SeHun watched the pink haired boy noisily laugh with the other populars. LuHan. The name hung in his pitch black mind like a broken and damaged leaf on a tree at the very end of autumn. We all know that one moment. Where every single leaf is gone, except one. That one last leaf that's so broken and frail, but still manages to hold on for another day. And then, it falls. Giving up and letting the wind win. 

He'd be dead if anyone caught him staring at LuHan. They'd never let him live it down. A shy, and lonely freshman gazing longingly at an outgoing, popular senior? They'd tell him he was a hopeless dreamer for liking him and hack into his thoughts, making them darker than before. 

He remembered when LuHan used to play soccer with him. He still has the scar on his knee when he tripped over while teaching SeHun how to play. He continued to play even after the freshman gave up, settling on watching him from the sidelines. 

He'd always go to his games and leave before he discovered SeHun was there. He knows. He's pathetic for avoiding him. He doesn't have much choice. He's completely and utterly in love with LuHan, but he's not. He can't make him love me. You can't make your mind do something your heart doesn't. 
He can't even believe they used to be best friends.

It was absolute fate when our parents brought them together. They wouldn't leave each other's side, like they were conjoined at the hip. It wasn't until he was 8 when he truly realized he was in love. 
~~~
"Keep in touch, okay Sehunnie?" 12 year old LuHan plastered on a bright smile, locking pinkies with the 8 year old boy. SeHun was mesmerized at their small hands, and how they were connected with each other's by their pinkies. His heart beat sped up, causing a lump to form in his throat and his eyes to water. The smaller boy tore his hand away from his elder and turned to face the broken swing set that he still owned, the tall trees, the pretty red roses, and anything besides LuHan. Air was caught in the 12 year old boy's throat at the younger's sudden action. He placed a cautious hand on SeHun's shoulder and before LuHan could say anything, SeHun wrapped his short arms around the tall boy. His body reacting before his mind, LuHan wrapped his arms around SeHun and held him tight. "Why do you have to go?" SeHun's voice was filled with dread and pain, making LuHan squeeze his eyes tight, feeling the burning sensation in his chest.

"SeHun-ah... I'm so sorry..." His frail voice trailed off as SeHun's grip tightened, body quivering in LuHan's hold. SeHun slipped away from his grip and stared up at the boy who he had loved for so long. LuHan's heart stopped and he couldn't breathe. He stared into the broken eyes of his best friend. "Are you really sorry LuHannie? I don't think you should lie to 8-" SeHun hiccuped and wiped away his flowing tears, more falling down to replace the old ones. "Year olds." He finished his chopped up sentence and gripped the bottom of his white t-shirt. 

"Sehunnie... I'm not lying. I promise." LuHan kneeled down so SeHun was looking down at him. "I love you... You're my best friend, okay? No one can ever replace you. No one. I'll always be with you." 

SeHun sniffled and wiped his eyes with the heels of his hands. "Promise?"

"Promise."
~~~
His last memory of him repeated again and again and again and again. It was like an endless loop of pain. A cold feeling passed down his body, the image of people staring implanted in his head. As the haunting scene replayed, other thoughts flooded in. 'Why didn't he ever text me back? Why didn't he ever call me back? He promised. I'm so stupid. Oh God, I'm so stupid.'. The pink haired boy was never forgotten. Even when SeHun thinks he's over him, his heart knows he's not.
His hands push open the light blue doors that lead to the foyer and walked down the gray, gravelly stairs, pushing his ear buds in. 

SeHun wasn't going back to his broken home yet. What was the point? His mom wasn't going to be home. She was never home. She was probably making out with her boss at the office right now, thinking SeHun and his siblings didn't know.  And his dad? SeHun doesn't even know if he's alive anymore. Yoona was most definitely at her friends house, leaving him alone for the rest of the night. He'd be alone physically and mentally.

Stuffing his hands into his pockets, the 15 year old boy grudgingly made his way to any place besides his house. His mind blanked out, body making their way to wherever they wanted to go. 
~~~
The park was abandoned at this time of night. The stars weren't shining or twinkling like they were supposed to. They mirrored SeHun's emotions, dark and lifeless. He felt himself fill with dread and stood up abruptly. His phone was seated in his pocket, music still blaring in his ears, but not as loud as before. He set a foot down the road before his pocket vibrated. He pulled his phone out, stopping in the middle of the street when he read these words.

'SeHun-ah... Remember me?'
Pictures of LuHan flashed before his eyes. He gripped his phone, tears threatening to flow from his brown orbs. Memories of them together replaced the one of LuHan leaving and everything suddenly seemed alright. Words and incoherent sentences wrapped themselves around SeHun's mind. 

'LuHan... Of course I-'

Blood.

Blood everywhere.

A limp body was the only thing on the street.

And a shattered phone with a message that was never meant to be.
~~~
Read.

The words taunted LuHan and made him question himself. 'Why didn't he answer me? Oh God, I screwed up. Oh God, oh God, oh God.'

"LuHan?"

The shaky voice fractured his train of thoughts. The creaky sound of his bedroom door being opened followed the voice, making LuHan face the direction the noise was coming from. 

"LuHan..." His mom repeated his name, phone in her hand. Her arm grew limp by her side as she walked towards him. When LuHan didn't say anything, she began to speak again.

"Do you remember SeHun?"

Remember? He couldn't forget him. 

"Of course I do mom, he's-" My best friend. He shut himself up, realizing they haven't talked in years. And it was all LuHan's fault.

"LuHan..." His mom paused, stalling. The boy got frustrated but didn't say anything. What's up with SeHun?
"He's dead... LuHan. SeHun is..." Dead. 

She didn't have to finish her sentence. LuHan had heard enough. He stood up, shaking his head slowly. There was no way. No way. 

"How... I..." Saw him walk out of the school safely. All these words were stuck in LuHan's throat, refusing to come out and let him form a proper sentence. 

"Nobody knows how... But some of them say he was in the middle of the street... They say he pulled out his phone and just stopped..." 

'Oh God, please. No. No. Why? Why do I ruin everything? Why? Why him? Why not me? Why? SeHun... Oh God, no. Please. I love you so much. You can't be dead. You can't. No. There's no way. SeHun, please. No. No. No. SeHun...'

Tears stained LuHan's cheeks as he paced his room. 'It's all your fault... All. Your. Fault.' The little demons inside him reminded him that it was his fault. He was the one who sent him that text. He was the one who killed him. 

~~~
The dread set in once again when LuHan stared down SeHun's tombstone. The words 'Oh God I love you so much.' replayed in his head like a broken record. The dark red rose and plain white letter was grasped in his hand and transferred onto the ground. Tears swelled up in his already swollen and red eyes. The sleeves of his shirt grew wet again as LuHan used them to wipe away the tears. 'I'm so sorry SeHun-ah... I love you so much. I'm never leaving you again. Never...'

The gun he took from his dad's top drawer was pulled out and pointed at his temple.

'I love you SeHunnie. I hope you love me too.'

He pulled the trigger.