Chapter OST: Hello To Myself - Ye Eun [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGnlG_rXSX4 ]

At the age of 6, you became my best friend.

You moved in to the apartment right beside mine.

You were so shy, afraid to speak.

I remember you coming over with rice cakes, ready to offer our family as an offering to be friends.

You stood behind your mother’s lean figure, depending on it.

I stood at the other end of the room, not leaving my gaze at you as our parents talked at the door.

When your family was invited in, you shyly looked up from the ground as your eyes met mine.

I gave you a smile, a small eye smile.

You widened your eyes and looked back to the ground, nervous and shy.

I was called over by my mother as she told me to introduce myself to the neighbor family.

I did as told, as I said that I was 6, your mother gave a smile of glee as she excitedly said,” Aigoo, you two can be best friends, she is 5. Introduce yourself, Sae Eun-ah”

Your voice ring out softly and shakily for the first time,” A-Anyeonghasaeyo, Lee Sae Eun imnida, I am 5 years old.”

I went forward slightly and grabbed your hands, as I excitedly told you,” Come on, I’m going to show you my toys!”

You looked uncertainly back at your father; he gave you a warm smile to beckon you to follow me.

We went into my room as you stood at the door stiffly.

I gave you a signal to come in as you rubbed your thumb in circles against the other.

I told you all about my toy figurines as you listened intently, showing slight emotions.

You suddenly grew brighter as your saw my next toy figurine when I took it off my glass display set.

It was not really a toy figurine but an angel figurine that stood out among my toy collections.

I asked quietly, seeing your reaction,” Do you like it?”

You nodded excitedly as I admitted,” It looks slightly like you.”

You gave a small smile, brighter than before as you opened up to me,” How did you get this?”

“My Appa went to Japan and got it for me.”

You pouted as I gave a small laugh,” You can have it.”

Your eyes brightened excitedly at the answer that I gave you as you suddenly went back to being the solemn child,” But your Appa got it from Japan, I can’t have it.”

I hurriedly replied,” Aniyo, I have so many figurines, you can have this one! Appa goes to Japan frequently, it is okay!”

You took it gently and thanked me with a hug.

You opened up more to me that day.

At the age of 10, we were the peanut butter and jelly that anybody could remember.

We went to school together every day, had lunch together, go home together.

Everybody in school thought that we were siblings and we did not mind that conclusion.

We would always do home work together.

At that young age, our parents always picked us up.

Seeing that we always enter one car together was where the sibling conclusion came.

You have your own groups of friends and I have mine too.

But we were always prioritizing each other before anybody else.

I was 10, you were 9, we usually have different activities but we manage to always let our friendship remain strong.

You would always share your day with me before I told you about mine.

We would share about the things our teacher did, our friends did, the weekend activities were usually with each other.

Our friends would stop asking you about the weekend activities if they had heard from me already.

Since they would just hear a repeat of the exact same story every Monday morning from two different people

We manage to be the pillar for each other.

At the age of 15, I was in high school, we were separated, and you were still in middle school.

We had different activities every day.

I would usually end later, but on the days that I ended early, you had your dance practice till late.

Whenever you reach home, you would be dead tired, heading to bed immediately.

We would not go to school together; we would not go home together we would not study together anymore.

But weekends were always cleared for each other.

That is why our friendship was continuously strong.

You were my number one priority, and I was yours.

At the age of 16, you entered high school; your group of friends came to the same high school as us.

You stuck with your clique and I stuck with mine.

We hardly do things together but you and I were secretly pillars for each other without us knowing.

I was half schooling and half going for practice with my entertainment company.

I always ended late because of my after school practices at the practice room with my group mates.

You were very supportive when you heard that I got into the entertainment company.

We would not talk everyday but we were aware of each other’s presence.

You and I became popular for two different things.

I became popular because my training team and I were trainees, and we were what they called good looking.

You became popular as you were their star dancer of the school.

You had the body and the looks.

You and your group for dancing were the Queenkas while we were the group for Kingkas.

At the age of 17, everything was going smoothly.

Until one day, it was 11pm in the night of the Saturday.

I was in the practice room as we were practicing for our monthly evaluation for the boss.

We were breaking off for a small break interval before we continue practicing.

You called

You hardly called at the late timing, knowing that I would be busy with practice.

I frowned, thinking of the possibilities that could happen.

I answered it with questions in my mind.

I heard your cries

I awakened my sleepy body from your loud cries.

“Oppa… Jinnie Oppa”

You hardly called me Jinnie Oppa; you usually just called me Genie Oppa since you created that nickname for me a few years back.

I worriedly asked you,” What’s wrong, princess what’s wrong?”

Your sobs were loud through the phone.

“Can you come out?”

“I’m not home now, baby, do you want me to go home?”

“A-Aniyo, I-I am outside your entertainment company.”

“Stay there, I will be out”

I hang up and told my members,” I think Sae Eun is in trouble, continue practicing I’ll be back soon.”

They excused me knowing I hardly skip practice.

I ran out of the building as I saw a dark figure curled up on the park bench a few meters away.

I sprinted towards the sobbing figure as I took a seat beside her.

I hugged her curled up body tightly in my embrace.

“I’m here, baby, tell Oppa what’s wrong.”

You cried aloud as I patted your back gently.

“O-Oppa… I- I was going home Fr-from dance p-p-practice when s-someone”

You took a deep breath.

“Followed me I didn’t dare to go home so I came- came here!”

“Do you want to call the police, princess?”

You shook your head as you buried yourself deeper into my chest.

“Why didn’t you come into the company? It’s dangerous staying here.”

“I didn’t want to disturb you”

I pinched her nose,” Am I this kind of person?”

You produced a small smile,” But your evaluation is coming up, I want you to debut”,” It has always been your dream.”

I frowned,” It won’t be the same if I debut without you by my side, princess.”

“Yah, we are not dating!”

I chuckled, a strained chuckle, it just came out that way.

At the age of 17, I realize how I have fallen for you.

At the age of 18, you got a boyfriend, I didn’t like him.

Neither did he like me

We could never get along; he just had something bad about him.

I got jealous every time he touches you.

But I learnt that if I really love you, I would let you have your happiness.

But I really hate that man, he seem too dark and playboy.

Your friends did not like him too.

But you decided to stick by him although most of your close people did not agree.

Your parents never wanted him

But they learnt to accept hard heartedly if he makes you happy.

At the age of 19, he didn’t.

He did not make you happy.

3 months after you got together, he cheated on you.

I wanted to say I knew it but it seemed wrong.

I did not care if I was a trainee.

I went to look him up one night and sent a filthy punch to his jerk face.

It would never mend your heart but at least I did something.

You devoted your all to him and this was what you got.

You cried a lot that period.

It kills my heart to see you crying so much.

I was there for you, whenever, wherever.

I gave you a lot of my hugs during that time.

I wiped away your running mascara a lot.

He wasn’t worth it was what I told you.

At the age of 20, it was too late.

You migrated to the states to further your job and studies.

We would talk over the screen usually.

It was not the same.

We had different time zones.

You had work, studies and I had practice and debut to care about.

I was starting the survival program in Korea, it was hard on me.

You weren’t here

I let my tears fall every night

I had to hold our friendship up and my team up.

You were half way on the other side of the earth, and I could do nothing.

How useless was I?

At the age of 22, I lost my chance to confess ever again.

You got followed again at the alley way of the States; you could not escape this time.

I was not there; they were not lenient on you.

In order to get your valuables, they stabbed you, a total of 14 times.

Your body was filled with wounds.

It happened exactly when I was having my monthly evaluation.

I wanted to confess that very night, decided that I should bring up my courage and do it.

I was doing my evaluation to my utmost best to proudly tell you how well I did.

That very night, I was about to call you.

I was one step too late.

Your parents called me first.

The conversation was so fresh in my mind.

“Jin Hwan-ah”

“Neh, Ommo-nim”

“I-I need you to sit down and listen”

“I am seated, what’s wrong?”

You mother broke down fully over the phone. Only one sentence registered in my head.

“Sae Eun got stabbed while being robbed in the states, a total of 14 times.”

“How is she?” Was all I could ask while trying to digest it, hoping she would tell me it was an awful joke.

She didn’t

“Sh-she, my baby Sae Eun i-is a b-beautiful a-an-angel now.”

I got it

I dropped my phone, my tears leaked out as I yelled in frustration incoherent things.

My members ran into the dorm as they heard my screams of pain.

Bobby ran over and engulfed me in a tight hug.

I cried out,” That was how I held her 5 years ago!”

They did not say anything as they saw me broke down.

“I found out that I love her 5 years ago.”

I cried out silently,” Now I can’t ever confess”

“That bastard left me”

“She left me to be an angel! But she could be an angel here!”

“She was an angel in my eyes, all the time!”

“She took my stupid figurine for real!”

“She really thought she was an angel!”

“Nappeun Yeoja!”

I held my heart tightly as my tears never stopped.

My screams echoed the entire house as the younger ones winced at the pain they could hear in my voice.

I turned to Bobby,” Bobby-ah” I looked at him, drying my tears up as the pain was being concealed with a fake I’m okay, I asked him,” How am I going to love somebody else now that my heart is brought up with the angel that didn’t want to return it to me?”

His eyes were glazed with tears, seeing my state.

He pulled me tighter as the members watch this scene.

They all knew I love her.

I have loved her all my 22 years, and she decided to just go without saying anything.

No, I still love her

I have truly loved her since I was 17.

And now, or forever, it will never change.

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