Everything was in place. A sleek computer sat on my desk, humming gently. A notebook and freshly sharpened pencil were squared up to one side of a cell phone, but otherwise the desk was empty, the way I like it. I can’t bear clutter.

There was only one thing missing.

My mind.

After a sudden chaos yesterday, I was feeling an out of body experience. I was lost; my brain was having a mental disturbance and my body was quivering. And my heart, it was shaking violently inside my ribcage. I had been sitting on my table since an hour ago. Wanting to make an effort for upcoming exam, I turned off the television earlier than ever, hit the shower, brush my teeth and brewed some coffee. Rattling over the keyboard, my thoughts filled with the memory.

“I’m willing to take that chance.”

I stopped typing instantly.

I might have looked that I didn’t care about his bold action, but the truth was, I was still trembling. I was irritated with Seungri, and wishing I had stopped him from doing something that will affect our beautiful friendship. Something that we will regret later, when our sanity kicks in.

I sighed again and again, and I lost count how many time I let out an exasperated sigh for these two days. How lucky I am that yesterday was Saturday and that left me a day to not seeing his face. Giving me a little time to calm my shivering heart.

My first reaction when the thing happened was one of surprise. No, thinking about it, surprise isn’t quite the right word. I was startled. I never thought that he was able to do such thing. To me, his best friend. But then again, no one was believing us when we vowed to be best friend. They said a girl and a boy will never be just friend. And for years, we’ve been proved them wrong. But last night, he just showed me that he’s not my friend anymore.

According to Dara, when you kissed someone, you can hear a bell ringing in your ears, but personally I’ve never been able to listen to the chiming sound every time I’ve kissed before. Not a bell, well maybe just the school bell ringing when I was kissed the first time at the corner of the empty classroom in high school.

I knew, she was lying.

But don’t get me started on love story and novel. That’s another thing I can’t bear.

So I was braced against the extraordinary black eyes, the shaggy dark hair and the smile, but I hadn’t counted on how handsome he looked up close. Seeing him inches from my eyes, it’s like seeing him for the first time. He was different. He looked different.

I’m not sure I can explain it properly. You know that feeling when a gust of wind catches you unaware? When it swirls round you, the air from your lungs and leaving you blinking and ruffled an invigorated? Well, that’s what it felt like the first time his lips touched mine. And when it’s over, you could practically see the molecules buzzing in the air and he himself to be using up more than his fair share of oxygen in the air, which left me annoyingly short of breath.

Not that I was going to let him knows that.

I looked at him in surprise. "Oppa,” I said. I’ve known that my bad luck had been chasing me lately but this kind of bad luck was the worst. “What are you doing here?”

“Meeting a friend. He’s the lecturer in this college.” Teddy smiled wryly. “Never thought that I will meet you again. it has been…I don’t know…three years since we broke up, isn’t it? How’s your life? Meeting someone new?”

“Oppa...”

“And where is your so-called best friend? What was his name? Seunghyun?”

"Seungri,” I corrected and ran my gaze towards the clock tower at the end of the road. My inside did a little flip as I choked out his name.

I turned my gaze to him and I saw his smile a little crooked. “Yes, Seungri. How could I forget that name? You always mention his name when we’re together. Seungri this, Seungri that. Seungri got an A in Math or Seungri had a fever.” He shrugged and shook his head gently.

“It’s been too long. You really don’t have to bring out all those memories. Not when you left me in front of the theatre after I’ve waited for three freaking hours just to receive a break up text from you,” I spat harshly. The old pain resurfaced together with the memory.

“You know why we broke up?”

“Other than the obvious reason that you’re such a jerk? No!”

Teddy’s face flushed. “It’s because of him. I was jealous of his existence in your life. It’s like you can’t breathe without saying his name. You can’t go on with your day without talking about him. I was you boyfriend, Chaerin. You’re supposed to love me. You’re supposed to be in love with me and not with your stupid friend.”

I stared at him in silent. My mouth began to tremble wildly again. “It wasn’t supposed to be like that. He's my best friend."

“I bet your current boyfriend feeling the same thing like I did. Be careful, he might leave you for the same mistake that you did to me.” He walked closer slowly, lifted his hand and I took a step back.

“Don’t!” I said and he stopped abruptly. His hand was still in the air. “Only my boyfriend can touch my hair.” I looked at him with a steady gaze this time, not wanting him to know that I’ve been dumped for the second time. For the second mistake.

The same one.

I don’t know what I’m doing right now.

I was standing at his door, staring at my own shoes. I didn’t knock, I didn’t call out. I admitted, I was hesitated. Of course, it wasn’t that easy. I’ve been knocked out with the truth that the problematic reason with my unrequited love…was me. I’m the one who’s not capable of loving someone. Not because I don’t know how to love, but because I was in love with someone else. Someone that I never knew was holding my heart.

The door suddenly cracked open and my head jerked up immediately. My eyes locked into his alarming gaze and slowly my lips stretched into a thin smile. “Hey, can we talk?”

Seungri smiled back at me. “Come on in.”

I followed him into the living room and took a vacant seat next to him on the couch. This was very awkward!

“I didn’t see you at school today. You’re ditching classes now?” I asked. My eyes were scrutinizing the room rather than looking at him. Being in the same room with him was enough to bump my heart into my throat, and my tongue felt thick and unwieldy in my mouth. How funny when I used to spend my days in this couch with him playing Xbox without feeling anything? I wondered if Seungri would notice how husky I sounded, but he didn’t seem to.

“Headache,” he answered shortly.

“Do you still remember the first time we met?” I muffled.

He smiled a little. “You were crying,” he paused. “You felt from your bicycle and you scrapped your knees.”

“I was six,” I defended. “Kids cry a lot.”

“You’re such a cry baby,” he commented and a grin plastered on his pale face. I took the turn to study him. His dark circle had gone bad. He must have stayed awake for days.

I nibbled my thumb, looking away. “Do you remember when I said that only my boyfriend can touch my hair?”

I saw him nodded from the corner of my eyes and slowly I turned to face him. I reached for his hand and gently, I put his large palm on top of my head. I stared at him quietly and I saw a confuse expression on his face and slowly, he smiled.

*Your request is my command...