to keep living, you will be required to be on a ventilator. Without a ventilator in most cases, in three or five years from onset symptoms patients will have paralyzed respiratory muscle and die.”

“ALS” I suddenly blurted out

“Correct, the name of the disease is ALS whis is short form for Amyotropic Lateral Sclerosis. Its named as one of the most intractable disease. I’m sure you are greatly scared. But it is important for you to understand the disease correctly and accept it” state the doctor again

After heard about the result I go back home.. my mind cant stop from thinking about the thing that the doctor said earlier.. what will happened to me after this? I cant believe it.. I keep thinking until dawn..

On the morning I go work like I always do…

“How is your arm? I don’t want you scratch our merchandise again…” my senior at work place said

“I went to see a doctor yesterday, but nothing was serious. But I don’t have strength in my hand and cant raise my arm for a while..” I answered

“Why?” he asked

“Well, its kind of like a frozen shoulder.” I answered again

“You are too young for that” he said

“I apologize for causing trouble” I said to him

“I want to say ‘you are causing trouble..’ but I would be a bad guy if I said that to a sick person.” He stated

“I will do whatever I can” I said

“Then can you arrange the deliveries?” he asked

“Yes. Sure.” I answered

After I’ve done arrange the deliveries I go to eat lunch…. I want to open the sushi pack but my hand cant grab it… Its makes me want to throw the sushi away but its at the public place.. I tried to open the bottle cap.. it is so hard to open it.. why is it so hard to open it? After a while I’ve made it….

After I back to my house I go straight to my room and go searched about my father’s hospital..

Its ‘XXX Central General Hospital’ and their motto is ‘We provide reliable medical sevices that eliminate anxieties from patients’… after I read that I called my dad to ask something..

“Yes?” my dad answered

“Its Donghae” I said

“This is unusual. Are you doing well?” my dad asked me

“um..yeah..” I answered

“Are you calling me about that?” my dad asked again

“What?” I asked him back

“I thought you decided to work in the hospital’s administrative office..” he said

“um.. well” I’m not sure myself about that..

“No?” he asked

“Have you ever misdiagnosed a patient?” I asked

“Why are you talking about this?” he asked

“How many times have you done it? What is the probability? 0.1 percent? 0.01 percent?” I asked again

“Never. Zero.” He answered

“It cant be 0 percent..” I said

“I have made wrong decisions, but… what about it?” he suddenly ask

“Nothing. Bye.” I answered

TOMORROW NIGHT

Suddenly I feel like I have to go somewhere with dara.. and I showed her a hotspring booklet…

“Lets go since I got a bonus.” I asked her

“Are you taking me there?” she asked me back

“Yes.” I answered

“No, it’s a waste of money. You should put it into your savings.” She said

“Its okay.. lets go..” I said again

WEEKEND

Today is the day I will have a happy time with my girlfriend at hotspring.. we do so many things here.. play at arcade, bath at the hot bath and not to forget we ate many foods.. when I and dara in our way to go to our hotel room

“I’m so satisfied.” She suddenly said

“Are you?” I asked

“Yes. The bath was so nice and the food was delicious.” She stated

“Same with me..” I said

“When do you think you can get your strength back?” she suddenly ask

“Its looks like not for a while.” I said

“ I hope its get better soon.” She said

“Hey, I’ve decide something..” she said again

“What it is?” I asked

“I want to learn about nursing care properly..” she answered

“What is this all of sudden?” I asked her again

“Recently I helped an elderly woman who still can walk but is usually in a wheelchair. When I saw her doing her best to walk with a cane. I wondered how it feels like to be in her situation. How would it feel if I started losing strength to do things on my own?” she stated

“Its happens when you get old” I suddenly blurted out because I start to think about my disease… suddenly I just realize dara must be hurt with what I’ve said…

“I’m sorry.. What you want to said again?” I apologize

“So it made me think that I want to care for people as profession. This is the first time I actually have something in mind to do. Until now, I just want to be a full-time employee. I’m sure the more I care for people, the more I will realize how difficult it is..” she said again

After her explanation, I hug her because I don’t know if she know about my disease.. I cant let her know…

TOMORROW MORNING

After I sent dara home, I go straight to the hospital to see Dr. Kim.

“ A death-row inmate spends everyday waiting for the execution without knowing when it happens. Do I have to spend the rest of my life without knowing the day comes?” I ask Dr. Kim

“Well, you are the first patient who likened himself to an inmate.” He said

“I’ve never even shoplifted, let alone murder.” I said

“Most people don’t do that.” He said again

“I haven’t done many things in my life that people would praise me for. But I also haven’t done anything to bother other people either. Could it be a misdiagnosis? I had no problem at health check-up I had before I started working for my company..” I said

“You cant always detect ALS from regular check-ups.” He stated

“I read online that difficult to diagnose ALS. That in many cases it takes a year to be diagnosed. Isn’t it strage that I was diagnosed for ALS right away?” I said again

“One of the reasons why it takes time to diagnose ALS is that there aren’t many doctors that have seen many ALS cases. But I have seen many ALS patients..” he stated again

“But there aren’t many cases right? On top of that its rare for young people like myself to have it.” I said

“Yes.” He said

“IT doesn’t make sense..” I added

“You are right. It doesn’t make sense..” he said again

“I just cant believe that my left arm will never go back to the way it was before. I feel like if I sleep overnight, it works normally when I wake up. I saw a man on a ventilator. He cant move on his own. He cant eat. He cant talk. He breathes using a machine. He cant do anything but he is fully conscious..” I stated

“Right. But it doesn’t happen instantly..” he added

“But it could happen as early as a year right?” I asked

“Donghae-sshi, even as ALS progress and your body stops moving each patient’s life is different. They are living their own life.” He answered

“How can you say that they are living??!!” I yelled

“Its okay with me. Even now, its not that I have something I want to do. I’m empty inside and surficial. I’ve lived without thinking much. I hang out with friends just to have fun at each moment. Even my parents….. They aren’t expecting anything from me. They have my younger brother. I don’t have anything precious that I want to protect. No one needs me..” I added and I broke down while crying…  

HELLO!!! ITS BEEN A WHILE RIGHT??!!! WELL I'M A LITTLE BIT BUSY... SORRY... AND SORRY IF THIS CHAPTER NOT THAT GOOD... I'M SORRY..