Jongdae counts Joonmyun's heartbeats at night, making sure it's a normal pace and that it is still beating. Mostly for the latter. He stays awake half the night listening to the calming back, it's soft thump thump thump filling his ears. Calming his own worries and heavy heart.

In the morning he counts how many pills Joonmyun has consumed. Making sure there is still an even amount and that he's taken only one or two of each. No more and no less. He'll safely tuck away the bottles so when Joonmyun is having a “bad day” he won't go looking for them.

In the afternoon at lunch, he makes sure that Joonmyun eats. He starts off with a small amount and slowly he'll move more onto his plate. He's carefully to watch the other, making sure the food isn't too hot or too cold so Joonmyun can't use the excuse of those two.

When the night arrives, it comes slowly, the day is long and Jongdae is tired. It's Joonmyun's turn to watch. He silently obeys everything Jongdae is telling him within the day. Now it's his turn. When Jongdae's head falls slightly but rises quickly, when his soft hair shakes and he gently slaps his cheek with his wet soapy hand. Joonmyun comes up behind him, resting his chin on his shoulder. “Did you take your medicine?” Jongdae asks, placing the plate away. Joonmyun nods, although it's a lie. He nods.

Jongdae knows Joonmyun is lying but he chooses not to argue, he's tired and Joonmyun will be fine without them for just one night. “Go to sleep.” Joonmyun's voice is soft and his warm breath hits Jongdae's neck in small puffs, causing him to shiver. “I have to finish washing the dishes.” Jongdae replies. He wishes he could sleep but if he doesn't do the dishes, they won't get done at all. “I'll do them.” Jongdae laughs, it's soft but it rings in Joonmyun's ears. “You need to go to bed, you have a doctor's appointment tomorrow.”

Joonmyun huffs, arms wrapping around Jongdae's thin waist. Jongdae watches him through the window's reflection. He watches as Joonmyun buries his face in his neck and watches as his eyes close. They stay like this for a few minutes or more. Engulfed in silence, Jongdae doesn't stop watching Joonmyun though. It's his favorite thing to do. He learns something new everyday. “Let's go to bed.” Joonmyun is taking off Jongdae's gloves and laying them down on the counter. Before Jongdae can protest, he's dragging Jongdae by the hips into the bedroom.

They flop down on the bed. Joonmyun being the one to cuddle closer to the warmth of Jongdae. His face is still buried in the crook of his neck. He plants soft kisses here and there.

Jongdae's heartbeat matches with Joonmyun's.

“Every night when you think I'm asleep. I hear you counting, counting my heartbeats, my breathing and my pills. You count the scars on my arms and sometimes my legs. You count the eyelashes on my eyes and the moles scatter throughout my body.” Joonmyun's voice is muffled against his chest. But Jongdae still flushes because it's something he wished Joonmyun didn't know. “And Every night when you finally fall asleep I do the same. I count your heartbeats, your breathing, the pills you take and the flaws on your skin. I count each eyelash and the moles on your body. I'll counted them so many times, I can remember each and every spot so well.” Jongdae is tired and he finds himself being pulled into sleep by the soft voice of Joonmyun.

“I've counted the times we've said, I love you. I know each spot and time that we have.”

Jongdae smiles at that, eyes fluttering close. He's glad he isn't the only one watching now.

When Jongdae falls asleep, Joonmyun lifts his head. His eyes are adjusting to the darkness when he lays his head against Jongdae's chest, over his heart. He closes his eyes again however, drowning in the sound of Jongdae's heartbeat.

Thump. Thump. Thump.