Another fresh smile and another day. That’s how it goes. It has never been easy, but for some reason the pressure has gotten heavier. To think, to sleep, and even breathe has become a problem. Perhaps it has to do with you. It’s been so many days, so many hours, so many minutes, and too many seconds since you left. I stopped counting the day after the news; I knew you were a lost case. I guess I always knew it but refused to believe it, cuz that meant I was too.

An imperfect being in a perfect body. A doll in every sense, so I’ve been told. I laugh bitterly, a doll doesn’t have a heart, but why is mine in shreds? If i was such perfection, i would be a whole, yet i stand here and do nothing as the sadness constantly wages a war on my will.

Maybe we were all the lost case, so you decided to leave. Maybe i was wrong when i said you were crazy. Maybe if I was stronger i could have held on to you just a little longer, so as to prolong the happiness for the rest of them. For yixing and especially baby tao. They miss you and i hate it. I hate that you caused that pain, yet you have refused to do anything about it, I hate you for making them cry and i hate the fact that they still love you and I just stand there…

The truth is, I miss you. Please just please

~♢~
*Draft has been deleted

An: unbeta did it cuz can't do nothing else lol