All of them. No matter if it's male or female doll. Pretty face, long legs, shiny eyes, smooth skin and hair... Always blond. Light, dark, it depends. 

One day Yongguk saw Jonghyun's doll. It was a male, of course it was. Even if Jonghyun liked both genders,  deep inside he preferred boys. So he bought Kibum - delicate, slim and beautiful male doll, which gave him this specific smile. Jonghyun was always smiling, but since he had Kibum, he had stopped nagging about work, trash and society. Yongguk promised that now he liked him even more. 

Wonsik'a doll was a bit different. It cost less and has a bit darker skin, but his friend fell in love with him. He wasn't even leaving Hakyeon's side, it was scary sometimes. Man was extremely jealous about HIS doll, he possessed him with every muscle of his body. Yongguk tried to talk with him, but Wonsik didn't see anything wrong. So he stopped.

Many of his friends had dolls - male, female, more beautiful, less... But the one thing is that he saw that they're happier than earlier. Even Taekwoon started laughing on Yongguk's poor jokes. He felt different with them, like he didn't pass the exam or something. He wondered how his life would be if he had bought one of them... Yongguk never ever wanted to, he was completely against possessing... Those dolls. But now he also felt jealous. Why can't he be happy and relaxed too? He just need to start earning more money and soon...

...no. He can't. He just CAN'T. There's no way he'll buy a doll for himself. No, never.

 

 

You can have the total control over your doll, but only if you are it's real owner and if you know it's full name. Only. You can do everything with your doll; love, hate, kiss, , beat, treat like a star, like a , like a brother, sister, mother, anything. But dolls were expensive. They cost too much for Yongguk's life state. He was only a poor poet, nothing more. He lived in dirty side of town, full of thieves, rappers and murderers. Man just couldn't bring such a delicate thing there. He was too afraid even to think about it. He didn't tell about his thoughts to Jonghyun and Wonsik, they couldn't understand. They would laugh at him and show him their beautiful dolls only for make him desperate. 

Bang Yongguk wasn't a romantic - everyone knows about it, even if they didn't read his poems. Every romantic needs love, that's what history says. There is no beautiful poems without love. But Yongguk always wrote about war, pain and God. Never about love. Because he never felt it.

He knew he was losing something. He was 24 years old already and still lonely. His friends had theirs dolls, they didn't need love right now. Dolls were a good substitute if you don't want to be hurt. That's why they are so popular.

A poet didn't know what to do. He wanted love, but he was too hurt because of war. Too scared to lose another person. To scared to think and of course write about love.

That's the story of Bang Yongguk's need for the doll.

 

 

~~~

 

It was raining. He was walking down his filthy street, ignoring the man who was screaming something to him, probably completely drunk. A black hood covered his face, Yongguk was just coming back from redaction. They yelled at him because he wrote "another boring poem about God and war" and they are not going to public it because people are bored with them. So Yongguk needs to write something new if he wants to have his bills payed. 

It was irritating him more than the rain - what exactly they meant by "something new"? It was war, a ing war - they were surrounded by pain, blood and fear, Yongguk needs to write what is inside him. Love or passion isn't the most important thing right now. 

He was cursing under his breath when he stopped into his house area.  A large bin beside front door was still full - nobody emptied it for almost three weeks now. Yongguk knew it smelled awful, but he was used to it. At least he himself didn't smell like a trash.

He was about to finally come in when something caught his eye. At first he thought that it's a "normal" person lying next to bin, but when he came closer he saw characteristic blond hair, smooth skin and perfect face, even with closed eyes. It was a doll. Dirty, sad, but still doll. 

Yongguk stopped breathing for a while. He didn't know what to do. Maybe someone left him there because he was broken? Can doll be broken? He didn't know. To be honest, he didn't know much about dolls in technical case - what if this doll had some bad features and his owner threw him away because of them? He chewed his lip still staying and thinking.

Then the doll had opened his eyes.

They were beautiful. The most beautiful eyes Yongguk had ever seen. Theirs looks connected, it was the sound of rain still surrounding them. What man saw in those dark, pretty eyes was enough to take him into his arms and treat like a real doll needs to be treated.

 

~~

 

Clean and safe. Good, but... What now? A doll couldn't stay with Yongguk because he has his owner already... But this owner threw him away. Poet didn't understand. How cruel he was? This doll was beautiful, so much beautiful so he couldn't stop looking at him. He was one of the most expensive model with ideal face, dark, shiny eyes and kissable lips. He was just too ideal. Yongguk suddenly remembered about breathing when the doll sat down on the couch and whispered a simple "thank you".

"What's your name?" - he asked, still standing behind him. A doll raised his head and smiled.

"I can't tell you."

"Why?" 

He didn't answer. 

Yongguk gave him food but he said that he only eats chocolate. Man didn't have any. He hadn't got enough money to buy chocolate, a doll frowned.

"Anything? Are you sure?"

"Look, I have only some bread and soup for dinner. I'm a poet, I don't sleep on money so sorry, but I'm sure there's no chocolate."

A dolly man looked down and apologised.

"I'm sorry. You're right, but I don't eat anything but chocolate... I'd better leave now."

No...!

"You can stay. It's okay, I can buy you chocolate tomorrow." - he lied, of course he did. But he couldn't let the doll go.

"You don't need to. I can try anything you'll give me".

They ended up eating whole soup, even if dolly man tried only a few spoons. Why his owner only gave him chocolate? Is he that rich? Yongguk cleaned the dishes and took doll to his bedroom.

"You can sleep there."

"No! I mean, it's your bedroom. I can sleep anywhere else." - his voice was quiet and deep. Not as deep as Yongguk's, but still. A poet agreed and let him sleep on the couch instead. 

But he didn't sleep whole night. He just kept thinking about him. Why? Why him? And why now, in this moment? Maybe it was a sign from

heaven? Yongguk didn't know, he just wondered... How he'll tell Jonghyun and Wonsik about the doll? He didn't buy him, just found... It's not the same. He decided not to talk with them right now and concern about the doll. He promised himself that he'll find out why this beautiful creature was thrown away.

 

~~

 

Dolls haven't many emotions. They can't love, hate, be irritated, annoyed and hurt. But they still feel them from other person, in this case they were amazing - always trying to change bad emotions of theirs owners. Dolls can feel lust, happiness, even loneliness. But nothing stronger. That's the reason of their high cost and popularity. Yongguk kept observing dolly man whole day, when he was sleeping, eating, reading his poems or looking by the window. He started to see little, but still cute details on his body and face, like strong curve of his hips, reflexes on his light blond hair, long eyelashes, soft thighs and bunny teeth that makes a beautiful bunny smile when Yongguk talked to him. In sunlight, moonlight, in the morning, evening, at cold night - he was always beautiful. Poet must confess that he's the largest perfection in the world. And this thought was too dangerous.

He didn't know how to call the doll. If his name was such a secret, Yongguk decided to make his own. He just named him Princess. He didn't know why, it just suited him too well.

"Hey Princess, are you hungry?"

- he asked, completely forgetting about this name. Doll looked at him and started laughing.

"Oh my god, Yongguk-ah, thank you so much for this beautiful name, I'm so glad!"

"Hey. I didn't tell you my name. How do you know?"

Princess again stayed silent.

He was very mysterious. Yongguk remembered that Hakyeon and Kibum gladly told him their names and answered his all questions. Princess didn't. He was so unique, man didn't know how to call it but he felt strange... Something about this doll wasn't right.

"So, are you?"

"No, I'm not. Still full from dinner." - Princess ate only a bowl of soup for dinner. Nothing much. Yongguk only frowned but didn't say anything. Just left it. He was doll, dolls aren't supposed to eat much. Wonsik told him once that doll's diet is very strict and specific. But no single word about chocolate.

"Can we go for a walk?" - Princess asked.

"I don't think it's a good idea."

"Why?"

"I don't want you to be stolen or get hurt..."

Dolly man looked at him in complete silence. Dark eyes were so sincere in this moment. Yongguk wanted to do something but he couldn't. He felt stuck in moment, Princess had control over his whole body. And man didn't wanted to break this bound.

"You..."

"Forget about it. And stay here, please."

 

~~

 

 

Princess was with him for a week already. He wrote some poems, but they weren't as good as they could. Yongguk started being flustrated, doll wasn't talking with him too much and it didn't help. He tried to write something about his beauty, but he wasn't made for writing those confessions. 

One day he told him about his life and how hard it is sometimes. Princess understood, even gave him a hug - nothing much but Yongguk finally got a deep breath of relieve.

Days were passing by and no one was searching for Princess. He didn't just say it by himself but he definitely  had someone to find him. Yongguk couldn't stop thinking about it. Why if this someone will suddenly decide to find his doll and he'll treat young poet as a thief? He didn't want to go to prison but he couldn't force himself to throw doll away. Princess was just too precious to him, his little presence started the process of changing Bang Yongguk personality. Poet stopped being concerned only about war. He just started to see things in more colourful way, in their true light. Like a morning sun, cup of coffee, messy sheets, freshly washed clothes, moon with stars on the sky and silent, beautiful face of his Princess.

He was no longer seeing blood, trash, cruelty and death that war caused. He couldn't even write about them. They were right - all of his poems were the same; boring, sad, ugly. People need something they would read and smile, believe that it's going to be better soon...

So Yongguk started writing a new book. No single poems but a full book with a hundreds of his poems.

He gave some of them to Princess and he read them carefully. A small smile on his lips hided  a secret. Another secret. Yongguk wanted to know what doll thinks about them. He believed that despite the fact that he's just a doll, he could feel them. They were about him. 

This doll was unique. He understood him. Helped him a lot. Is it the reason why his previous owner didn't want him anymore? Only speculations. Princess was smart, even smarter than Yongguk. He finally understood it the day they slept together for the first time.

 

 

~~~

 

Both of them knew that it's going to happen, sooner or later. It's not that Yongguk wasn't an attractive man, no. He was really handsome and Princess saw it the first day they met. Caring and lovely, always patient and silent. His voice was smooth, almost like the melody of falling leaves. Princess was more than happy when he just listen to him; his poems or normal talk. A doll knew that he should stay there forever.

And never come back.

So it just happened. After the dinner they started looking into each other's eyes for no reason. Yongguk's eyes were dark and understanding - they never ask questions. Poet just looked at doll's face, a little bit nervous. It was their first time in such an intimate moment. Lips to lips, breath to breath... Seconds had passed then they kissed for the first time.

Princess had really delicate lips, almost like a wind. He was really careful; holding him tight, keeping like there's no tomorrow. Kiss became more passionate, hot and . Hands were everywhere, skin burnt like a fire. 

Princess gave him amazing . He didn't expect it, doll just dropped to his knees and smiled happily. Yongguk treated it like a present - he was more than glad to feel him for the first time. It was not so long before he grabbed doll's hand and took him to his bedroom. 

Beautiful. It was the only word Yongguk could think about. Princess exactly was beautiful in every moment of their night. Smooth skin, milky thighs, bow shaped lips, shiny eyes, messy hair, everything about him was like it came from Goddess. Man felt like he was on fire, he had never felt those emotions before. A small scream of his name was just like bomb into his insides. They came together. In the same moment.

And then Yongguk finally realised that he loves his doll with all of his heart.

 

 

~~~

 

But he didn't have time so say it. He couldn't even say "good morning" because Princess suddenly disappeared. 

He was nowhere. Yongguk was searching everywhere, doll couldn't runaway. Yes, he didn't let him go outside, but Princess never complained. To be honest he was kinda glad, outside was dangerous. But what happened? Where he was? Did he disappear because of their night? Because of doll's owner who was the one who could make love with him? It should be that. 

It was more than possible. Princess definitely came back to his owner, no matter how strange he was. Yongguk cried a lot, days passed and he became lonely again. One man in silent, cold house, never the same without that precious, beautiful creature. He didn't even know his name, but he became so addicted. 

Addicted to love.

One day Wonsik asked him what's wrong. He couldn't tell him, he still had his Hakyeon doll and Yongguk still was alone. His completed book landed into the bin, poet didn't want to look at them anymore. It was too painful. 

Then one day he heard the news that made his breathing stop. One owner almost killed his doll.

That's it - you can do everything with them but never, ever try to kill them. It was just against the law. Jonghyun said it's just a rumour, but Yongguk didn't hear him anymore. He didn't know, deep inside he felt that this doll was his Princess. And he was in huge danger.

He was trying to find him, asking anyone he could if they knew anything about this case. They just heard that this man's name is Jongup and he's young, really young - twenty years old, no more. Yongguk was walking around the city asking everyone if they heard about Jongup boy and his doll. He must be rich, that's why he added everytime. But luck was against him. After three months he was still at the beginning of searching.

He wrote some poems but they were more hurting than anything he wrote before. His doll was a personification of war - destroying him one by one, but he was too addicted to give up. Yongguk was treating him like he was exactly his, no that brutal man's. He needed to save him, no matter what.

But first year had passed quickly. Wonsik told him that Jongup died in battle outside the city, but Jonghyun keep pushing into his mind the thought about Jongup being the main drug dealer, that's why no one seem to know him.

Yongguk still didn't know what's true. He was busy with his messy, hurtful poems, they were coming out of his head like never before. For the first time in his life Bang Yongguk felt like a true poet. But he wasn't proud.

He knew his doll would be.

Another year. War didn't stop, but the production of dolls did. They became rare, luxurious items that every man wanted. Wonsik and Jonghyun became more aware, they don't trust Yongguk anymore. He was completely alone. No one cared about him anymore.

Dolls became objects made only for . Yongguk was furious - they WERE NOT objects. He wanted to scream it in the centre of destroyed city, maybe it was the way to find his Princess. But he didn't. He couldn't. He was scared, he's always been so scared...

Third year. The whole world was at the edge of anarchy. Everyone had enough, Yongguk too. He was crying every night, still recalling the time he spent with Princess. It was his mistake presenting him as a war in poem -  he definitely wasn't a war. Doll became a peace, peace he always wanted to have, to feel. Peace he missed...

Fourth year came quickly and Bang Yongguk decided to write his last poem. It was like his testament, last speech because he didn't think he would speak anymore. He was writing whole night, word after word, line after line, crying and screaming. Poet didn't want to write, speak and live anymore. He needed to end it. This morning Bang Yongguk packed his things in small case and lost his small, cold house, deciding to never come back. Because without his precious doll there's no place in the world to him.

It was raining again. Cold wind hit his face with every step, he wasn't crying or breathing for a while. In the free hand he was keeping his last poem. Before he realised what he's doing, a piece of paper fell out of his hand. Words on the wind, his last words are coming nowhere. Yongguk observed how it could end, where they'll land. They were free and he wasn't. 

He didn't expect to someone grab this paper in the hand. He thought he's alone at the end of the night in dirty, dangerous street. But he wasn't. 

He never was.

Because the one who was keeping his poem and reading it right now was his precious doll. Now black haired, pale, more skinny and bruised but still beautiful. He didn't understand. How? After those years...

"Princess... "he whispered, almost falling to his knees. Doll smiled and shake his head.

"It's Himchan. My name

 is Himchan. "

His last words became first in new era. Era of his own peace.

 

 

 

- END.