Chapter 3:  
I Lived as a Flower Never Blooming

I love you as the plant that never blooms

but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;

4^th January  2007

Kyuri just knew she would be one of the weird kids in school. She just knew. Every kid her age wanted to fit in and be called the ‘cool kid’. It didn’t matter if they had to attain certain clothes or accessories and wear them a certain way, do their hair a certain way and talk with the same slang as everyone else.However, Choi Kyuri was just the girl who would never bow down to popular demand. She would merely do what she felt like doing, no matter the consequences. It was a bad habit.

“But only bad girls have bad habits,” Kyuri murmured under her breath as she walked towards the school’s basketball court.

She could feel their gazes on her, the other students of Chungdam Public School stealing glances her way everytime she wasn’t looking in their direction. Fingers were pointed and whispers were heard but Kyuri didn’t give two s, even if it was her first day of school. A part of her felt sick to the gut; her nerves were in a twist and she felt like throwing up on an empty stomach. Yet, she kept repeating the words over and over again, like a mantra. It had been her Ma’s advice; only bad girls have bad habits and Choi Kyuri was a very bad girl.

But Kyuri was happy nonetheless. Her Ma had let her dye her hair a new colour and now, platinum blonde hair fell from one half of her head while the other was a completely different shade of raven black. It was the new trend in America; something that was barely seen in typical Asian society with brunettes being the in-trend ‘cutie girl’ look. And with this fact, Kyuri had been itching to try it out since New Years’ day. She’d stolen Ikje’s red leather jacket to style up the black and white uniform of Chungdam, paired up with dirty tattoo leggings and black, high-cut All-Star sneakers. She was clearly going against school rules but the teachers here obviously didn’t really care about their students anyway.

One glance at Choi Kyuri and everyone would say she looked different. She was just on the next level, setting new standards for all the other females in the student population.

Other than that however, Kyuri felt fine sipping on her chocolate milk as hiphop music blasted from the headphones slung around her neck. She watched a couple of kids pass her by and the occasional boy looking at her with interest. She pursed her lips. All that would be gone the second she took off her shades.

“Hey, you’re sitting on my spot.” Kyuri’s head snapped towards the monotone voice so hard that the world started spinning for a second. Though when she regained focus, her heart started palpitating very suddenly that she had to try and breathe in as much as air as possible into her lungs.

A familiar face was smiling at her, complete with two dimples that made Kyuri internally scream.

“But it don’t matter… if it was you,”Namjoon quickly added when he finally recognized who he was speaking to.

Her hair was a different color now and Namjoon had nearly not recognized her. Ikje’s little sister gave him a small smile and shifted to the side, making some space for him. But after that, she didn’t say anything and an awkward silence between the two began. Namjoon looked around. The basketball court was almost empty save for the occasional group of boys hanging outside; the kind of effect winter had on majority of the students.

“You’re wearing shades again…”Namjoon commented, looking at her hopefully for some kind of response.

Kyuri merely nodded and hummed. “Yeah…I kinda wear em’ all the time.”

“Doesn’t suit you actually.”The blonde boy blurted out almost immediately. “I mean...shades are cool but your eyes are prettier.”

Kyuri’s body immediately tensed up once the words sank in. She fiddled with her phone and pretended to turn off the music from her headphones, obviously avoiding Namjoon’s gaze once again.

“What’re you doing here?”She said instead, completely ignoring the compliment she’d gotten from Mr Dimples.

 “What else? Studying. A.K.A dying in process.”was Namjoon’s witty reply.

Kyuri glanced at Namjoon, finally meeting him eye to eye and laughed, the wonderful sound bursting from between her plum-coloured lips, however short. Namjoon flashed her another boyish grin and chuckled low, scratching the back of his neck nervously.

“I never knew you lived round’ here though.”Namjoon added because he was eager to continue their little conversation and also because he’d spent the last four days asking his friends and friends of friends about the girl with two colored eyes. Whipped at best. Now that he had a chance, he needed to get to know her at least.

Kyuri seemed more relaxed and hugged her knees that were propped up to her chest. “I moved here about a week ago.”

“So you didn’t live with your bro?”Namjoon cut in and Kyuri shook her head no.

“Ma sold the house back at Mokpo so only now we’re living with Ikje.” Kyuri answered, “It’s weird over here actually. I can’t get used to it.”

“With what?”

Kyuri shrugged. “People knowing people, I guess...that’s how Seoul is huh? Back at Mokpo, most of us aren’t so…friendly.”

Namjoon chuckled, hanging his head between his knees before looking up. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you off. I’ll try being less friendly, how’s that sound?”

Kyuri shot him an odd look and suddenly, she was laughing again, clearly flustered. “No! Hell no! You’re fine the way you are, just stop grinning at me like that you Mr Dimples!”

“Mr Dimples?”Namjoon said out of confusion and then Kyuri was poking the dimples on his cheeks.

“Yeah those,”She continued, wearing that smile again that Namjoon absolutely adored. “They should be saved for your fans instead, shouldn’t they Rap Monster?”

Namjoon’s eyes brightened up instantly when he heard her say his stage name, like a kid getting presents on Christmas Day.

“Aren’t you one of them?”He responded, tone kept between the lines of flirtatious and playful.

Kyuri rolled her eyes and laughed softly. “Now you’re just showing off.”

Namjoon chuckled and nudged her side. “But seriously though, since you know me, shouldn’t you tell me your name at least?”

Kyuri blinked and released a soft ‘oh’. “Choi Kyuri.”She answered and pushed a hand towards Namjoon.

Namjoon grinned brightly and took it, shaking it briefly. “Kim Namjoon or Mr Dimples, like you said.” He answered before wiggling his eyebrows teasingly.

Kyuri burst into another round of laughter then and Namjoon swore he and his heart was floating on cloud nine.

~.~.~

25^th December 2015

The young woman stared through the transparent glass, fists gripping the ends of her dress. Kyuri’s teeth clenched together as the newscaster continued on the latest Breaking News of the day, speaking with so much excitement that gritted Kyuri’s nerves the wrong way. Her body nearly shook in anger, wanting nothing more to punch a hole into the TV that sat behind the glass.

Namjoon tugged at her wrist with force, whisking her away from the IT department store quickly. He clicked his tongue in annoyance and yanked at Kyuri’s arm harder, signalling to her that she should try to keep up.

“Listening to them talk about it ain’t gonna make you feel any better.”Namjoon warned her lowly, looking over his shoulder to give Kyuri a pointed glare.

Kyuri’s previously red fiery hair was now the darkest shade of black and it reminded Namjoon terribly of when they had first met, in the backroom of a club so innocently like a dull throb from a healing wound. They were teenagers then, with dreams and aspirations and goals to achieve. Now they were just…products of their environment; the world was never nice in any sort of way.

“ em’,”Kyuri spat out, her perfectly manicured nails digging into Namjoon’s palm. “They don’t know bout’ what happened to her. .”

And that did it for Namjoon. He spun on his heel, immediately halting their  footsteps and he nearly roared at her face. “Shut the up Nam Hyeri! Ain’t nothing gonna change it!”

Kyuri glared at him, teeth clenching together before bowing down her head in fake embarrassment. She glanced around her from the corner of her eye, noticing that Namjoon’s outburst had attracted quite the attention from the white-collared workers surrounding them.

It was lunch hour on a Monday morning; the perfect conditions to go fishing.

Kyuri smacked away Namjoon’s hand from her wrist, giving him a shrill scream. “Change what?! The way we live right now? You can’t even pay the ing bills! Does it even matter if I change for you? We’ll still be eating off the floor just because you can’t keep a job!”

Namjoon’s face hardened and Kyuri knew straight away that she had pressed the wrong buttons. Namjoon stepped towards her till their noses almost brushed and forcefully lifted her head by her chin. Kyuri’s eyes nearly watered with the strength the older man was using against her and how the throbbing in her chest wouldn’t go away.

Namjoon’s eyes were glazed as he stared right through her. It was the same look he gave her the night she had left the apartment eight years ago.

“Blue shirt, red necktie. Café on the left.”Namjoon whispered to her before roughly shoving her so hard that Kyuri almost fell to the ground.

Namjoon turned and walked away coolly, slipping on his shades like he was the biggest jerk around. Kyuri looked away, squeezing her eyes shut. ‘Pretend. It’s all just pretend Choi Kyuri. None of this is real.’she thought to herself, repeating the words like a track on loop before opening her watering eyes.

A fake tear slipped down her cheek and Kyuri wiped it away,a dramatic gasp slipping out her lips. She softly massaged her left wrist, making a show of trying to soothe the pain that Namjoon had caused on her though she was already used to the rough treatment. She quickly walked towards the café Namjoon had previously mentioned and sat down on one of the chairs outside of it. A waitress came over and offered her a water but Kyuri was quick to wave her away with a small pitiful smile. And that’s when she caught the stranger’s eye.

The young man in a blue shirt and red necktie(courtesy of Namjoon’s very useful intel) was an easy target. He’d practically walked over to her table without much prompting and offered to buy her a drink to soothe her nerves. Kyuri played the part of broken-hearted girl well, going as far as to lean on the stranger’s chest. But she didn’t even realize that Namjoon was watching her from the second floor of the shopping mall,right above the café.

It was a game she and Namjoon had started a long time ago, during their teenage years. They called it ‘Bonnie and Clyde’ where they would take turns to fish the biggest wallet. Today, it was clearly her turn.

In the end, she managed to slink a hand inside his backpocket and slipped the wallet safely into her handbag when the poor guy wasn’t looking. She bade goodbye to him first, giving him a fake cell phone number in return for ‘helping’ her and quickly walked out of the shopping mall.

Kyuri’s cellphone buzzed and she picked it up quickly. She wasn’t surprised to hear Namjoon’s voice from the other line.

“You’re a good actress,”Namjoon complimented and Kyuri scoffed, rolling her eyes.

She gritted her teeth. “And you’re ing insensitive. Where are you?!”

A sharp whistle and Kyuri turned to Namjoon’s direction, who was leaning on a wall beside an ATM cash machine. Kyuri made quick work of milking out all of the money from the poor lad’s bank account before handing them to Namjoon to stuff it all into her handbag. The game of ‘Bonnie and Clyde’ had never gotten old whenever money was involved.

“This isn’t enough.”Kyuri murmured under her breath as she counted the green pieces of paper in her hands. Namjoon grunted and pushed himself off the wall, going to her side.

The man crossed his arms, leaning over Kyuri’s shoulder and whispering into her ear. “Then why don’t you go back to the club huh? Wank some old geezer to give you more money.”

Kyuri’s hands stopped immediately and her expression hardened. She turned to glare at Namjoon with wide eyes, her body nearly shaking in anger. Namjoon didn’t even falter, lips tilting into a smirk because he liked riling Kyuri up the wrong way. He wanted her to land another straight-on punch on his bruised cheek and let him yank at her hair till she screamed in agony; to pretend that they were going to make-up afterwards before they fell apart again. It had become routine when Namjoon would come home without any cash and Kyuri was the one who paid for the food, when everything became so bad that neither knew how to fix it.

But now, Kyuri wouldn’t give Namjoon what he wanted and stubbornly looked away, stuffing the cash back into her wallet.

“It’s for Arisu.”Kyuri confessed quietly, holding her breath afterwards because she wanted so badly to slap Namjoon in that moment but resisted. “I just want to leave something for her. At least, something she can use if she ever finds out the truth.”

Namjoon was forced into silence at Kyuri’s words and eventually, the tension in his shoulders had eased. The raven-haired woman clutched her sides desperately, praying to god that the steady trickle of tears down her cheeks would end soon. Kyuri was at war with herself; a part of her fought against the will to succumb to Namjoon and drink her miseries away, to scream and lash out at someone for completely no reason. Kyuri looked up at Namjoon through her eyelashes and the other man merely stared at her, waiting. Namjoon was there to give it to her; to give her anything she needed.

“You care about her too right?” Kyuri whispered, her breath unsteady as the world suddenly made another spin.

Namjoon caught Kyuri in time, before pulling her up in his arms and cradled her head against his chest. Kyuri squeezed her eyes shut and listened to Namjoon’s heartbeat, accelerating at a rapid pace it shouldn’t have been.

“I do.”Namjoon whispered back. “I just didn’t know you had it in you too.”

Kyuri swallowed and emitted another silent cry. “I- I didn’t raise her properly Namjoon. I wasn’t there for her when she needed me and I want to make it right. For her; for Arisu.”

Namjoon held her tighter the more Kyuri’s thin frame shook with every agonized, piercing cry. He could only watch as she drowned herself out from the world, in desperate, broken pieces of his name that made Namjoon’s knees buckle ever so slightly. It was till the point that they had slunk into the back of an alleyway and the two sank to the ground with their arms intertwined around each other. Namjoon held Kyuri’s hand tighter and Kyuri slipped her fingers easily into the spaces between his like they were made for each other.

Meanwhile, Namjoon’s thoughts had spun into a whirlwind with Kyuri’s name echoing in the back of his mind. He tried to sort it out but all of it had led him to only one vital question; What was he going to do in the last seven days of his life?Kyuri had clearly seen it as an opportunity to leave something behind for her child, who might be the only person to visit her grave after her death.  

The longer Kyuri cried on his shoulder, the more of Namjoon’s illogical answers lessened till they had reduced to none. Kyuri had nearly cried herself to sleep, like a child against Namjoon’s chest and all the man could do was hold her and pretend that he actually cared. Yes, he had lied and found no wrong in doing so. Because, how could he care about a child that wasn’t his?

“Namjoon...promise me something.” Namjoon turned from the bus window to look at Kyuri’s red strained eyes. The divorced couple was now in the back row of a bus that neither knew where it would lead them. Though neither one had cared.

“What?”

“If you ever get out of this alive and I don’t, treat her like your own.” Kyuri murmured, her thumb drawing small circles on Namjoon’s palm with her head rested on Namjoon’s shoulder. “Arisu is all I have.”

At Kyuri’s words, part of Namjoon argued whether the child she’d mentioned was worth caring about. Arisu was the child of a third-generation chaebol; she would have everything in the world.



‘Except her mother’, Namjoon realized and his train of thoughts finally stopped because yes, that was it.

Namjoon’s lips finally tilted into a thin smile as he gazed out the window. The pitter-patter of raindrops against the glass calmed his nerves somehow and suddenly a serene, peaceful feeling seeped into his chest.

Finally, he had an answer.

 

Author's Note:

Namjoon and Kyuri are on self-destruct mode. I wonder where that will lead...

P.S, am planning a new long-chaptered fic and debating between KookieMonster and Jikook. Firstly because the world needs more KookieMonster and Jikook's really popular nowadays... hmmm...what do you guys think?

-Styx