I awakened to the sounds of the birds chirping outside my window. Cracking my eyelids open, I craned my neck to look out the window. The sky was still dim but I could see the sun beginning to rise in the early morning. I slowly sat up and stretched my arms above my head as I yawned. It should be around 5 or 6am in the morning. Should I go back to sleep? But then I remembered.

Today is very special day. Why is it special you ask? Because I have a date with my beloved boyfriend, Myungsoo! It’s our one year anniversary.

Now fully awake, I swung my legs off the bed excitedly. I thought of the things I had to prepare today and giggled to myself. Today is going to be perfect.

I thought of a possible gift I could give to Myungsoo. Myungsoo always showers me with presents every time we go on a date. It’s my turn to surprise him! But what does he like? Clothes…no he already owns a lot of them, mostly black or plaid shirts. Should I bake him a cake? No…Myungsoo doesn’t really like sweet things. I laid back down on the bed, tugging at my hair in frustration.

The bell rang, indicating the time for lunch. The students ran towards the cafeteria fighting to get in line first before the food runs out. Myungsoo hyung and I went up to the rooftop where we usually had our lunch. I made sure to ask my mom to pack me a big lunch so that I could share it with my boyfriend.

I noticed that Myungsoo was preoccupied with something.

“Hyung, you should eat your lunch before it gets cold.”

“I will, Jongie. Just let me finish this first.”

He had a small jar next to him and a bunch of origami paper laid out on his lap.

“What are you making?”

“You’ll know later.”

“I want to know now.”

“No.”

“Tell me.”

“No.”

“Tell me!”

“Don’t wanna.”

He playfully stuck his tongue out at me. Unable to stand him teasing me, I pounced on him and tickled the sides of his neck and his waist. Myungsoo, being extremely ticklish, curled himself in ball, hoping it would protect him from my tickling but I was relentless. I squealed when he suddenly sprang up and chased me around the roof. He caught up to me and this time I was the one trying to avoid his tickling. We continued to mess around until Myungsoo pulled me to his chest and flopped down onto the ground. I laid my head on his chest, listening to his rapid heartbeat and shallow breaths. His hand weaved into my hair, it gently until I unknowingly fell asleep.

A few days later, Myungsoo waited me outside the classroom to go home together. He was hiding something behind his back. He waited until I was standing in front of him then shyly pushed the object in my hands.

“Here, this is for you. Happy 100^th day anniversary.”

It was the same jar he had at the roof that day filled with 100 paper cranes.

That’s right! Paper cranes! Why didn’t I think of this sooner? I sat in my desk and immediately started folding them. Since it’s our one year anniversary, I should make 365 paper cranes. And to make it even more special, I decided to write messages to Myungsoo in each paper crane, and hoped he would take the time to read them.

I love your eyes that stare straight into my soul.

I love your ears that I whisper into when we make love.

I love your nose that rubs tenderly against mine.

I love your lips that makes me breathless every time we kiss.

I love your hair that dances in the wind.

I love your fingers that touch my hair, my face, my body.

I love your legs that tangle with mine as we sleep.

I love…

I love everything about Myungsoo. From the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He is my bestfriend, my lover, my soulmate. I can’t even imagine a life without him. Surely, I would not be able to go on living without him beside me. There are so many things I want to tell him that I don’t think 365 paper cranes are enough to contain all of them.

It was in the evening when I finished folding about 200 paper cranes. There will not be enough time to fold all of them since Myungsoo’s coming to pick me up in an hour but I hope he likes them anyway. I lay my head in my arms as I stare at the jar, smiling goofily.

Maybe I should call him to see if he’s on his way out. I imagine Myungsoo getting ready like me and wonder if he’s just as nervous as I am. Even though we’ve gone out more than once, it still makes me nervous every time I sit in the living room waiting for him to ring my doorbell with a rose in his hand.

I follow man out of my room to the front desk. I ask the woman sitting at the desk if I could use the phone. I dial Myungsoo’s number, chewing on my nails impatiently.

“Hello?”  His deep voice sends a chill down my spine.

“Myungsoo? It’s me, Sungjong.”

“What’s up, Sungjongie.”

“Nothing. I…I was just wondering what you were doing.”

“I’m prepping myself for our date, of course! I hope you’re excited. I already have everything planned out. It’s going to be great.”

“I bet it will be. I wish time would pass by quicker. I just want to see you already.”

He chuckled. I love hearing him laugh.

“Patience, Jongie. I’ll be there soon! I’ll see you later, ok?”

“Bye…” I reluctantly hung the phone back onto the hook. I wanted to hear his voice longer. I look at the clock that read 6:20pm. Ok, better go back and find something to wear.

As I passed by the front desk again, the lady nodded her head and smiled. She was a very nice young woman. In fact, everybody here was very nice to me. They would talk to me occasionally, asking me how I’ve been and what I’ve been doing.

“You look happy today, Sungjong. Something nice happened?”

“Yup. I’m going on a date with my boyfriend! He’s coming to pick me up soon.”

The lady did not respond. For some reason, she had sympathetic smile on her face which I did not understand.

I returned to my room and walked straight to my closet. I rummaged through the drawers to find something nice to wear. I came across a black and red plaid shirt that was Myungsoo’s. I buried my face into his shirt and inhaled his scent. I imagined him being there in front of me, him wrapping his arms around me. Suddenly, the red color of the shirt stained my fingers. I dropped the shirt as I stared at my hands in horror.

“Where are we going?”

“It’s a secret. But I promise you’ll like it.”

“You always say that.” I said and pouted. He ruffled my hair and pinched my cheek.

“Don’t pout, Jongie. My smiling Jongie looks the cutest!”

“I-“ My voice was drowned out by the loud beep of the horn coming from the truck driving towards us. The last thing I saw was Myungsoo turning towards me with pain-filled eyes and envelopping me in his arms before I squeezed my eyes shut and waited for the impact.

Blood. It was everywhere. On my face, my body, the ground I laid on. I couldn’t see anything other than the dark red color that was blocking my vision. Myungsoo…where was Myungsoo? I felt something heavy on top of me. Someone was calling my name.

“S..Sung…jong…”

I cried out as I looked up into the face of my lover. Shards of glass stuck to his body and his neck. Blood dripped down the sides of his face onto mine. His eyes were barely open as he looked at me.

“Myungsoo! You’re-you’re- It’s going to be okay. We’re going to be okay. Help! Somebody help us! Please!” I continuously cried for help, hoping that somebody would come but no one did.

“Sung…jong…I…l-love…y…you…”

I tried to reach out to him. I tried to tell him that everything’s going to be okay. I tried, I tried, I tried but I couldn’t move my limbs. I couldn’t do anything but cry as I watched him slowly close his eyes.

“No…Myungsoo! Stay with me! Don’t leave me alone. Don’t leave me here.”

No…NO! NONONONONONO! NOOOOOOOOOO!

I clutched my head in my hands as the memories flashed through my mind. I just wanted it to stop! I pounded my head with my fists repeatedly as I sobbed and yelled at the top of my lungs.

--

A woman sighed sadly as she looked through the small window at the door. She scribbled some notes down.

“How is he?” A man with a white coat walked towards her. She handed him the pile of notes she was holding.

“The same. He’s been like that for a month. How unfortunate for something like this to happen to such a young man.”

The man just hummed in response as he flipped through the notes, pushing his glasses back up on his nose.

Name: Lee Sungjong

Age: 21

Diagnosed with Post-traumatic stress disorder