Chapter 2:

I fell between two shadows and one soul.

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, 

in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

25^th December 2015

Kyuri’s eyes were half-lidded as she stared at the vase that sat on the bedside table. She had woken up to the sound of the subway roaring past the window and an otherwise, empty bed. A hand placed on the space Namjoon had slept on had told her that he’d just recently left; it was still warm.

Maybe he went on his own, half of Kyuri thought to herself, remembering that she had told him to go to the hospital the night before. Or maybe he’s gone. The other half screamed at her, crying out in desperation and sheer pain that had Kyuri sinking her teeth down on her bruised bottom lip to restrain the sobs that threatened to surface.

But it didn’t matter. Namjoon didn’t hold any ties to her anymore. There was no more reason to keep him close. Kyuri thought back to her last plea from the night before and scowled at herself. She’d suddenly appeared before Namjoon in tears, shattered, worn and broken after eight long years of separation.

Pretend? Kyuri’s throat felt dry and raw as if the mere word held her by the throat with a suicidal grip. What was that Choi Kyuri? You went on your knees for a man like that? A man that has nothing. No money, no job, no house! Not even a reputation. He’s no one. He’s not worth your time!

Kyuri pulled herself up into a sitting position, gazing at her mother-in-law’s vase longingly. The tears still spilled down her cheeks but she was too tired to even let her voice out to form the words, a prayer for Sun Young, who was in heaven now.

Oh if only Sun Young were here, she would’ve known what to do. Sun Young was stronger than Kyuri ever was or will be and always anticipated the worst of situations.

May you live a loved and blessed life by each other’s sides. 

Kyuri thought back to her ex mother-in-law’s words. She might have not lived a loved or blessed life… in fact it had been sheer torture the moment she met Namjoon. Every turn she made led to a dead end or a horrendous path that she had practically forced herself to go through, no matter how many years it took just to come out alive and breathing. Sanity still intact, somehow.

But it had left their scars on her. Scars that couldn’t be seen by the eye. But even so, she bloomed from the young naïve teenage girl into the cynical rose of a woman she was today.

“I can live a loved and blessed life,” Kyuri found herself muttering to no one in particular with the vase in her hands once again.

Of course! She could make Namjoon suffer a little bit more, whisper her name lovingly a few sentences more. It would only be fair. She had suffered all these eight years without him by her side. A mere week shouldn’t be too much to ask! She placed the vase back on the bedside table, before she rose from the bed.

Kyuri knew that if there was a man who would go through hell and back for her, his name would be Kim Namjoon. Seven days wouldn’t be too hard.

When Kyuri finally got up, she started the ‘just-hooked-up-and-leaving-him’ routine, except without the and without leaving the apartment…not now at least. A quick cold shower and the extensive make-up routine later, Kyuri took to the cupboard, searching for something decent to wear. Her eyes scanned past the floral dresses Namjoon had once liked to see her wear and quickly slipped one on.

She made sure not to leave out her contacts as well, fishing out a new pair from her handbag as always. Black coal contacts that would always help her hide behind lies and false feelings. It was how she coped, how she had lived through these painful eight years without the man who loved and accepted her whole.

Kyuri then looked around the room. Namjoon had generally picked up all the glass shards and leaves that had flown into the room, but the floor was still dusty and the bedsheets unfit for a night’s sleep. The redhead female was quick to clean it all up, even opening up the window to let the sunlight flow into the room. Outside, the snow had stopped falling. It seemed as if winter was at its end.

She let her mind drift off halfway, somehow whilst she was changing the bedsheets. This rooftop apartment had been all she and Namjoon could afford eight years ago. It had been a new beginning for the both of them, the start of a new life. It had held so much promise before; moving their belongings into a space they could share and buying new furniture. It had felt so…new and unknown and excitement had coursed through Kyuri’s veins as Namjoon had held her in his arms by their doorstep. She had promised to Namjoon to be by his side. Forever. And Namjoon had promised no less the same.

“How cruel…”Kyuri muttered to herself, laughing at the end as the cold words settled into the silence. Because, how cruel they’d been to each other.

Somehow, Kyuri had found herself sanding infront of the small cupboard that sat in the corner of the room, with its doors wide open. It was Namjoon’s, where he would keep his stash and personal things that he had asked her never to touch. Kyuri could only stare at the things that had been stuffed away in it, together with piles of old clothes in disarray. There were old boxes stacked on the top shelves and Kyuri recognized them immediately.

They were Namjoon’s old equipment; a portable mic complete with a second-hand pad controller and mixer. Two laptops had been stuffed away at the back of the shelf and Kyuri remembered dimly that one of them had been her gift for Namjoon’s birthday.

Kyuri didn’t know the reason why she took them out, but she did. And by the time she had all of the equipment laid out around her in a circle, the door creaked open and in came a skeptical looking Namjoon.

“What’re you doing?” The cold voice made Kyuri jump slightly. She looked up at her ex-husband, blinked once and looked away again.

She shook her head. “I don’t know,” before tracing the old equipment with the pads of her fingers.

Namjoon placed a plastic bag on the bed and sat down, quickly noticing how the apartment had been cleaned up and how Kyuri seemed to be more relatively calm compared to the previous night.

“I went to the hospital,”Namjoon told her in a quite voice, “They said the wound’s clean. I’ll be fine.”

Kyuri nodded absentmindedly, not looking at him as she searched for something at the back of the drawer. Namjoon pulled out something from the plastic bag, two pairs of shades and a black hair dye for Kyuri.

“I bought the hair dye,”He muttered again, “Y’know what to do with it right?”

Kyuri finally turned, glanced at the bottle of hair dye and gave him another nod. The older man was getting a little irritated by her lack of response and stood up then, wanting to head to the bathroom when Kyuri suddenly  got up and presented to him a neon-colored CD case in her hands. The words ‘Illest ’ had been scrawled onto the cover in a black marker pen. Kyuri looked at him expectantly, without any words.

Namjoon was the first to crack a smile. “Didn’t know I still had it there…”He muttered, taking the CD before sitting cross-legged beside her.

Kyuri offered him a tiny smile, heartbeat running a little faster than usual. She remembered the memories the CD held and a small glow of hope bloomed in her heart when Namjoon took it in his hands.

“Can you play it?”Kyuri whispered and when Namjoon’s head snapped towards her in surprise, the two mirrored the same gaze, something that was unmistakably...theirs.

“Yeah sure.” Namjoon managed to cough out in return. He then pulled out an old VCD player and plugged it in, sliding the CD inside.

Kyuri held her knees propped up to her chest, leaning aganst the side of the bed as she stared at the VCD player. Her gaze was nowhere, Namjoon thought to himself. And then he sat beside her as the music began to flow into the silence of the room. They were at a place called nowhere with a song about their love playing in the background.

A love that fell between shadow and soul. 

~.~.~

31^st December 2006

A smirk dangled off of Namjoon’s thick lips as he walked onto the stage. The girls in the crowd had started screaming his name the second his stage name was announced and it did the job of boosting Namjoon’s ego the best. He’d just recently joined the DNH crew but two months after his addition to the crew and he became on of the members to be easily recognized on the streets. 

The teenage boy sported a mess of blonde hair and a studded silver claw on one ear. Anyone would recognize him as the Monster of DNH, the 17 year-old Rap Monster who could steal your girlfriend at 3am in the morning. Namjoon took one more scan past the crowd and smiled triggering the girls into their sharp, high-pitched cheer. There were a few howls of his name by the males and Namjoon’s smile widened even more. It was a well-known fact that he was loved by the crowd as a whole and it made his muscles untense a little more easier.

Ikje handed him the mic and Namjoon smiled a thanks, but he never caught Ikje’s eye. Instead, the older had stepped backstage quickly and Namjoon turned to the crowd, not wanting to keep them waiting. The music had started playing before his cue, but Namjoon didn’t pay much heed to it, quickly embracing the crowd and neon lights filling up the dark room.

“Dedicated to…the illest .”He murmured low into the mic as the instrumental music began to play. His smile widened cheekily when the girls started screaming again.

He launched into his solo track easily, his long slender fingers forming the expressive hand gestures he’d seen so many foreign rappers do on TV. Namjoon had prided himself in his music and the fact that he had pulled the track through after the long, tortorous nights he’d spent working on it. He was just so eager to show the crowd what he made, forming his clever little rhymes skillfully and delivering them with class, american accent included.

Once the song had ended, the other members had joined him on stage and together they performed the last song of the night. An old cypher that Namjoon hadn’t been a part of. Taegyun had been kind to him though, offering a part of his verse to Namjoon and allowing the younger to rap along with him. Namjoon respected the leader greatly. The older boy had taken him under his wing the second he’d heard Namjoon reciting one of his favourite verses on a trip back home; a song by Drake that spoke of an ex-lover and the dreadful longing after a break-up.

“He’s got emotion,” Taegyun had said at that time, with a pat on Namjoon’s back. Namjoon had taken it as a compliment though he didn’t quite understand.

Once the last roar was emitted into the mic and the crowd went wild, the crew ended their farewell stage and left the stage. Namjoon was the last in line, sharing fist bumps and congratulatory applauses with the other members of the team as they gathered in the backroom. A couple of drinks were passed out and Namjoon sipped some of it, quietly listening to the others conversing and talking amongst themselves. Eventually, the members had left one by one until he and Ikje were the only ones left.

Ikje had his feet propped up on another edge of a chair as he laid back, dunking down beer after beer until the trash can was piled up with the matching silver aluminium cans. Namjoon shifted uncomfortably from time to time. The older boy  had a gaze that could bore holes into his forehead. The night was still going on outside however and the celebrations weren’t even close to an end.

The bass still echoed through the walls and it somehow helped calm Namjoon’s nerves, fortunately. He continued scribbling on his notepad without a care about the other, Taegyun’s new composition still playing on his mp3 as he worked out the lyrics.

“You working hard huh?” Ikje had questioned, breaking Namjoon’s train of thought.

 Namjoon offered him an exhausted smile. “Yeah. Captain gave me a new track to work on… Besides’, I need to catch up with you right?”

Ikje emitted an empty chuckle and something along the lines of ‘you’re lucky you’re smart enough’ and Namjoon had to do a double take to make sure he wasn’t mocking him. Though, Ikje had his head turn to the side so Namjoon couldn’t judge. He pushed the thought aside eventually, focusing back on the lyrics instead.

The door creaked open suddenly and a feminine voice entered,along with the overpowering club music that poured into the room. Namjoon turned to see a dark-haired girl kicing the door close behind her before literally stomping her way towards Ikje.

“ are you-” Ikje seethed but was cut off with a firm slap on his cheek. Namjoon flinched, his body stilling immediately as he tried to blend into the concerete walls.

“You’re late!” the taller girl yelled at him, her voice surprisingly husky and low for a female. “Why the hell do I even put up with your crap?!”

She knocked a beer can on the table over out of anger and Ikje instantly got up to his feet, growling “Ain’t none of your ing buisness ! Who the do you think you are?!”

Namjoon’s body had acted ahead of his mind. The moment the older had his fist pulled back and the muscles in his bicep had tensed, he’d lunged infront of Ikje without hesitation. The blonde rooted himself between Ikje and the girl protectively.

“Come on man,”Namjoon started, gently grabbing hold of one of Ikje’s wrists. “You’re drunk. Snap out of it Ikje.”

Ikje scowled at him, pulling his wrist away from Namjoon’s grasp. He stepped towards Namjoon till their noses nearly touched. Namjoon’s broad shoulders immediately tensed and he partially leant away from Ikje’s threatening gaze.

“I ain’t drunk.”Ikje spat at him and gave the girl one last look before he stumbled unceremoniously out the door.

Once he was gone, the blonde immediately released the breath he’d been holding, hanging his shaking head. A small cough at his side made him look up, finally meeting the girl’s gaze.

Namjoon hadn’t taken a proper look at her yet, but almost immediately, he felt something within him… change. Something that had slipped through the cracks of the walls around his heart and snuggled in comfortably, claiming a place within him.

Maybe it was the way her full lips were shaped into a small shy smile; the exact polar opposite of her previous behaviour. Or maybe it was the way she looked at him, with her two coloured eyes full of wonder and curiosity. One sky blue eye and one dark brown eye meeting his awe-struck ones.

But all too soon, the girl had snapped out of her daze all and hastily slipped on a pair of black shades on much to Namjoon’s disappointment.
 

“U-uh, I um…” Her tongue stumbled over the syllables, and she looked away, clearly avoiding Namjoon’s gaze. “Sorry.”

“For what?”Namjoon answered, tone suddenly falling two octaves lower. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

She looked up to meet his gaze and pursed her lips.  “I meant…my brother. Ikje’s not usually like that. Must’ve been the alcohol.”

A relieved ‘oh’ slipped out of Namjoon’s lips in response. He looked at the space between his Nike shoes, blinking as his brain processed the new information. Ikje had a little sister. He tried to remember any mention of the girl in the previous conversations the other members of DNH had had, but couldn’t remember any.

The sudden cheer of the New Year countdown outside interrupted his train of thoughts however and both teenagers had turned to look at the door. 3, 2, 1 and the sound of cheer erupted as the MC announced the first Happy New Year greetings of the night to everyone, signalling the beginning of the year 2007.

Namjoon was the first one to speak up, giving the raven-haired girl his signature boyish grin. “Happy New Year.”

She nodded and her lips curled into another small smile that triggered yet another throb deep inside Namjoon’s chest.

“Happy New Year… Rap Monster.”She’d whispered in return and suddenly, she was waving a goodbye to him before stepping out the door.

She had left so fast that Namjoon didn’t get to ask for her name and the blonde had lost sight of her in the crowd outside, much to his disappointment. The next day, he’d taken to recounting the whole event to Taegyun and the older had simply laughed, calling Namjoon whipped off his

A few days later and Namjoon found that the older was right.

Author's Note:

Writing this was difficult. I had this unnerving feeling that it will come off as cliche but eh... I guess it's unavoidable. P.S time skips will be more frequent throughout the chapters. :>

-Styx