I suppose now I understand that feeling that movies often describe as not being sure whether you are concious or not, knowing whether you are alive or dead. Never in my life had I felt this so strongly. Beatings every day from my father for so many years was much better than this void inside of me as I stand here, waiting for the stupidity of my actions to be answered. Staring blankly at the bald, white coat clad man in front of me, forever lost in a world of lost hope and crushed memories. That was really all that was left of me. The sweet memories of my beautiful Jimin, the few beautiful moments we had together only a week ago seemed to haunt me rather than bring me comfort. Any memory that rammed into my mind of him ultimately hurt me, leaving me breathless and screaming on the inside in pure agony. In the gang, I have become so much more reckless. I should have been better, if not for myself then for him. For my Jimin. He had needed me that awful day, and instead of being there for him, I was off being stupid. I should have been there with him. The need for living is with me no longer. The need for death isn't their either, I am merely a walking corpse with no thought of death or life. So, here I stand, waiting for the inevitable. Waiting for either an answer from the quite rude doctor, or just a simple motion with his hand to allow me back into Jimin's room. I hoped for the latter, I needed to see my baby. 

"It's time," The doctor mumbled quietly.

I held my breath and closed my eyes, scared of the news I was about to recieve. My mind flickered back to a memory that was also very dependant on an answer, the day Jimin and I had our first date. 

Waiting patiently by the window in my friends living room, I nervously fixed the snapback that was resting stylishly atop my head. A smile played across my features as I thought of the angelic bruenette that was going to pick me up any minute for our first official date to a very fancy restaraunt. Cat-like eyes and a button nose above puffy lips shone in my mind. Jimin was so cute to me. My gang member background may eventually scare him off, but for now, that didn't matter. All that mattered was seeing that handsome face and hearing his sweet voice. I was so lost in my thoughts of Jimin that I hadn't noticed him arrive in a black Camero with red racing stripes. I also hadn't noticed a very handsome young man in black skinny jeans, a loose Hood By Air tee, and a black and red snapback walk up to the front door and knock very shyly.

At the sound of the knock, I shot up from my place on the leather couch and zoomed over to the front door. Not even checking to make sure it was Jimin, I opened the door nervously. A cute boy slightly shorter than me greeted me happily, but I didn't hear what he said because holy he looked ing heavenly. His face was so- was that eyeliner around his kitty eyes? Damn this kid can pull anything off. Fluffy soft-looking hair was swept cutely across his forehead. I took one look at his whole body. I swear I drooled at the sight of bulging muscles slightly peeking out from the short sleeves of his black and white shirt.

A sweet voice brought me back to Ea