go to original post ; master list of last year's jaeho exchange fics
 

Siwon smiles as he spotted the person he wanted to see the most at that moment and approaches the other, silently until the hiss of the man's companion made him halt in his tracks.

“A divorce? Are you sure that’s what you want?” Yoochun asks, his expression darkening in worry as he sees Jaejoong nodding hesitantly.

"It's better this way,” Jaejoong replies in a whisper, lowering his head in an attempt to hide the bitterness of his smile, ”It's not meant to last."

Yoochun ruffles his hair in frustration, not really knowing what he is supposed to say as he struggles between wanting to shake some sense into Jaejoong, and being the understanding friend that he usually is. He knows that Jaejoong and his husband are having some problems lately, but he would've never expected for things to end this way, considering how in love the couple has always been despite some struggles.

"A divorce is a big step, Jaejoong. You are about to end something that lasted for five years,” Yoochun sighs. "You should think this through. Give yourself and Yunho some more time. You should talk to him before deciding something like this on your own. Marriage is a game for two and important decisions should be made by two as well."

Jaejoong knows that Yoochun is right. He should at least give Yunho a heads up about the upcoming divorce although he is scared of talking to his husband. The confrontation itself is not the problem. It's rather the fear of giving in and not pushing through with the divorce the moment he has to face his husband. He knows himself all too well. His husband is -despite all - his greatest weakness.

"You are right." The photographer says as he looks down at the camera in his hands. "But not now. I don't want anything to distract him. He needs to concentrate on the race and I need to concentrate on taking pictures of my husband for the very last time."

"For the last time? You are planning to quit your job as well?" Yoochun asks.

Jaejoong shakes his head in response. "No, but I will concentrate on other sports events for a while after this. I don't think I'll be able to do my job properly with Yunho there."

Unable to say anything, Yoochun merely looks at his friend in sympathy. He knows that deep down; Jaejoong doesn't want a separation to happen. He can understand why his friend feels the need to end the marriage after listening to Jaejoong's earlier reasoning, although he is afraid that Jaejoong is making the decision based on a temporary rush of strong, hurtful feelings.

Not far away from them, Siwon is watching the two best friends with a small hint of a smirk on his lips, before he decides to walk away and share the news he had just overheard with a certain someone.

"Yunho!"

Yunho spins around upon hearing his name being called, and frowns in confusion when he sees Siwon approaching him. Siwon is the very last person he would have expected to come and start a conversation with him. Especially since the other usually never shows any interest in being near him, unless Jaejoong is with him, and considering that Siwon's brother is taking part in the race, Yunho would've expected for him to be with his brother at the moment.

"Yes?" Yunho utters, his frown of confusion getting more prominent once he sees the look of sympathy in Siwon's eyes.

"I'm so sorry to hear about your divorce." Siwon mutters in a soft whisper and steps closer.

Yunho blinks. "What are you talking about? What divorce?"

"Yours and Jaejoong's. He talked about it just now and-" Siwon gasps upon noticing Yunho's crestfallen look. "Y-You didn't know that he is planning to leave you?"

A rush of panic strikes Yunho and he feels the imaginary knot in his throat tightening, his whole body burning and trembling as he thinks about what Siwon is telling him.

A divorce?

Jaejoong never mentioned anything like that to him. Sure, they haven't met in private for a while thanks to the preparations he had to make for the race, and they didn't have any time for a proper conversation during the past few months, as they only get to meet when Jaejoong is taking pictures of the races he participates in, but his wife would never drop the divorce bomb on him so suddenly.

Or would he?

Siwon isn't one to lie. Siwon is mischievous, cunning and egoistic. But he is not a liar. No matter how much he dislikes the man for still being after his wife after so many years, he can't bring himself to label the man as something that he is not.

But he isn't going to give Siwon the satisfaction of seeing him break either.

"Siwon, I don't know what you are talking about. Jaejoong and I are not planning on getting divorced." He tries hard to keep his voice steady as he speaks, but the overwhelming emotions fill his heart, making it hard for him to sound normal and he knows that Siwon can see right through him.

And he hates it to be like this in front of Siwon: So weak and helpless.

"But Yunho,” Siwon protests, “Jaejoong himself said so. Maybe the two of you need to talk about this first, but I wouldn't lie to you about something like this. He did talk about it."

Yunho doesn't reply and chooses to look at the ground instead of facing Siwon. He balls his hands into fists and tries hard to not lose it as he repeats each of Siwon's words inside his head.

"Leave me alone." He says after a while of silence, his voice void of any emotion. "I need some time for myself."

Siwon stares at him, nodding although the other can't possibly see him thanks to his refusal to look at him. "I'll go and see Minho then. Good luck for the race."

There comes no answer and Siwon doesn't need any to feel more than content with how things are going. Yunho is completely out of it and Siwon is pretty sure that he won't be able to concentrate on the race or even think of winning it at the moment. He loves it when things go according to his plans.
 

"Oh, hyung." Minho says with a smile once he sees his brother approaching him. "Where have you been? I thought you just wanted to go to the restroom."

"Yeah but I met someone and decided to have a talk." Siwon replies. "Anyways, are you nervous?"

Minho sighs as he nods, soon working on zipping his racing uniform. "Jung Yunho sunbaenim is no joke. My first time fighting my way through the qualifying for the world championship and that man is making me scared."

"Don't worry about him too much and just concentrate on driving well. Everything else will come by itself."

Minho chuckles. "If only it's that easy."

"Don't be this way,” Siwon frowns, ”Trust me, you are the one who is making things the hardest for yourself by being so pessimistic."

The younger male sighs and nods leisurely, ”I guess."

Siwon pats his brother's shoulder gently, ”Now stop worrying and focus on winning the race."
 

"Yunho, focus."

Yunho sighs as he hears the team principal's voice speaking to him through the speakers. "Yes, I understand."

Yunho does try to focus, but no matter how hard he tries to put himself into the mental stage he needs to be in in order to do well, the anticipation and excitement he usually feels before every race is not there. Those feelings have been washed away by the fear of losing the person he loves, and he can't help feel slight anger rising up every once in a while as confusion pushes him into doubting his wife and the other's doings.

Just why would Jaejoong do this to him?

"Yunho, focus."

The team principal reminds him once again. The way Yunho wandered around almost soullessly must've worried the man a lot and Yunho can't really blame him.

Yunho closes his eyes for a brief moment, taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm down and clear his mind from bothersome thoughts before he stares at the lights in front of him and waits for them to signify the start of the race.

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

There it is. The signal.

Yunho immediately steps on the gas and although he starts into the race safely, he is unable to find the right moments in order to maneuver his car past some of his opponents, and ends up falling back within the first few seconds. He grits his teeth slightly.

This is by far his worst start of the year.

But instead of trying to get back to the front, Yunho finds himself thinking about Jaejoong instead. He can almost feel his concentration slipping away as he loses himself in thoughts about his wife and their marriage, which apparently seems to be broken beyond repair in Jaejoong's eyes. No matter how hard he tries, he can't bring himself to understand his wife's sudden decision. Why does the man who swore to love him through bad times want to leave him, without giving him any chance to fix the small problems they are having at the moment?

Jaejoong is practically running away from him and their marriage and it hurts to think that his wife sees no point in even trying to solve things between them albeit how long they have been together.

'Jaejoongie...' Does he still have the right to call him that way?

"Yunho, back to the front!"

The low voice of the team captain booms through Yunho's ears pulling him back to reality. After taking a deep breath in an attempt to regain some of his concentration, Yunho speeds up in an instant and manages to drive past some of his opponents. But in the middle of trying to get back to the front, the racer ends up forgetting something so significant in his life that he almost forgets to breathe when he remembers.

He is racing into the curve way too fast and the moment he realizes his mistake, it's way too late.

"Slow down, Yunho! Slow down!"

Those are the last words Yunho hears before he crashes into the concrete wall in front of him. There is no time for him feel much pain or listen to whatever the team captain is shouting at him as complete darkness surrounds him and shuts him off.

Cries of panic fill the arena and while their colleagues are concentrating on taking pictures, Yoochun and Jaejoong find themselves unable to even move as they stare at Yunho's car through the big screen near them.

"Yunho..." It's just a whisper, but it still manages to catch Yoochun's attention and causes him to look to his left where his best friend is gasping for air. Jaejoong's massive state of shock scares Yoochun out of his wits. He has never seen Jaejoong like this before.

"Jaejoong..." Yoochun calls out softly and takes another glance at the big screen where paramedics are being shown as they pull Yunho out of the car.

Everything happens so fast and before Yoochun could even attempt to help Jaejoong calm down, he already sees his friend's eyes rolling back before Jaejoong collapses right in front of him, and lands on the ground with a loud thud.

"Jaejoong!"

Only a few meters away from them, Siwon is unable to do anything but stare as he takes in the information about what happened within the past few minutes and guilt eats him up from the inside, the moment he realizes that he is the cause of all this.

'This is not what I wanted.'
 

"Yunho?"

The said man groans and tries to open his eyes in order to have a look at whoever is talking to him, but the light shining in his sensitive eyes causes him to keep them shut. He automatically tries to cover his face with his hands but stops when he feels his right arm aching. A soft cry of pain escapes his lips and panicked gasps from people around him reach his ears soon after.

"Yunho don't move too much, slow down."

"I'll close the curtains, wait a second."

Changmin and Junsu. His manager and his best friend are with him and the knowledge helps a lot in decreasing the slight panic gripping onto him.

"Try opening your eyes now" Junsu says a few seconds later, and Yunho can hear his voice getting louder as the other seemingly approaches him.

Yunho takes a deep breath, wincing at the slight pain shooting through him before starting another attempt opening his eyes, and this time around it's much easier thanks to the lack of light beaming at him through the window. He lets out another groan before looking around only to see himself lying on a hospital bed with a cast on his right leg and another on his right arm, while a bandage is gracing his left wrist and Yunho can feel another bandage slightly restricting the movement of his upper body.

"Yunho, how are you feeling?"

The racer looks at the owner of the voice and smiles a little even when every single movement he makes it hurts, ”I don't really know yet."

It's true. He is still too dazed to register every single injury he carries, and he's not even sure whether the pain he feels is showing itself to its full extent or whether painkillers are making things better for him at the moment. He barely remembers the accident, the only images he can recall being the ones of himself getting closer and closer to the concrete wall before everything went black.

And then he also remembers the reason for his accident.

A divorce.

The news about his wife wanting to file a divorce distracted him so much that it caused him to forget just about everything and most importantly about his own safety during the race.

A deep sigh escapes his lips and he closes his eyes for a few seconds before opening them again to stare up at the ceiling. His heartache is back and it is much more painful than the physical pain he is feeling right now. His eyes are clouded by something dark and glum, the sight so rare and worrisome that both Changmin and Junsu can't help but frown slightly.

"What's wrong with you?" Changmin asks, “You are having that look again. I also noticed it before during the race. Did something happen?"

Yunho keeps silent at first, hesitating to talk about the divorce as if he can avoid reality that way. But his manager is not one to give up easily or let go of certain issues without a second thought when he is worried about him. So Yunho decides to talk without giving Changmin a chance to repeat his question.

"Jaejoongie...he wants to leave me."

Silence follows the statement as Junsu and Changmin exchange a look as if asking each other whether they both heard right.

"Jaejoong..." Junsu pauses, ”Are you sure? I mean how would you know?"

"Siwon told me about it." A bitter chuckle fills the room and Yunho refuses to look at his friends. "Siwon out of all people. My own wife doesn't even deem it necessary to tell me first before going around telling it to other people. He seems to detest me a lot. He didn't even come to visit me."

"First off, Jaejoong was with you the whole night long. Of course you wouldn't know since you have been unconscious until a minute ago." Changmin takes a deep breath and moves to sit down next to Yunho's hospital bed. "Secondly, you shouldn't believe in whatever Siwon said as long as you have not heard it from Jaejoong himself."

Junsu nods in agreement. "You shouldn't jump to conclusions Yunho. Especially not when Siwon is the one who triggers doubt inside of you. This is not the first time he's trying to make you guys fight."

"But have you guys ever witnessed him lying about something? He did cause many fights between us in the past, yes. But he never did it by lying and you guys know it."

"Still-" Changmin goes silent when he hears the door to the hospital room being opened and immediately looks up to see who has come to visit Yunho only to see Jaejoong stepping in with a weak smile which fails to hide the traces of sadness on his face.

Jaejoong had been dead worried about Yunho.

Jaejoong's eyes are still a little red and swollen, showing remnants of his outburst last night as he cried himself to sleep while sitting next to Yunho's hospital bed and refused to leave his husband's side.

"Good morning,” Jaejoong speaks as he smiles at everyone before his eyes are fixated on Yunho, ”I’m glad you woke up."

But Yunho merely averted his eyes away from his wife, refusing to answer as he feels bitterness forming a knot in his throat, and he knows that he is going to say nothing but hurtful things if he was to speak right now, so he chooses to remain silent for his and Jaejoong's sake. Although he is angry with Jaejoong, he wouldn't wish to ever be the reason for Jaejoong to cry. That's how much he loves him despite all.

"Well I think it's time Changmin and I take our leave,” Junsu says and waits for Changmin to get up before the two of them pat Yunho's 'healthy' shoulder one after another, soon walking out of the room but not missing to give Jaejoong a smile as they leave.

Once he hears the door being closed from the outside, Jaejoong lifts the bag he brought along and flashes Yunho a smile. "I brought some clothes, magazines and books for you."

He then walks up to Yunho and leans in to give his husband a kiss only to find himself watching his other half leaning back to avoid his lips instead.

"Why would you want to kiss someone you want to file a divorce against?" Yunho somehow regrets asking that the moment he sees the crestfallen look in Jaejoong's eyes, and yet he kind of feels satisfied because the anger and bitter feelings inside of him are encouraging his wish to let Jaejoong know just how wrong he deems his wife's decision to leave him all of a sudden.

Jaejoong straightens his posture and the shock on his face is all too obvious. "H-How do you know..."

"Siwon told me." Yunho spats, unable to hold his anger in any longer, "Funny how your ex-boyfriend knows more about our marriage than I do."

Jaejoong shakes his head. "I never told him anything about it. The only person who knows is Yoochun because I needed someone to talk to."

"Then you should've talked to me. I'm your husband and I am the one married to you, no one else but me!"

"I-" Jaejoong's attempt to protest dies down because he is unable to hold his tears back and allows for harsh sobs to rack through this body, as only a soft whisper can be heard coming from him. "Did you...did you have the accident because you knew? Did it make you-"

"Yes." Yunho replies softly albeit with a tinge of malice and he doesn't even know he's crying until he notices the way his voice is trembling. "I couldn't think straight anymore. It drove me crazy. The pain of knowing that you want to leave me...it was too much."

"I'm sorry." Jaejoong whispers. "I didn't want that to happen. I kept it a secret from you on purpose to prevent something like that from happening and yet..."

Yunho looks away as the sight of Jaejoong's tears starts to haunt him. He doesn't know what to say. He is exhausted, physically and emotionally and he wants nothing more but to be alone at the moment. Yunho never thought that he would ever not want Jaejoong near him, but right now as his heart is breaking bit by bit...he can't handle being so close to his wife. He simply can't.

"Please leave."

It's not an order but a plead.

And Jaejoong complies despite his wish to stay and explain everything to Yunho, walking out of the room silently after placing the bag with the things he had packed for Yunho onto the nearest chair.

One part of Yunho wants to reach out to Jaejoong and ask him to stay, not only in this room, but also in their marriage and his side. But he is too hurt, and to have every little bit of whatever reminds him of Jaejoong near him feels like a sharp cut right into his skin. So he keeps silent, not moving even an inch as he watches the man he loves with all his might walk out on him.
 

When Jaejoong returns to the hospital on the next day, Yunho is struggling between telling him to leave and begging for him to stay, because he feels awfully lonely thanks to the lack of visitors Although Yunho reminds himself that he shouldn't let himself enjoy the other's company too much, because he needs to learn to live without the other man from now on, he can't help but feel blissful as he watches Jaejoong arrange the lunch boxes onto the nightstand next to his hospital bed.

"I'm not hungry." Yunho lies and only receives a weak smile from Jaejoong in return as the other gets a hold of his jacket.

"You should eat at least half of it. You need to eat well so your body can get the energy it needs."

Jaejoong doesn't wait for Yunho's protests nor does he say anything else as he turns around and leaves without even being told to. Yunho stares at his retreating back until the door covers his view and he can feel the warmth leaving along with his wife, making him realize just how empty and cold the hospital room seems to be when there’s no one to keep him company.

He then turns his head to look at the lunch boxes, several strings inside his heart being pulled when he realizes that Jaejoong made his favorite.

Bibimbap.

Not long after, his eyes are on the second lunch box with the dessert, which consists of several delicious looking strawberries.

Strawberries are his favorite.

He could wait for the nurse to bring him his lunch in about thirty minutes and just ignore the food his wife prepared for him, but truth to be told, he doesn't want to. The hospital food is tasteless and seems almost inedible in comparison to Jaejoong's well-seasoned food and Yunho truly misses eating some good homemade food he's been deprived of for quite a while now thanks to his lack of time to go home in the past few months.

Silently getting a hold of the spoon Jaejoong brought along, Yunho mixes the ingredients for the bibimbap with his left hand as good as possible, before bringing some to his mouth. As expected, Jaejoong's food never fails to amaze him. He didn't know what effect food can have on someone until now. Eating the bibimbap that his wife prepared for him like this makes him feel like he's at home and makes him remember happier times.

He remembers the way Jaejoong would wait for him to eat first to see his reaction to the food's taste and only after Yunho gave him an approving and proud smile did Jaejoong start to eat himself. The way Jaejoong's eyes shone when he complimented him for his cooking...it was so cute.

But from now on, he most probably won't be able to see that happening in front of him ever again.

Yunho gulps and lowers the spoon slowly, his mind filled with one question only.

'Why?'

"Why?" Changmin repeats Yunho's question. "If you want an answer then you have to ask him or else you'll never know. I can't believe that you chose to ignore him instead of trying to talk things through with him. You should try to fix your marriage instead of shooing him away."

"Changmin is right, ”Junsu speaks, ”You're only driving him farther away from you this way."

"Why are you guys on his side? I am the one being left." Yunho feels slightly hurt and betrayed upon noticing the lack of support coming from his friends. "And it's not like it's going to make things any better to know the reason for his decision to leave after years of a steady relationship behind."

Junsu sighs. "We are not taking any sides. Do you think we have not expressed our anger towards him? Do you think we have not told him to try talking to you first before making grand decisions about your marriage? But you are not making things any better by being so stubborn Yunho. I can understand that you are hurt and I can understand that you are angry, but this is not the time to try being the winner by hurting him. Jaejoong still cares about you or he wouldn't bother coming here every day to give you lunch although he's being ignored by you every single time. He is hurting too."

Yunho wants to protest and tell Junsu that Jaejoong is the one who causes the most pain, but he remains silent as he tries to ignore the memories of his wife's slightly reddened eyes staring at him sadly for the past few days in which he has treated Jaejoong almost equal to a stranger. Junsu is right. Jaejoong is hurting too and Yunho can't believe how much he allowed for anger to control him, despite his initial promise to himself to not be spiteful to Jaejoong no matter what.

But it seems that his silent treatment hurt the man more than spiteful words ever could.

Yes, Yunho feels regretful.

"It's just so hard to talk to him,” Yunho mutters, ”I can't even look at him without feeling hurt, how do you expect me to talk to him?"

"But imagine the hurt you are going to feel when you won't have the chance to talk to him anymore. What you are feeling now is nothing compared to what you are going to feel when he is gone for real."

Yunho takes in Changmin's words without replying, and lowers his head as he thinks about it, picturing himself in a future where Jaejoong is not there anymore.


In the end, the two of them would be at fault for their separation. Jaejoong, since he wants to let go of what they had, and Yunho because he wasn’t doing anything to stop Jaejoong.

He knows that he should fight for Jaejoong and get rid of possible misunderstandings existing between them by talking.

But Yunho is scared. Not because of asking his wife for the reason but of hearing Jaejoong's reply.

"Yunho..." Junsu calls out softly.

Upon hearing his name being called, Yunho looks up to face his friends and lets go of the tears he has been trying to hold in until now. "Whatever the reason is, it's going to break my heart."
 

Jaejoong sighs, “I don't get it. How did Siwon know about it?"

"He probably overheard us on that day,” Yoochun retorts and offering his friend a cup of tea as he sits across from Jaejoong.

Jaejoong nods, the sigh that follows not at all surprising to Yoochun, as sighing out of frustration seems to be Jaejoong's newest habit lately. "Yunho thought that I discussed the matter with Siwon before I talked to him and he of course had the false impression of things afterwards."

Taking in his friend's words, the younger photographer frowns after taking a sip from his coffee, the slight bitterness oddly reminds him of Siwon's past attempts in stirring up some trouble between the couple. This is not the first time that Siwon is involved in a fight between Yunho and Jaejoong and no matter how harmless Jaejoong deems Siwon; Yoochun can't help but feel uneasy when that man is around.

Jaejoong ended the relationship between Siwon and him a long time ago already, two years before he met and fell in love with Yunho, but that never stopped Siwon from continuing to chase after Jaejoong although the other barely treats him as anything beyond a past acquaintance.

Truthfully, Yoochun can't understand why Siwon keeps being so obsessed with Jaejoong although the other is clearly in love with and married to another man. And yet, he has to admit that despite his friend treating Siwon with basic friendliness only, he can understand why Yunho would think wrongly of their relationship, within the rush of anger he must've felt when Siwon told him about Jaejoong's divorce plans. Jaejoong needs to be clearer about where he and Siwon stand. He needs to put up a stronger wall between them or else Siwon will never stop chasing after him and Yunho will never stop seeing Siwon as danger.

"If I would've been more careful of where we talked about the matter, Siwon wouldn't have overheard and he wouldn't have been able to tell Yunho,” Jaejoong mutters, ”The accident only happened because Yunho wasn't able to concentrate on the race."

Something about what Jaejoong said irks Yoochun. He's right. If Siwon had not told Yunho about it, Yunho wouldn’t have lost his concentration to the extent of having an accident. Yunho is one of the best racers in South Korea and to drive into a curve way too fast is not a mistake someone like him would make under normal circumstances, Yoochun knows. And surely, Siwon must've known that to tell Yunho about Jaejoong's divorce plans right before the race was bound to make Yunho restless and inattentive.

What if...

Yoochun takes another sip from his coffee.
 

It hurts to see Yunho smiling at someone like that.

When Jaejoong walked into the hospital room a second ago, he kind of expected to see Yunho moping around on his hospital bed like usual, but he was greeted by the sight of Yunho talking to a very attractive nurse instead, obviously having a good time chatting with her as they smile at each other in glee.

Yes, Jaejoong is jealous. But what hurts more than his jealousy is the fact that he needs to remind himself that in a bit, he won't have the right to be jealous of anyone getting near Yunho ever again. In the midst of reminiscing the past hurt he received through their marriage, he almost forgot to think about what kind of hurt he will have to go through once he pushes through with the divorce.

By getting divorced from Yunho, he is giving Yunho free to others who could be interested in being the new person by Yunho's side and the imagination of seeing Yunho with someone else is so horrible and painful that Jaejoong wants nothing more than break down in front of Yunho and the nurse at that very moment.

But he needs to stay strong. He needs to.

"Jaejoong." The voice successfully pulls Jaejoong out of his reverie as he looks at his husband questioningly, briefly noticing how the nurse leaves with a bright smile she flashes his way.

Jaejoong forces himself to smile as well as he approaches Yunho. "I talked to the doctor. You can go home in a few days."

Yunho snorts. "What good does it have to return to an empty house? Here, I at least have nurses like Sena to keep me company and tell me about her husband and kids. Do you know how awful it would be to spend time alone in that big house?"

"Of course I know,“ Jaejoong whispers as a sad smile graces his lips right before he decides to not dwell in the sorrowful momentum anymore, forcing his lips to form a bright smile while he shows a bag to Yunho, “I brought you some soup."

"I'll get food in a bit."

"You should eat both and gain strength so you can recover."

Yunho doesn't reply right away, a certain amount of glumness shadowing his eyes as he speaks a few seconds after, “I somehow don't want to recover."

Jaejoong frowns, “Why?"

"Because..." Yunho sighs, “Because you will probably leave me the moment I get out of the hospital."

Jaejoong sighs and moves closer to sit down on the chair standing next to Yunho's hospital bed, “I think it's time for us to talk about it."

"I truthfully don't want to, ” Yunho retorts and the frown on his handsome face has Jaejoong flinching inwardly.

Jaejoong doesn't say anything in return and just takes out the container filled with soup out of the bag placing it onto the nightstand along with a spoon, “That's alright. Just eat."

With those words said, Jaejoong gets up to leave the room quietly.
 

"Yunho!" Jaejoong immediately rushes to his husband's side the moment he walks in and sees Yunho attempting to get to the bathroom by himself.

He can feel Yunho's arm around him, pressing him closer against Yunho's body as he offers the other some support and leads him into the bathroom.

It has been a while since they were this close.

So close that they can feel each other's warmth, the certain familiarity between them filling their minds with memories of better times, during which they held each other tightly as if nothing and no one could ever break them apart.

Yunho looks at his wife's face, admiring each perfection and flaw Jaejoong possesses. He misses raining kisses onto the other's face, caressing each spot on that soft skin with his lips.

"Can you handle the rest yourself?" Jaejoong suddenly asks and causes Yunho to nod silently.

Jaejoong then leaves the bathroom and starts to prepare some fruits for Yunho, the feeling of Yunho's body against his a second ago bringing a smile onto his face.

And when Yunho exits the bathroom a few minutes after, he finds himself stopping to lean against the doorframe as he takes in the sight of his wife sitting next to the hospital bed with the sunlight shining on him as it makes him look breathtakingly radiant.

The sight is so familiar.

He used to watch Jaejoong prepare fruits for him every single day. He would sit across from Jaejoong at the dining table in the kitchen as the other peels several fruits skillfully, looking almost serene as he smiles while focusing on his task. And Yunho would smile along, loving how warm and homey it feels to share that simple moment with his wife before Jaejoong would catch him watching and looks up at him with amusement on his red lips.

"Wait, I'll help you,” Jaejoong blurts out and interrupts Yunho's daydream successfully as he wraps his arm around Yunho and helps the taller male to get back to his hospital bed before going back to preparing the fruits for Yunho.

"You should eat a lot of food for nutrition."

Yunho feels bitterness rising inside of him. Why does he care so much when he wants to leave him? Why is Jaejoong taking care of him and making him feel like nothing has changed when in truth, nothing is going to be the same anymore the moment Jaejoong decides to let him sign the divorce papers?

"It's not like my health is any of your concern anymore,” He feels like an idiot for uttering those words and yet, he can't bring himself to wholeheartedly regret what he said.

He is too upset at the moment.

Jaejoong halts upon hearing those words and puts the knife as well as the apple aside, “Yunho, we should really talk about this now."

"Why now?" Yunho screams, the anger and frustration he tried to suppress finally breaking free, “You didn't bother to talk to me before you made the decision to file for a divorce so why are you bothering now?"

"When was there any opportunity for me to talk to you? It's not like you were at home for me to discuss things out with! Do you want to know why I want to get divorced?" Jaejoong gets up, his own frustration and feelings of hurt getting the better of him.

Yunho lowers his gaze, ”What reason could there be beside your lack of feelings for me?"

"That's not it,” Jaejoong's voice cracks, ”I love you. But I can't be with you when I've grown to be a burden for you."

Yunho looks up swiftly, “What?"

"Haven't you said that to Junsu a while ago? I went to see you last week and I overheard you talking about how you find that being with me has grown to be a burden. How can I hold you in a marriage when you find me burdensome?"

Jaejoong does not wait for Yunho to reply, not looking back and not staying long enough to witness how Yunho rushes out of his bed to go after him as he runs away but fails as he falls down onto the ground with a scream of frustration leaving his lips.

He is such a fool. Saying the wrong things when he shouldn't and not able to say the right things when he should.
 

"Aren't you going to see Yunho today?" Yoochun asks after taking another picture of the cyclists passing by.

"No, not for a while." Jaejoong mutters, “If only we would've had the chance to talk about it before Siwon got involved. Things went out of control."

"Jaejoong..." Yoochun sighs as he turns around to look at his friend, “Don't you find it strange that Siwon told Yunho about you wanting to get divorced right before Yunho had to go through the race? He as a professional cyclist himself knows that distraction can't be anything but bad for the racer during a competition. So why did he go there and tell Yunho everything?"

Upon noticing the lack of answer coming from Jaejoong, Yoochun continues, “Siwon is not like who he used to be. His career and the competition coming along with it made him bitter. He wants to win, that's his life's purpose now. He wants to win in everything, even in the competition for you although you are married now. He has caused so many small fights between you and Yunho in the past and besides, because of Yunho's accident, his younger brother won the race."

Jaejoong frowns as he listens to Yoochun's words and when he spots the cyclist they are talking about, Jaejoong immediately makes his way towards him.

He needs to know whether what Yoochun implies is true.

Siwon is more than surprised to see Jaejoong approaching him, especially because the other is generally not really interested in being near him if Siwon is not the one who approaches him first to start a conversation.

"We need to talk." Jaejoong says and the slight anger in his voice makes Siwon feel more than uneasy. "Why did you tell Yunho about my divorce plans on that day? You knew that it would only make it hard for him to concentrate on the race, so why did you go and tell Yunho about me wanting to file for a divorce?"

Jaejoong would've expected for Siwon to defend himself by denying everything repeatedly, but instead of a bunch of lies, Jaejoong gets a confession.

"I wanted him to lose his concentration!" Siwon half screams, his eyes now wet with tears as guilt hits him harshly. "I wanted to hurt him and I wanted him to lose. But I would've never expected for him to have an accident, that was not what I wanted! When I saw him there...I felt so regretful. I would never want to harm anyone to that extent, Jaejoongie."

Never once did he ever witness Siwon cry and yet here he is, standing in front of him as a man full of regrets. No trace of the arrogance growing inside of him over the past years is left anymore at this point, but it does not change anything about how Jaejoong feels about his doings.

He endangered Yunho's life and that's something Jaejoong cannot forgive.

Jaejoong's heart is burning with anger and for the very first time in his life, he feels the yearning to hurt someone.

"Do not call me Jaejoongie,” He utters, his voice dripping with malice. "You and I are nothing to each other anymore. Even without Yunho, the two of us wouldn't have made it. We were over long before he came along."

Jaejoong refuses to look at Siwon even when he hears the other's apology. He knows that Siwon is hurting and that he is being cruel to him, but as of now, he can't bring himself to wholeheartedly feel sorry for him.
 

To say that he is surprised would be an understatement.

Yunho was supposed to stay in the hospital for another two days, that's at least what the doctor told him when he talked to him this morning. So what is his husband doing there on their couch?

"Hey Jaejoong."

Jaejoong looks at Changmin the moment he hears his voice, watching how Changmin walks away from the open kitchen and places a glass of water onto the table right in front of Yunho before the manager approaches him with a smile.

"I guess my duty here is done." Changmin says and walks past Jaejoong to head towards the front door.

"Have a seat, Jaejoongie." How much different that endearment sounds when it comes from Yunho.

A while ago he would've loved to punch Siwon some for calling him that way but now that it's Yunho who is uttering that word...it feels so different.

Placing his bag aside, Jaejoong slowly approaches Yunho and sits down on the couch standing right next to the one his husband is currently resting on. Honestly, he had planned to get out of the house before Yunho returns so the two of them would have some time to take a rest from one another and the pain they are inflicting on each other at the moment.

"Can you please sit next to me? I really need you close to me right now." It's a plead and although Jaejoong is not quite sure whether it's a good idea to get close to Yunho at the moment and remind himself of what he is about to leave behind, he finds himself standing up, going closer to Yunho almost automatically.

He sits down next to Yunho carefully as if walking on eggshells, but the trace of tiredness and sadness in Yunho's eyes tug at his heart with great force, making him lessen the distance between them almost instantly.

"Usually you'd be right in my arms by now,” Yunho says, the trace of sorrow in his voice all too obvious. "But I am at fault for putting this misunderstanding between us, I know. If I would've known that you heard what I said on that day, I would've explained everything to you sooner."

Yunho, despite his movements being slightly restricted, turns to sit sideways and have a proper look at his wife. He wants to face him and look right into Jaejoong's eyes as he explains everything to him. This hurtful situation between them has to end now.

"I did say that being with you has grown to be a burden, but when I said that, I was being idiotic with my choice of words. Being with you is not a burden. But being with you while knowing that I lack the ability to be a good husband for you is. I always left you alone to pursue my career and I felt so terrible." Yunho gulps. “I felt like I didn't deserve you and that's why I said that it has become a burden. The thought of not being good enough for you was a burden to me. That's why I decided to leave you alone one last time before I could start to be a better husband for you."

Jaejoong frowns in confusion. Yunho wanted to leave him alone one last time?

"I've planned on retiring after this championship." Yunho smiles upon hearing Jaejoong's gasp. "So I practiced harder and more than usual to make this one last race unforgettable. On the day you overheard the conversation between Junsu and I, he was asking me about why I barely go home to you anymore so I explained everything to him, telling him the same things I told you just now."

Jaejoong suddenly finds it so hard to breathe as anger over his own foolishness forms a knot inside his throat. He did nothing but act like an idiot after he overhead Yunho and Junsu's conversation. If only he would've waited and talked things out with Yunho first before deciding on filing for a divorce, the misunderstanding wouldn't have been able to create such a chaos.

And as much as he was blaming Siwon a while ago, he now realizes that he had been the one to trigger all the unfortunate happenings by acting without thinking things through.

"I know what you are thinking, stop it." Yunho's gaze hardens as he wipes the tears from Jaejoong's face the moment they start to stain his smooth cheeks. "I would be lying if I would tell you that I am not disappointed by how you handled things and decided on everything by yourself without letting me know anything. But I'm aware that I barely gave you any chance to talk to me."

"I'm sorry,” Jaejoong, whispers, the current state he's in not allowing for his voice to get any louder.

Yunho pulls Jaejoong closer and right into his arms where he belongs, holding him tighter and tighter until he feels Jaejoong hugging back despite the sobs racking through his trembling body. All the coldness he felt in the hospital room is now gone because he is finally home again, by Jaejoong's side.

There are still small traces of hurt inside of them; they are both aware of it. But that's all right; they'll figure it all out as time goes by.

To love someone and be that someone's companion for life is not easy and it's not all about leading a blissful life together without any worries. To share your life with someone else also means to accept and overcome each other's flaws.

All their imperfections as humans, they will learn to either fix or live with them, whether it's his or her own or their partner's.

This will not be the last time for them to fight and it will not be the last time for them to misunderstand each other either, but from now on, they will know how to handle those things better. It's all about experience.

They have experienced the worst, now it's on them to use the things they have learned from that experience to their advantage.

Yunho pulls back slowly until he can see Jaejoong's beautiful face properly. And he smiles, something he was not able to do with sincerity for a long time.

"Yunho."

Yunho hums in response and leans in until he can finally feel Jaejoong's lips on his again.

Sometimes, imperfection is what it takes to make us perfect.