prologue.

Broken, hopeless, pathetic.
Broken, hopeless, pathetic.
Broken, hopeless, pathetic.

broken (adj.) (of a person) having given up all hope; despairing.
hopeless (adj.) feeling or causing despair about something.
pathetic (adj.) causing feelings of sadness and sympathy

Jongin makes a swift move of closing all those three tabs displayed at the window of his laptop. He takes a quick run-over of the room and cranes his neck to hear if there are any light footsteps resounding against the walls of the small dorm.

Silence.

He heaves a sigh of relief and buries his face in his arms, trying to think back of the reason why he searched those words, instead of his waiting essay that remains blank for the past two hours. It's not like he considers himself broken, hopeless or even pathetic.

Or maybe he does but he's in the denial stage of even thinking up those words.

Broken, hopeless, pathetic.
Broken, hopeless, pathetic.
Broken, hopeless, pathetic.

The words continued to fill up the space in his brain, vacuuming the rest of his thoughts for his assignment and leaving him more confused at himself than ever before.

"You're really hopeless, Jongin. You can't even admit to yourself that you like him." Kyungsoo, a junior and his next-door neighbor in the dorm, pulls down the corners of his heart-shaped lips into a deep frown whilst shaking his head in disapproval. Jongin mirrors his actions and he unconsciously lets a sigh slip past his lips before letting his face bury itself in his hands.

"I don't know what to do anymore, Soo." Jongin's voice was starting to quiver in fright and brokenness drips at the corner of the tone of his voice. Kyungsoo knits his eyebrows and his expression softens before letting his arms wrap themselves around Jongin's waist to move him into a comforting and warm hug.
"Just try to confess to him or if you can't do that then, you can just try to admit it to yourself that you like Sehun."

Jongin has always thought that Kyungsoo's advices are worth following.

And he's still trying to believe in it.

But somehow, he feels like this may have been the worst decision he has made in his whole life - admitting to himself that he likes Oh Sehun.

v.

Ineffable

Your arms around me
Languid and gentle touches
Leaving me breathless

"We're out of food." Jongin grunts from his seat and refuses to sit up, not until Sehun decides to sit beside him and in a snap of the fingers, he lays his head on Jongin's stomach. He unconsciously reaches out for the younger male's hair, letting his fingers run smoothly through it and letting the strands tangle themselves around his fingers loosely. Sehun lazily raises his eyes towards Jongin and a smile curls up his lips as he moves upwards to place his head on Jongin's shoulder instead.

Jongin desperately tries to ignore the butterflies flying around his stomach, that's making his head spin.

"Do you want me to buy the food instead? I mean, you bought the food the week before and-"

"Later." Jongin wraps his arms around Sehun's waist as he pulls him as close as he can against his chest, pressing his face on the younger's shoulder whilst feeling it vibrate because of the laughter coming from the other. Sehun willingly wraps his arms around Jongin's neck, letting his fingers dance lightly against Jongin's nape - his hot breath gently hitting the side of his neck.

"I'm seriously wondering why everyone thinks I'm the clingy one between us. They obviously don't know how clingy and touchy you are around me." Jongin refuses to speak out a single word, settling unto the decision to shut his mouth as he just buries his face even deeper on Sehun's shoulder. Sehun finally grows quiet and decides to just tighten his grip around Jongin whilst running his fingers over and over again through the brown locks that falls against the forehead of Jongin.

"I missed this." Jongin says after a minute of silence and he feels Sehun smile against the top of his head before he presses a fleeting kiss against his forehead, making the butterflies come alive once more in Jongin's stomach.

He takes Sehun's actions as a positive response to his statement.

i.

Chafe

His name leaves your lips
Disappointment and anger
Fill inside of me

The corner of Jongin’s lips pulls down in annoyance and worry as he hesitantly takes another glance at the wall clock near him.

10:25 P.M.

Five more minutes until the gates in the university dorms are shut closed. He drums his fingertips against his thigh as he raises his phone up to see if Sehun had left him a message but his wallpaper just stares back at him – a grunt of frustration escaping his lips as he clicks on the option for a new message.

His fingers are aching to type another furious text message to Sehun’s phone when he hears the jingle of the keys, followed by the sound of the lock being unlocked. The door swings open, revealing a tired yet ecstatic Sehun standing by the doorway, dropping his backpack by his feet as softly as he can.

Jongin definitely doesn’t know if he wants to cry out in delight and relief because Sehun is already here or if he will be fuming at the fact that Sehun is not even aware of the time right now.

“Where the hell were you?” He rises up to his feet, taking large strides to close the distance between him and the younger male standing bewilderedly by the doorway. He furrows his eyebrows, contemplating about Jongin’s question and slightly missing the anger and worry tinted in his voice as he lets his lips take on a full smile.

Jongin halts in his steps, swallowing down thickly the amount of saliva that had been collected in his throat, before stopping right in front of Sehun, who remains oblivious to Jongin’s irritation.

“Do you remember Luhan?” Jongin bites back a scoff and tries to prevent himself from rolling his eyes at the sound of that name. He can’t really pinpoint the fact why he’s feeling something indescribable settling at the very bottom of his stomach, ever since the name ‘Luhan’ slipped out of Sehun’s mouth a week before.

He knew who Luhan was – the slightly shorter blond-haired boy sitting at the front during his Chemistry class and the popular team captain of the university’s dance team. He just doesn’t know why Sehun’s lips turn upwards when that name is spoken between the small silent moments of their conversations or the way Sehun’s eyes has a hidden twinkle in his eyes when he mentions his day that involves Luhan.

Jongin wonders if Sehun ever looked like this to someone else when Sehun talks about him to others.

But of course, he doesn’t mention any of this to Sehun.

He doesn’t need to know, anyway.

Sehun releases a small cough, snapping Jongin out of his reverie and he an eyebrow in mild expectation and curiosity, making Jongin realize that Sehun’s asking him if he remembers Luhan. Jongin meekly nods his head, even if it looks a bit stiff, in his own point of perspective.

Sehun visibly brightens up at Jongin stiff response, quickly brushing away the fact that the disappointment and hurt streak upon Jongin’s face for a second before it both quickly disappeared away. Sehun animatedly begins talking about how Luhan asks him out for a quick dinner date, which turned out that they extended for two more hours in the restaurant and walking around the streets of Hongdae.

Somewhere between Sehun’s voice that was beautifully distracting and the constant ticking of the wall clock that is currently taunting and mocking him of the time he’s slowly losing with each second of not going up to Sehun and bravely and confidently confess his feelings, he turns his back away from the brown-haired male, who puts an immediate stop to his story.

“Jongin? Are you okay?”

No, I’m not.

“Yes, I’m all right.”

“Are you sure?”

No.

“Yes.” With that, he swiftly walks further away from the younger male and he feels his chest getting heavier as each step he takes, as if Atlas decided to pass the weight of the world on his weak body.

He realizes that saying ‘Yes’ would a lot harder than he thought.

iii.

Decrepit

I put on my mask
I throw a smile that is fake
You didn't notice

With a laptop sitting on his lap comfortably and a cup of ice-cold coffee wrapped around his fingers, Jongin plugs in his earphones and browses through the list of movies that they will watch for tonight.

It’s Movie night, which lands on Friday of the second week in each month. Even if the other is busy, the movie nights still push through – snuggled up in the large blanket provided by Sehun and sitting on Jongin’s bed, sharing a cup of ice-cold coffee, even though the temperature is practically dropping outside the dorm.

A grin stretches over his lips as he scrolls down the window, the mouse is ready to click on the hovered link when the door quietly swings open. A brown-haired head pokes inside the bedroom and Jongin’s heartbeat definitely accelerated at Sehun’s smile. But it wasn’t the usual smile that he gives to Sehun – this time, it looks a bit crestfallen and a bit apologetic, on Jongin’s perspective.

Jongin would be lying if he says he doesn’t feel queasy or uneasy about the expression marked upon the other’s handsome face.

“Sehun! There you are! What movie should we-“

“Jongin, Luhan invited me to have dinner again, over at his place.” Jongin instinctively glances at the wall clock and he swallows the lump that has newly formed in his throat. Sehun peers at him curiously and patiently waist for his response, leaning his body against the doorframe whilst giving a wistful look at Jongin.

Noticing the lack of response from Jongin, Sehun quietly clears his throat and he lowers his head, along with the tone of his voice.

“I promised Luhan I would be there.”

Jongin desperately wants to remind Sehun that he also promised him that they will have a move marathon tonight, since he also cancelled out their usual plans so he can hang out with Luhan.

But Jongin just can’t say it.

He just can’t say it.

He stares up at Sehun and he hopes that his tone didn’t give any of his emotions away.

“It’s all right. You can go.” Jongin puts on a smile and he wishes to the stars that his smile will look convincing and real. Sehun’s eyes widen in surprise and shock but Jongin didn’t miss the delight and twinkle in those dark chocolate brown orbs of the other.

“Really? You’ll be all right?” Jongin just really hates the fact that the worry and concern is dripping at the edge of the younger’s voice, which makes him want to bite back the words he just blurted out.

“Don’t worry about me – I’ll be all right.”

Not.

He wants to add but he just shows another tight-lipped smile towards Sehun, who remains oblivious of Jongin’s actions as he says his goodbyes, running out of the room with such a high speed.

Jongin lets his back rest against the headboard and he scans the movies once more before deciding to just close down his laptop and go to sleep. He puts away his laptop and snuggles under his blanket, staring blankly at the peach wall and realizing its color was slowly fading away.

Just like Sehun and him.

ii.

Forlorn

I am falling hard
For you but I am nothing
More than a friend, right?

“Hey, is it okay if I go have lunch with Luhan today?”

Jongin grunts in reply.

“You’re always with him, anyway.” He speaks under his breath but fortunately, Sehun is too oblivious to even notice that Jongin is not in a good condition today – throbbing headache, coldness seeping through the tips of his fingertips and down to the tips of his toenails, and a stuffy throat. Plus, he has a y attitude when he’s sick.

“Well?”

“Go. Just ing go, okay?” Jongin snaps and Sehun almost jumps in surprise and wonder, nodding his head as quickly as he could before slipping away from the lunch table without baring acknowledgement to the rest of the group also sitting in the same table as Jongin.

Kyungsoo pulls down his lips into a disappointed frown while Baekhyun clicks his tongue, leaning over the table to place the back of his palm against the skin of Jongin’s forehead. Once Baekhyun’s palm made contact with Jongin’s skin, he jumps in surprise, pulling his hand away as fast as he could whilst shaking it repeatedly.

“Damn it, Jongin – why are you so hot?”

“How hot?” Chanyeol jokes from the sidelines but Kyungsoo shoots a glare towards the giant of the group. Chanyeol mumbles an incoherent apology before leaning his head slightly on Baekhyun’s shoulder.

Kyungsoo scoots closer to Jongin’s personal space and hesitantly puts the back of his palm against the skin of Jongin’s forehead. He also clicks his tongue in disapproval, taking his hand away before taking a few medicines out of his bag. He always carries a small bag filled with different kinds of medicines, just in case anyone in the group feels a bit sick.

“What happened to you? You were fine yesterday.” Jongin shakily takes the medicine from Kyungsoo’s open palm and he shoves it to his mouth, taking a quick gulp from his water bottle. He plainly shakes his head, mouth closed into a thin line, not giving any information.

Baekhyun's thin lips form a scowl on his face and gives a cold stare towards Jongin but fortunately, for Jongin's case, he doesn't push it any further. Kyungsoo shifts his exasperated expression into a concerned and muddled look, eyebrows knitting together.

"Did you have dance practice yesterday?" Jongin's teeth sinks into his plump lower lip, giving an affirmative response to Kyungsoo with a soft mutter under his breath.

"Didn't it rain yesterday?" Chanyeol pipes up, eyes gleaming with curiosity and expectation. Jongin wants to slip away from their lunch table - his head is basically screaming at him to go back under his covers and sleep the day away.

The temptation is right at the tips of his fingertips but it suddenly fades away when Kyungsoo's fingers rounds up on his bony wrist, slightly yanking it to take him out of his reverie.

"What time did you got off yesterday?" Dark brown orbs stare back at him, filled with anticipation and hardness. Jongin tries to remember where the big and small hands of the wall clock in the practice room are placed- big hand at four and small hand nearly pointing to nine. 

It barely registers in Jongin's mind that the hard pattering at the windows is the result of the pouring rain. He didn't even remember if he walked under the pouring rain with an umbrella or if he ran out of the room with nothing but a sweatshirt and his black pant that were hugging on his legs because of the rain soaking through its fabric.

All this thinking is making him feel even sicker than he is already.

Kyungsoo, ticking off the fact that Jong hadn't responded to his question, pulls down the corners of his lips into a deep frown but on the contrary, he puts a comforting hand against Jongin's nape, quietly trying to give comfort to the taller yet younger boy.

Jongin instinctively leans against Kyungsoo's touch, his eyes roaming around the crowded cafeteria until it rests on one particular boy sitting the table on the farthest side of the place.

From afar, he can still see the twinkle decorating the eyes of the brown-haired boy - lips turned upwards and laughter spilling from his lips. He can see Luhan's arm draped around Sehun's lanky shoulders and he can't miss the adoring look that Sehun secretly gives him.

Jongin hates the fact that he's so near, yet he feels like he is a world apart from Sehun.

iv.

Spurious

You look so happy
I can only fake a smile
What else can I do?

Crouched over the study table with a pen twirling around his fingers, Jongin reads with his eyes jumping from one word to the other – I t enters his head for a few seconds before it rolls out of his mind once more. He's been reading the same paragraph for the past 10 minutes already and it still didn't register in his mind, making the frustration bubble up inside of him.

He cranes his neck and takes a glance at time displayed on his phone.

5:27 P.M.

He's probably still with Luhan. They're probably on another date again.

He bitterly thoughts as the image of Sehun hanging out with Luhan, hands linked with each other as they walk down the streets, talking about anything that enters his head. Letting out a groan of frustration, he tries to focus his attention on his assignment when he hears the door steak open, a familiar brown-haired boy sticking his head inside with a grin climbing up to his face.

Jongin desperately ignores the butterflies acting up in his stomach again.

"Sehun." He says in a weak manner, silently cursing himself why he easily gave his real emotions away. Auspiciously, Sehun didn't bother to give Jongin's action a second thought or a second look. 

Sometimes, Sehun's oblivion is really advantageous to Jongin's case.

Sehun still has the grin written on his face, looking like he's standing on cloud nine and no catastrophe can blow him away. Jongin wonders if Sehun sometimes smiles like that because of him.

"Jongin, I have great news for you!" He almost seems giddy with joy, his eyes are basically turning to half-crescents. Jongin mentally scolds the butterflies in his stomach and his heart for beating way too fast than the normal rate.

"What is it?" He peers at Sehun through his bangs with mild interest showing on his face but inside, his stomach unconsciously clenches and unclenches with pure nervousness and fright. Sehun goes inside the room and he eagerly tackles Jongin off his seat. Jongin's back hits the floor and he releases a groan of pain but that is nothing compared to the news resting at the tip of Sehun's tongue.

"Luhan finally answered me!" 

"What?" The rush of the news plus his hurting back didn't help him to process what Sehun had just told him. Sehun rolls his eyes (Jongin hopes it's not because he thinks Jongin is being idiotic) and grabs him by the shoulders, shaking him slightly.

"Luhan finally agreed to be my boyfriend!" Jongin stares at Sehun with an expression between confusion and surprise. He thinks that hurt is included between those expressions.

 "Really?" His voice drops down into a weak whisper - his hands are continuously shaking and he wishes Sehun's obliviousness would act up.

"Yes, really! Do you know how happy I am, Jongin? I really like him – I like him so much." Jongin wants to cry - he has the urge to just hit Sehun as hard as he can so he can feel Jongin's pain right now.

"I-I'm so happy for you, Sehun." He stops, feeling his voice shake ever so slightly and his chest feels heavier than ever because of his feelings pushing him down to the floor.

"I'm so ing happy for you." He can't believe he can even lie right now, even if he's on the edge of his emotions. His emotions are climbing in him, all at once and he feels light-headed for a second.   

Sehun furrows his eyebrows, just slightly but all the worry and concern on his face are wiped away from his face completely, leaving a smile etched upon his pale face.

Jongin thinks it's unfair that Sehun can't feel his emotions right now.

vii.  

Somnolent

I just had a drink
Did I say something to you
That made you shun me?

"Hey, you're going to the party, right?" Sehun snaps his head towards Luhan, who is sitting at the opposite side of the lunch table. The lunch table is a ruckus - everyone is chattering one another's ears off and some of them even try to throw food at each other. Sehun gulps down a lungful of air and unknowingly fiddles with the hem of his buttoned uniform, trying to divert Luhan's attention from his voice shaking with nervousness.

"Yeah, of course I will." No, he doesn't he wants to go - not at all. But then again, it's Luhan that is inviting him - the person he grew to love for the past two years and secretly admired from a long distance. It's a surprise that he suddenly accepted Sehun with his arms wrapped around his waist and lips hovering his own. Promises lie on their tongues as they promised each other forever.

Forever.

Sometimes, Sehun wonders if he's made the right decision of confessing to Luhan, who holds on their promises of forever.

But they both knew forever doesn't exist in reality because everything else fades away.

"Hey, you should invite that Jongin guy and his friends. You told me that you'll let them meet me soon, right? I think the party would be a great opportunity – what do you think?" Sehun fakes a smile, a profession he's been doing for the past three months of their relationship, and enthusiastically nods his head at Luhan's plan. A smile curls up on Luhan's lips as he reaches over to give a friendly ruffle on the hair of Sehun, flashing him a quick thumbs-up.

Sehun just simply responds with another fake smile.

•••

"Come on, drink up!" Chanyeol flashes him a wide grin, shoving him a red Styrofoam filled with a strange-looking liquid and its smell is too nauseating for Sehun's weak stomach. Luhan releases a light laugh and drapes an arm around Sehun's shoulder, leaning towards him to give him a quick peck on the lips.

Sehun only replies with a weak smile written on his face as he takes one more glance at the liquid. He takes a deep breath and takes a swig. He feels his stomach clenches and he feels a bit enervated - his head feels like it's getting heavier and heavier as each second pass.

He can still hear the faint chattering of Chanyeol and Luhan but their words seem like a blur to him. He wobbles towards the bathroom and slaps it open, slightly relieved that there are no people. He drops to his knees and feels his stomach clenches again, making him dizzier than before.

He throws up - his voice echoing sickeningly against the resounding four walls of the bathroom. He throws up everything remaining in his stomach and he feels his stomach unclenches. He immediately flushes the toilet and he had a hard time of standing up and staying on his two feet.

Stumbling across the room, he grips his hands on the side of the sink and he turns on the faucet – the water feels cool against his slender fingers. He washes himself, feeling utterly disgusted because of the drink that Chanyeol passed on to him as he rinses his mouth clean.

He pulls himself together, pale fingers gripping tightly on the side of the sink to support the heaviness of his legs. He drags his effete body out of the bathroom, secretly hoping that Luhan is worrying about him but his hopes are shot down when he sees Luhan smiling and laughing with Minseok, one of the closest seniors to Luhan.

They look like they're immersed in their conversation and Sehun decides to avert his attention to Kyungsoo and Jongin, who are both standing beside the table. Jongin looks a bit drunk – a goofy smile painted on his face, his body is swaying slightly as his fingers tighten their grip on the neck of the beer.

Kyungsoo has a frown on his heart-shaped lips (as usual) and from Sehun's perspective, he looks like he's nagging at Jongin (as usual) and his fingers wrap themselves around the neck of the beer, yanking it out of Jongin's grip.

He takes a glance around and Sehun tries to hide his confusion and shock when Kyungsoo's eyes linger a bit longer on him. He suddenly takes Jongin's wrist and drags him across the room, where Sehun is standing, bewildered at the given situation.

 "Hey," Kyungsoo sounds like he's in a rush as he passes Jongin to Sehun, who (almost) unsuccessfully caught him. Jongin circles his arms loosely around Sehun and a giddy laugh escapes past his lips.

"Since you're his roommate, you should have the obligation to take good care of him. Just please take him home - I still have to bring Chanyeol and Baekhyun back to their dorm. Thanks a lot, bye."

Even before Sehun could think of a response, Kyungsoo has already slipped away and leaving Sehun, utterly baffled and in a daze.  

•••

Thankfully, Jongin only threw up twice on their way back to the dorm - first at the party itself while Sehun stands embarrassingly next to the bathroom while Jongin vomited inside. The second one is when they passed by a bush and Jongin suddenly began running behind the bush and Sehun could hear the faint vomiting sound that Jongin had emitted. 

", Jongin - can you please just cooperate with me?" Sehun lets out a small grunt as he forces Jongin to drape his arm over his bony shoulder as he leans against the black door, shoving the keys inside the lock.

After a few minutes of jamming the keys and trying to turn it, the wooden door finally opens and Sehun lets out another groan, dragging the bronze-skinned boy alongside with him. He drops him on the couch and he's ready to make a move towards the kitchen when he feels Jongin's fingers encircling around his waist.

"Stay. Please." Sehun can feel his body shiver – he thinks it's because of the dropping temperature and not because of Jongin's grip on his waist. He desperately tries to pry his arms away from his waist but Jongin held on, up to the point of pulling him on his lap.

"Jongin, let go of me!" Sehun's tone of voice comes a bit too high-pitched for his normal range of tone as he struggles to get out of Jongin’s grip but the pads of Jongin’s fingers press a bit too hard and Sehun tries his best not to melt in his touch.

This is bad. He thinks.

Really bad. He shouldn’t be feeling this – he has a boyfriend for goodness’ sake! He can’t just go around and let other people touch him, even if it's his own best friend.

“Jongin, please, I– “

“Why does it have to him? Why can’t it be me, Sehun?” Sehun finds it a bit too hard to gulp down the newly-formed lump found in his throat as he lets his fingers wrap around Jongin’s wrists, trying once more to pry away Jongin’s arms around his waist but he can’t. It was as if he lost his strength, all because of Jongin’s touch.

“What do you mean?” His voice gradually decreases and he turns his head to look straight at the chocolate-brown orbs staring back at him in a daze. He finds himself biting down on his lower lip, chewing subtly on its raw flesh as he takes notice of the dull and dismal emotions running through the other’s eyes.

Jongin releases a laugh – it sounds so pained and filled with hurt, making Sehun wince slightly at the sound of it. Jongin stares back at him once more, sadness and pain spreading over it as fast as his brain could even decipher it.

“Are you really that dense, Sehun? , no wonder you never took notice of me.” Sehun’s hands are shaking with fright – he knows where this conversation is going, he clearly knows what Jongin means with all those lingering touches, eye contacts that are held on much longer than necessary and promises of not leaving him. Sehun barely registers the pained laugh that once more slip past his plump and pink lips.

“I’m in love with you – I’m so ing in love with you and I hate myself for not even trying to let go of you, even when you’re head over heels for Luhan.”

“Jongin, you’re drunk. You don’t know what you’re saying-“

“Oh, am I?” Another pained laugh escapes Jongin’s lips and Sehun’s stomach clenches again – the feeling is much more nauseating than the feeling he got when he drank the strange liquid that Chanyeol passed to him a few hours ago.

“It’s not fair, Sehun – why did you like him, anyway? I don’t find anything special about him.” Sehun shuts his mouth against his own will, for the sake of not worsening the situation with his useless words.

“Why can’t it be me? Your own best friend for the past seven years – who ing knew you from head to toe. You easily fell in love with a guy you just met five months ago before you two became a couple. But what about me, Sehun?”

It sounds so painful and Sehun just wants to cry out because he can feel the pain of Jongin being transported to him, his hands are continuously shaking, feeling himself near to tears.

“Jongin, I’m sorry – I really am. You deserve someone better, I swear.” Sehun’s tone sounds like he’s near to begging – correction: he’s practically begging already. Jongin seems almost like he’s out of his drunken state, except for his half-lidded eyes that makes him look like he's aroused.

He repeats his apology like a broken record while Jongin just remains silent, eyes watching his actions carefully. Sehun could feel his eyes b with tears, not until he feels Jongin’s fingers wrap themselves around his own and his plump lips softly laying on his closed eyelids.

“Don’t cry. Please.”

Sehun bites back the sob threatening to spill from his lips so he just purses his lips into a thin line.

He just sits like a statue on Jongin’s lap, his back facing against the wall and his front facing the bronze-skinned boy that he calls as his best friend. He could feel Jongin’s lips shift somewhere until it lands against the tip of his nose – lips slowly dragging alongside his pale skin until he can feel Jongin’s lips hovering hesitantly over his.

“Can I?” Sehun doesn’t respond – he doesn’t know if this is right; his mind flies back to Luhan, who he has seen kiss someone else, other than him, even if they’re still in a relationship. But in Sehun’s case, it’s so much different – he’s only doing Jongin a favor.

That’s right.

A favor.

There’s nothing wrong with that, right?

This is not a form of cheating. Sehun thinks, trying to reassure himself.

I’m only doing Jongin a favor because after this, I won’t do something like this with him again.

Sehun takes in a breath and he feels his head nod slightly at Jongin’s question – in an instant, he could feel Jongin’s plump lips press against his thin ones as Jongin willingly wraps his arms around his waist and Sehun’s fingers dancing upwards to rest on Jongin’s shoulder. Sehun finds out this is probably the sweetest kiss he has received – even sweeter than the ones he shared with Luhan.

He lets his fingers tangle themselves in Jongin’s soft brown locks as he playfully tugs on them whilst nibbling on his lower lip. Jongin responds with a moan of his name as he presses his hips against Sehun’s hips, rolling them slightly. Sehun throws his head back, exposing his pale neck to Jongin, who eagerly attacked it, teeth meeting with his skin as his tongue flicks over the pale skin and leaving a red mark on it.

Sehun could feel himself getting light-headed at the rush of the events as he feels himself getting lifted off the couch, his legs automatically hang themselves around Jongin’s waist. Jongin blindly walks towards their room, almost knocking over the vase sitting on the table near their room but they didn’t care, anyway.

As soon as they arrive in the room, Jongin immediately drops Sehun on the bed, despite the clutter surrounding it as he hovers Sehun’s body, giving him butterfly kisses alongside the smooth skin of his jaw, down to the column of his neck. They just stayed like that – no shredding of clothes, no dirty intentions but just kissing and hugging each other close.

Jongin drops his body next to Sehun and Sehun finds himself curling up against Jongin’s body, head resting on his shoulder, despite the fact that he’s taller than the other and his arms wind up around Jongin’s neck. He could feel Jongin brushing his lips against his temple before letting his fingers rest on his nape to pull him closer.

He could feel the older boy’s hot breath against his neck and he hears him murmur those three words that made Sehun realize what he just did.

“I love you.”

Sehun only gets to stare at the sleeping figure beside him, his arms already found their way to Sehun’s waist without much of his consent as Jongin’s confession remains in the air, haunting Sehun throughout the night.

Because the disappointing thing is that he can’t say those words back to Jongin.

Word count for part i : 5598