I always imagined my first kiss with Yoo Youngjae would be special. With a romantic setting of some sorts; maybe by the Han River, a garden full of pretty flowers and chirping birds, under the stars at a quiet park, possibly even at a little quaint coffee shop. The setting would feel so right that it would be inevitable to lean in closer to each other. Fireworks would spark the moment our lips would graze against one another's; the kiss would be nice, gentle and slow but with just the right amount of force that conveyed how much we both wanted it. A pretty shade of pink would taint his cheeks as I would cup his soft cheek, lovingly rubbing the creamy skin with the pad of my thumb as I would then deepen the kiss. We would reluctantly pull away for a breath of air with bashful smiles spread goofily across our faces before being pulled together like a magnetic force once again.

Sometimes my mind got the best of me and would wander off to more heated kisses, which usually lead to my wild imagination picturing a Youngjae writhing and panting desperately underneath me (God, yes) as I kissed other parts of his body rather than just his lips, which then ultimately lead me to lightly slapping myself on the face in order to get a damn grip.

Which is why when I did get my first kiss with Youngjae -so innocent and quick that I  wonder if it should even be considered called a kiss- I was dumbfounded to realize that the (harsh) slap I had received wasn’t from my own hand. It was from Youngjae.

In all honesty, I didn't blame or judge Youngjae for the slap he blew at me and I knew I well deserved it. I would have done the same thing if a guy I barely knew and spoke to only because of a school project came up to me and kissed me in the school yard. The slap merely surprised me into realization of the sudden impulsive action I had impetuously done.

The last thing I remembered was bidding my best friend, Kim Himchan, and his boyfriend, Bang Yongguk, a goodbye before converting into this scary robotic mode that had my body stalking towards my secret crush of two years. Next thing I had known, my lips had met his for a split second before a burning pain coursed through my left cheek. Ouch.

Everything is still hazy as we stare at each other, especially with the newly added heavy downpour of rain that is fabricating the god-forbidden distracting droplets of water running down Youngjae’s temple and outlining that jawline, but ah, yes, I remember how it had happened now. How it suddenly came down to this very moment.

Himchan and Yongguk had been conversing as we stood by the school’s entrance, talking about what, I hadn’t known or even cared, it might’ve been about the drastic change of weather if I thought hard enough; I'd been too busy leaning my right shoulder against a thick pillar and hiding behind it surreptitiously while attentively watching Youngjae from afar, thinking how especially beautiful the younger had looked at school that day. He had a new haircut that had his once loose bangs now styled upwards, showcasing his slim and gorgeous face. Good god.

I normally didn't stalk Youngjae this creepily, but this time I just couldn't help it and couldn't keep my eyes off the younger. Youngjae had been sitting on a bench under a tree just a few meters from my friends and me, iPod in hand with earphones in. His attention was fully on his screen as his head bobbed up and down subtlety, his lips faintly mouthing along with the lyrics. Every once in a while he would sing out a line a little too loudly and unplug a earphone to look around stealthily in hopes no one heard him. It drew small chuckles of affection from me each time. God, he is just so cute.

“Stare any longer and your eyes will pop off.” A deep chuckle identified as Himchan had made me roll my eyes.

“ off, Himchan,” I grumbled without removing my gaze from the object of my affection.

“Why don't you just go talk to him?” Yongguk suggested for the billionth time as if we'd never discussed this option before, but we had, and the conversation always ended with an, I can't go talk to him just like that, God, Yongguk!

I had finally ripped my gaze away from Youngjae long enough to stare maliciously at my best friend’s boyfriend. “Casually ask him what music he’s listening to,” Yongguk added before I could yell my consistent answer to the former (and stupid) idea. “Gosh, Daehyun, its been two years since the project that you were partnered with him, ask him how he's been.”

I guffawed mockingly. “Hey, Youngjae! It's been two years since that one project we did together freshmen year, remember that? Oh, you don't? Well I sure do! In fact, it's all I ever think about!”

"’I became obsessed with you and now I stalk you out of love!’ Don't forget to add important details,” Himchan chortled. I raised my arm to smack him but stopped mid-whack when I heard Youngjae sing out a line again and stop himself shyly.

Yongguk huffed out, “Ask him why he’s sitting alone outside after school? Act friendly and keep him company.”

“He must be waiting for someone,” Himchan threw out and shrugged when Yongguk elbowed him. “Or hey! Here’s a wacky idea! Just be concise and ask him out already!”

My face must’ve contorted into all sorts of expressions at the suggestion. “A-Are you crazy? I can’t just-“ I hadn't even finished my train of thought, my face too red and hot at the demanding glares I received from my friends. “Back off, just leave me alone.” I simply retaliated instead.

With a small tsk, Himchan wrapped an arm around his boyfriend’s and pulled him a few steps towards the school gate’s direction. “Alright, your own masochistic choice. Love from afar and never say a word until it’s really too late. Do whatever you want then, Daehyun. Anyways, we have to get going; date night. See you tomorrow, loser.”

I reached out to hit Himchan but the latter was already laughing as he pulled his boyfriend down the school steps.

Scoffing at the couple, I leaned against the pillar again and glanced back towards Youngjae, who was surrounded by two lower classmen. Moon Jongup and Choi Junhong, I recognized them as. Two freshmen who were quite the popular kids in the school (despite their young age and grade level) for their amazing dance skills. I had taken a notice how often Youngjae had been spending time with them lately. Hell, it'd be a complete lie if I said I wasn't jealous how close they had randomly become.

"Hyung," I heard Junhong call out to Youngjae as I slid fully around the pillar, my back against the brick barrier and completely out of sight. “We’re gonna have to cancel today, sorry. Something came up and Jonguppie Hyung and I gotta go to the dance studio.” I bit my bottom lip and thought how creepy I really seemed for eavesdropping.

“It’s okay.” It's funny how just the sound of your voice makes my heart thump. “Maybe another time.”

“Keep practicing, Hyung! You're really improving!” Improving? Improving in what?

“Thanks Jongup!” I can see your smile from just the sound of your voice. It's beautiful.

"See you later, hyung!"

“Bye,” Youngjae called out right as I heard two pairs of heavy footsteps run across the concrete, the sound eventually died down into silence.

With only a few sounds of distant chitter-chatter from other students passing by here and there, I suspected Youngjae had left to head home. So I peeked my head out, just in time for a vastly loud thunder clap to startle the both of us simultaneously. While examining the forming storm clouds, he placed a delicate hand over his heart as he chuckled slightly at himself for being scared. I smiled stupidly.

Still out of sight, I watched as Youngjae looked down at his iPod and plugged in his earphones. He lifted his head and looked around at the vacant school yard, with me pulling back and catching a breath in hopes he hadn't spotted me. After a few seconds, I peeked again to have my jaw slacken and eyes bulge from their sockets.

Youngjae was dancing.

And dancing good. .

He held onto his iPod tightly while letting the music carry out his slow yet slick movements. The way he had moved his body indicated it must had been a slow and soulful song, the dance steps matching such a rhythm. His footwork was a little rough, yet smooth the next time he practiced a specific dance move he wasn't satisfied with.

Improving indeed, I had thought as I then understood what Jongup had implied and why Youngjae must have started hanging around the duo so much.

My palms grew clammy from gripping at the side of the pillar so hard for support. My knees felt weak when Youngjae had done a certain body wave that ended with a suggestive hip that didn't seem so innocent. Bless my poor soul.

Small pellets of water had begun to descend from the clouds above, yet Youngjae hadn't seemed to mind the slightest as he continued to dance enthusiastically to his song. My heart pounded within my chest with each second I continued to watch Youngjae twist and twirl with such dexterity I never knew he possessed.

I was so captivated by his joyous grin and the way his eyes were closed in gleeful concentration, that I hadn't even noticed my own legs working on their own. Youngjae was growing larger in my vision, a warning that I should have taken that I was nearing his personal space; however, I hadn’t cared, he looked so much more beautiful up close. I was an insect being pulled in by a fascinating gorgeous light.

I had been close enough to notice how the light raindrops caused his hair to stick to his temple. Close enough to notice the way his lips twitched up just the slightest each time he felt he nailed a certain step. Close enough to hear the light humming that emitted from his throat. Close enough to reach out and touch him. And I did.

I tapped his shoulder while his back faced me.

He took off his left earphone in panic, turning around with the most shy and embarrassed expression I had ever seen across his face, if only for a second. The moment he had turned his head towards me far enough, I couldn't contain myself. My lips sure had a mind of their own.

I was kissing Yoo Youngjae with little to no thought.

It wasn't as romantic as I'd pictured, with him pushing me back in a haste and slapping me across the face as an automatic response. I whimpered at the hit while his eyes had grown wide and his hand slapped over his mouth to cover his loud and surprised gasp.

"I am so sorry!” He finally splutters after a few seconds of us both staring at one another with wide eyes. His cheeks begin to sport a rosy color. “I didn't mean to hit you so hard!”

My cheek is still stinging, yet the look of pure terror on Youngjae’s face causes me to ignore the slight pain in effect of thinking the younger’s big doe eyed state is too adorable to brush off. Wow, seriously, what have you done to me, Yoo Youngjae?

“,” he breathes out as he takes a step closer and pulls off my hand that is cupping my stinging cheek. “Daehyun, are you okay?” He asks while examining my red skin. How can he sound so worried for me after I basically just ually harassed him?

“Y-Yeah,” I mumble with a reassuring smile, internally screaming about how Youngjae actually remembers my name. “I’m okay,” I say loudly over the now pouring rain, the icy drops soothing the sting surfacing my cheek. “You should put that away before it gets damaged.” He follows my gaze to the music device clenched in his fist, the faint melody of a Jay Park song coming to an end. With shaking hands he fumbles to put it away into his messenger bag and looks back up at me in still a state of shock.

I'm not sure when I became so valiant, but next thing I know, I’m pulling Youngjae by the hand to the school roof’s overhang as a shelter from the rain. “Don’t want to get sick,” I explain lamely. He nods with an awkward hum.

I cough awkwardly, searching my brain for anything to say. Sorry I kissed you just now. You looked so y dancing. That was an impressive crotch grab, wanna grab someone else's crotch for a change? I love you. Oh god no.

Instead I settle with a safe, “Do you have an umbrella?” I receive a shake of the head no.

We look out at the completely empty school yard, no other life forms in radius, watching as rain continues to relentlessly pound onto the earth. I try my hardest not to stare at his white school shirt and how it's opaque due to the rain, hugging his chest in a way that won't be safe to keep thinking about unless I want a . Damn my stupid teenage hormones.

The dreadful silence between us is painfully apparent even through the constant thundering claps and harsh rain. Sadly and embarrassingly enough though, it is not loud enough to cover the sound of my grumbling stomach demanding for food like a ing pregnant humpback whale.

A soft chuckle sounding beside me has me bashfully lower my head and rub the back of my neck with a short apology. I only look up with wide eyes when a hand brought up before my face holds a small package with a sugar bun. I search Youngjae’s eyes for permission. “Really?”

He nods his head cutely, his eyes turning into crescent shapes and laughing when I rip open the package and take a big bite. I always knew I loved you. Ung.

I am almost done devouring the thing when I realize, , Youngjae must be hungry as well, and here is this angel giving me his only food. With a mouthful of bread ceasing any chance of proper communication, I lift the bun to Youngjae in asking if he wants a bite. He seems shocked and flustered, his hands waving back and forth as he stutters out that it is alright. I can’t allow this though. It initially belonged to him, how can I be so selfish?

“I insist,” I mumble after I swallow my mouthful. “It was yours…”

“Daehyun, I gave it to you. I'm not even hun-“ a rumble from Youngjae’s stomach makes me think otherwise. “Not even that hungry,” he corrects himself with a small nervous chuckle at his own stomach contradicting him.

I lift the bun closer to his mouth, the pastry grazing his bottom lip, leaving some excess sugar particles to stick on his plump lip. I gulp.

He stares at the inviting sugary bun touching his mouth and then back at me. I nudge the bun closer and he seems hesitant before looking down and taking a small bite, his cheeks flare into a deep crimson I deem has to be the prettiest color to ever contrast against his pale skin.

His eyelashes flutter while he blinks, unsure what to say, I guess. I smile and take another bite, his eyes widening the slightest as he watches me chew the bite I take from the same spot he bit from the bun. He turns away again, his attention back on the rain.

“I didn't know you danced.” I comment while feeding him the last bite. I notice how Youngjae tenses but takes it nonetheless. “You're very good.” He relaxes a bit more.

"I-It's just something new I wanted to try. I'm not as good as Junhong or Jongup.”

“Maybe. But you're amazing for someone who hasn't been dancing all his life.” Another blush was reaching his ears and I have to bite back a smile knowing I am the one causing this cute reaction from him. “What made you want to learn how to dance?”

Youngjae bites his lip and shrugs, his stare on the ground suddenly turning into a glare. “I don't know. I guess, I’m just tired of being ordinary.” He looks at me and sighs, a sad smile forming on his lips. “I want to be special. I want to be noticed.”

“You are special,” I blurt out with a frown. “You aren't ordinary, Youngjae, you're amazing.”  I don't even care if I sound cheesy or like the love sick puppy I know I am. How can Youngjae think so little of himself? “You're so smart, funny and fun to be around.”

“You’re really sweet, Daehyun,” Youngjae says with shake of his head. “You really don't have to say all that though.” I’m not sure but I think I hear him mumble a soft, “Please don't give me false hope.” 

“I'm not just saying that if that's what you think.” The way Youngjae looks at me portraying he isn’t convinced almost makes me want to cry. He looks so sad and hopeless.

He takes a moment to reply, but he seems to be thinking about something deeply considering the way his eyebrows scrunch together in thought. “Why did you kiss me?” He asks softly, it's almost a whisper.

I don't even hesitate to answer. “Because I’m in love with you. Always have been from the moment I laid eyes on you.” It must not be the answer he expects, because Youngjae’s eyes widen again. “When we were partnered for that project freshmen year it was the greatest excuse just to talk to you. Spending time with you and slowly getting to know you had me fall so much more harder. I was devastated when the project ended, I didn't have any balls to talk to you again and everyday I regret letting you slip away from me like that. You are absolutely one of a kind and if people haven't noticed you like you assume, I… I sure have.” 

Sometime around my little confession, I backed Youngjae up against the same pillar I had been hiding behind just a half hour ago. He blushes madly while staring into my eyes, lips moving as if to vocalize something, anything, but he isn’t sure what. I open my mouth to say something, but the hand slipping around my neck stops me. Our foreheads bump gently as he stares deeply into my eyes, my breath hitching in my throat and my heart pounding.

“You love me?” He whispers and I nod in response, my hands coming up to rest on his hips. “All this time?” I nod for a second time, my eyes never leaving his soft brown enticing ones.

"I do.” I confirm through a heavy breath while his eyes lower to stare at my lips. I shiver in his touch. “I have. All this time.” A grin breaks out on his face and I swear I fall in love all over again.

"We're a pair of idiots," he chuckles absentmindedly. “I love you too.” My heart explodes. “All this time.” I swear this must be a dream but then it happens.

Yoo Youngjae is kissing me with little to no thought.

No way can a dream feel this amazingly real. No possible way.

I always imagined my first kiss with Yoo Youngjae would be special. With a romantic setting of some sorts; maybe at our school yard, the exact place I had first seen him two years ago, when he was sitting on the bench under the tree, humming and drumming his fingers along with the music from his iPod as the sunlight had hit him at just the right angle. A few feet away from that long time ago scene is suffice, with rain playing as our background music. The setting feels so right, that it is inevitable to lean in closer to each other. Fireworks spark the moment our lips graze against one another's; the kiss is nice, gentle and slow but with just with the right amount of force that conveys how much we both want it. A pretty shade of pink does in fact taint his cheeks (okay and mine too) as I cup his soft cheek, lovingly rubbing the creamy skin with the pad of my thumb as I deepen the kiss. We reluctantly pull away for a breath of air with bashful smiles spreading goofily across our faces before we are pulled together like a magnetic force once again. And although our first kiss ends with a slap to my face, our second first kiss is everything I had imagined in my head, everything but better, so so much better.

Sorry if it  

I tried lmao

kthnxbye